October 11, 2009
Ret. Gen. Myers
Ret. Gen. McCaffrey
Gregory: Carl shouldn’t we all just do what
President McChrystal wants?
Levin: no because Obama is the President and Gates is the Secretary of Defense and the global strategy is more important the counterinsurgency
in any one country
Gregory: should we send more troops?
Levin: we should send them more equipment like guns and mimeograph machines
Graham: What do you think Lindy?
Graham: I love the General and we should send
40,000 more troops
Gregory: but there are only 100 al qaeda in all
Myers: it’s simple - we have to combat all violent extremism and religious fanaticism all over the world
Gregory: Christ you’re going to have take on half
the Republican party
Myers: also we have to invade Uzbekistan
McCaffrey: we have to withdraw from Afghanistan and the best way to do that is a massive buildup
Myers: we could persuade the rest of the world
to take over
Gregory: Awesome idea
Levin: Hell let the Afghans take over
Graham: we could send one million troops and
it will still fail with a bad local government
Gregory: so why the fuck do you want to send 40,000 more troops?
Graham: so we can reopen Afghan soccer stadiums
Gregory: Is Obama weak?
Graham: if he only puts us halfway in - that will
Gregory: Like George Bush did?
Graham: the Iranians are watching us for signs of weakness - they are terrified we won’t get into a quagmire there
Gregory: General what went wrong in Afghanistan?
Myers: we emphasized military action and not
social and economic development
Gregory: so in other words too much Republican policies?
Myers: we took our eye off the ball and let the Taliban take over
Gregory: it sounds like you totally fucked up
Myers: well we didn’t think so at the time
- we thought we were gods among men
creating our own reality
Gregory: what made you think that?
Myers: Dick Cheney shot a guy in the face and
got him to apologize
McCaffrey: Let’s face it - Bush handed Obama one completely fucked-up situation
Levin: we have to win over the Afghan people by not murdering so many of their children
Graham: somehow we all got focused on Iraq
Gregory: Cause Bush was obsessed with it!
Graham: Unfortunately it turns out Bush is kind
of dumb and at least Obama is a smart guy
Gregory: we’ve been there for eight fucking years
Graham: it’s a multi-generational struggle
Gregory: that’s disturbing
Graham: in the next three years we may have a trustworthy Afghan government
Myers: also we have to fix the Afghan economy
Gregory: we can’t even fix the Detroit economy!
McCaffrey: I think in 10 years we can create sparkling Afghan universities
Gregory: should we end ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’?
Levin: of course we should
Myers: what’s wrong with suppressing your sexuality - I like to wear a pink thong in combat
but you don’t hear me talking about it
Graham: you don’t make policy based on promises made in a campaign
Gregory: did Obama deserve the Nobel prize?
Graham: if Obama kills enough people I will visit him in the Lincoln bedroom one night and show him
how grateful I am
Gregory: ok I think we’ve gone into a weird area
Gregory: Should Obama invade Afghanistan?
Woodward: Obama is on a listening tour and then he has to decide what the fuck we are doing in that remote desert nation
Gregory: but at least he’s thinking about it
Woodward: right - Bush never listened - just played with his gameboy while Cheney used the Force
to choke his underlings
Gregory: Let me quote Charles Krauthammer
Gigot: Chuck is right - Obama could do the right thing or listen to the hippies who think they’re so smart just because they are right about everything
Brownstein: yeah but we were going to crush al qaeda and we’ve done it
Gregory: what the hell are we doing there?
Kay: so what if the Taliban took over some of the remote mountainous regions of that county - does that mean they would invade Pakistan??
Gregory: where were all these nation-building Republicans in the last 8 years??
Woodward: now that Obama is President they can admit everything there is completely fucked-up
Brownstein: most Americans think Afghanistan is a necessary war they just don’t care and want us
Gregory: Let me quote Ruth Marcus saying Obama getting a Nobel is ridiculous
Gigot: the Republicans will ride this to victory
Woodward: let’s face it - this was an unfair reward based on their hatred for George Bush
Gregory: Let me quote Peggy Noonan
Kay: I heard you were a hack and a moron
Brownstein: the Nobel committee doesn’t know
how to give out their own awards!
Gregory: right - they should have ceremonies where they dance with Karl Rove!
Brownstein: Obama needs to be sensitive to criticism that he is too popular
Kay: you’re all idiots
Woodward: Obama should take his shiny new
Nobel prize and use it to force Germany to take over Afghanistan
Gigot: I disagree Americans have to kick everyone out and take over this crazy-ass central Asian county
Gregory: what about the American economy?
Brownstein: we’re all in a bad national mood
Woodward: any breach between Obama and the military will prevent second stimulus
Gregory: makes sense
Gigot: failure of the health care bill is hurting business and preventing job creation
Gregory: so no jobs until health care is passed?
Gigot: right - so the GOP should filibuster it
Gregory: so this is all good news for the Republicans
Kay: if the economy recovers by the summer
of 2010 the Democrats may do very well
Gregory: oh no!
[ starts sobbing ]
Kay: Calm down Fluffy