Sunday, May 06, 2012

Meet The Press - May 6, 2012


Guests:
Vice President Joe Biden
Sen. Kelly Ayotte (R-NH)
Tom Brokaw
Diane Swonk (Mesirow Financial)
Chuck Todd
Robert DeNiro
****************************************
Gregory: sluggish job numbers are bad
but the good news for Obama is he’s
running against Mitt Romney

Gregory: Joe is this a jobless recovery?

Biden: no we’re creating hundreds of
thousands of jobs per month

Gregory: but it’s so slow

Biden: we were losing millions of jobs
when we were sworn in - since then
we’ve slowly added hundreds of thousands

Gregory: Romney says you’re only
lowering unemployment because
people stopped looking for jobs

Biden: here’s the deal Fluffy -
Romney is Bush on steroids

Gregory: yikes

Biden: he wants to give the rich a
$2 trillion tax cut - will that create jobs?

Gregory: let’s try it and see

Biden: they will cut Medicare, Medicaid,
student loans, food stamps
and cut taxes for the super rich

Gregory: that’s all well and good but
the economic recovery is still slow
and Romney is a business guy

Biden: he never created jobs in Massachusetts

Gregory: it’s a communist enclave

Biden: this is the worst economy since
the Depression and the Republicans
wouldn’t pass our jobs bill!

Gregory: but would that really create
Jobs more than cutting my taxes?

Biden: yes it would man!

Gregory: what about that blind Chinese dissident?

Biden: we have the papers filed for
him to appear on Dancing with the Stars

Gregory: that could be awesome

Biden: damn right man

Gregory: what went wrong in China?

Biden: we handled it right so of course
people complain about it

Gregory: you don’t care about freedom
- just about asking the Chinese to please
keep funding our dept

Biden: no true - I showed the Chinese
my American DNA which is chock
full of Freedom Chromosomes®

Gregory: who will be Obama’s Vice President?

Biden: I’m pretty sure I will be

Gregory: ha ha not Hilary Clinton?

Biden: look man Obama is fucking amazing

Gregory: who will win the election in 2012?

Biden: these idiots think the
Soviet Union still exists man!

Gregory: what about gay marriage?

Biden: who do you love?

Gregory: General Electric

Biden: that’s awesome for you man

Gregory: are you ok with gay marriage

Biden: sure men with men or if you want
to be loyal to a corporation that’s cool

Gregory: what about Obama

Biden: Will and Grace educated
the American public

Gregory: it did?

Biden: sure we learned that a
single woman’s best friend should
be an uptight gay man

Gregory: what have you learned about the gays?

Biden: gay people make awesome parents

Gregory: Osama bin Laden wanted to
kill Obama and put you in power
because you are a “gaffe driven infidel”

Biden: he’s been wrong about a
lot of things including whether we
would hunt him down and kill him

Gregory: Is Obama spiking the football?

Biden: he did what he said he would do
- he went to the Gates of Hell!

Gregory: he appeared on Fox News?

Biden: Romney said he wouldn’t
move heaven and earth to get bin Laden

Gregory: you questioned Romney
but you yourself opposed the
raid to get bin Laden

Biden: damn right - but Obama
made the right decision

Gregory: is Romney weak?

Biden: I don’t know but I know this much -
Barack Obama is a stone cold
motherfucking ninja assasin

Gregory: is there a right-wing
conspiracy against Obama?

Biden: the Tea Party has taken
over the GOP - and they’re idiots!

Gregory: will you raise taxes
on rich people like me?

Biden: yes because we are fighting
for the middle class

Gregory: you’re just saying
that because it’s popular

Biden: the GOP argues that giving rich
people all the money will help everyone else

Gregory: that sounds like a good plan

Biden: it’s crap Fluffy!

Biden: what about Mitch McConnell?

Biden: the Tea Party wouldn’t let
him extend the payroll tax cut!

Gregory: John Boehner is a nice guy though

Biden: the tea party tail wags that
orange Republican dog!

Gregory: can Obama unite America?

Biden: he rescued the auto industry
and it made people say -
hey maybe this guy is ok

Gregory: who would you like debate
as Vice President?

Biden: not Chris Christie - he scares
the piss out of me

Gregory: who will run in 2016 - you or Hillary Clinton

Biden: maybe I can be her Vice President
- I’m tanned rested and ready!

Gregory: thanks for coming Joe

Gregory: Kelly give me the Romney perspective

Ayotte: Obama is terribly divisive

Gregory: really?

Ayotte: also he’s a total failure

Gregory: I see

Ayotte: I love the drone strikes but
he should have bombed Iran

Gregory: Joe Biden says there is no stagnation

Swonk: the depression was much worse
than we thought - oh and Europe
could drag us into another recession

Gregory: thanks for that pick-me-up sunshine

Brokaw: the American people are not
convinced we are really recovering -
they have a lingering virus of economic doldrums

Todd: Romney can’t go to Ohio and
bash the economy because Jon Kasich
will be mad

Gregory: should we go back to Bush’s policies?

Ayotte: Obama has failed and he’s dumb too

Gregory: how so?

Ayotte: he wants to ban teenagers from working
and also he hasn’t paid off the national debt

Brokaw: I talked to the American Middle
the other day and they hate Washington

Gregory: bold words warbler

Swonk: political gridlock hurts the
economy - but it’s not all bad because
the Dow is soaring

Brokaw: Simpson-Bowles! Warble-warble!
Simpson-Bowles!

Ayotte: we must pay down the debt!

Todd: Paul Ryan killed Alan Simpson!

Ayotte: Obama should have stopped
him from murdering that poor old man

Gregory: who will Mittens will
name as Vice President

Ayotte: me!

Gregory: no seriously

Ayotte: some one from a swing state

Gregory: are you ready to be President?

Ayotte: I’m more experienced than Barack Obama!

Gregory: how about Newt Gingrich?

Brokaw: that you would even ask that
question reminds me - the American
people told me they hate you

Gregory: oh noes

Brokaw: not you specifically - they hate the
glittering White House Correspondents Dinner
with it’s Cristal champagne and
diamond-encrusted truffles

Gregory: both those gold-leaf komodo dragon
canap├ęs are so tasty

Brokaw: they also think you interview
too many celebrities

Gregory: here I am yelling with Robert DeNiro

Brokaw: [ facepalm ]

Gregory: hey that ugly Freedom Tower
is now taller than the Empire State Building

DeNiro: are you talkin’ to me?
It look like you’re talkin’ to me

Gregory: yes I am

DeNiro: ok

Gregory: do you like Obama?

DeNiro: he got bin Laden!

Gregory: how about the economy
of lower Manhattan

Swonk: it’s rocking!

Gregory: sweet

Swonk: I never give up on the American
people particularly Wall Street which
has a way of bouncing back

Gregory: and that’s another
episode of Meet The Press

********************************************

2 comments:

steve simels said...

O’Malley: most people in Baltimore keep a
rainy day account in Vaduz


Heh.
:-)

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