Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Democratic Debate - MSNBC - February 26, 2008

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Democratic Debate
February 26, 2008
MSNBC
Sen. Hillary Clinton
Sen. Barack Obama
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Brian Williams: Welcome to Ohio!! Home of 8 presidents - how the hell did that happen???

[applause]

Williams: this debate is like a Republican bathhouse - the only rule is that there are no rules!

Here to make me look even more handsome is Tim Russert

Russert: that's not what you said on Sept. 23, 1986

Williams: shut up Timmy

Williams: Hillary you flew into a rage at Obama do you have emotional problems?

Hillary: dammit he said i was in favor of NAFTA!

Obama: no that was BAFTA - i mean fuck daniel day lewis

Clinton: he said i would make people pay for their health care plan and that's not true because i would cover everyone - whereas he would not and hates sick people

Williams: now let me flash the Drudge photo again and cite the Drudge Report twice

Clinton: oh for fuck's sake

Obama: well that's fine she denies the whole Drudge thing although I doubt it - but let's talk about health care -- she never lets a day go by without reminding people that I would leave 15 million people to die in the street without health insurance

Clinton: oh yeah that's true

Obama: well she only covers people with a mandate that would include garnishing wages

Clinton: but those are free riders!

Obama: oh quit whining look at your Robo-calls

Clinton: no my lies on other issues are ok - but this issue is too important to send out bad mailings - its like the health insurance companies wrote it - i take on the insurers by requiring people to go out and buy health insurance

Obama: bullshit i care about sick people as much as you do

Clinton: we all must be in the same boat so insurers can't cherrry pick the sick people

Obama: criminy that does not make sense - of course insurers like a mandate and how does her plan bring down costs

Clinton: He's Barack Mandate Obama - he requires parents to go out and get insurance and it's so wrong to make parents take care of their children

Obama: wrong wrong demmit

Clinton: my plan is affordable because i have loads of subsidies and tax credits and i would limit the cost of premiums

Obama: its a gift to insurers

Clinton: health insurance is health care - there is no difference so ergo under your plan everyone dies

Obama: duh my plan makes parents get health insurance for their kids because it's affordable

Clinton: those young fuckers must be forced to buy health insurance they think they are immortal

Williams: maybe they're Highlanders

Clinton: Barack Obama is a big baby who needs a pillow and blankie

Obama: gawd 4 years of this will be friggin painful

Clinton: yes I was in favor of NAFTA - but we need a plan to fix the mistakes i made in 1996

Obama: i have one too -- elect me instead

Clinton: you need a time-out like the one we need for trade - i know that the blue collars joe sixpacks care about so i will say i do

Obama: mighty white of you

Clinton: NAFTA killed Ohio but Obama keeps criticizing me and that's mean

Obama: jeebus of course she was in favor of NAFTA - when I worked on the streets of Chicago a quarter of a century ago i saw devastation caused by poor trade agreements

Clinton: i can't believe your mommy let you out that late at night

Russert: gotcha hillary you said dozens of times that NAFTA was great and courageous - will you pull out of NAFTA

Clinton: i will renegotiate it - but to be fair NAFTA really was a good idea and courageous

Russert: so was it a good idea or not??

Clinton: Tim you don't have the entire record sometimes i say it's good and sometimes i don't - i've been entirely consistent

Russert: can you prove that?

Clinton: the Cleveland Plain Dealer said teh negro was lying

Clinton: this is NO FAIR - Obama and i never voted on NAFTA

Russert: but you were co-president

Clinton: was i?

Russert: Borat will you pull out?

Obama: i luv american workers but let's face it free trade fucks us over i want to be the Worker President

Russert: u scare me

Obama: american retirees should not be making hamburgers

Russert: i can haz cheeseburger?

Timmy: are you sure that NAFTA isn't great - i mean look at my underwear it's only costs $1 a pack and comes in XXXXL

Obama: well that's very nice Timmy but i'd like to talk about windmills

Russert: tonight will you pledge to revive the city of Buffalo

Clinton: Tim i'm running for president not Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot

Russert: but you lied about the jobs back in 2000

Clinton: hey fatty i thought al gore would be president all we need to do is elect a democrat

Russert: good point - Brian you try her she scares me

Williams: Hillary says you are just like George W Bush with no experience

Obama: that's because she is a creature of Washington - she is another John McCain who wants to stay in Iraq for 100 years

Brian: but she is against the war now

Obama: she freaked out when i said i would get tough on Pakistan but i was right

Clinton: i liberated ireland and gave a speech in china

Williams: but he was right about Iraq!

Clinton: i question his foreign policy judgment

Williams: give me an example of where he has been wrong

Clinton: he agreed with me on Iraq

Williams: wow that is dumb

Williams: but if he agreed with you then what makes you better?

Clinton: i went to 80 countries with the Bill Clinton presidency

Williams: were you qualified for that?

Clinton: shut up

Obama: look Hillary and George W. Bush drove the American bus into a ditch and i'm trying to get the bus out of the ditch but it's hard

Williams: you're a hot-head

Obama: i never said i would bomb Pakistan - i said we need to stop fucking around with the people who attacked on 9/11 it's about a speech it's a break with the Clinton-McCain Doctrine

Tim: if the iraqi government says we should leave but Bill Kristol says we should stay - should we leave???

Obama: of course motherfucker

Clinton: duh sovereignty dood

Tim: what if Al Qeada resurges and Iraq GOES TO HELL?????

Clinton: why don't you go to hell fatty?

Tim: will you re-invade if there is another civil war?

Clinton: sure sounds delightful pumpkinhaid

Obama: we're fucked in Afghanistan now - of course i will always reserve the right to invade anywhere monaco or Nantucket or wherever

Timmy: oh noes!!

Obama: fuck you timmy as commander in chief i won't be dicking around

Williams: Hillary mocked you dood

Hillary: celestial choirs!

Obama: sounds damm good to me

Hillary: ha ha ha ha

Williams: whut do u think Becky

Obama: look i get it - she has this whole thing where she says I'm all about speeches - well for 2 decades i've worked for people - sick people, wounded warriors, and unethical fucks in Congress - and i talked to working class white women and i said i'm not interested in talk or speeches and i'm interested in getting motherfucking shit done!

Clinton: hey giving bizarre speeches is my idea of fun - you know 15 years ago i failed at making universal health care plan happen so i know what i'm doing

Brian: naturally but what else?

Clinton: take on credit cards companies, dick cheney, and special interest and i am a fighter

Obama Clip: you can't run away from some things in teh White House but not others

Williams: you have to take the good and take the bad

Obama: and there you have it those are the Facts of Life

Williams: was she co-presnit?

Obama: Look fighting is not enough she ended up fighting Pat Moynihan - but look if you want a fighter hire a black man from the mean streets of chicago and not a fucking goldwater girl

Williams: damm - my negro gettin tough!

Obama: she takes cash from special interests she's part of the problem

Tim: there is nothing more important than adhering to my arbitrary standards - will you vote for John McCain??

Obama: look stupid my funding comes from small donors McCain's comes from 527s

Tim: but your word!!! Your pledge!

Obama: McCain is going to game this system

Russert: I am now going to talk for a half an hour about bullshit - your tax returns hillary

Clinton: sorry i fell asleep while you were talking

Russert: will you release 10,000 pages from teh Archives

Clinton: i don't run the National Archives dumbass

Russert: do you accept the support of the Scary Black Louis Farrakhan

Obama: no i don't

Russert: but will reject his vote?

Obama: well I can't-

Russert: but he said judaism was a gutter religion-

Obama: shut the fuck up shithead

Russert: but you think Farrakhan epitomizes greatness what about the Jews!!???!!?

Obama: one more such question and i will reach across the table punch that grin off your fat face

Hillary: there's a difference between denouncing and rejecting -- Obama is clearly an anti-semite

Obama: well since Hillary is going to lose this debate and the election i will be nice and give her the word reject - i reject Farrakan

Hillary: yay i win

William: well thank god we settled the all important Farrakhan Question now the people of Youngstown will get those jobs back

Williams: how can you possibly run as a black man with a more liberal record than Ted Kennedy???

Obama: ooooh i must be a Scary Liberal because I wanted an Independent Ethics Office within the U.S. Senate

Williams: but you're scary

Obama: Republicans like me because I'm gonna fight for americans

Williams: you're a Magic Negro

Russert: who will be the next President of Russia?

Hillary: he's a hand picked scary dood who's name i can't remember

Russert: what's his name

Clinton: Medvedvy something

Obama: yeah whatever Timmy

Russert: what if he invades Kosovo???

Obama: i will send the National Guard to occupy the set of Meet the Press

Russert: oh noes!

Obama: i'm not kidding you dumb fat mick

Russert: any regrets

Clinton: my iraq vote - but i was against the war - really!

Russert: so to be clear you would like a time machine

Clinton: yes

Tim: will you pledge to expend funds on a flux capacitor

Clinton: what a fucktard you are

Obama: look i like Hillary Clinton and we both have big egos but we have heard heart breaking stories and these people are just looking for a little help -- i am sure that when I am the White Knight Standard Bearer i will be great

Brian Williams: please say something nasty about Hillary

Obama: oh fuck off i am not going to answer that -- vote for me or don't - i've made my case

Clinton: seriously Brian I thought Tim Russert was bad but you are also a fucker -- look I am running to be the first woman and i do believe that i can make change happen better because i know where the bodies are buried and where the levers of power are and I will go to bat for the poor and middle class - it's time someone did dammit

Williams: I'm brian williams - big rush limbaugh fan - thanks and good night

13 comments:

Mr Furious said...

Fucking brilliant. Folowed a link from Kos. you got plugged in a diary. I'll be plugging this at my place.

Cheers

S_A_Wells said...

This bit:

"Clinton: my iraq vote - but i was against the war - really!

Russert: so to be clear you would like a time machine

Clinton: yes

Tim: will you pledge to expend funds on a flux capacitor"


Definite win.

Anonymous said...

Win - with a side of extra-win sauce.

PastorAgnostic said...

that was great. But way too accurate to be mere commentary.

Hey. Gov. Siegelman needs a court transcript finished so he can appeal his case. Would you volunteer to do the job?

dewey kneadleeders said...

best. synopsis. ever.

I feel like I wasted my time watching the actual debate--

Reel Woman said...

**clapping loudly**

Bravo!

"There can be only one." =oD

Allok8ter said...

Love it! Better than the real thing.

Rickey Henderson said...

Well done sir, well done. That's more authentic and brutally honest than the actual debate itself.

Doug said...

Awesome! I came here from kate rothwell's blog. Glad to find y'all.

geor3ge said...

I am in awe of you.

debate popular said...

Divertido el debate,lastima que eran tantos jajaja

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