Bill Daley - White House Chief of Staff
Rep. Michelle Bachmann (R-WI)
Gregory: Unemployment is under 9%
but the gas is still too damm high!
Audience: hells yeah!
Gregory: We have Chief of Staff Bill Daley who
brings his JP Morgan savvy and familial birthright wisdom to our show
Daley: thanks Fluffy
Gregory: gas is expensive - what the fuck!
Daley: that is true
Gregory: there is a glut of oil
Daley: do you know what glut means
Daley: the average American is feeling it
Gregory: it’s on!
Daley: Obama has a solution to our energy
crisis in two words
Gregory: wow - what are they?
Daley: tiger blood
Gregory: can we arrest the Spike?
Daley: I don’t think you can arrest a network for showing repeatedly airing Star Wars:
The Phantom Menace
Gregory: well that is a shame
Gregory: Can we rid of Ghadaffi?
Daley: Obama was very aggressive -
he’s a fucking POTUS on ‘roids!
Gregory: but Muammar still there
Daley: we’re working with the international
community to stop him
Gregory: it sounds like the administration is divided
- Gates doesn’t want to attack Libya and
neither does Obama
Daley: so not divided at all then
Gregory: well you put it that way
Daley: do you even speak English bubble boy?
Daley: English motherfucker do you speak it?
Gregory: it still seems opaque to me
Daley: get a load of the big brain on Fluffy!
Gregory: Does the President understand the
Middle East as well I do?
Daley: Obama has more original thoughts before breakfast than you do all damm day
Gregory: when you talk to John McCain all the time you start to feel brilliant by comparison
Daley: Look Obama just wants a democratic regime not supported by armed crazy people
Gregory: why does Obama hate Arizona?
Gregory: so we’re still killing innocent civilians
Daley: we all feel very about that
Gregory: it sound like a bit of problem
Daley: no one feels worse that the people
doing the killing and also to a lesser extent the people being killed
Gregory: the American people were polled and they care about unemployment not the debt
Daley: right so Obama is focused on cutting spending and the deficit
Gregory: you’re going to shut the government down because both sides use fuzzy math
Daley: not true
Gregory: that is true and you know it
Daley: we have a solution to our impasse with Congress
Gregory: what’s that
Daley: send Joe Biden to Capitol Hill until
they give in
Gregory: Is Boehner helpless in the face of tea party demands
Daley: clearly he is weak and stupid
Gregory: I will be speaking to Michelle Bachmann later
Daley: oh that should be loads of fun
Gregory: Boehner is determined to cut Social Security so will Obama please cut it please
Daley: I heard your were a Social Security-cut-demanding-moron
Gregory: You’re all demagogues and refuse to cut Social Security like I want
Daley: you’re a silly person
Gregory: and you’re a crook worked for JP Morgan
Gregory: Hollywood thinks maybe one white collar criminal should have gone to jail in the biggest
fraud of all time
Daley: that may very well be but
let’s not rush it
Gregory: you make a good deal of sense privileged bald white man
Daley: Obama fought the crooks and got the financial reform law enacted
Gregory: How do you know?
Daley: I was one of them Greggers!
Gregory: Is Obama moving to the center to get re-elected?
Daley: Obama didn’t want to take over the auto industry but as usual the gifted black man had to clean up the white man’s mess
Gregory: is this a center-left country?
Daley: It’s truly a land of opportunity where the son of a famous mayor can grow up to work on Wall Street and pontificate on whether the son of Governor can grow up to be President
Gregory: Let’s continue my endlessly silly obsession with Ambassador Huntsman
Gregory: speaking of Mr. Fabulous
Gregory: Mitt Romeny
Gregory: what number should unemployment be
for Obama to be re-elected?
Daley: jesus I thought I was a shallow person
until I met you
[ break ]
Gregory: Welcome Michelle Bachmann - will there be a government shutdown
Bachmann: Obama hid 100 billion in the
Gregory: where was it hidden?
Bachmann: in the law!
Gregory: the one Congress read and passed?
Gregory: Didn’t Obama make a big concession
on letting the states opt-out of elements of the
health care reform law?
Bachmann: that proves he’s a Fasicst-Marxist-Socialist!
Gregory: I see
Bachmann: It’s a crime against democracy!
Gregory: ok ok - so will shut the government down?
Bachmann: Nancy Pelosi stole $100 billion - you can’t slip that in secretly in legislation that Congress never reads but enacts
Gregory: about the upcoming budget-
Bachmann: Members of Congress didn’t read the bill until we enacted it - I want that money back!!
Gregory: thanks for sharing that bit of insanity
Bachmann: Thieves! Socialists! Commies!
Gregory: has John Boehner betrayed the Tea Party?
Bachmann: Obama stole $100 billion!
Gregory: so are literally insane or how does it work?
Bachmann: Obama deceptively stole $100 billion!
Gregory: um, Betsy are her doctors in the
Producer: they ran away David
Gregory: jesus christ
Bachmann: $100 billion $100 billion $100 billion
Gregory: will the Tea Party destroy the GOP?
Bachmann: Democrats are terrified of the tea party because we’re not Republicans
Bachmann: we just want all the branches of government to service white weirdos
Bachmann: America is doomed!
Gregory: why is that?
Bachmann: America is in grave danger because of the debt that Reagan, Bush I, and Bush II did not build up at all
Gregory: What about Obama’s foreign policy?
Bachmann: he’s weak because we haven’t
Gregory: so you want to invade Libya
Bachmann: no Obama is irresponsible for even considering that
Gregory: Do you think a lunatic like you can be elected President
Bachmann: Look at lack of job creation and out
of control spending
Gregory: you’re running against George W. Bush?
Bachmann: Obama doesn’t have true
Gregory: you call him a gangster government
Gregory: is he anti-American?
Bachmann: well he’s got a real funny name
Gregory: thanks for sharing your inane rantings Congresswoman
Bachmann: arble warble woooooo
[ break ]
Gregory: Polls show that people still believe in
Brooks: this proves that people want small government
Gregory: How can you can I explain to the American people that we must cut Social Security
Brooks: we must use pie charts and sternly lecture the American people
Gregory: but Obama won’t Social Security!
Brooks: yes but he looks weak because he refuses to cut Social Security
Robinson: I can’t help notice the poll you used cited concerns about job creation and government and not cuts and the debt
Gregory: that’s so sad
Brooks: we need to transfer money from the
old to the young
Gregory: we’re in an opaque zone with Ghadaffi
Robinson: do we want American boots on the ground?
Gregory: maybe just the boots without any soldiers in them
Brooks: good idea
Gregory: we’re hypocrites with regard to Sunni dictatorships!
Brooks: we need to attack every dictator in the middle east
Brooks: we must remove Ghadaffi
Robinson: you think the Saudis would like that?
Brooks: We should at least talk tough even if we don’t actually do anything
Gregory: David do you have any criticisms of Obama?
Brooks: he talks tough but doesn’t actually do anything
Gregory: Obama beats unnamed GOP candidate
Brooks: Mitch Daniels is my dream candidate
Robinson: dear god
Brooks: also Chris Christie
Gregory: so which GOP candidate do you like Eugene?
Robinson: um no one
Gregory: is Romneycare an albatross?
Romney: no no no my version of Obamacare was a state mandatory health care plan so it was totally different - I would never impose my good ideas on other American people
Brooks: ok that’s just stupid
Gregory: can he talk about jobs instead?
Brooks: no because the cost of health care will still be an issue in 11 months
Gregory: how can Obama possibly hope to defeat Michelle Bachmann?
Robinson: he has to say when you have a coherent thought I’d love to hear it
Gregory: that just might work