Gregory: why did Janet Napolitano say things went great even though a terror attack was thwarted?
Brennan: I heard you were a moron
Gregory: what did the CIA know about underwear before 12/24?
Brennan: Boxer-briefs are the most comfortable
way to go
Gregory: how do we win the war on terror?
Brennan: degrading people who hate us
Gregory: how could the government let underpants-boy on a plane!?!
Brennan: calm down Fluffy
Gregory: but I’m scared!
Brennan: the government has to be seamless
and perfect every day
Gregory: dear god
Gregory: should we get rid of privacy rights?
Brennan: maybe - the Dutch have full nude
Gregory: yeah but they are all tall and incredibly good looking
Brennan: that’s a good point
Gregory: why aren’t we torturing this Nigerian kid?
Brennan: oh I don’t know - the law or something
Brennan: we’ve got Jack McCoy getting a
strong plea deal right now
Gregory: should we send accused terrorists
who hate us back to Yemen?
Brennan: like George W. Bush did?
Gregory: never heard of him - did he work
for Dick Cheney?
Brennan: something like that
Gregory: President Cheney says Obama surrendered to terrorists
Brennan: Dick should spend a little more time not shooting his friends and a little time undermining
the President of the United States
Gregory: when are we going to catch Osama?
Brennan: we had him at Tora Bora and Bush
let him get away
Gregory: what’s the deal with Yemen anyway?
Hayden: it’s terror-central
Gregory: you released terrorists from Gitmo
and sent them to Yemen!
Hayden: that’s true but we had to - we ran out of orange chicken
Gregory: what mistakes did Bush make?
Hayden: we were too soft on terrorists
Gregory: what about right to privacy?
Chertoff: plane travelers have the right to life dammit!
Gregory: isn’t the underwear bombing proof
that the Bush system doesn’t work?
Chertoff: hey Fluffy it worked for 7 years when we never had an attack or attempted attack
Gregory: should we have full body scanners?
Chertoff: oh yes and the fact that I get rich off
selling it is irrelevant
Gregory: what’s it’s called?
Chertoff: blame those civil liberty loving Dutch -
we should bypass them entirely
Gregory: pass the Dutchie on the left hand side
Gregory: some terror guy told me that 90% of terrorists are young muslim men
Chertoff: well that person was using you to spout bullshit Fluffers
Gregory: should Dick Cheney criticize Obama or does that make him unpatriotic like Dick Cheney would say?
Hayden: people need to stop hyperventilating
Gregory: oh noes!
Gregory: isn’t Obama weak on terror?
Hayden: no but he could torture more
Chertoff: Obama has said we are at war but putting KSM on trial in New York city will weaken America
Gregory: because terrorists will attack if they think they will only go to a supermax prison
[ break ]
Gregory: how has Obama handled his first 3:00 a.m.
Brokaw: his failure to panic proved we are vulnerable to suicidal teenagers
Brooks: Obama failed but look bad things happen and people should stop crying every time some failed underpants bomber fucks up
Gregory: why does Dick Cheney whine so much?
Dionne: because he’s a dishonest ghoul
Gregory: that’s true
Dionne: even Bush officials think he’s a hypocritical lunatic
Gregory: Doris this is not as much fun as other wars
Goodwin: because we didn’t raise taxes or do anything but go shopping
Brokaw: we learned that we can’t kill every single muslim on earth
Gregory: too bad
Brooks: this all started in Iran in 1979 and we can see that regime dying right now
Gregory: so what do we do about it?
Brooks: cut off supplies on gasoline and pretend to be tough with a lot of empty words
Dionne: what a weasel you are david
Goodwin: this proves that Obama making diplomatic overtures to China has worked
Brooks: me strong!
Brokaw: the teabaggers rule America!
Dionne: sure Tom but repealing the health plan won’t be popular either
Brokaw: warble warble
Brooks: most people oppose the Obamacare plan
Goodwin: not the actual plan just the fake Fox news version of the plan
Brooks: no one knows what’s in the plan! and they oppose the plan!
Brooks: it rations care! and costs too much!
Brokaw: we should kill old useless people
Gregory: like you?
Brokaw: arble garble
Gregory: this decade really sucked
Goodwin: yes but epic failure represents great opportunity
Brokaw: this is nothing - the 60s really sucked
Brooks: the future belongs to the teabaggers
Gregory: good god
Dionne: Obama has to show government can work and that will show how stupid the teabaggers are
Brokaw: 9/11 general motors wall street urble burble
Gregory: and that’s the last word