Sunday, March 13, 2011

March 13, 2011
Host: Chuck Todd
Lester Holt
Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY)
Gov. Mitch Daniels (R-IN)
Marvin Fertel - President Nuclear Energy Institute
Ichiro Fujisaki - Ambassador to the U.S. from Japan

Todd: wow in Japan thousands are dead and a nuclear reactor may be in meltdown

Lester Holt: we’re dealing with an earthquake, tsunami, recovery, rescue and radioactivity

Audience: holy crap

Holt: people are instructed to block out the radiation by putting a wet cloth over their mouths

Audience: problem solved then

Todd: this is the worst crisis since that unpleasantness from 1940-1945

Fujisaki: that’s right

Todd: I hear rescue efforts are hard

Fujisaki: we’re in full mobilization

Todd: what can the US do?

Fujisaki: you’re already sent Ronald Reagan
and that’s enough

Todd: is the plant really in meltdown?

Fujisaki: oh no not at all - we’re pouring sea water
to give it a good cleaning

Todd: is that a desperation move?

Fujisaki: one fuel rod may be getting a little hot

Todd: just one?

Fujisaki: who can say - that thing is really fucking hot

Todd: it sounds dangerous

Fujisaki: well we’re evacuating everyone we can

[ break ]

Todd: Marvin you represent the nuclear industry -
do you guys plan on killing us all?

Fertel: yeah we're sorry about all this Japan

Todd: so what went wrong?

Fertel: our working theory right now is that some really bad shit happened

Todd: Is the plant in meltdown?

Fertel: well Three Mile Island had a meltdown and everything went just fine

Todd: it was one hour away from making rural Pennsylvania completely uninhabitable

Fertel: so nothing different then

Todd: Could a meltdown happen in the U.S.?

Fertel: yes but nuclear plants in the US are
perfectly safe

Todd: is the plant in Japan totally screwed?

Fertel: if necessary we stand ready to send help an army of lobbyists and experts in public relations

Todd: truly your charitable efforts know no ends

[ break ]

Todd: Senator you were a big fan of nuclear power

Schumer: we need nuclear power - look at disaster
in Libya!

Todd: Congress passed a 3-week budget

Schumer: we reached that major breakthrough
when we left abortion out of the budget

Todd: your pal Claire McCaskill says we need massive spending cuts

Schumer: true but the GOP wants to cut cancer research for god’s sake

Todd: will you make cuts

Schumer: we’re willing to cut but we need to spend to grow the economy

Todd: are we just going to keeping running the government 3 weeks at a time?

Schumer: did you know the GOP wants to cut tsunami warnings?

Todd: well when do those ever happen

Schumer: good point

Todd: Is Obama involved enough in the process

Schumer: hell yeah - you know it’s Congress’ job to pass a budget

Todd: do you support a no-fly zone over Libya?

Schumer: let all the world’s major powers get on board -- including the U.S., the European Union,
the Arab League, NATO and Steve Jobs

Todd: Should Obama get input from Congress before intervening in the Libyan war?

Schumer: the idiots who can’t even fund the government for 30 days - no

[ break ]

Todd: Mitch when you were America’s budget director you warned against playing games with government shutdown

Daniels: true

Todd: so are Republicans in D.C. wrong?

Daniels: yes but in their defense they’re morons

Todd: what would you do?

Daniels: the entire American Republic is threatened and they are arguing over nickels and dimes

Todd: you said the debt ceiling was a
housekeeping matter

Daniels: that was before Obama was President - now it’s appropriate to use the debt ceiling for blackmail

Todd: you never even paid for 2 wars or massive prescription drug coverage

Daniels: if we had paid for those things it would have hurt the economy

Todd: how is it conservative to buy a big luxury item and never pay for it?

Daniels: Obama!

Todd: You paid down Indiana’s debt and promptly lost thousands of jobs

Daniels: that was Obama’s fault

Todd: maybe so Mitch but you’re not getting results

Daniels: the role of government is give concessions to businesses and hope for the best

Todd: you implied Gov. Walker misled voters on union busting

Daniels: I’ve met him and he is a serious dipshit

Todd: I've noticed that

Todd: do you support collective bargaining?

Daniels: yes but not for government employees

Todd: you called for truce on god guns and gays

Santorum: the purpose of American is to compare gays to bestiality

Daniels: there’s another brainless weasel

Todd: good call on that one Mitch

Daniels: I mean what’s wrong with a little freedom and liberty?

Todd: Did you lie when said you would never run for another office?

Daniels: no but gosh darn it people keep pushing me to run for President and save America

Todd: you said the GOP field sucks

Daniels: who else has my combination of name recognition and charisma?

Todd: who indeed

Todd: what about Sen. Lugar - will you do whatever he asks you to do?

Daniels: I never say no to dick

[ break ]

Balz: Mitch Daniels is a budget plan in search of
a human host

Todd: Team Obama believes you gotta get in the Presidential race early especially if your middle name is Hussein

Norris: that’s right - they laid the groundwork in the summer of 2007

Todd: Gingrich explained to a Christian tv network that he betrayed his marriage vows because he loves America too much

Balz: best interview since Charlie Sheen

Todd: future President Michelle Bachman thinks the American Revolution started in New Hampshire

Norris: the tea party loves her because she is not some snooty egghead

Todd: what about Mr. Fabulous

Balz: Mitt Romney is slick but untrustworthy

Todd: why should NPR get tax money when you clearly hate racists who after all are Americans too

Norris: because without NPR people millions
of Americans would have not have access to real news at all

Todd: but most people get MSNBC, Fox news and CNN for free

Norris: that’s my point Chuckles

Todd: David Broder was on Meet The Press 401 times

Audience: holy crap

Broder: Ross is it possible for you to give me a straight answer

Perot: hey old man I would have brought my
pie charts if you had given me your questions in advance

Broder: do you know what percentage of people don’t have health insurance?

George H.W. Bush: I have no idea - everyone I know does

Broder: really they all do?

Bush: well no some of them just write a check

Broder: Barbara Bush never forgave me for asking Poppy a question about the unwashed masses

Todd: and that’s Meet the Press

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