Sunday, May 27, 2012

Meet The Press - May 27, 2012

Gov. Martin O'Malley (D-MD)
Newt Gingrich
Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa (D-Los Angeles)
Carly Fiorina
E.J. Dionne
David Brooks
Maria Shriver
Michael Lewis

Gregory: Newt do you support Mitt Romney

Gingrich: eh - I guess I mean he is white

Gregory: what did you learn about
Mitt when you lost to him

Gingrich: he’s a completely vicious amoral liar

Gregory: so you gained a lot of respect for him

Gingrich: absolutely

Gregory: Is Obama anti-business?

O’Malley: no he isn’t Fluffy

Gregory: are you sure?

O’Malley: Romney destroyed jobs as
a businessman and then wrecked Massachusetts

Gingrich: Obama caused the recession in 2007!

Gregory: oooh zinger

Gingrich: Solyndra!

Gregory: didn’t you also attack Bain?

Gingrich: I never went after private equity
- I just attacked it

Gregory: can you defend private equity then?

Gingrich: Unemployment was low in
Massachusetts many years ago!

O’Malley: Obama inherited a recession
and added million of jobs and now
unemployment is at a three-year low

Gregory: those are just numbers

O'Malley: Romney would bring back Bush policies
which caused the recession in the first place!

Gregory: but you once shook hands
with someone from private equity

O'Malley: yes but I showered afterwards

Gingrich: Obama caused a depression in 2008!

O'Malley: that’s stupid you racist grifter

Gingrich: Obama has raised the debt!

O'Malley: Romney drove up the debt
in Massachusetts and added
government employees

Gingrich: Obama raised the price of gas

O'Malley: the price of gas is going down
you ignorant trogdolyte

Gregory: how can we elect Mitt Romney

Gingrich: Frankly Bain Capital should
be nominated for sainthood

O'Malley: ‘Bush Recession’ - ring a bell?

Gingrich: Republicans never talk
about Jimmy Carter

Gregory: ha that’s a good one newticles

Gingrich: Newt you’re a sociopath and
even you said Mitt was heartless to immigrants

Gingrich: Mexicans love cars and will
vote for Romney to get lower gas prices

Gregory: let’s bash Obama some more

O'Malley: we need to spend more
on bridges and schools

Gregory: so Obama will spend more
if he’s reelected?

O'Malley: no - he’s just not going
to be Mitt Romney!

Gingrich: we could help poor illegal
immigrant children by giving them
lucrative jobs as janitors

Gregory: what advice would you have
to anyone running for President?

Gingrich: raise a lot of money and try
not to be a racist dickhead in public

Gregory: are you greatly disappointed
in the American people for not seeing
your awesomeness and electing you

Gingrich: no because I would not want to
be President of such a thoroughly useless
group of people as Americans

Gregory: you would you like to be
the Vice President candidate

Gingrich: such an office is beneath me
as it does not pay at least $1 million

Gregory: Marty will you run for
President in 2016?

O'Malley: Did you know Scott Walker
has a criminal defense fund

Besty: shut him up! shut him up!

Gregory: let’s take a break

Gregory: we know it’s election season
because famous people are voluntarily
going to Cleveland and Cincinnati

Audience: nobody puts Akron in a corner

Gregory: the most important issues in
America are the evil Hilary Rosen and
how wonderful Bain Capital is

Brooks: people used to like Obama but
now they will hate him because he
attacked Bain Capital

Dionne: the debate about Bain Capital is
worth having because we need to discuss
what kind of capitalism we want

Gregory: oh I don't think so

Fiorina: Bain invested in small start-ups
and created many jobs!

Gregory: well I’m sold

Fiorina: Obama is an untested amateur!

Gregory: that’s true in a way

Fiorina: Obama will fail because the
American people love Bain

Brooks: exactly - criticizing financiers
is a losing argument!

Villaraigosa: you guys crack me up

Gregory: why Antonio?

Villaraigosa: Romney put Bain Capital
front-and-center and it will ruin him

Gregory: sadly Obama is apparently
leading in every fucking category of voter

Brooks: not in Europe

Gregory: well that’s something

Brooks: Obama is popular but he will
lose this election because he just so mean

Fiorina: Frankly Obama is disappointingly not nice

Dionne: good god what a load of tripe

Gregory: can we tip this election to Romney
if we put Marco Rubio on the ticket?

Villaraigosa: Romney wants 11 million
people deported

Brooks: that’s probably not going to help

Gregory: the heroic Scott Walker
may be recalled

Brooks: it is true Scott Walker is evil but
he has some great ideas

Gregory: speaking of obnoxious blowhards
- Donald Trump endorsed Mitt Romney

Dionne: indeed Romney is very wise
to hitch his wagon to the Trump star

Colin Powell: Mitt Romney’s foreign policy
makes normal Republicans ask themselves
- what the fuck?

Fiorina: what Mitt meant is that Vladimir
Putin is an untrustworthy bastard

Gregory: Maria give me some life advice
because I feel like something has
gone very wrong with me

Shriver: Fluffy you need to pause and ask
- why do I hate myself

Lewis: here’s the thing about commencement
speeches - kids don’t fucking care what some
old sell-out has to say

Gregory: but I did one a few weeks ago

Lewis: oh well then I stand corrected

Shriver: as a nation we’re all graduating
into a world where our failed governor husbands
admit they had a child with the nanny and
went on to make terrible movies

Gregory: should people do what they
love or should they become corporate whores?

Lewis: I quit Wall Street and went on
to write books and I’m really glad I did

Gregory: dear god how awful

Gregory: Maria your father said people
should break their mirrors and stop
being so self-obsessed - was he crazy

Shriver: he was railing against our
societal narcissism Fluffy

Gregory: [ fluffs hair ]
sorry what

Lewis: I just hope I get something
good out of this - maybe a Princeton
admission for my kids

Shriver: ha - that’s not going to happen

Gregory: and that’s another
episode of Meet The Press


1 comment:

Magatha said...

"Nobody puts Akron in a corner!"

Excellent translation again. I can't watch the show, I can only stand the translation. But if you were to animate the translation...that I would watch.

PS: You have a wee typo, as follows, because it is not plausible that Newt would have such insight into his own character.

"Gingrich: Newt you’re a sociopath and even you said Mitt was heartless to immigrants"