Sunday, March 20, 2011

This Week - March 20, 2011

March 20, 2011
Saif Qaddafi
Admiral Mike Mullen - Chair Joint Chiefs of Staff
Ali Aujali - Fmr Libya Ambassador to U.S.
Gerard Araud - French Amb. to the U.N.
Alex Marquadt - ABC
Martha Raddatz - ABC
Jake Tapper - ABC
Amanpour: wow a whole new Middle East war -
the old one was eight years old and we really
needed a new one of those!

Audience: yay

Amanpour: French, British and U.S. troops
are firing on Tripoli

Audience: Freedom fries!

Qaddafi: I am full of win

Saif: so I’m sitting in my house Saturday watching my TiVo of American Idol and then there are bombs falling all around - I mean what the fuck??

Amanpour: Obama sternly warned you

Saif: who pays attention ? I was watching Fringe - that show rocks

Amanpour: will Qaddafi quit?

Saif: now way - the rebels are all terrorists

Amanpour: will you starting bombing airlines again?

Saif: that’s uncalled for Christiane

Amanpour: what will you do now?

Saif: we urge America to start bombing the rebels

Amanpour: ok

Marquadt: the rebels are totally excited - Obama is using his Jedi mind tricks, the French smuggled in plans to the death star, and they are working with some adorable British Ewoks

Amanpour: what is the goal of these attacks?

Tapper: officially it’s to protect civilians - unofficially it’s to fuck with Qaddafi

Amanpour: who is running the show?

Tapper: the U.S. is not taking a lead role -
we just have 11 ships parked outside Tripoli

Amanpour: will the U.S. arm the rebels?

Tapper: we sent them two droids - that’s not enough?

Amanpour: How can America not run a war?

Raddatz: that is unusual - however an American named General Ham is in charge

Amanpour: Is that kosher?

Raddatz: British and French ace pilots are shooting at anything that moves

Amanpour: it’s like a gay bitchy Top Gun

Tapper: that’s redundant

Amanpour: Is the U.S. in charge or not?

Mullen: Ham is on top, followed by French

Amanpour: and the British?

Mullen: Col. Mustard will lead

Amanpour: this has all the ingredients of a successful operation

Amanpour: Does Qaddafi have to go

Mullen: the mission is very clear - it’s to
support the no-fly zone

Amanpour: so the mission is support
the war mission?

Mullen: right

Amanpour: it could last 12 years like in Iraq

Mullen: with any luck

Amanpour: why not protect civilians in other dangerous places like Bahrain, Yemen and Detroit?

Mullen: that’s different - the vicious dictator in Bahrain is a good friend of ours

Amanpour: Can Qaddafi attack America?

Mullen: We’ve taken out the air defenses, cut the supply lines, and blocked Qaddafi’s access to his Facebook page

Amanpour: holy shit

Amanpour: what if he uses mustard gas?

Mullen: a French squad from Dijon will handle it

Amanpour: you know Qaddafi well - what is he
really like?

Aujali: he’s crazy and will never ever stop fighting

Amanpour: so what happens next?

Aujali: the rebels must get on the road to Tripoli but they need exact change for all the tolls

Araud: zees man talks of zee reevers of blood -
ees desgusting

Amanpour: what do you think the mission
should be?

Aujali: if you want to protect civilians then you have to kill Qaddafi

Araud: ‘ee must go - ees ze madman!

Amanpour: will Libyans turn on Qaddafi?

Aujali: he’s locked himself in his compound with trapped followers - he’s like an incoherent Jim Jones

Amanpour: that sounds promising -
everyone thanks for coming


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Wow, too much win to pick from.

Eomer32 said...

Brilliant, as always...

horatius said...

You Sir, are a national treasure.