Sunday, March 20, 2011

Meet The Press - March 20, 2011

Guests:
Admiral Mike Mullen - Chair Joint Chiefs of Staff
Sen. John Kerry - (D-MA)
Sen. Carl Levin - (D-MI)
Sen. Jeff Sessions - (R-AL)
Michael Hayden - Frm Dir. of CIA
Richard Haass - Council on Foreign Relations
Richard Engel - NBC
Jim Miklaszewski - NBC
Andrea Mitchell - NBC
Helene Cooper - NYT
**************************
Gregory: wow the allies have launched
Operation Odyssey Dawn!

Audience: isn’t that a Carnival cruise line?

Engel: for a nation with a psychotic leader dealing
with a civil war and under attack Libya is very calm

Gregory: really?

Engel: yes it’s much like Madison Wisconsin

Gregory: doesn’t Libya prove Obama is a
bad President?

Engel: yes the rebels are already disappointed with Obama for not bombing harder or pushing for
a public option

Gregory: what is Qaddafi up to?

Engel: he is going to open up the armory to
anyone who wants a gun

Gregory: so just like Arizona

Gregory: will Qaddafi step down?

Engel: He is inviting anyone who wants to be a human shield to come live with him

Gregory: that does sound tempting

[ break ]

Gregory: Admiral are we at war with Libya?

Mullen: no - we engaging in a process of enforcing
a U.N. resolution with large explosive devices

Gregory: sounds like war to me

Mullen: it’s a focused no-fly zone and as of
today it’s working

Gregory: what happened yesterday?

Mullen: we successfully bombed the airports

Gregory: so are we done - can the troops come home now?

Mullen: no because Qaddafi is still violating international law

Gregory: killing civilians?

Mullen: Fashion crimes

Gregory: will Qaddafi attack America with balsa wood drones filled with mustard gas?

Mullen: General Ham is on the mustard situation

Gregory: what comes next?

Mullen: we will help civilians, then apply sanctions, takes sides in the civil war and finally declare ambiguous victory and go home

Gregory: what if it doesn’t work?

Mullen: but it is working Fluffy

Gregory: but what if it utterly fails?

Mullen: read the U.N. resolution - Qaddafi can stay unless he is voted out by the viewers

Gregory: is this in our vital interests?

Mullen: it’s vital that we provide naval support for the French efforts to prevent Libyan refugees from getting to Marseilles

Gregory: why go after Qaddafi but support the monarchy
in Bahrain?

Mullen: it’s true the Bahrain leader is a brutal killer but we have a lovely naval base there

Gregory: Didn’t Obama act too late?

Mullen: hey we got a UN resolution through
in record time

Gregory: how long will all this go on?

Mullen: I have no earthly idea

Gregory: what if Qaddafi flees the nation?

Mullen: the next government would be up to us and maybe the people of Libya

Gregory: just how many damm wars in the Middle East are we going to fight?

Mullen: Day One of this new war is going great -
we're going to get it right this time!

Gregory: is the U.S. going to take a back seat
in this war?

Mullen: yes thank god

Gregory: thanks for coming epaulets-man

[ break ]

Gregory: Senator Kerry did we really need
another war?

Kerry: this isn’t war - it’s more like a heavily
armed rescue squad

Levin: the air must be cleared of any threats including fighter jets, killer bees and angry birds

Gregory: I’m tweeting that

Levin: Obama used extreme caution and care before making a half-hearted non-decision

Gregory: how uncharacteristic of him

Sessions: this proves that John McCain was right

Gregory: can we really police the whole world?

Kerry: it’s not a police action - it’s people in uniform protecting civilians through enforcement of the law

Gregory: I see

Kerry: people were being slaughtered!

Gregory: what about the people being killed in Bahrain?

Kerry: in Bahrain the mischief has been managed

Levin: Hey Fluffy even the Arab world thinks
Qaddafi is crazy

Gregory: he’s politician what are you gonna do

Kerry: the Arab League and the Gulf states turned to us for help getting rid of a Middle East dictator - when the hell does that ever happen?!

Gregory: should Obama have consulted with Congress?

Sessions: I’m a Republican and even I don’t trust the fuckers on Capitol Hill

Gregory: hey I almost forgot there is a nuclear emergency in Japan

Levin: nuclear power isn’t all bad

Kerry: he’s right - after all a nuclear explosion
will kill thousands of people but we’ll all be killed by climate change

Gregory: how comforting

Gregory: Senator Sessions - isn’t Obama a
bad President?

Sessions: yes he is - we need to start drilling here in America for good old red white and blue oil

[ break ]

Gregory: Obama is dealing with a lot of shit!

Mitchell: Questions are being raised

Gregory: what do you mean?

Mitchell: indeed people are saying

Gregory: it’s too little too late!

Haas: it’s too much too early!

Gregory: we agree!

Cooper: Obama and the Pentagon both don’t want
to be involved in Libya

Gregory: so of course we are

Miklaszewski: we’re in some deep shit

Hayden: we just took sides in a civil war

Mitchell: obviously Qaddafi has to go now

Gregory: cool

Mitchell: what kind of vacuum have we created?

Gregory: Dyson ball?

Miklaszewski: Dirt devil

Haass: I don’t mean to sound callous but civilians are massacred all the time - who the hell cares

Gregory: Hillary Clinton got Obama to attack Libya

Cooper: the old Clinton hands are trying to make up for not doing anything in Rwanda

Gregory: oh my

Cooper: the girls beat up the guys

Gregory: ha

Cooper: and then the Arab League got on board which was a bit of surprise

Mitchell: it was an amazing resolution passed through the Security Council

Gregory: what if a civil war breaks out in Libya

Haass: it has

Gregory: woot

Haass: I hope the Obama administration has a good feel for all the tribal politics of Libya

Gregory: oh I’m sure they do

Gregory: will we be greeted as liberators in Tripoli?

Miklaszewski: today the U.S. is attacking troops loyal to Qaddafi

Hayden: the French are afraid a bunch of Libyans will be sleeping on the streets of Paris

Cooper: it’s so inconsistent because we support democracy in Egypt but not in Washington D.C.

Haass: John Quincy Adams warned John McCain against doing stuff like this

Mitchell: Obama believes in coalitions and
he created one

Gregory: cool

Gregory: Obama was passive in Japan and is partying in Brazil

Miklaszewski: you think Obama is passive?

Gregory: and timid!

Miklaszewski: um Fluffy there are bombs being dropped on North Africa right now

Gregory: sure but he hasn’t nuked Japan

Miklaszewski: no comment

Gregory: and that’s Meet The Press
**************************************

28 comments:

Karin said...

Brilliant as always. And a real timesaver for me because it was a lovely day outside.

The Grumpy Buddha said...

I agree with Karin -- I took MtP off of TiVo because I couldn't handle it anymore, glad someone is stepping up to the plate!

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