Sunday, March 27, 2011

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - March 27, 2011

Guests:
Sec. of State Hillary Gates
Sec. of Defense Bob Gates
Fmr. Sec of Defense Donald Rumsfeld
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Tapper: what is happening in Libya?!

Marquadt: the rebels are excited - they kicking
ass with a big NATO assist

Tapper: bitchin’

Marquadt: a woman said she was viciously attacked by the government - they proved her she was a liar by viciously attacking her

Tapper: why not just take out Qaddafi and
install a friendly government?

Gates: Because it might not work

Tapper: how is the no-fly zone going

Clinton: we’re handing the football off to NATO

Tapper: why not attack the Ivory Coast?

Clinton: there is a UN force there

Tapper: true but those blue helmets are weenies

Clinton: Qaddafi promised no mercy - he’s from Cobra Kai

Tapper: when will we know it worked?

Gates: it’s already complete - we won!

Tapper: yay

Gates: we prevented a slaughter which a good thing

Clinton: the U.S. Senate called for a no-fly zone
you know

Tapper: yeah but they’re idiots

Clinton: and we’re handing off power to NATO and that’s a watershed moment in international decision-making

Tapper: Watershed Down!

Clinton: Obama learned lessons from our mistakes in Rwanda and Bosnia - face it the guy is smart

Tapper: how long will we be in Libya

Gates: we will be there for a while due to our
tanking ability

Tapper: home by Christmas?

Gates: um which year?

Tapper: did Qaddafi pose a threat to America?

Gates: no but he posed a threat to the revolution in Tunisia which is very popular on twitter

Clinton: what if Qaddafi had promised to kill thousands of people and then did - all the people complaining now would ask why Obama didn’t intervene in Libya

Tapper: why not go to Congress?

Clinton: they should come to us!

Tapper: no seriously

Clinton: this is different becaue the U.N.
Security Council said it was ok

Tapper: what about Yemen?

Gates: it’s a hotbed of al-qaeda - we’re going to
be sorry to see that adorable dictator go

Tapper: Pakistan?

Clinton: it’s a bit of a dysfunction relationship - they won’t help on al-qaeda but Pakistan did let our CIA killer go so that was nice

Tapper: would America let Qaddafi live in luxurious exile in a rich desert land of retired has-beens and corrupt evil decadent billionaires?

Clinton: Saudi Arabia?

Tapper: Las Vegas

Tapper: speaking of evil has-beens - what would Rumsfeld do?

Tapper: Don should we have attacked Libya?

Rumsfeld: there are too many unknowns both known and unknown

Tapper: Should we take out Qaddafi?

Rumsfeld: Syria is sponsoring terror in Afghanistan

Tapper: I see

Rumsfeld: also the Gulf if important

Tapper: Arabia?

Rumsfeld: Mexico - I’m in Pensacola buddy!

Tapper: what would you have done if you had been in the White House god forbid

Rumsfeld: Obama is now seeing how hard it is to be competent and be in the executive branch

Tapper: like you did

Rumsfeld: darn right

Tapper: so do you support the mission?

Rumsfeld: in 1991 Saddam thought he had defeated America and perception is more important than reality and that emboldens his ilk

Tapper: the Bush Administration sent Qaddafi
a fruit basket!

Rumsfeld: yes but we won in perception because he was scared of Bush

Tapper: well you certainly fucked something up

Rumsfeld: no one could have anticipated that Qaddafi would turn out to be unstable

Tapper: Wolfowitz says we must take out Qaddafi

Rumsfeld: yes we must because America’s prestige is now on the line because he could say this is the mother of all battles even though that’s stupid

Tapper: Shouldn’t you have used NATO
against Iraq?

Rumsfeld: no no no Obama’s coalition is tiny -
we had 90 countries on board against terror

Tapper: so war on terror = Iraq

Rumsfeld: look you bastard the coalition should not determine the mission - you should always plough ahead no matter how stupid an idea is

Tapper: if you say so

Rumsfeld: there’s all kinds of confusion in Obama’s mission in Libya which is bad - there was no confusion at all in Iraq

Tapper: you were wrong about absolutely everything

Rumsfeld: Exactly!

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