Sunday, October 11, 2009

Meet the Press - October 11, 2009

October 11, 2009
Sen. Levin
Sen. Graham
Ret. Gen. Myers
Ret. Gen. McCaffrey
Gregory: Carl shouldn’t we all just do what
President McChrystal wants?

Levin: no because Obama is the President and Gates is the Secretary of Defense and the global strategy is more important the counterinsurgency
in any one country

Gregory: should we send more troops?

Levin: we should send them more equipment like guns and mimeograph machines

Graham: What do you think Lindy?

Graham: I love the General and we should send
40,000 more troops

Gregory: but there are only 100 al qaeda in all
of Afghanistan

Myers: it’s simple - we have to combat all violent extremism and religious fanaticism all over the world

Gregory: Christ you’re going to have take on half
the Republican party

Myers: also we have to invade Uzbekistan

Gregory: yikes

McCaffrey: we have to withdraw from Afghanistan and the best way to do that is a massive buildup
of troops

Myers: we could persuade the rest of the world
to take over

Gregory: Awesome idea

Levin: Hell let the Afghans take over

Graham: we could send one million troops and
it will still fail with a bad local government

Gregory: so why the fuck do you want to send 40,000 more troops?

Graham: so we can reopen Afghan soccer stadiums

Gregory: Is Obama weak?

Graham: if he only puts us halfway in - that will
be weak

Gregory: Like George Bush did?

Graham: the Iranians are watching us for signs of weakness - they are terrified we won’t get into a quagmire there

Gregory: General what went wrong in Afghanistan?

Myers: we emphasized military action and not
social and economic development

Gregory: so in other words too much Republican policies?

Myers: we took our eye off the ball and let the Taliban take over

Gregory: it sounds like you totally fucked up

Myers: well we didn’t think so at the time
- we thought we were gods among men
creating our own reality

Gregory: what made you think that?

Myers: Dick Cheney shot a guy in the face and
got him to apologize

McCaffrey: Let’s face it - Bush handed Obama one completely fucked-up situation

Levin: we have to win over the Afghan people by not murdering so many of their children

Gregory: interesting

Graham: somehow we all got focused on Iraq

Gregory: Cause Bush was obsessed with it!

Graham: Unfortunately it turns out Bush is kind
of dumb and at least Obama is a smart guy

Gregory: we’ve been there for eight fucking years

Graham: it’s a multi-generational struggle

Gregory: that’s disturbing

Graham: in the next three years we may have a trustworthy Afghan government

Myers: also we have to fix the Afghan economy

Gregory: we can’t even fix the Detroit economy!

McCaffrey: I think in 10 years we can create sparkling Afghan universities

Gregory: should we end ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’?

Levin: of course we should

Myers: what’s wrong with suppressing your sexuality - I like to wear a pink thong in combat
but you don’t hear me talking about it

Graham: you don’t make policy based on promises made in a campaign

Gregory: did Obama deserve the Nobel prize?

Graham: if Obama kills enough people I will visit him in the Lincoln bedroom one night and show him
how grateful I am

Gregory: ok I think we’ve gone into a weird area

[ break]

Gregory: Should Obama invade Afghanistan?

Woodward: Obama is on a listening tour and then he has to decide what the fuck we are doing in that remote desert nation

Gregory: but at least he’s thinking about it

Woodward: right - Bush never listened - just played with his gameboy while Cheney used the Force
to choke his underlings

Gregory: Let me quote Charles Krauthammer

Gigot: Chuck is right - Obama could do the right thing or listen to the hippies who think they’re so smart just because they are right about everything

Brownstein: yeah but we were going to crush al qaeda and we’ve done it

Gregory: what the hell are we doing there?

Kay: so what if the Taliban took over some of the remote mountainous regions of that county - does that mean they would invade Pakistan??

Gregory: where were all these nation-building Republicans in the last 8 years??

Woodward: now that Obama is President they can admit everything there is completely fucked-up

Brownstein: most Americans think Afghanistan is a necessary war they just don’t care and want us
to leave

Gregory: Let me quote Ruth Marcus saying Obama getting a Nobel is ridiculous

Gigot: the Republicans will ride this to victory
in 2010!!

Woodward: let’s face it - this was an unfair reward based on their hatred for George Bush

Gregory: Let me quote Peggy Noonan

Kay: I heard you were a hack and a moron

Brownstein: the Nobel committee doesn’t know
how to give out their own awards!

Gregory: right - they should have ceremonies where they dance with Karl Rove!

Brownstein: Obama needs to be sensitive to criticism that he is too popular

Kay: you’re all idiots

Woodward: Obama should take his shiny new
Nobel prize and use it to force Germany to take over Afghanistan

Gigot: I disagree Americans have to kick everyone out and take over this crazy-ass central Asian county

Gregory: what about the American economy?

Brownstein: we’re all in a bad national mood

Woodward: any breach between Obama and the military will prevent second stimulus

Gregory: makes sense

Gigot: failure of the health care bill is hurting business and preventing job creation

Gregory: so no jobs until health care is passed?

Gigot: right - so the GOP should filibuster it

Gregory: so this is all good news for the Republicans

Kay: if the economy recovers by the summer
of 2010 the Democrats may do very well

Gregory: oh no!
[ starts sobbing ]

Kay: Calm down Fluffy


Anonymous said...

who is Kay, at the end, you know the semi-sane one?

Anonymous said...

Katty Kay of the BBC, I'd bet.

Anonymous said...

i don't know if it's sad or frightening that this blog is actually a useful and accurate shorthand for the actual show.