Monday, January 11, 2010

The Daily Show with John Yoo - January 11, 2010

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The Daily Show
January 11, 2010
Guest:
John Yoo
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Stewart: everyone on earth hates your fucking
guts and fears your broken soul

Yoo: yeah but people love you so it’s the same

Stewart: it seems like they came to you and
said ‘give us permission to crush a child’s balls’
and you said ‘how hard?’

Yoo: that’s true but we were under threat by
nutjobs with boxcutters

Stewart: so you weren’t following the law
but panicking?

Yoo: no there’s a special law to follow if you’re
really really scared

Stewart: I didn’t know that was in the Constitution

Yoo: Congress and the Supreme Court could
have stopped us

Stewart: really how?

Yoo: they could have defunded our ball crushing

Stewart: if they know you're crushing
balls day and night

Yoo: all they had to do was follow the screams

Stewart: but I thought we signed a treaty
banning torture

Yoo: yeah but there’s nothing in the treaty
about not crushing balls

Stewart: but we prosecuted people for torture

Yoo: but not for ball crushing

Stewart: I’m so confused

Yoo: look we either ball crush or we give the terrorists Miranda rights

Stewart: no in between?

Yoo: dude I don’t make the rules

Stewart: according to you the Framers wanted
us to have a dictatorship

Yoo: yes but only when a President has allowed
a massive terror attack to happen - then you
can go to town

Stewart: I see

Yoo: our best Presidents were all radical
dictator war Presidents

Stewart: why did you even bother following
the law when your whole philosophy is
‘terrortime baby - fuck the law’

Yoo: look I never actually told Bush ball
crushing was legal

Stewart: jesus christ I don’t know if that the
worst thing I’ve heard or not

Yoo: look America needs a Lincoln or Hitler or
Bush even if the price is sometimes a power-mad fascist like Nixon or Obama

Stewart: you sir, are one sick, sick man

Yoo: thank you Jon

Stewart: no really I thank you - now I understand
the banality of evil that allowed the Holocaust
to happen

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3 comments:

Ralph said...

Thank you for sparing me the agony of watching one more second of Yoo. Your summary was right on the money.

Samuel said...

I agree. Really great synopsis. Saw the vid and was disappointed by how confused Stewart became about what's ultimately a simple issue for Yoo: he was tasked with bending the Geneva Convention to its limits. Had Stewart taken him to task on that idea, I think he would've been more successful.

Kelly said...

Great show. I am also huge fan of Daily Episodes. All Episodes of this show gives you world wide news with best comedy twist. It's the good way to know about political figures. I always Watch Daily Show Online. My father also likes to watch this Amazing show. I can miss any thing but can never missed to watch it's any episode. Daily Show has won multiple Emmy's awards due to it's greatness.