Sunday, October 04, 2009

Meet the Press with UN Ambassador Susan Rice - October 4, 2009

October 4, 2009
Susan Rice - US Ambassdor to the U.N.

Gregory: OMG Iran is going build a nuclear
bomb and kill us all!!!
[ hides under his desk ]

Rice: um, david?

Gregory: [ peers out from under desk ]

Rice: don’t panic dave - we’re going to force them
to prove they are enriching uranium for the fun of it

Gregory: [ still under desk ]
but I’m so scared

Rice: we’re going to take care of it dave

Gregory: what’s your deadline?

Rice: Friday

Gregory: really?
[ smacks head on desk ] ow!

Rice: no I’m just fucking with you

Gregory: but Charles Krauthammer says you sold out Poland while Iran is going to acquire the bomb!

Rice: I heard you were a moron - but I didn’t
know you were such a hack

Gregory: but they’re so swarthy!

Rice: criminy we build a huge coalition and all you can do is bitch and whine

Gregory: will you cripple Iran?

Rice: yes if we have to

Gregory: when?? I can’t wait!!!

Rice: calm down Fluffy

Gregory: can we please make Iran another
U.S. colony?

Rice: no

Gregory: but the hostage crisis!

Rice: you’re weird

Gregory: 8 soldiers were killed in Afghanistan today

Rice: it’s not all tea and crumpets

Gregory: why doesn’t Obama just listen to Generals with all their pretty medals

Rice: Look Bush fucked up for 7 years and we’re trying to fix it

Gregory: that may be but why can’t he Grant
The Wishes of His Commanders like that Genie in Alladdin?

Rice: Obama is the damm President and he looks
at the whole global Effort and he won’t just do whatever one general somewhere wants - otherwise McChrystal would be the President

Gregory: well he is a handsome white man

Rice: um yeah

Gregory: will we stay in Afghanistan forever and ever

Rice: maybe forever

Gregory: but not ever!

Rice: hey we have to battle crazy people in southeastern Asia, Africa, the Middle East
and Alaska

Gregory: by failing to occupy Afghanistan permanently you’re surrendering to the
Lefty hippies!

Rice: stop crying

Gregory: did Obama make a mistake trying to get
the Olympics?

Rice: Obama will never apologize for America even
if it means being bashed by stupid pundits

Gregory: the U.N. is just a parade of brown people criticizing America and that gives me a sad

Rice: what a big baby you are

[ break ]

Gregory: Will Obama fulfill his pledge to stay in Afghanistan forever and ever and ever and ever

Brooks: I’m scared that Obama may not permanently occupy that remote mountainous desert nation

Maddow: they don’t want to lose Afghanistan which a good liberal war but not get trapped in a quagmire which is a bad liberal war

Murphy: Obama should never have invaded Afghanistan

Dionne: you are very silly person

Brooks: it would be a moral tragedy if we were to
let the Taliban take over their own country

Maddow: that’s stupid

Murphy: we need to put in 100,000 more troops to save the Afghanistan from itself

Dionne: yeah you and Brooks such a military experts

Gregory: OMG SNL had biting satire in a skit that said Obama hasn’t accomplished anything!!!

Maddow: you got to be fucking kidding me

Gregory: but The Left hates Obama’s failure to fix Bush’s mistakes!!

Maddow: I am critical of Obama too but that’s ridiculous

Gregory: oh no the Obama unemployment!

Brooks: Obama promised we would be at 7% unemployment by now

Maddow: that’s a lie

Brooks: we overspent for 30 years - this proves
we need to elect more Republicans

Murphy: around the kitchen table people complain about the Obama stimulus package

Dionne: that’s total bullshit

Gregory: Obama bailed out the banks!

Dionne: no that’s another lie

Brooks: In addition to being a noted liar and military expert I also haz a smart on economically money things

Murphy: Obama should have worked with Republicans and admitted he is an Indonesian
Witch Doctor from Britain

Maddow: ha ha ha

Gregory: Obama totally failed to get
the Olympics

Maddow: It was disgusting to see the right wingers cheering for America to fail

Murphy: oh now you’re suggesting the wingnuts lack patriotism

Maddow: no - I’m coming right out and saying it

Dionne: they put Obama-hatred before love
of country

Gregory: [ clutches pearls ]
but a Democrat said the GOP was for a Holocaust!

Maddow: that’s normal for the Republicans

Gregory: [ lies down on fainting couch ]
it’s so shrill
[ swoons ]

Brooks: but Limbaugh and Beck don’t even control GOP primary voters - they are loud but weak

Murphy: MSNBC is one-party liberal network

Maddow: Joe Scarborough is on 3 hours a day

Murphy: um um um

Gregory: why is all this shrillness on tv??

Dionne: because idiots like you love to talk about it

Brooks: the crazy people like Palin get all the attention but there is no evidence that she is
really that popular

Murphy: Sarah Palin is an idiot, true, but the lunatics in the GOP don’t really have all that power that they appear to have

Maddow: ok fine guys but she is the most famous Republican and she was the Vice Presidential nominee and she’s linked to a white supremacist

Murphy: oh that’s just guilt by association

Maddow: well she has an association with a white supremacist!

Murphy: harrumph

Gregory: speaking of promoting civility in political debate, I loved my lying smearing Nixon acolyte good friend William Safire - what a cuddly curmudgeon he was


Anonymous said...


You outdid yourself on this one! Excellent stuff.


isaac said...

bumpity bump