Sunday, March 27, 2011

Meet The Press - March 27, 2011

Ricard Engel
Sec, of State Hillary Clinton
Sec. of Defense Bob Gates
Sen. Richard Lugar (R-IN)
Bob Woodward
Ted Koppel
Thomas Ricks
Savannah Guthrie

Gregory: the Libyan rebels are advancing!

Engel: the allied air strikes paved the way for the rebels by destroying Qaddafi’s tanks

Gregory: what will become of our former
ally Qaddafi?

Engel: I foresee a reality show followed by
Dancing With the Stars

[ break ]

Gregory: Obama said it would be days not weeks and yet were are now in the second week - why is
Obama such a failed President?

Gates: we won dude

Gregory: I hear you saying Qaddafi is routing the
rebels and Obama has failed

Clinton: no we prevented a humanitarian disaster

Gregory: will America give weapons to the rebels?

Gates: maybe

Gregory: well are we on their side or not?

Gates: the President is rooting for UConn but he’s
not sending them guns either

Clinton: it’s been 8 days and the Arab League and the African Union and the NFL are all pressuring Qaddafi to get out

Gregory: oh my

Clinton: we’re sending a message to his supporters - get out now or end up in the Hague

Gregory: so Obama hates him but won’t take him out because Obama is a wimp

Gates: his kung-fu is mighty

Gregory: Boehner supports the mission but
has questions

Clinton: the Senate called for a No-Fly Zone -
hell they demanded it

Gregory: darn

Clinton: then the Security Council and Arab League asked for action - and watch al-jazeera -
people love this!

Gregory: I don’t watch other channels

Clinton: what if Qaddafi had massacred people and destabilized Egypt - can you imagine what the GOP would have said then?

Gregory: they would have called him timid
and a wimp

Clinton: they did that even after he attacked

Gregory: no that was me

Clinton: right

Gregory: are we stretched too thin?

Gates: no most of those troops were guarding Berlin

Gregory: ok

Gates: we’re already pulling back from the
quagmire in Libya

Gregory: what if things devolve into utter chaos - won’t you admit Obama is a bad President then?

Gates: I heard you have Obama-derangement Fluffy

Gregory: will you take out Assad in Syria?

Clinton: we would love for it to happen in
a peaceful way

Gregory: why aren’t you giving the dictator of
Saudi Arabia more love and aren’t you hypocrites for giving him love?

Gates: hey they just bought a lot of weapons from America - if that isn’t friendship I don’t know what is

Gregory: there are scary muslims in Egypt!

Clinton: it’s hard to be part of a movement for hope and change and then actually take power

Gregory: heh

Clinton: their future is up to the Egyptians

Gregory: is Libya in the U.S. vital interest?

Gates: no

Gregory: OMG a lot of people by which I mean me would be shocked by that

Clinton: hey America was attacked on 9/11 but other countries joined with us - so no we weren’t attacked by Libya but it was in the vital interest of France and that’s good enough for Obama

Gregory: Geraldine Ferraro died

Clinton: she had grace and grit

[ break ]

Gregory: are we bogged down in a failed military action in Libya?

Lugar: what is the endgame? What is success?

Gregory: good questions

Lugar: those so-called rebels started a civil war - bucha traitors!!

Gregory: you go dick

Lugar: I’m appalled that we started a no-fly zone also that we might pull back from the no-fly zone

Gregory: so you’re saying Obama is a bad President

Lugar: Am I? I’m not sure

Gregory: Obama must be forthright -
don’t you agree??

Lugar: Obama told me he was saving thousands of lives and was then pulling back

Gregory: omg Obama is so bad!

Lugar: I’m confused

Gregory: see what I mean!

Lugar: America’s interest is not at stake and I was told there would be pudding

Gregory: isn’t this all too expensive?

Lugar: exactly the deficit is too high to have an 8 day no-fly zone in Libya - it could cost a billion dollars

Gregory: [ pinky raised ] a billion!

Lugar: They’re hoping Qaddafi will voluntarily leave and it would be just like Obama to get lucky like that which would be terrible

[ break ]

Gregory: Questions and criticism for Obama!

Koppel: why not alleviate suffering in Congo, Sudan, the Ivory Coast or Louisiana?

Guthrie: you have to put this in the context in the Arab Spring but Obama is not using apocalyptic rhetoric which is very confusing to people

Gregory: what if the rebels win? this is terrible!

Ricks: so you say Fluffy

Gregory: the Obama Doctrine is other nations have to enforce the Obama Doctrine

Woodward: but this isn’t a video game

Gregory: ah

Woodward: this is war which means America must kill a lot of people

Gregory: I hear you Bob

Woodward: the region would be fine except for all the damm people

Gregory: we are entering a dark territory

Koppel: the rebels are all probably with al-qaeda

Ricks: Fluffy and Ted are clearly bringing their rational paranoia to this action

Koppel: Arrraggghh!!!

Ricks: we are bombing an Arab nation and
the people there are cheering it which is kind of incredible

Gurthie: it’s a paradox because Obama carefully thought through his policy and then competently implemented it

Gregory: but we are an indispensable nation!

Guthrie: Obama is sending mixed messages because America is supposed to rush in and kick ass without planning or thinking it through

Koppel: Obama is probably responsible for a future terrorist attack on America

Gregory: is Obama getting the big ideas right?

Woodward: Obama needs to kill some foreigners
to be reelected

Gregory: right

Woodward: this is Obama’s 9/11

Gregory: how so?

Woodward: it involves scary arabs muslims

Gregory: what is the GOP position?

Koppel: they are waiting to see what happens before deciding how Obama is a failure

Gregory: Obama is a failure because the
middle east is out of control

Guthrie: the last few months have been crazy

Ricks: the military fears a quagmire but this gunboat diplomacy is very American

Gregory: but what if Obama totally fails?

Woodward: such a good point Fluffy

Woodward: A limited war is like Mitt Romney -
it makes no sense, is inherently contradictory, and it’s hard to find the ‘off switch’

Koppel: Libya is like Somalia therefore it will be a failure and lead to the deaths of 800,000 people
and terror attacks on America

Kucinich: we need peace because we
can’t afford war

Guthrie: the Obama administration is scared of a Kucinich challenge

Gregory: really?

Guthrie: ha no I’m kidding

Ricks: Team Obama will not give in to mission creep

Woodward: our oil comes a muslim arab dictator

Gregory: OMG!!!!!

I hope Reince Preibus will have some answers -
and that’s Meet The Press

1 comment:

shrimplate said...

Thank you. I'm so glad you do this so I don't have to watch that drivel.