*****************************************************
60 Minutes
Guest: Justice Antonin Scalia
April 27, 2008
*****************************************************
Stahl: why not interpret the Constitution right?
Scalia: fuck that
Stahl: how can you know what the Founders wanted?
Scalia: oh trust me i know
Stahl: but values change
Scalia: well they shouldn't
Stahl: what is an originalist
Scalia: i am hated because i am right
Stahl: why do some people despise you and think you are evil
Scalia: i'm not against progress i just hate it
Stahl: abortion?
Scalia: let's not split the baby
Stahl: ha ha
Stahl: you hate civil rights and want to impose the Rule of Opus Dei
Scalia: i confess i'm a conservative but i don't want to impose my beliefs on other people - it's just very lucky for me that my philosophy matches my views exactly
Stahl: but you don't want to throw liberals in jail
Scalia: see how open minded i am
Stahl: but could you be wrong?
Scalia: of course not others are inferior to me
Stahl: Bader you like Scalia even though you hate logic
Ginsburg: he's a nutter
Scalia: she's nice but an idiot
Stahl: but you comes across as a jerk
Scalia: you must learn to get along with other people
Stahl: how would you know
Stahl: he called you self-righteous
Ginsburg: he's a big fat child
Stahl: do you takes his name-calling personally
Ginsburg: i am a grandmother so I’m used to it
Stahl: but he's an asshole
Ginsburg: but he's charming so it's ok
Stahl: this is how we ended up with president Stupid
Stahl: you act like a jerk but you are charming
Scalia: i am bit of an jerk
Stahl: Bush v Gore was not at all using original intent
Scalia: no we did the right thing - so there
Stahl: oh so intellectual you are
Scalia: oh fuck off
Stahl: tell me that was originalism
Scalia: get over it bitch
Stahl: you got involved in politics
Scalia: it's all Gore's fault for challenging the cheating in Florida
Stahl: but you appointed Bush President
Scalia: who gives a shit
Stahl: torture violates the 8th amendment
Scalia: no if you are crushing someone's balls or killing their child in front of them to get a confession that's not a punishment
Stahl: i am just speechless
Scalia: i win!!!
Stahl: you have 9 children
Scalia: what can i say whatever faults i have i'm not gay
Stahl: one son became a priest
Scalia: he took one for the team
Stahl: i'm not touching that one
Stahl: the other originalist is Thomas
Scalia: Thomas who?
Stahl: Justice Clarence Thomas
Scalia: never heard of him - do you have a picture
Stahl: [ shows picture ]
Scalia: oh right - the mute black guy
Stahl: you despaired for a country you didn't recognize
Scalia: but then Bush came along and fixed America
Stahl: yay!!
Scalia: i have devoted myself to persuading the next generation to hate minorities
Hateful Kids: yay!!
Stahl: why stay on the Court
Scalia: my hate and insecurity fuel me
Stahl: that doesn't sound healthy
Scalia: what can i say it's all i have
Stahl: what would you do if you retired
Scalia: Bush Secretary of Kicking Ass
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Meet The Press with Howard Dean - April 27, 2008
*****************************************
MEET THE PRESS
Guest: Chair of the Democratic Party, Howard Dean
April 27, 2008
*****************************************
Russert: Howie you are the most important person in the world
Dean: no hillary clinton is
Russert: why
Dean: because she will have to convince her supporters to vote for Obama
Russert: ed rendell says the primaries are teh suck
Dean: yeah well I don’t put much stock in what Ed says
Russert: but the popular vote!
Dean: sorry those are the rules fat man
Russert: you say this is all about gestalt
Dean: also sturm und drang plus rugtosslegende
Russert: who wins the nomination?
Dean: the dood with the most delegates
Russert: so the superdelegates could overrule real delegates
Dean: no the superdelgates use their great wisdom
Russert: like that wise 21 year old kid
Dean: hey - that proves that it's not just cigar-smoking old men
Russert: do elected delegates represent the people?
Dean: yes but the superdelegates are also elected
Russert: all of them?
Dean: yes - except the ones who were not
Russert: how should the superdelegates vote?
Dean: i think the superdelegates should vote their conscience or for the most handsome or tallest or with the best bowling score
Russert: it sounds like a stupid system
Dean: sure it is but we are stuck with it now
Russert: it sounds weird that they could overrule the elected delegates
Dean: it is what it is
Russert: popular vote vs. delegates!
Dean: again!? look lets talk about the Iraq war or keating 5 or the fact that John McCain is a senile version of George Bush
Russert: but you yourself said Dems must be united so i would like to spend this hour dividing the party
Dean: ok fathead
Russert: The Black Vote is teh Scary!!!
Russert: What will Black America do????
Dean: how should i know i'm from Vermont the last black left years ago
Russert: take a guess
Dean: look we dems are good at getting women and blacks and minorities to vote for them and unfortunately now we have one of each so they are fighting
Russert: blacks bellied up to the bar!!!
Dean: i would like to have a beer with a black person
Russert: will Scary Blacks wreck the party?!!?!
Dean: no because Obama will be nominee
Russert: what does america want
Dean: blacks need change and women need change
Russert: tell me about it - I can't get anyone to take a $100 bill
Russert: Florida and Michigan!
Dean: i respect the voters who voted and the candidates who didn't campaign there and other states who did get to be first for aribtrary reasons
Russert: so what's the best outcome?
Dean: let Florida secede from teh union and merge with Cuba - they want to anyway
Russert: but the swing states!
Dean: fuck em
Russert: Gov. Blanchy wants to hijack your convention
Dean: quel asshole
Russert: people say you screwed this up
Dean: look we set up a system and the states should follow it
Russert: ok i respect that but why not seat them anyway
Dean: Tim what if you were in a long line in Disneyworld and someone jumped ahead of everyone else??
Russert: I do that all the time - I’m Timmy Russert dammit!
Russert: you lied about McCain wanting to stay for 100 years he only wants to do that if no one if ever going to be killed
Dean: well that's stupid if we are there for 100 years it will never be peaceful like Korea or Germany
Russert: but what if it was happy and peaceful??
Dean: does anyone watching tv now think that?
Russert: john mccain?
Dean: moron
Russert: do you think George Bush wants to capture Osama bin laden?
Dean: of course he doesn't - he hasn't even tried and said he doesn't think about it
Russert: well sure if you go by what he had said and done
Dean: uh huh
Russert: McCain is winning in the polls
Dean: someday Tim i will explain to you the difference between 'winning' in a poll and 'winning' an election
Russert: i look forward to it Doctor
Broder: this black man and woman scare me
Russert: will this end in June
Broder: no because August is later than June
Tim: right
Slate: call William Peter Blatty because Hillary is baaaaaaaack!!!!
Tim: Slate guy who wins this
Dickerson: Obama or else we will have a revolution
Mitchell: she will plough ahead - also people just realized that he is Kenyan black man and he is a also high-born elitist
Tim: so Hillary will be the nominee?
Andrea: no Hillary is dead
Tim: this is all about Argula and Beer
Gwen: 4,000 americans died to make sure we would never a smart person as president
Tim: amen!
Russert: what do voters want to hear?
Gwen: sadly the candidates have gotten bogged down in trivial issues
Russert: i'm shaking my head how could that happen so very sad
Wolff: who the fuck are these Reagan democrats and isn't he fucking dead??
Broder: dammit the Dems talked about trivial issues in the last debate - so sad
Mitchell: hillary is not shrill anymore it's amazing
Russert: so what's her problem
Andrea: Bill Clinton he had no understanding of modern politics
Russert: so how does he win?
Gwen: ignore her - right now he can't lose the primaries
Dickerson: he needs to be seen with regular people
Tim: what's a regular person?
Dickerson: white people
Tim: whiter than you?
Dickerson: Edgar Winter
Russert: the Dems are so nasty so sad
Dickerson: McCain killed a man last week and no one noticed
Timmy: yeah but i think he was a mexican who parked in his Congressional parking spot
Dickerson: ayup
Timmy: Hillary has ads with Osama bin laden
Mitchell: Obama should never given a major address naming his Rev Right as his running mate and calling white people bitter
Tim: indeed - let's talk about Rev. Right for the 10th straight week
Timmy: Obama is the politician oh noes
Gwen: Wright is not a crazy man but he is still black and that is his great failure
Tim: how so
Gwen: it gives Timmy Russert another excuse to run Wright clips
Tim: i'm brave i talk about race
Gwen: you never talk about racism
Tim: i don't do ancient history
Wolff: i hear Obama may be black
Tim: oh noes!!
Tim: let's talk about the weatherman and Tom Hayden
Andrea: yes lets
Tim: hillary is a communist
Andrea: tim don't be silly she is a marxist lesbian
Tim: are we going to talk about the 1960s or the War
Broder: the War like did Obama dodge the draft in 1969
Tim: he was 10 years old
Broder: that's no excuse
Mitchell: Obama made a mistake in choosing to run as a black man
Wolff: Dean campaigned for Kerry and his supporters hated John Kerry
Russert: that isn't true
Wolff: it sounds good though
Russert: next week: The Presidential Election of 2012 - Are The Democrats Doomed?
MEET THE PRESS
Guest: Chair of the Democratic Party, Howard Dean
April 27, 2008
*****************************************
Russert: Howie you are the most important person in the world
Dean: no hillary clinton is
Russert: why
Dean: because she will have to convince her supporters to vote for Obama
Russert: ed rendell says the primaries are teh suck
Dean: yeah well I don’t put much stock in what Ed says
Russert: but the popular vote!
Dean: sorry those are the rules fat man
Russert: you say this is all about gestalt
Dean: also sturm und drang plus rugtosslegende
Russert: who wins the nomination?
Dean: the dood with the most delegates
Russert: so the superdelegates could overrule real delegates
Dean: no the superdelgates use their great wisdom
Russert: like that wise 21 year old kid
Dean: hey - that proves that it's not just cigar-smoking old men
Russert: do elected delegates represent the people?
Dean: yes but the superdelegates are also elected
Russert: all of them?
Dean: yes - except the ones who were not
Russert: how should the superdelegates vote?
Dean: i think the superdelegates should vote their conscience or for the most handsome or tallest or with the best bowling score
Russert: it sounds like a stupid system
Dean: sure it is but we are stuck with it now
Russert: it sounds weird that they could overrule the elected delegates
Dean: it is what it is
Russert: popular vote vs. delegates!
Dean: again!? look lets talk about the Iraq war or keating 5 or the fact that John McCain is a senile version of George Bush
Russert: but you yourself said Dems must be united so i would like to spend this hour dividing the party
Dean: ok fathead
Russert: The Black Vote is teh Scary!!!
Russert: What will Black America do????
Dean: how should i know i'm from Vermont the last black left years ago
Russert: take a guess
Dean: look we dems are good at getting women and blacks and minorities to vote for them and unfortunately now we have one of each so they are fighting
Russert: blacks bellied up to the bar!!!
Dean: i would like to have a beer with a black person
Russert: will Scary Blacks wreck the party?!!?!
Dean: no because Obama will be nominee
Russert: what does america want
Dean: blacks need change and women need change
Russert: tell me about it - I can't get anyone to take a $100 bill
Russert: Florida and Michigan!
Dean: i respect the voters who voted and the candidates who didn't campaign there and other states who did get to be first for aribtrary reasons
Russert: so what's the best outcome?
Dean: let Florida secede from teh union and merge with Cuba - they want to anyway
Russert: but the swing states!
Dean: fuck em
Russert: Gov. Blanchy wants to hijack your convention
Dean: quel asshole
Russert: people say you screwed this up
Dean: look we set up a system and the states should follow it
Russert: ok i respect that but why not seat them anyway
Dean: Tim what if you were in a long line in Disneyworld and someone jumped ahead of everyone else??
Russert: I do that all the time - I’m Timmy Russert dammit!
Russert: you lied about McCain wanting to stay for 100 years he only wants to do that if no one if ever going to be killed
Dean: well that's stupid if we are there for 100 years it will never be peaceful like Korea or Germany
Russert: but what if it was happy and peaceful??
Dean: does anyone watching tv now think that?
Russert: john mccain?
Dean: moron
Russert: do you think George Bush wants to capture Osama bin laden?
Dean: of course he doesn't - he hasn't even tried and said he doesn't think about it
Russert: well sure if you go by what he had said and done
Dean: uh huh
Russert: McCain is winning in the polls
Dean: someday Tim i will explain to you the difference between 'winning' in a poll and 'winning' an election
Russert: i look forward to it Doctor
Broder: this black man and woman scare me
Russert: will this end in June
Broder: no because August is later than June
Tim: right
Slate: call William Peter Blatty because Hillary is baaaaaaaack!!!!
Tim: Slate guy who wins this
Dickerson: Obama or else we will have a revolution
Mitchell: she will plough ahead - also people just realized that he is Kenyan black man and he is a also high-born elitist
Tim: so Hillary will be the nominee?
Andrea: no Hillary is dead
Tim: this is all about Argula and Beer
Gwen: 4,000 americans died to make sure we would never a smart person as president
Tim: amen!
Russert: what do voters want to hear?
Gwen: sadly the candidates have gotten bogged down in trivial issues
Russert: i'm shaking my head how could that happen so very sad
Wolff: who the fuck are these Reagan democrats and isn't he fucking dead??
Broder: dammit the Dems talked about trivial issues in the last debate - so sad
Mitchell: hillary is not shrill anymore it's amazing
Russert: so what's her problem
Andrea: Bill Clinton he had no understanding of modern politics
Russert: so how does he win?
Gwen: ignore her - right now he can't lose the primaries
Dickerson: he needs to be seen with regular people
Tim: what's a regular person?
Dickerson: white people
Tim: whiter than you?
Dickerson: Edgar Winter
Russert: the Dems are so nasty so sad
Dickerson: McCain killed a man last week and no one noticed
Timmy: yeah but i think he was a mexican who parked in his Congressional parking spot
Dickerson: ayup
Timmy: Hillary has ads with Osama bin laden
Mitchell: Obama should never given a major address naming his Rev Right as his running mate and calling white people bitter
Tim: indeed - let's talk about Rev. Right for the 10th straight week
Timmy: Obama is the politician oh noes
Gwen: Wright is not a crazy man but he is still black and that is his great failure
Tim: how so
Gwen: it gives Timmy Russert another excuse to run Wright clips
Tim: i'm brave i talk about race
Gwen: you never talk about racism
Tim: i don't do ancient history
Wolff: i hear Obama may be black
Tim: oh noes!!
Tim: let's talk about the weatherman and Tom Hayden
Andrea: yes lets
Tim: hillary is a communist
Andrea: tim don't be silly she is a marxist lesbian
Tim: are we going to talk about the 1960s or the War
Broder: the War like did Obama dodge the draft in 1969
Tim: he was 10 years old
Broder: that's no excuse
Mitchell: Obama made a mistake in choosing to run as a black man
Wolff: Dean campaigned for Kerry and his supporters hated John Kerry
Russert: that isn't true
Wolff: it sounds good though
Russert: next week: The Presidential Election of 2012 - Are The Democrats Doomed?
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Democratic Debate - ABC - April 16, 2008
****************************************
Democratic Debate
Philadelphia, PA
ABC
April 16, 2008
Senator Barack Obama
Senator Hillary Clinton
****************************************
Charlie Gibson: Hi I am out-of-touch elderly white millionaire Charlie “my damm capital gains taxes are too high” Gibson and this is my young sidekick George “kool aid” Stephanpolous welcome to this shitty debate and we’ll start with opening apologies:
Barack Obama: i've been traveling across this pathetic hick state for 5 weeks and hearing about their shitty lives and its fucking sad - i'm running for president to get away from all this shit
Hillary Clinton: We meet here in Philadelphia where a bunch of white guys hoped that the promise of America would be open to other white men
[ yay! ]
Clinton: let's face it - America sucks but if you elect me i will try to make it suck a little less and i have a 25 point plan laid on my website www.imnotbitter.com
Gibson: Governor Cuomo has suggested that you guys try really, really hard to win but that you pledge to take the other as your running mate and that Hillary meekly accept it
Obama: Mario Cuomo? Jeebus, what did milli vanilli and mc hammer have to say?
Gibson: Milli Vanilli support you and mc hammer supports Hillary
Obama: well anyway that's a stupid question
Clinton: hey i could still win
Gibson: if it was good enough for Jefferson to take Aaron Burr as his Veep why shouldn't Obama take you on?
Obama: yeah this should work out about as well
Clinton: i can still win!!!
Gibson: okay i better let this go
Gibson: let us address what you said in a conference call - it's very important for you to admit you have contempt for gun-toting bible reading white trash
Obama: okay dude - these rubes are told for decade after decade that things will get better and they never do - so they cling to their crappy church and the penis-substitute and hating on gays
Gibson: well I'm glad you explained it now its all clear
Clinton: my grandfather was from Scrappy, Pennsylvania and he worked at Dunder Mifflin when he was only 9 years old and he carried a gun to work - but not because he hated the government - but because he hoped one day i would run for president and i would be able to say i too had a lunatic for a relative just like the smalll-town jackasses whose votes i need
Stephanoplous: Hillary can Obama beat McCain - yes or no
Clinton: of course he can't - Obama is a black elitist young skinny black snob with no experience except of course being a black cocaine dealer who grew up in a black neighborhood
Steph: so Obama can't win?
Clinton: well if you insist i will pretend i think so
Obama: she can win and so can i - unlike Hillary i actually go to church and have a Rev. Right in my life and i have a lot of gun owners in my life like when i was dealing crack i knew a lot of people with guns
Steph: she says you're a snob
Obama: for example i would never bring up the story about how she dissed stay-at-home mothers mocking them for baking cookies i thought it was very sad that it made her look like a bitch - see i would never do that
Clinton: i never attacked Obama - only what he said -- and i speak for the unwashed masses who were deeply offended by Obama calling all white people crackers sent by Satan - i respect people, unlike Hussein X over there
Gibson: Rev Right calls all white people devils - i assume you agree with that - my question is will you fly Air Force One into the Mormon Tabernacle or the Astrodome?
Obama: listen honky - i have answered this fucking question a dozen times and people have been voting for me as a big Fuck You to the narrow minded pinheads in the media - people like you you white man
Gibson: hillary sister talk to me as one white woman to another can 8,000 Right fans be wrong?
Clinton: when i go to church i seek fellowship and sermons about infidelity - clearly Obama looks for one that defends muslim terrorists - but hey that's just me -- you don't get to chose your family but you do get to choose your pastor
Obama: well you also get to choose your running mate and i just crossed you off my list
Obama: speaking of weird pastors i hear Hillary's pastor wants to castrate all men
Steph: I have 2 questions - why do hate America, and why do you really hate America?
Obama: [ SIGH ]
look you greek dwarf i might mention that these are statements not made by me but by some other dude
Steph: how much do you hate america?
Obama: i don't
Steph: but your pastor does
Obama: he's a former marine
Clinton: Obama gave him the Black Seal Of Approval and Obama and Rev. Right has sex orgies with Rev. Farrkhan and Hamas - and well that makes me sad
Question: You lied about Bosnia
Clinton: i went to Bosnia and it was a war zone and every word i said was true except for the lies but Wes Clark wore battle gear when he met with me
Gibson: well don't we all
Clinton: look i'm not dumb
Gibson: no you're just a liar
Clinton: look my lies about wars put me on an even par with John McCain
Steph: Obama is Hillary a lying bitch?
Obama: shes' a fucking irritant that's true enough - but i would point out that we are in not one, but two wars, and a depression and gee i don't know maybe you could ask one fucking question tonight about that - oh i realize that's too much to ask
Gibson: that's a very good point - now let's get back to a very serious issue - why do you hate America and Apple Pie and the Flag?
Obama: America is likeable enough - look i was born to a teenage muslim from saudiranibia and i lived in hawaindonesia and one day i said hey maybe i should run for president of the great satan and trick them into making me their leader to i could destroy it from within -- but of course i would refuse wear the flag pin as sign to my muslim supporters around the world who are funding my campaign to crush America
Gibson: thank you - that's all i wanted to know
Steph: on 9/11 one of your supporters painted ‘Helter Skelter’ on the wall of his house and organized the SLA to hold a fundraiser with Patty Hearst and charlie manson
Obama: seriously, fuck you George - i'm also friendly with Tom Coburn and trust me that guy is a fucking lunatic
Cliton: no no no Obama was married to the dood from the weather underground for several years even after 9/11 and people in New York were very hurt by his remarks
Gibson: really, that's what new yorkers were saying on 9/11???
Clinton: that's right - look we all know the GOP are evil motherfuckers and we must prepare for the fight by being as evil as they are
Obama: for the love of pete Bill Clinton pardoned members of the weather underground and nominated Charlie Manson to the Supreme Court
Hillary: hey he's still better than Clarence Thomas
Gibson: when we come back - does Obama leave the toilet seat up and why does he hate America?
Audience Question: you keep saying you wants to bring the troops home but it's really unclear since everyone knows that troops should stay
Gibson: what if The Military Commanders told you The Troops Must Stay would really overrule our Caesars???
Clinton: you bet because like Bush the Generals will do what i tell them to fucking do
Gibson: but the poor Iraqis!!
Clinton: they suck and it's time for them to suck on this
Gibson: you make me very sad it's a glorious war
Clinton: Charlie, suck my dick
Gibson: i'm really confused George Bush finally found a general who is willing to repeat GOP talking points and you think you know better than him - i'm shocked
Clinton: fuck general petraeus he's another lying toady like Powell and the other asshole men in that cabal and by the way the war sucks
Gibson: to be clear - Obama you also hate the military
Obama: Look George Bush may want to cede his authority to some dude in a uniform but this is one negro who will not be taking orders from by some white man in a snappy outfit
Steph: Completely change US policy with regard to Israel or I will conclude you are an anti-semite -- Go!!
Obama: Fine I will nuke Iran if they attack Israel - are you happy now??
Clinton: what a wimp Obama is - I would also make it clear that if Cuba attacked Israel I would invade Iraq again
Steph: that's some sound thinking there
Clinton: look Iran is seeking yellowcake from Africa but i would open up diplomacy with Iran and other leaders
Steph: like Ahmedinejad?
Clinton: no never never that would be appeasement - just his vice president
Steph: what else will make peace in the middle east?
Clinton: sell nukes to a peaceful country like Saudi Arabia
Steph: the economy is weak and sad and it's a pathetic little baby - why do you persist in trying to kill it with your big bad tax cuts???
Clinton: because you are a fucking idiot
Steph: that's not a good reason
Obama: but it's true
Clinton: amen brother
Steph: you are wicked tax raiser
Clinton: on my website www.shotofwhiskey.com it's all laid out - i will never raise taxes on middle income college professors making $250,000
Obama: god Charlie Gibson you are an idiot christ we are in the middle of a housing crisis
Gibson: you said my pledge - gotcha!!
Obama: whatever moron
Gibson: what about my capital gains taxes - admit it Supply Side Economics work!!
Obama: fuck you stupid
Gibson: but why have taxes at all - do you hate the USA??
Obama: we have to pay for you favorite war charlie gibson
Gibson: i luv mah wah!!!!!
Obama: what a dipshit this jackass is
Gibson: but Republicans are right and you are wrong
Obama: oh i didn't realize it was Debate Moderator Editorialize Night
Gibson: well it is and the GOP Rulz!!!!!
Clinton: i will hire 3 million people to keep track of Bill Clinton
Gibson: awesome
Gibson: every American said a prayer to jesus today to thank him for taking his precious children to heaven a year ago - why do you pretend to love guns?
Hillary: as we all know Philly is more dangerous than Baghdad and the answer you all had was to elect a man named Nutter
Obama: and the Chief of Police Sgt. Crazytown
Hillary: 80% of crimes are committed by mentally challenged Republican family members
Gibson: guns?
Clinton: i will try to bridge the divide between gun nuts and gun controllers who are too polarizing
Gibson: unlike you
Gibson: Hillary what about my precious stock taxes????
Hillary: how stupid are you Charlie we have a huge deficit we have to pay for it somehow
Gibson: what about raising taxes on poor people
Hillary: that's what Obama wants to do
Obama: no i want to raise payroll taxes on the richest 6%
Clinton: hey i made $109 million dood
Gibson: THATS A TAX!! LIBERAL!! BURN HIM!!!
Obama: you're a looney
Gibson: hey all my friends make about $3 million a year except for my one poor friend who only makes $800,000 per year but we all chip in for him at xmas
Obama: boo fucking hoo
Gibson: can DC ban guns??
Obama: i am now going to lapse in to really boring Con Law Professor Mode
Gibson: that will win over the extras from The Deer Hunter and All The Right Moves
Obama: who among us does not appreciate the firearm owner
Gibson: do you want to ban all guns oh noes!
Obama: christ America is fucking awash in guns have you people not noticed this?? I feel like i beamed down from Mars to point this shit out
Steph: Hillary do you support the DC ban on guns?
Clinton: i support triangulating this issue without committing either way
Steph: do you have any position at all?
Clinton: i am in favor of what works and against what doesn't work
Steph: do you think anything??
Clinton: work with me George have you been to upstate New York it's all crazies up there
|
Steph: Barack do you hate white people?
Obama: you should look at the whole person
Steph: that's crazy
Clinton: please let me talk about student loans and health care
Gibson: no gas prices - go!
Clinton: release the gas reserves!!
Gibson: what about The Maverick's plan?
Clinton: i have a 25 point plan to stop people from driving to work
Gibson: this is all that Jimmy Carter's fault
Obama: History's Greatest Monster Conservator
Gibson: Persuade me - go!
Clinton: like john edwards i plan to take on the the big companies on behalf of all the bitter americans who are angry at being screwed - i am ready to be commander n chief and will recreate the bill clinton presidency except for the sex with monica - unless you liked it in which case i willl do that too
Obama: our planet is in peril doods - promises and have been made and they're been broken i have bet my candidacy that people are tired of petty silly attack politics
Gibson: i'll take that bet
Obama: oh noes little white man - i got a 70 year old non-voter to vote for me - i am forming a coalition of non-voting embittered nutjobs to take this country by force and you can't stop us
Gibson: let's hear for our sad candidates and their desperate dream to improve this doomed nation
{ applause }
Democratic Debate
Philadelphia, PA
ABC
April 16, 2008
Senator Barack Obama
Senator Hillary Clinton
****************************************
Charlie Gibson: Hi I am out-of-touch elderly white millionaire Charlie “my damm capital gains taxes are too high” Gibson and this is my young sidekick George “kool aid” Stephanpolous welcome to this shitty debate and we’ll start with opening apologies:
Barack Obama: i've been traveling across this pathetic hick state for 5 weeks and hearing about their shitty lives and its fucking sad - i'm running for president to get away from all this shit
Hillary Clinton: We meet here in Philadelphia where a bunch of white guys hoped that the promise of America would be open to other white men
[ yay! ]
Clinton: let's face it - America sucks but if you elect me i will try to make it suck a little less and i have a 25 point plan laid on my website www.imnotbitter.com
Gibson: Governor Cuomo has suggested that you guys try really, really hard to win but that you pledge to take the other as your running mate and that Hillary meekly accept it
Obama: Mario Cuomo? Jeebus, what did milli vanilli and mc hammer have to say?
Gibson: Milli Vanilli support you and mc hammer supports Hillary
Obama: well anyway that's a stupid question
Clinton: hey i could still win
Gibson: if it was good enough for Jefferson to take Aaron Burr as his Veep why shouldn't Obama take you on?
Obama: yeah this should work out about as well
Clinton: i can still win!!!
Gibson: okay i better let this go
Gibson: let us address what you said in a conference call - it's very important for you to admit you have contempt for gun-toting bible reading white trash
Obama: okay dude - these rubes are told for decade after decade that things will get better and they never do - so they cling to their crappy church and the penis-substitute and hating on gays
Gibson: well I'm glad you explained it now its all clear
Clinton: my grandfather was from Scrappy, Pennsylvania and he worked at Dunder Mifflin when he was only 9 years old and he carried a gun to work - but not because he hated the government - but because he hoped one day i would run for president and i would be able to say i too had a lunatic for a relative just like the smalll-town jackasses whose votes i need
Stephanoplous: Hillary can Obama beat McCain - yes or no
Clinton: of course he can't - Obama is a black elitist young skinny black snob with no experience except of course being a black cocaine dealer who grew up in a black neighborhood
Steph: so Obama can't win?
Clinton: well if you insist i will pretend i think so
Obama: she can win and so can i - unlike Hillary i actually go to church and have a Rev. Right in my life and i have a lot of gun owners in my life like when i was dealing crack i knew a lot of people with guns
Steph: she says you're a snob
Obama: for example i would never bring up the story about how she dissed stay-at-home mothers mocking them for baking cookies i thought it was very sad that it made her look like a bitch - see i would never do that
Clinton: i never attacked Obama - only what he said -- and i speak for the unwashed masses who were deeply offended by Obama calling all white people crackers sent by Satan - i respect people, unlike Hussein X over there
Gibson: Rev Right calls all white people devils - i assume you agree with that - my question is will you fly Air Force One into the Mormon Tabernacle or the Astrodome?
Obama: listen honky - i have answered this fucking question a dozen times and people have been voting for me as a big Fuck You to the narrow minded pinheads in the media - people like you you white man
Gibson: hillary sister talk to me as one white woman to another can 8,000 Right fans be wrong?
Clinton: when i go to church i seek fellowship and sermons about infidelity - clearly Obama looks for one that defends muslim terrorists - but hey that's just me -- you don't get to chose your family but you do get to choose your pastor
Obama: well you also get to choose your running mate and i just crossed you off my list
Obama: speaking of weird pastors i hear Hillary's pastor wants to castrate all men
Steph: I have 2 questions - why do hate America, and why do you really hate America?
Obama: [ SIGH ]
look you greek dwarf i might mention that these are statements not made by me but by some other dude
Steph: how much do you hate america?
Obama: i don't
Steph: but your pastor does
Obama: he's a former marine
Clinton: Obama gave him the Black Seal Of Approval and Obama and Rev. Right has sex orgies with Rev. Farrkhan and Hamas - and well that makes me sad
Question: You lied about Bosnia
Clinton: i went to Bosnia and it was a war zone and every word i said was true except for the lies but Wes Clark wore battle gear when he met with me
Gibson: well don't we all
Clinton: look i'm not dumb
Gibson: no you're just a liar
Clinton: look my lies about wars put me on an even par with John McCain
Steph: Obama is Hillary a lying bitch?
Obama: shes' a fucking irritant that's true enough - but i would point out that we are in not one, but two wars, and a depression and gee i don't know maybe you could ask one fucking question tonight about that - oh i realize that's too much to ask
Gibson: that's a very good point - now let's get back to a very serious issue - why do you hate America and Apple Pie and the Flag?
Obama: America is likeable enough - look i was born to a teenage muslim from saudiranibia and i lived in hawaindonesia and one day i said hey maybe i should run for president of the great satan and trick them into making me their leader to i could destroy it from within -- but of course i would refuse wear the flag pin as sign to my muslim supporters around the world who are funding my campaign to crush America
Gibson: thank you - that's all i wanted to know
Steph: on 9/11 one of your supporters painted ‘Helter Skelter’ on the wall of his house and organized the SLA to hold a fundraiser with Patty Hearst and charlie manson
Obama: seriously, fuck you George - i'm also friendly with Tom Coburn and trust me that guy is a fucking lunatic
Cliton: no no no Obama was married to the dood from the weather underground for several years even after 9/11 and people in New York were very hurt by his remarks
Gibson: really, that's what new yorkers were saying on 9/11???
Clinton: that's right - look we all know the GOP are evil motherfuckers and we must prepare for the fight by being as evil as they are
Obama: for the love of pete Bill Clinton pardoned members of the weather underground and nominated Charlie Manson to the Supreme Court
Hillary: hey he's still better than Clarence Thomas
Gibson: when we come back - does Obama leave the toilet seat up and why does he hate America?
Audience Question: you keep saying you wants to bring the troops home but it's really unclear since everyone knows that troops should stay
Gibson: what if The Military Commanders told you The Troops Must Stay would really overrule our Caesars???
Clinton: you bet because like Bush the Generals will do what i tell them to fucking do
Gibson: but the poor Iraqis!!
Clinton: they suck and it's time for them to suck on this
Gibson: you make me very sad it's a glorious war
Clinton: Charlie, suck my dick
Gibson: i'm really confused George Bush finally found a general who is willing to repeat GOP talking points and you think you know better than him - i'm shocked
Clinton: fuck general petraeus he's another lying toady like Powell and the other asshole men in that cabal and by the way the war sucks
Gibson: to be clear - Obama you also hate the military
Obama: Look George Bush may want to cede his authority to some dude in a uniform but this is one negro who will not be taking orders from by some white man in a snappy outfit
Steph: Completely change US policy with regard to Israel or I will conclude you are an anti-semite -- Go!!
Obama: Fine I will nuke Iran if they attack Israel - are you happy now??
Clinton: what a wimp Obama is - I would also make it clear that if Cuba attacked Israel I would invade Iraq again
Steph: that's some sound thinking there
Clinton: look Iran is seeking yellowcake from Africa but i would open up diplomacy with Iran and other leaders
Steph: like Ahmedinejad?
Clinton: no never never that would be appeasement - just his vice president
Steph: what else will make peace in the middle east?
Clinton: sell nukes to a peaceful country like Saudi Arabia
Steph: the economy is weak and sad and it's a pathetic little baby - why do you persist in trying to kill it with your big bad tax cuts???
Clinton: because you are a fucking idiot
Steph: that's not a good reason
Obama: but it's true
Clinton: amen brother
Steph: you are wicked tax raiser
Clinton: on my website www.shotofwhiskey.com it's all laid out - i will never raise taxes on middle income college professors making $250,000
Obama: god Charlie Gibson you are an idiot christ we are in the middle of a housing crisis
Gibson: you said my pledge - gotcha!!
Obama: whatever moron
Gibson: what about my capital gains taxes - admit it Supply Side Economics work!!
Obama: fuck you stupid
Gibson: but why have taxes at all - do you hate the USA??
Obama: we have to pay for you favorite war charlie gibson
Gibson: i luv mah wah!!!!!
Obama: what a dipshit this jackass is
Gibson: but Republicans are right and you are wrong
Obama: oh i didn't realize it was Debate Moderator Editorialize Night
Gibson: well it is and the GOP Rulz!!!!!
Clinton: i will hire 3 million people to keep track of Bill Clinton
Gibson: awesome
Gibson: every American said a prayer to jesus today to thank him for taking his precious children to heaven a year ago - why do you pretend to love guns?
Hillary: as we all know Philly is more dangerous than Baghdad and the answer you all had was to elect a man named Nutter
Obama: and the Chief of Police Sgt. Crazytown
Hillary: 80% of crimes are committed by mentally challenged Republican family members
Gibson: guns?
Clinton: i will try to bridge the divide between gun nuts and gun controllers who are too polarizing
Gibson: unlike you
Gibson: Hillary what about my precious stock taxes????
Hillary: how stupid are you Charlie we have a huge deficit we have to pay for it somehow
Gibson: what about raising taxes on poor people
Hillary: that's what Obama wants to do
Obama: no i want to raise payroll taxes on the richest 6%
Clinton: hey i made $109 million dood
Gibson: THATS A TAX!! LIBERAL!! BURN HIM!!!
Obama: you're a looney
Gibson: hey all my friends make about $3 million a year except for my one poor friend who only makes $800,000 per year but we all chip in for him at xmas
Obama: boo fucking hoo
Gibson: can DC ban guns??
Obama: i am now going to lapse in to really boring Con Law Professor Mode
Gibson: that will win over the extras from The Deer Hunter and All The Right Moves
Obama: who among us does not appreciate the firearm owner
Gibson: do you want to ban all guns oh noes!
Obama: christ America is fucking awash in guns have you people not noticed this?? I feel like i beamed down from Mars to point this shit out
Steph: Hillary do you support the DC ban on guns?
Clinton: i support triangulating this issue without committing either way
Steph: do you have any position at all?
Clinton: i am in favor of what works and against what doesn't work
Steph: do you think anything??
Clinton: work with me George have you been to upstate New York it's all crazies up there
|
Steph: Barack do you hate white people?
Obama: you should look at the whole person
Steph: that's crazy
Clinton: please let me talk about student loans and health care
Gibson: no gas prices - go!
Clinton: release the gas reserves!!
Gibson: what about The Maverick's plan?
Clinton: i have a 25 point plan to stop people from driving to work
Gibson: this is all that Jimmy Carter's fault
Obama: History's Greatest Monster Conservator
Gibson: Persuade me - go!
Clinton: like john edwards i plan to take on the the big companies on behalf of all the bitter americans who are angry at being screwed - i am ready to be commander n chief and will recreate the bill clinton presidency except for the sex with monica - unless you liked it in which case i willl do that too
Obama: our planet is in peril doods - promises and have been made and they're been broken i have bet my candidacy that people are tired of petty silly attack politics
Gibson: i'll take that bet
Obama: oh noes little white man - i got a 70 year old non-voter to vote for me - i am forming a coalition of non-voting embittered nutjobs to take this country by force and you can't stop us
Gibson: let's hear for our sad candidates and their desperate dream to improve this doomed nation
{ applause }
Sunday, April 06, 2008
60 Minutes with Doug Feith - April 6, 2008
*******************************************
60 Minutes
April 6, 2008
Guest: Doug Feith
*******************************************
Kroft: why did we invade iraq?
Feith: Saddam had a very scary mustache
Kroft: but he wasn't involved in 9/11
Feith: but he could have been
Kroft: but he wasn't
Feith: but he could have
Kroft: but he wasn't
Feith: we had to attack someone
Kroft: so why Saddam?
Feith: he once attacked Iran
Kroft: you're fucking kidding right
Feith: it's ‘anticipatory self defense’
Kroft: i think hitler did that to poland in 1939
Feith: exactly
Kroft: you all said we were about to be attacked
Feith: no we didn't
Kroft: [ plays endless clips of people in the Administration saying that ]
Feith: oh that - that was all the CIA's fault
Feith: we shouldn't have focused on WMD
Kroft: dood that's the whole reason we invaded!!
Feith: oh no we attacked for a whole other reason
Kroft: which was??
Feith: to help Osama bin Laden and get us bogged down in a civil war and ruin our reputation
Kroft: really?!?!?
Feith: no - just kidding
Kroft: but all that really happened!
Feith: and we saw it all coming
Kroft: jesus christ then why invade??
Feith: Bush was salivating at the idea of a parade
Kroft: the war has been a disaster
Feith: ok we didn't realize there would be an insurgency
Kroft: you were asleep in the 20th century were you?
Kroft: you didn't have enough troops
Feith: i don't know what is my own book sorry
Kroft: you are the stupidest fucking man on earth
Feith: heh i wish i had a dime for every time i heard that
Kroft: worst decision ever??
Feith: disband the Iraqi military
Kroft: you signed off on that
Feith: no i never did
Kroft: did rumsfeld?
Feith: i don't know we were too busy banning abortion in Iraq
Kroft: you're an idiot - what are you doing now?
Feith: teaching at Georgetown
Feith: if Bush had listened to me and put Chalabi in charge things would have been fine
Kroft: General Franks says you're the dumbest mother fucker on the planet
Feith: ah - but not Venus or Mars, right
Kroft: people seem to hate you
Feith: they are just pissed because i faked intelligence to trick america in to war
Kroft: oh so just whining
Kroft: was the Iraq war was the right thing to do?
Feith: given bush is an idiot then yes
Kroft: yes or no
Feith: yes the war was a terrific idea
[scrubs hands furiously]
Kroft: i don't think that blood will come out big guy
Feith: dammit dammit dammit
***************************************************************
I want to invade a country, but don't I need a reason?
No! Read the book that tells The Full Doug Feith Story!
A book? What is it? It's words on paper, bound with glue, but's that not important right now.
What's important is that you click here for even more Doug Feith news!!
60 Minutes
April 6, 2008
Guest: Doug Feith
*******************************************
Kroft: why did we invade iraq?
Feith: Saddam had a very scary mustache
Kroft: but he wasn't involved in 9/11
Feith: but he could have been
Kroft: but he wasn't
Feith: but he could have
Kroft: but he wasn't
Feith: we had to attack someone
Kroft: so why Saddam?
Feith: he once attacked Iran
Kroft: you're fucking kidding right
Feith: it's ‘anticipatory self defense’
Kroft: i think hitler did that to poland in 1939
Feith: exactly
Kroft: you all said we were about to be attacked
Feith: no we didn't
Kroft: [ plays endless clips of people in the Administration saying that ]
Feith: oh that - that was all the CIA's fault
Feith: we shouldn't have focused on WMD
Kroft: dood that's the whole reason we invaded!!
Feith: oh no we attacked for a whole other reason
Kroft: which was??
Feith: to help Osama bin Laden and get us bogged down in a civil war and ruin our reputation
Kroft: really?!?!?
Feith: no - just kidding
Kroft: but all that really happened!
Feith: and we saw it all coming
Kroft: jesus christ then why invade??
Feith: Bush was salivating at the idea of a parade
Kroft: the war has been a disaster
Feith: ok we didn't realize there would be an insurgency
Kroft: you were asleep in the 20th century were you?
Kroft: you didn't have enough troops
Feith: i don't know what is my own book sorry
Kroft: you are the stupidest fucking man on earth
Feith: heh i wish i had a dime for every time i heard that
Kroft: worst decision ever??
Feith: disband the Iraqi military
Kroft: you signed off on that
Feith: no i never did
Kroft: did rumsfeld?
Feith: i don't know we were too busy banning abortion in Iraq
Kroft: you're an idiot - what are you doing now?
Feith: teaching at Georgetown
Feith: if Bush had listened to me and put Chalabi in charge things would have been fine
Kroft: General Franks says you're the dumbest mother fucker on the planet
Feith: ah - but not Venus or Mars, right
Kroft: people seem to hate you
Feith: they are just pissed because i faked intelligence to trick america in to war
Kroft: oh so just whining
Kroft: was the Iraq war was the right thing to do?
Feith: given bush is an idiot then yes
Kroft: yes or no
Feith: yes the war was a terrific idea
[scrubs hands furiously]
Kroft: i don't think that blood will come out big guy
Feith: dammit dammit dammit
***************************************************************
I want to invade a country, but don't I need a reason?
No! Read the book that tells The Full Doug Feith Story!
A book? What is it? It's words on paper, bound with glue, but's that not important right now.
What's important is that you click here for even more Doug Feith news!!
Meet The Press - with Bob Casey and Ed Rendell - April 6, 2008
***********************************************
Meet The Press
April 6, 2008
Guests:
Senator Bob Casey
Governor Ed Rendell
***********************************************
Russert: is hillary unbeatable???
Rendell: no we're underdogs - Obama is cheating by raising so much money
Russert: omg you endorsed Obama you changed your mind!!!
Casey: yes i did you fat dipshit
Russert: but that's not allowed!!
Casey: Obama is awesome and will be a great president
Russert: can he win Pennsylvania?
Casey: he's very inspirational
Russert: you're cheating by endorsing a handsome young man
Casey: what can i say he's sexy
Russert: but you once said you lack metaphysical certitude
Casey: i know this much - you're an asshole
Russert: hillary can't win can she?
Rendell: no she won Michigan so she's better than Obama
Russert: Penn works for the Medellin family?
Rendell: i hope Penn makes clear that he when does work for the columbians he does not speak for hillary that's just his day job
Russert: what if obama loses the keystone state??
Casey: it only ruins my career if he's not the President
Timmy: Governor doesn't she have to crush mr. handsome in Penn. ???
Rendell: 3 points is a huge win
Timmy: how can she be the nominee?
Rendell: if the superdelegates override the votes by judging that the black man is politically unviable
Timmy: how wonderful
Rendell: she won Michigan and we should seat those delegates
Russert: but she was only person on the ballot
Rendell: he must win Michigan and Florida
Russert: but he can win Virginia and Colorado
Rendell: anyone who fails to win a primary in a state will never win that state later in a general election
Russert: so by your definition Hillary could never be elected at all
Rendell: ok forget everything i just said
Russert: Obama is way ahead in delegates, states won and votes cast
Rendell: oh sure if you only go by those numbers
Russert: well what else
Rendell: we have go by who is ahead in the electoral college
Russert: oh ok
Rendell: plus we should count the elections in Florida and Michigan
Russert: oh is that the new argument now?? Criminy
Russert: but she was the only person on the ballot in Michigan??
Rendell: that's the hardest election win off all!! People would rather vote for nobody than hillary!!
Russert: solution?
Rendell: we three of us can settle this right now and agree to revote now
Casey: wow i didn't know we had that power
Russert: we're white men we can do anything we want
Russert: but she was the only person on the ballot in Michigan??
Rendell: that's the hardest election win off all!! People would rather vote for nobody than hillary!!
Russert: solution?
Rendell: we three of us can settle this right now and agree to revote now
Casey: wow i didn't know we had that power
Russert: we're white men - we can do anything we want
Russert: does Obama think having a baby is a punishment
Casey: hey if the GOP wants to argue that teenage girls having babies is great we're welcome to that debate
Russert: but babies are cute and precious they are never a punishment
Casey: fine 13 year olds should have unprotected sex and procreate all day long - are you happy timmy
Russert: i'm glad you admitted it
Russert: omg the Clintons made $100 million!!!
Rendell: sure but they paid a lot in taxes and gave a lot of charity
Timmy: but what about the contributors to his liberry??
Rendell: it's all to help starving people in Africa
Russert: Obama has raised people from influential people
Casey: not the really A-List bloggers they are steadfastly neutral
Rendell: if hillary steals the nomination will people stay home? Probably - but that's true if we nominate a black man or a non-woman
Casey: yeah ok dood
Russert: early morning april 4 shots rang out in memphis sky
Young: your no bono
Timster: speak to me of King
Young: martin was sick and almost didn't go and gave that ominous speech and the next day he was happy
Russert: he had a preminition
Young: the Constitution promised equality and King was now into economic equality as well as racial equality
Russert: and then he was killed in mysterious circumstances
Young: surprise, surprise
Timmy: why be such a trouble maker and rabble rouser
Young: he wanted to fight powerful entrenched wealthy interests
Timmy: and look how far we've come a mom and pop operation like GE owns Meet the Press
Dyson: death haunted him every day of his life and his blood mixed with the soil of our redemptive history
Brokaw: King was only 26 years old when he started
Russert: ah but did he ever have a house on Nantucket
Brokaw: he had me at non-violence
Russert: who was bull connor
Brokaw: he knew bull connor would overreact with dogs it was clever
Russert: he tricked that poor white man
Russert: King was cuddly and Rev. Right is angry and mean and racist
Dyson: bullshit King said America was going to hell
Russert: why so much hate from the black man???
Dyson: fuck off
Timmy: Obama finally learned you blacks have to reach out to whites
Young: yes he did timster - he's bowling and talking about money and capital
Russert: you may stop talking now i wish to speak to the elderly white man
Brokaw: thank you - i wish to decry racial disparity so sad what's with all the hispanics and asians these days
Russert: who can heal america's racial wounds??
Brokaw: newt gingrich and the american enterprise institute
Dyson: race isn't a fucking fiction it's a damm reality about slavery, prejudice economics and self image
Russert: and having a house in Nantucket
Dyson: we have to reach out to poor people and lift them up
Russert: oh noes!
Russert: condi rice says america has a birth defect - are african americans our third limb?
Young: i love condi rice and she is doing a great job
Dyson: dood are you high?
************************************************
Meet The Press
April 6, 2008
Guests:
Senator Bob Casey
Governor Ed Rendell
***********************************************
Russert: is hillary unbeatable???
Rendell: no we're underdogs - Obama is cheating by raising so much money
Russert: omg you endorsed Obama you changed your mind!!!
Casey: yes i did you fat dipshit
Russert: but that's not allowed!!
Casey: Obama is awesome and will be a great president
Russert: can he win Pennsylvania?
Casey: he's very inspirational
Russert: you're cheating by endorsing a handsome young man
Casey: what can i say he's sexy
Russert: but you once said you lack metaphysical certitude
Casey: i know this much - you're an asshole
Russert: hillary can't win can she?
Rendell: no she won Michigan so she's better than Obama
Russert: Penn works for the Medellin family?
Rendell: i hope Penn makes clear that he when does work for the columbians he does not speak for hillary that's just his day job
Russert: what if obama loses the keystone state??
Casey: it only ruins my career if he's not the President
Timmy: Governor doesn't she have to crush mr. handsome in Penn. ???
Rendell: 3 points is a huge win
Timmy: how can she be the nominee?
Rendell: if the superdelegates override the votes by judging that the black man is politically unviable
Timmy: how wonderful
Rendell: she won Michigan and we should seat those delegates
Russert: but she was only person on the ballot
Rendell: he must win Michigan and Florida
Russert: but he can win Virginia and Colorado
Rendell: anyone who fails to win a primary in a state will never win that state later in a general election
Russert: so by your definition Hillary could never be elected at all
Rendell: ok forget everything i just said
Russert: Obama is way ahead in delegates, states won and votes cast
Rendell: oh sure if you only go by those numbers
Russert: well what else
Rendell: we have go by who is ahead in the electoral college
Russert: oh ok
Rendell: plus we should count the elections in Florida and Michigan
Russert: oh is that the new argument now?? Criminy
Russert: but she was the only person on the ballot in Michigan??
Rendell: that's the hardest election win off all!! People would rather vote for nobody than hillary!!
Russert: solution?
Rendell: we three of us can settle this right now and agree to revote now
Casey: wow i didn't know we had that power
Russert: we're white men we can do anything we want
Russert: but she was the only person on the ballot in Michigan??
Rendell: that's the hardest election win off all!! People would rather vote for nobody than hillary!!
Russert: solution?
Rendell: we three of us can settle this right now and agree to revote now
Casey: wow i didn't know we had that power
Russert: we're white men - we can do anything we want
Russert: does Obama think having a baby is a punishment
Casey: hey if the GOP wants to argue that teenage girls having babies is great we're welcome to that debate
Russert: but babies are cute and precious they are never a punishment
Casey: fine 13 year olds should have unprotected sex and procreate all day long - are you happy timmy
Russert: i'm glad you admitted it
Russert: omg the Clintons made $100 million!!!
Rendell: sure but they paid a lot in taxes and gave a lot of charity
Timmy: but what about the contributors to his liberry??
Rendell: it's all to help starving people in Africa
Russert: Obama has raised people from influential people
Casey: not the really A-List bloggers they are steadfastly neutral
Rendell: if hillary steals the nomination will people stay home? Probably - but that's true if we nominate a black man or a non-woman
Casey: yeah ok dood
Russert: early morning april 4 shots rang out in memphis sky
Young: your no bono
Timster: speak to me of King
Young: martin was sick and almost didn't go and gave that ominous speech and the next day he was happy
Russert: he had a preminition
Young: the Constitution promised equality and King was now into economic equality as well as racial equality
Russert: and then he was killed in mysterious circumstances
Young: surprise, surprise
Timmy: why be such a trouble maker and rabble rouser
Young: he wanted to fight powerful entrenched wealthy interests
Timmy: and look how far we've come a mom and pop operation like GE owns Meet the Press
Dyson: death haunted him every day of his life and his blood mixed with the soil of our redemptive history
Brokaw: King was only 26 years old when he started
Russert: ah but did he ever have a house on Nantucket
Brokaw: he had me at non-violence
Russert: who was bull connor
Brokaw: he knew bull connor would overreact with dogs it was clever
Russert: he tricked that poor white man
Russert: King was cuddly and Rev. Right is angry and mean and racist
Dyson: bullshit King said America was going to hell
Russert: why so much hate from the black man???
Dyson: fuck off
Timmy: Obama finally learned you blacks have to reach out to whites
Young: yes he did timster - he's bowling and talking about money and capital
Russert: you may stop talking now i wish to speak to the elderly white man
Brokaw: thank you - i wish to decry racial disparity so sad what's with all the hispanics and asians these days
Russert: who can heal america's racial wounds??
Brokaw: newt gingrich and the american enterprise institute
Dyson: race isn't a fucking fiction it's a damm reality about slavery, prejudice economics and self image
Russert: and having a house in Nantucket
Dyson: we have to reach out to poor people and lift them up
Russert: oh noes!
Russert: condi rice says america has a birth defect - are african americans our third limb?
Young: i love condi rice and she is doing a great job
Dyson: dood are you high?
************************************************
The Chris Matthews Show - April 6, 2008
***********************************************
The Chris Matthews Show
April 6, 2008
***********************************************
Matthews: omg the Clintons never lose!!!
Allen: she really thinks she can win the nomination
Matthews: how?
Allen: by changing the definition of a delegate and splitting the math like a supercollider
Matthews: is she delusional?
Kay: she surrounded by a bunch of sycophants and yes men
Matthews: can she really win?
Kay: only if Obama admits he was once a black baby
Sullivan: she thinks she is entitled but she has every right to keep running in futility
Matthews: mighty white of you
Allen: she really thinks she is better than Obama
Matthews: well duh
Allen: yeah but she really, really thinks that
Kay: the whole Clinton camp thinks Obam should have waited his turn
Matthews: why does bill want to get back to the White House
Borger: he wants to polish his knob and put luster on the clinton legacy
Sully: he wants to remain the only black president
Allen: she's wonky and nimble
Matthews: ickys says ‘hey Obama is black’
Borger: she wants to persuade superdelegates to go with her
Sullivan: well it isn't working isn't it??
Mathews: will superdelegates overturn teh elected delegates?
Borger: no way
Sullivan: the dood is doing better with white people after Rev. Right
Kay: his people will be very alarmed if people like him too much
Matthews: omg Obama can't bowl! Then again Herbert Walker Bush threw up on the japanese bowling commissioner!!!
Matthews: omg john McCain is older than dirt!!!
Sullivan: Obama represents the 21st Century and McCain represents the 18th century
Kay: if Iraq is a total disaster that is good news for its chief booster
Allen: if McCain dies this summer it could help him politically
Borger: McCain / Heston 2008!!!
Mathews: does age and size matter?
Kay: its does to insecure white men
Allen: i wouldn't know about that
Matthews: is he too old
Allen: no he's hilarious he's like your crazy great grandpa
Sully: bullshit he's just your crazy embittered veteran grandpa reliving an ancient war
Borger: young people want someone who knows American Idol doesn't refer to Ronald Reagan
Kay: greenies hate Obama cause he's into coal
Allen: the next 6 days in Iraq are crucial
Borger: all the superdelegates will tell other superdelegates to shit or get off the tv
Sully: John Yoo can't leave america or he will be indicted for war crimes
Mathews: geez you torture one guy and people never let you forget it
Mathews: will Hillary run again 2012?
Kay: right but she must destroy him now
Allen: hell if i know
Borger: you're all fuckers and i agree
Sully: i hate women
Matthews: hah!
**********************************
The Chris Matthews Show
April 6, 2008
***********************************************
Matthews: omg the Clintons never lose!!!
Allen: she really thinks she can win the nomination
Matthews: how?
Allen: by changing the definition of a delegate and splitting the math like a supercollider
Matthews: is she delusional?
Kay: she surrounded by a bunch of sycophants and yes men
Matthews: can she really win?
Kay: only if Obama admits he was once a black baby
Sullivan: she thinks she is entitled but she has every right to keep running in futility
Matthews: mighty white of you
Allen: she really thinks she is better than Obama
Matthews: well duh
Allen: yeah but she really, really thinks that
Kay: the whole Clinton camp thinks Obam should have waited his turn
Matthews: why does bill want to get back to the White House
Borger: he wants to polish his knob and put luster on the clinton legacy
Sully: he wants to remain the only black president
Allen: she's wonky and nimble
Matthews: ickys says ‘hey Obama is black’
Borger: she wants to persuade superdelegates to go with her
Sullivan: well it isn't working isn't it??
Mathews: will superdelegates overturn teh elected delegates?
Borger: no way
Sullivan: the dood is doing better with white people after Rev. Right
Kay: his people will be very alarmed if people like him too much
Matthews: omg Obama can't bowl! Then again Herbert Walker Bush threw up on the japanese bowling commissioner!!!
Matthews: omg john McCain is older than dirt!!!
Sullivan: Obama represents the 21st Century and McCain represents the 18th century
Kay: if Iraq is a total disaster that is good news for its chief booster
Allen: if McCain dies this summer it could help him politically
Borger: McCain / Heston 2008!!!
Mathews: does age and size matter?
Kay: its does to insecure white men
Allen: i wouldn't know about that
Matthews: is he too old
Allen: no he's hilarious he's like your crazy great grandpa
Sully: bullshit he's just your crazy embittered veteran grandpa reliving an ancient war
Borger: young people want someone who knows American Idol doesn't refer to Ronald Reagan
Kay: greenies hate Obama cause he's into coal
Allen: the next 6 days in Iraq are crucial
Borger: all the superdelegates will tell other superdelegates to shit or get off the tv
Sully: John Yoo can't leave america or he will be indicted for war crimes
Mathews: geez you torture one guy and people never let you forget it
Mathews: will Hillary run again 2012?
Kay: right but she must destroy him now
Allen: hell if i know
Borger: you're all fuckers and i agree
Sully: i hate women
Matthews: hah!
**********************************
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Hardball with Chris Matthews with guest Senator Barack Obama
******************************************************
Hardball with Chris Matthews
April 2, 2008
Guest: Sen. Barack Obama
***********************************************
Matthews: Welcome to my Exclusive Interview with the Next President!!
Matthews: hello Obama - you suck at bowling
Obama: clearly i do you fat white looser
Matthews: you’re black so you’re good at basketball
Obama: i'm only half black so i only shoot from half court
Matthews: are you as tough as dick cheney?
Obama: heh that fat draft dodging loser? i aim higher than that
Matthews: but dick cheney is so presidential -- he hates human beings so much he shoots them
Obama: yeah ignoring the voters makes you tough
Matthews: but you’re skinny you look like you can’t fight
Obama: i'm from Chicago - fuck that shit
Matthews: do you hate america and will your surrender to brown people
Obama: i was right about the war and dick cheney drinks human blood
Matthews: but the war is lovely this time of year
Obama: fuck that shit and damm Hillary for voting for it
Matthews: but we are americans kicking foreign ass!!!!
Obama: you're a mission creep
Matthews: but the surge is working!!!!
Obama: hey dood the puppet regime we installed is linked to our great enemy Iran - face it bush is one dumb motherfucker
Matthews: but the brown terrorists!!
Obama: which i intend to kill
Matthews: is hillary McClinton?
Obama: no i just pointed out what McCain said which is that we will stay in Iraq for 100 years
Matthews: well why not?
Obama: we could spend that on college scholarships and on bottled water for all MSNBC employees
Matthews: i love it!
Matthews: we have lost a lot of jobs in Pennsylvania
Obama: who the fuck is 'we' Nantucket-boy?
Matthews: hah!
Obama: face it boys the jobs are gone and they ain't comin' back
Matthews: springsteeen bitches!
Obama: I was born in the usa!
Matthews: the crisis of 2009 is bill clinton's fault!!
Obama: well of course
Matthews: what’s solution to the economic slump?
Obama: green jobs fathead
Audience: college funding dood
Obama: I favor Pell grants and credit for national service like help the homeless or teh peas core
Matthews: heh i was in teh peas core
Obama: eliminate teh middle man like sally mae
Audience: I hate that bitch
Audience: Pastor Right dood
Obama: i used to pray for a new BMW and now I pray for Chris Matthews to develop a terrible mental disease
Matthews: hah too late!
Obama: let god be god and me be me
Question: Senator what's your stance on teacher merit pay
Obama: it's fucking stupid - teaching to teh test is moronic
Matthews: i love it!
Matthews: what if al qaeda tries to fly a plane in to teh capitol at 3:00!?!
Obama: so what - there's no one in the capitol at 3:00 am
Matthews: people like me would be
Obama: again so what?
Matthews: but the brown scary people!
Obama: JFK showed restraint and i want to cool and cautious and get laid a lot like him
Matthews: yur awesome
Obama: i will attack Pakistan to get Osama
Matthews: never heard of him
Matthews: how do you clean out the corrupt executive branch??
Obama: gee i don't maybe run for President
Matthews: but that's scary
Obama: I will create a culture of truth baby
Matthews: but the CIA kills people
Obama: so do i dood
Matthews: you're scary
Obama: i'm black and i'm from chicago i'm not afraid of the striped pants ivy league twits at teh CIA
Matthews: Barama what's it like to have a white mother who loves you?
Obama: it’s great american melting pot dood
Matthews: ooh Schoolhouse Rock!
Obama: i've got family members who are pasty and some who are black and they all agree Bush is a motherfucker
Matthews: you're like that kid in Soul Man - you're a white guy who learned what it's like to be black
Obama: C. Thomas Howell inspired me to go to Harvard Law School
Matthews: you wanted to defeat Russian invaders?
Obama: no i wanted to nail Rae Dawn Chong
Matthews: Clinton using dog whistles to call out the Rev Right dogs?
Obama: of course they are - meanwhile 4,000 people are dead - the planet is melting and america is the shitter
Matthews: so let's talk more about rev Right and why didn't you fuck him over?
Obama: because MSNBC is a tv network full of repressed white catholic racists
Matthews: but he's controversial!
Obama: didn't i see you sexually harass Erin Burnett?
Matthews: it was all in fun dood!
Matthews: you have will power like Bush - you stopped smoking!
Obama: yeah yeah yeah
Matthews: smokers stand up!
Obama: oh lord - why didn't i stick with a substantive show like "The View"??
Matthews: do you ever think “holy shit this is ridiculous”
Obama: only when i watch your show jackass
Question: gay marriage!?
Obama: sure - but not for another generation
Matthews: why not?
Obama: because of repressed twits like you dood
Matthews: inner city schools!
Obama: answer is pre-pre pre-K, like reading to kids in teh womb
Matthews: what books can a zygote read?
Obama: something juvenile like "Life's a Campaign"
Question: what else?
Obama: apprenticeship in the trades
Matthews: what is this - the middle ages?
Obama: hey it's that or drugs and jail
Matthews: what if you end the primaries have more delegates?
Obama: that's called being the winner stupid
Matthews: but the superdelegates could vote against you
Obama: well those people would be motherfuckers wouldn't they
Matthews: so supers should vote for you if you have more votes, delegates and states
Obama: if they deny me the nominaton my black fans and white supporters will rise and take this motherfuckin' country by force
Matthews: i love it! thanx for coming
Obama: no thank u crazy man
******************************************************
Hardball with Chris Matthews
April 2, 2008
Guest: Sen. Barack Obama
***********************************************
Matthews: Welcome to my Exclusive Interview with the Next President!!
Matthews: hello Obama - you suck at bowling
Obama: clearly i do you fat white looser
Matthews: you’re black so you’re good at basketball
Obama: i'm only half black so i only shoot from half court
Matthews: are you as tough as dick cheney?
Obama: heh that fat draft dodging loser? i aim higher than that
Matthews: but dick cheney is so presidential -- he hates human beings so much he shoots them
Obama: yeah ignoring the voters makes you tough
Matthews: but you’re skinny you look like you can’t fight
Obama: i'm from Chicago - fuck that shit
Matthews: do you hate america and will your surrender to brown people
Obama: i was right about the war and dick cheney drinks human blood
Matthews: but the war is lovely this time of year
Obama: fuck that shit and damm Hillary for voting for it
Matthews: but we are americans kicking foreign ass!!!!
Obama: you're a mission creep
Matthews: but the surge is working!!!!
Obama: hey dood the puppet regime we installed is linked to our great enemy Iran - face it bush is one dumb motherfucker
Matthews: but the brown terrorists!!
Obama: which i intend to kill
Matthews: is hillary McClinton?
Obama: no i just pointed out what McCain said which is that we will stay in Iraq for 100 years
Matthews: well why not?
Obama: we could spend that on college scholarships and on bottled water for all MSNBC employees
Matthews: i love it!
Matthews: we have lost a lot of jobs in Pennsylvania
Obama: who the fuck is 'we' Nantucket-boy?
Matthews: hah!
Obama: face it boys the jobs are gone and they ain't comin' back
Matthews: springsteeen bitches!
Obama: I was born in the usa!
Matthews: the crisis of 2009 is bill clinton's fault!!
Obama: well of course
Matthews: what’s solution to the economic slump?
Obama: green jobs fathead
Audience: college funding dood
Obama: I favor Pell grants and credit for national service like help the homeless or teh peas core
Matthews: heh i was in teh peas core
Obama: eliminate teh middle man like sally mae
Audience: I hate that bitch
Audience: Pastor Right dood
Obama: i used to pray for a new BMW and now I pray for Chris Matthews to develop a terrible mental disease
Matthews: hah too late!
Obama: let god be god and me be me
Question: Senator what's your stance on teacher merit pay
Obama: it's fucking stupid - teaching to teh test is moronic
Matthews: i love it!
Matthews: what if al qaeda tries to fly a plane in to teh capitol at 3:00!?!
Obama: so what - there's no one in the capitol at 3:00 am
Matthews: people like me would be
Obama: again so what?
Matthews: but the brown scary people!
Obama: JFK showed restraint and i want to cool and cautious and get laid a lot like him
Matthews: yur awesome
Obama: i will attack Pakistan to get Osama
Matthews: never heard of him
Matthews: how do you clean out the corrupt executive branch??
Obama: gee i don't maybe run for President
Matthews: but that's scary
Obama: I will create a culture of truth baby
Matthews: but the CIA kills people
Obama: so do i dood
Matthews: you're scary
Obama: i'm black and i'm from chicago i'm not afraid of the striped pants ivy league twits at teh CIA
Matthews: Barama what's it like to have a white mother who loves you?
Obama: it’s great american melting pot dood
Matthews: ooh Schoolhouse Rock!
Obama: i've got family members who are pasty and some who are black and they all agree Bush is a motherfucker
Matthews: you're like that kid in Soul Man - you're a white guy who learned what it's like to be black
Obama: C. Thomas Howell inspired me to go to Harvard Law School
Matthews: you wanted to defeat Russian invaders?
Obama: no i wanted to nail Rae Dawn Chong
Matthews: Clinton using dog whistles to call out the Rev Right dogs?
Obama: of course they are - meanwhile 4,000 people are dead - the planet is melting and america is the shitter
Matthews: so let's talk more about rev Right and why didn't you fuck him over?
Obama: because MSNBC is a tv network full of repressed white catholic racists
Matthews: but he's controversial!
Obama: didn't i see you sexually harass Erin Burnett?
Matthews: it was all in fun dood!
Matthews: you have will power like Bush - you stopped smoking!
Obama: yeah yeah yeah
Matthews: smokers stand up!
Obama: oh lord - why didn't i stick with a substantive show like "The View"??
Matthews: do you ever think “holy shit this is ridiculous”
Obama: only when i watch your show jackass
Question: gay marriage!?
Obama: sure - but not for another generation
Matthews: why not?
Obama: because of repressed twits like you dood
Matthews: inner city schools!
Obama: answer is pre-pre pre-K, like reading to kids in teh womb
Matthews: what books can a zygote read?
Obama: something juvenile like "Life's a Campaign"
Question: what else?
Obama: apprenticeship in the trades
Matthews: what is this - the middle ages?
Obama: hey it's that or drugs and jail
Matthews: what if you end the primaries have more delegates?
Obama: that's called being the winner stupid
Matthews: but the superdelegates could vote against you
Obama: well those people would be motherfuckers wouldn't they
Matthews: so supers should vote for you if you have more votes, delegates and states
Obama: if they deny me the nominaton my black fans and white supporters will rise and take this motherfuckin' country by force
Matthews: i love it! thanx for coming
Obama: no thank u crazy man
******************************************************
Monday, March 31, 2008
Krugman Corrupted by Hippies
Eschacon had a bad influence on Paul Krugman:
The Dilbert Strategy
By PAUL KRUGMAN
Anyone who has worked in a large organization — or, for that matter, reads the comic strip “Dilbert” — is familiar with the “org chart” strategy. To hide their lack of any actual fucking ideas about what to do, managers sometimes make a big bullshit show of rearranging the boxes and lines that say who reports to whom.
You now understand the principle behind the motherfuckers in the Bush administration and their craptacular new proposal for financial reform, which will be formally announced today: it’s all about creating the appearance of responding to the current ginormous steaming shitpile, without actually doing anything fucking substantive. The rescue of Bear Stearns, in particular, was kind of, you know, a paradigm-changing event. In other words: the motherfuckin' shit hit the motherfuckin' fan.
Traditional, deposit-taking banks have been regulated since the 1930s, because the experience of the Great Depression showed how bank failures can threaten the whole economy, like how Ann Coulter’s cock threatens to consume Sean Hannity's tiny penis. Supposedly, however, “non-depository” institutions like Bear didn’t have to be regulated, because “market discipline” would ensure that they were run responsibly. Just like how Dick Cheney supposedly doesn’t keep the festering corpse of Ayn Rand in his man-sized safe so he can ass-fuck it daily while humming the “Ballad of the Green Berets” and imagining he is biting the heads off live pigeons and force feeding them to innocent prisoners in Guantanamo Bay.
When push came to shove, however, the goddamm Federal Reserve didn’t dare let market discipline run its course. God for-fucking-bid. Instead, it rushed to Bear’s rescue, risking billions of taxpayer dollars, because it feared that the collapse of a major financial institution would endanger the financial system as a whole, and then the parties in Sardinia with hookers spray-painted silver and gold statues of boys pissing champagne would come to a grinding halt.
And if shitty financial players like Bear are going to receive the kind of rescue previously limited to deposit-taking banks, the implication seems obvious: they should be regulated like motherfucking banks, too.
The shitheel Bush administration, however, has spent the last seven years trying to do away with government oversight of the financial industry. In fact, the new plan was originally conceived of as “promoting a competitive financial services sector leading the world and supporting continued economic innovation.” That’s banker-speak for "get the fuck rid of any goddamm regulations that annoy big swinging dick financial operators."
To reverse course now, and seek expanded regulation, which any moron with the brains of a slug would do, the administration would have to back down on its free-market ideology — and it would also have to face up to the fact that it was full of shit. And this administration would rather blow OJ Simpson in Independence Hall than admit that it made a mistake.
Thus, in a draft of a speech to be delivered on Monday, Henry Paulson, the Treasury secretary, declares, “I do not believe it is fair or accurate to blame our regulatory structure for the current turmoil.” Then he invited the Washington press corps to blow him the Rose Garden while wearing a french beret and smoking Gaulois.
And sure enough, according to the executive summary of the new administration pile of crap, regulation will be limited to institutions that receive explicit federal guarantees — that is, institutions that are already regulated, for fuck's sake, and have not been the source of today’s problems. As for the rest, it blithely declares that “market discipline is the most effective tool to limit systemic risk," and "Michael Chertoff is not a member of the undead prowling the streets of Adams Morgan on moonless nights feasting on human flesh."
The administration, then, has learned nothing from the current crisis. Yet it needs, to save its pasty buttocks, to pretend to be doing something.
So the Treasury has, with great fanfare, announced — you know what’s coming — its support for a rearrangement of the boxes on the org chart. OCC, OTS, and CFTC are out; PFRA and CBRA are in. What the fuck???
Will rearranging these boxes make any fucking difference? My head exploded, my massive brains spraying all over David Brooks' little white sailor suit, to see some news outlets report as fact the administration’s cover story — the claim that lack of coordination among regulatory agencies was an important factor in our current problems. My balls have more brains than the whistle dicks at CNN.
The truth is that that’s not what fucking happened. The various regulators actually did quite well at acting in a coordinated fashion. Unfortunately, they coordinated in the wrong goddamm direction. I know, you're shocked.
For example, there was a 2003 photo-op in which officials from multiple agencies used fucking pruning shears and chainsaws to chop up stacks of banking regulations. The occasion symbolized the shared determination of dickless Bush appointees to suspend adult supervision just as the financial industry was starting to run wild.
Oh, and the Bush administration assholes actively blocked state governments when they tried to protect families against predatory lending.
So, will the administration’s shitpile plan succeed? I’m not asking whether it will succeed in preventing future financial crises — that’s not its purpose. The question, instead, is whether it will succeed in confusing the issue sufficiently to stand in the way of real reform.
Let’s hope not. As I said, America’s fucked-up-edness incidents have been getting bigger. A decade ago, the market disruption that followed the collapse of Long-Term Capital Management was considered a major, scary-ass event; but compared with the current earthquake, the L.T.C.M. crisis was a pimple on Rush Limbaugh's flabby white ass.
If we don’t reform the fucking system system this time, the next crisis could well be an even bigger shitpile. And I, for one, really don’t want to live through a replay of the motherfucking 1930s.
The Dilbert Strategy
By PAUL KRUGMAN
Anyone who has worked in a large organization — or, for that matter, reads the comic strip “Dilbert” — is familiar with the “org chart” strategy. To hide their lack of any actual fucking ideas about what to do, managers sometimes make a big bullshit show of rearranging the boxes and lines that say who reports to whom.
You now understand the principle behind the motherfuckers in the Bush administration and their craptacular new proposal for financial reform, which will be formally announced today: it’s all about creating the appearance of responding to the current ginormous steaming shitpile, without actually doing anything fucking substantive. The rescue of Bear Stearns, in particular, was kind of, you know, a paradigm-changing event. In other words: the motherfuckin' shit hit the motherfuckin' fan.
Traditional, deposit-taking banks have been regulated since the 1930s, because the experience of the Great Depression showed how bank failures can threaten the whole economy, like how Ann Coulter’s cock threatens to consume Sean Hannity's tiny penis. Supposedly, however, “non-depository” institutions like Bear didn’t have to be regulated, because “market discipline” would ensure that they were run responsibly. Just like how Dick Cheney supposedly doesn’t keep the festering corpse of Ayn Rand in his man-sized safe so he can ass-fuck it daily while humming the “Ballad of the Green Berets” and imagining he is biting the heads off live pigeons and force feeding them to innocent prisoners in Guantanamo Bay.
When push came to shove, however, the goddamm Federal Reserve didn’t dare let market discipline run its course. God for-fucking-bid. Instead, it rushed to Bear’s rescue, risking billions of taxpayer dollars, because it feared that the collapse of a major financial institution would endanger the financial system as a whole, and then the parties in Sardinia with hookers spray-painted silver and gold statues of boys pissing champagne would come to a grinding halt.
And if shitty financial players like Bear are going to receive the kind of rescue previously limited to deposit-taking banks, the implication seems obvious: they should be regulated like motherfucking banks, too.
The shitheel Bush administration, however, has spent the last seven years trying to do away with government oversight of the financial industry. In fact, the new plan was originally conceived of as “promoting a competitive financial services sector leading the world and supporting continued economic innovation.” That’s banker-speak for "get the fuck rid of any goddamm regulations that annoy big swinging dick financial operators."
To reverse course now, and seek expanded regulation, which any moron with the brains of a slug would do, the administration would have to back down on its free-market ideology — and it would also have to face up to the fact that it was full of shit. And this administration would rather blow OJ Simpson in Independence Hall than admit that it made a mistake.
Thus, in a draft of a speech to be delivered on Monday, Henry Paulson, the Treasury secretary, declares, “I do not believe it is fair or accurate to blame our regulatory structure for the current turmoil.” Then he invited the Washington press corps to blow him the Rose Garden while wearing a french beret and smoking Gaulois.
And sure enough, according to the executive summary of the new administration pile of crap, regulation will be limited to institutions that receive explicit federal guarantees — that is, institutions that are already regulated, for fuck's sake, and have not been the source of today’s problems. As for the rest, it blithely declares that “market discipline is the most effective tool to limit systemic risk," and "Michael Chertoff is not a member of the undead prowling the streets of Adams Morgan on moonless nights feasting on human flesh."
The administration, then, has learned nothing from the current crisis. Yet it needs, to save its pasty buttocks, to pretend to be doing something.
So the Treasury has, with great fanfare, announced — you know what’s coming — its support for a rearrangement of the boxes on the org chart. OCC, OTS, and CFTC are out; PFRA and CBRA are in. What the fuck???
Will rearranging these boxes make any fucking difference? My head exploded, my massive brains spraying all over David Brooks' little white sailor suit, to see some news outlets report as fact the administration’s cover story — the claim that lack of coordination among regulatory agencies was an important factor in our current problems. My balls have more brains than the whistle dicks at CNN.
The truth is that that’s not what fucking happened. The various regulators actually did quite well at acting in a coordinated fashion. Unfortunately, they coordinated in the wrong goddamm direction. I know, you're shocked.
For example, there was a 2003 photo-op in which officials from multiple agencies used fucking pruning shears and chainsaws to chop up stacks of banking regulations. The occasion symbolized the shared determination of dickless Bush appointees to suspend adult supervision just as the financial industry was starting to run wild.
Oh, and the Bush administration assholes actively blocked state governments when they tried to protect families against predatory lending.
So, will the administration’s shitpile plan succeed? I’m not asking whether it will succeed in preventing future financial crises — that’s not its purpose. The question, instead, is whether it will succeed in confusing the issue sufficiently to stand in the way of real reform.
Let’s hope not. As I said, America’s fucked-up-edness incidents have been getting bigger. A decade ago, the market disruption that followed the collapse of Long-Term Capital Management was considered a major, scary-ass event; but compared with the current earthquake, the L.T.C.M. crisis was a pimple on Rush Limbaugh's flabby white ass.
If we don’t reform the fucking system system this time, the next crisis could well be an even bigger shitpile. And I, for one, really don’t want to live through a replay of the motherfucking 1930s.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Meet The Press with Bill Bradley and Nita Lowey - March 16, 2008
********************************
Meet The Press
March 16, 2008
Guests:
Former Sen. Bill Bradley
Rep. Nita Lowey
********************************
Russert: Nita be honest if Obama wins all the votes and states and delegates won't we have to settle for the black man?
Lowey: hey there was a Commission once somewhere that said that Superdelegates are just as good anyone else - why treat them as second class citizens??
Russert: Hmmmmm
Lowey: really it's a tie and so now we have to have a constructive discussion on how Hillary can be the nominee and Obama as her vice president
Russert: but polls show people would prefer to elect the nominee democratically
Lowey: let's not get bogged down in who voted for who
Russert: Bill if a person has more delegates should they be the nominee?
Bradley: ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzz
Russert: Bill wake up - buzzer time!
Bradely: huh what oh yeah delegates they are important but there's a long way to go he doesn't have it wrapped up yet
Russert: whoa calm down there big guy
Russert: superdelegates?
Bradley: As Nita said they are elected officials - if they oppose their constituents i would say that's a nice Congressional seat it would be a shame if something happened to it
Timmy: Clinton said we shouldn't count Florida and now she says we should
Lowey: look we're all adults here
Timmy: I'm not
Lowey: as adults we understand that Clinton is going to demand the votes that went her way be counted no matter she said before
Bradley: Hubert Humphrey!
Lowey: We've got to win in November by letting Florida change the rules
Bradley: Will Hillary Clinton pardon people who donate money to the Clinton library? i think she might
[ Eliot Spizter at home, looks up Clinton Library phone number ]
Lowey: hey we've already seen the Clinton's tax returns from the 1970s do really need to see the recent ones?
Russert: yes actually
Lowey: but look over there Bill Clinton fought AIDS in Africa
Russert: $500,000 in cash will get your attention i would think
Lowey: look over there bill bradley once criticized al gore!!!
Timmy: yeah but that was fun
Bradley: that's the old politics where you call your opponent a muslim - the new politics is where you believe in humankind
Russert: no androids that's so sad for mitt romney
Lowey: yes Hillary is very secretive but that's a strength - plus i could slime him with that loony pastor but i won't
Russert: please bash Hillary from 1993
Bradely: i love bipartisanship we should bring both parties together - the normal Americans and the crazy republicans
Timmy: why no health care?
Bradely: Washington DC is poisonous
Lowey: let's a have six week discussion about their health plans which are not that different
Bradley: ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Russert: oh my god this Pastor is crazy and he dresses funny!!!
Obama: never heard of him
Bradley: it's true he's incendiary but he's just a crazy cranky old man - he's like the David Broder of the south side
Lowey: good enough for me
Russert: Ferraro says black men always win the presidency
Lowey: hey we've got crazy people supporting Hillary as well
Russert: Wright / Ferraro 08!
Lowey: sexist!
Russert: ok Ferraro/Wright
Bradely: racist!
Bradley: Clinton is trying to divide us and Obama is trying to unite us to save Citigroup
Lowey: Hillary has a ten point plan on 20 different issues and Superdelegates must endorse whichever Democrat won the Texas primary
Russert: of course - thx 4 coming the excitement this morning was so thick you could cut with a marshmallow
Russert: tell me what happens
Broder: Hillary can't catch him with elected delegates but she has a 60 day window when she can arranged for Obama to meet with a little accident
Russert: defenestration?
Broder: someone will drop out by force
Gregory: no one really thinks the Supers should overrule the elected delegates
Russert: but she could surpass him in popular vote totals
Norris: even Pelosi thinks that's stupid
Russert: so how does she win
Norris: People in Pennsylvania are very depressed
Russert: we all know that
Russert: tony rezco!
Broder: he anything can come out
Russert: donations to Clinton library!
Gregory: the real point is if this tarnishes them for the general election
Russert: must these candidates come on my show and answer my stupid questions?
Norris: it's generational younger people think you are an idiot older people are in thrall to your shititude
Russert: but Wright is a crazy black man!
Norris: hey tim a lot of people agree with what he said
Russert: my black friends are worried that white America is scared
Norris: why would they say that
Russert: i was hiding under my desk
Broder: but I thought Obama was one of the good ones
Norris: that's how black churches sound old man
Russert: why isn't McCain losing???
Gregory: he says hey i was always against the war i was for
Russert: i am now going to grin fatuously thinking about McCain as quasi-president
Broder: McCain can now be an anti-war president by agreeing with Petraeus that the Democrats were right
Cheney: we will be greeted as liberators
Russert: what if we are not?
Cheney from 2003: that won't happen the Iraqi will unite and throw flowers at us
Norris: what an idiot
Broder: i think the war could actually be important politically
Gregory: it's a total fucking disaster
Tim: but McCain says we only have to stay for 100 years
Gregory: bullshit the people don't even know how many people were killed
Norris: foreclosures!
Gregory: credit crises!
Russert: its the economy stupid!
Broder: this getting scary all my money is in MONY
Timmy: ride the pony!
Meet The Press
March 16, 2008
Guests:
Former Sen. Bill Bradley
Rep. Nita Lowey
********************************
Russert: Nita be honest if Obama wins all the votes and states and delegates won't we have to settle for the black man?
Lowey: hey there was a Commission once somewhere that said that Superdelegates are just as good anyone else - why treat them as second class citizens??
Russert: Hmmmmm
Lowey: really it's a tie and so now we have to have a constructive discussion on how Hillary can be the nominee and Obama as her vice president
Russert: but polls show people would prefer to elect the nominee democratically
Lowey: let's not get bogged down in who voted for who
Russert: Bill if a person has more delegates should they be the nominee?
Bradley: ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzz
Russert: Bill wake up - buzzer time!
Bradely: huh what oh yeah delegates they are important but there's a long way to go he doesn't have it wrapped up yet
Russert: whoa calm down there big guy
Russert: superdelegates?
Bradley: As Nita said they are elected officials - if they oppose their constituents i would say that's a nice Congressional seat it would be a shame if something happened to it
Timmy: Clinton said we shouldn't count Florida and now she says we should
Lowey: look we're all adults here
Timmy: I'm not
Lowey: as adults we understand that Clinton is going to demand the votes that went her way be counted no matter she said before
Bradley: Hubert Humphrey!
Lowey: We've got to win in November by letting Florida change the rules
Bradley: Will Hillary Clinton pardon people who donate money to the Clinton library? i think she might
[ Eliot Spizter at home, looks up Clinton Library phone number ]
Lowey: hey we've already seen the Clinton's tax returns from the 1970s do really need to see the recent ones?
Russert: yes actually
Lowey: but look over there Bill Clinton fought AIDS in Africa
Russert: $500,000 in cash will get your attention i would think
Lowey: look over there bill bradley once criticized al gore!!!
Timmy: yeah but that was fun
Bradley: that's the old politics where you call your opponent a muslim - the new politics is where you believe in humankind
Russert: no androids that's so sad for mitt romney
Lowey: yes Hillary is very secretive but that's a strength - plus i could slime him with that loony pastor but i won't
Russert: please bash Hillary from 1993
Bradely: i love bipartisanship we should bring both parties together - the normal Americans and the crazy republicans
Timmy: why no health care?
Bradely: Washington DC is poisonous
Lowey: let's a have six week discussion about their health plans which are not that different
Bradley: ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Russert: oh my god this Pastor is crazy and he dresses funny!!!
Obama: never heard of him
Bradley: it's true he's incendiary but he's just a crazy cranky old man - he's like the David Broder of the south side
Lowey: good enough for me
Russert: Ferraro says black men always win the presidency
Lowey: hey we've got crazy people supporting Hillary as well
Russert: Wright / Ferraro 08!
Lowey: sexist!
Russert: ok Ferraro/Wright
Bradely: racist!
Bradley: Clinton is trying to divide us and Obama is trying to unite us to save Citigroup
Lowey: Hillary has a ten point plan on 20 different issues and Superdelegates must endorse whichever Democrat won the Texas primary
Russert: of course - thx 4 coming the excitement this morning was so thick you could cut with a marshmallow
Russert: tell me what happens
Broder: Hillary can't catch him with elected delegates but she has a 60 day window when she can arranged for Obama to meet with a little accident
Russert: defenestration?
Broder: someone will drop out by force
Gregory: no one really thinks the Supers should overrule the elected delegates
Russert: but she could surpass him in popular vote totals
Norris: even Pelosi thinks that's stupid
Russert: so how does she win
Norris: People in Pennsylvania are very depressed
Russert: we all know that
Russert: tony rezco!
Broder: he anything can come out
Russert: donations to Clinton library!
Gregory: the real point is if this tarnishes them for the general election
Russert: must these candidates come on my show and answer my stupid questions?
Norris: it's generational younger people think you are an idiot older people are in thrall to your shititude
Russert: but Wright is a crazy black man!
Norris: hey tim a lot of people agree with what he said
Russert: my black friends are worried that white America is scared
Norris: why would they say that
Russert: i was hiding under my desk
Broder: but I thought Obama was one of the good ones
Norris: that's how black churches sound old man
Russert: why isn't McCain losing???
Gregory: he says hey i was always against the war i was for
Russert: i am now going to grin fatuously thinking about McCain as quasi-president
Broder: McCain can now be an anti-war president by agreeing with Petraeus that the Democrats were right
Cheney: we will be greeted as liberators
Russert: what if we are not?
Cheney from 2003: that won't happen the Iraqi will unite and throw flowers at us
Norris: what an idiot
Broder: i think the war could actually be important politically
Gregory: it's a total fucking disaster
Tim: but McCain says we only have to stay for 100 years
Gregory: bullshit the people don't even know how many people were killed
Norris: foreclosures!
Gregory: credit crises!
Russert: its the economy stupid!
Broder: this getting scary all my money is in MONY
Timmy: ride the pony!
The Chris Matthews Show - March 16, 2008
******************************************
The Chris Matthews Show
March 16, 2008
******************************************
Matthews: oh my god black men are so lucky to live in America!!!!
Ferraro: damm right
Jeremiah Wright: hillary ain’t never been called a nigger
Tweety: what a bitch
Robinson: slavery started 400 years ago - other than that black men have had it great
Tweety: sure look at Motown and heavyweight boxing
Mitchell: i don't think Hillary sent Ferraro out - but people are saying that
Matthews: Jeremiah Wright married Michelle Obama!!!
Stengel: holy shit Obama's a black man and he's a well bred thoroughbred
Matthews: how did Obama earn the black vote - after all his momma was white
Cottle: Clinton has to point he is black because white people prefer their men like their coffee - with a lot of latte and sugar
Robinson: he can only win if he convinces black people white people hate him and white people that black people hate him
Matthews: brilliant!
Stengel: white people who have never met a black person think Obama’s ok
Tweety: polls show half of those people think they are voting for Will Smith
Matthews: Obama was born privileged so poor people can't vote him
Stengel: he has to tell Joe Sixpack i am a heavy drinker just like you
Robinson: he has to woo older women by putting one of the Golden Girls on the ticket
Matthews: Obama / Bea Arthur 2008!
Cottle: Clinton plans to appeal to Superdelegates by pointing out to them that Obama is black
Mitchell: but he has very big coattails!!!
Tweety: he's well endowed
Tweety: oh my god men have lots of sex with women why would they do that???
Cottle: alpha male!
Matthews: what is an alpha male?
Cottle: look in the mirror tweety - you're not it
Stengel: ambitious people have a genetic urge to destroy all they have worked for
Mitchell: Spitzer didn't apologize he's still trying to cover up whatever he might have allegedly done
Robinson: that's wasn't a cry for help - he just thought he could do anything
Mitchell: he's an idiot
Stengel: he was a great guy
Mitchell: he abused friends of mine
Stengel: well not every man who went to that club is all that bad that's all I'm saying ahem
Tweety: i hear ya!
Cottle: my republican readers are very upset that Clinton and Obama supporters are bad
Robinson: oh my stars - guess what the war in Iraq is still a disaster
Mitchell: Bush is trying to have one success before his presidency is over
Stengel: Edwards will endorse someone someday
Matthews: oh wow
The Chris Matthews Show
March 16, 2008
******************************************
Matthews: oh my god black men are so lucky to live in America!!!!
Ferraro: damm right
Jeremiah Wright: hillary ain’t never been called a nigger
Tweety: what a bitch
Robinson: slavery started 400 years ago - other than that black men have had it great
Tweety: sure look at Motown and heavyweight boxing
Mitchell: i don't think Hillary sent Ferraro out - but people are saying that
Matthews: Jeremiah Wright married Michelle Obama!!!
Stengel: holy shit Obama's a black man and he's a well bred thoroughbred
Matthews: how did Obama earn the black vote - after all his momma was white
Cottle: Clinton has to point he is black because white people prefer their men like their coffee - with a lot of latte and sugar
Robinson: he can only win if he convinces black people white people hate him and white people that black people hate him
Matthews: brilliant!
Stengel: white people who have never met a black person think Obama’s ok
Tweety: polls show half of those people think they are voting for Will Smith
Matthews: Obama was born privileged so poor people can't vote him
Stengel: he has to tell Joe Sixpack i am a heavy drinker just like you
Robinson: he has to woo older women by putting one of the Golden Girls on the ticket
Matthews: Obama / Bea Arthur 2008!
Cottle: Clinton plans to appeal to Superdelegates by pointing out to them that Obama is black
Mitchell: but he has very big coattails!!!
Tweety: he's well endowed
Tweety: oh my god men have lots of sex with women why would they do that???
Cottle: alpha male!
Matthews: what is an alpha male?
Cottle: look in the mirror tweety - you're not it
Stengel: ambitious people have a genetic urge to destroy all they have worked for
Mitchell: Spitzer didn't apologize he's still trying to cover up whatever he might have allegedly done
Robinson: that's wasn't a cry for help - he just thought he could do anything
Mitchell: he's an idiot
Stengel: he was a great guy
Mitchell: he abused friends of mine
Stengel: well not every man who went to that club is all that bad that's all I'm saying ahem
Tweety: i hear ya!
Cottle: my republican readers are very upset that Clinton and Obama supporters are bad
Robinson: oh my stars - guess what the war in Iraq is still a disaster
Mitchell: Bush is trying to have one success before his presidency is over
Stengel: Edwards will endorse someone someday
Matthews: oh wow
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
60 Minutes - March 9, 2008 - John McCain
****************************************
60 Minutes
March 9, 2008
Guest: Sen. John McCain
****************************************
Scott Pelley: wow John McCain and his criminal wife are not as dead as the look in their eyes!!!
McCain: yes reports of my death are exaggerated
Pelley: you only had $50,000 and now you are able to tell mitt romney to fuck off - how?
McCain: hard work and truth telling
Pelley: where are you going to lead the gopervs?
McCain: we're going to recruit a new young generation of Reagan democrats
Pelley: good luck with that
Pelley: why embrace President Stupid
McCain: lower taxes and more killing
Pelley: is Obama too naive to keep us in Iraq for years which is clearly needed?
McCain: ha ha ha ha i am crazee
Pelley: your campaign was so poor you rode Greyhoud at one point
McCain: that true i also met a homeless man and borrowed two bucks from him
Pelley: the people want us out of Iraq
McCain: leaving Iraq would lead to total chaos
Pelley: well thank god we invaded then
McCain: we must kill kill kill
Pelley: i am in love with you
McCain: stop it you're embarrassing me
Pelley: waterboarding - is it torture?
McCain: indeedy
Pelley: but Bush says its awesome
McCain: and he is a great man
Pelley: how did we lose our way the whole torture thing
McCain: it's a mystery
Pelley: not the fascist Republican party?
McCain: the what of the who?
Pelley: i know you're obsessed with killing but what about economy
McCain: the fundamentals are strong
Pelley: what's you're answer?
McCain: i don't have one
Pelley: nothing else?
McCain: bush also sucks on this issue too
Pelley: control spending?
McCain: gop pervs also to blame for this
Pelley: should the government mandate anything ever?
McCain: no never that's crazy that government should never tell people what to do
Pelley: health care - what’s your solution?
McCain: $5,000 tax credit for rich people
Pelley: immigration?
McCain: let all the illegals run the country
Pelley: you are a finger-wagger but you are corrupt too
McCain: hey at least I'm not in jail
Pelley: yes that is unusual for a Republican politician
McCain: I win!
Pelley: you are fucking old and have deadly cancer
McCain: i will release my internet death date soon
Pelley: you are a short-temptered lunatic
McCain: FUCK OFF SCOTT PELLEY!!!
Pelley: Ok ok -- you're not at all crazee pleez back off
McCain: america is normal and Obama and Hillary crazee liberals
Pelley: well I'm convinced i will salute your vice president in Feb of 2009
McCain: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
****************************************
60 Minutes
March 9, 2008
Guest: Sen. John McCain
****************************************
Scott Pelley: wow John McCain and his criminal wife are not as dead as the look in their eyes!!!
McCain: yes reports of my death are exaggerated
Pelley: you only had $50,000 and now you are able to tell mitt romney to fuck off - how?
McCain: hard work and truth telling
Pelley: where are you going to lead the gopervs?
McCain: we're going to recruit a new young generation of Reagan democrats
Pelley: good luck with that
Pelley: why embrace President Stupid
McCain: lower taxes and more killing
Pelley: is Obama too naive to keep us in Iraq for years which is clearly needed?
McCain: ha ha ha ha i am crazee
Pelley: your campaign was so poor you rode Greyhoud at one point
McCain: that true i also met a homeless man and borrowed two bucks from him
Pelley: the people want us out of Iraq
McCain: leaving Iraq would lead to total chaos
Pelley: well thank god we invaded then
McCain: we must kill kill kill
Pelley: i am in love with you
McCain: stop it you're embarrassing me
Pelley: waterboarding - is it torture?
McCain: indeedy
Pelley: but Bush says its awesome
McCain: and he is a great man
Pelley: how did we lose our way the whole torture thing
McCain: it's a mystery
Pelley: not the fascist Republican party?
McCain: the what of the who?
Pelley: i know you're obsessed with killing but what about economy
McCain: the fundamentals are strong
Pelley: what's you're answer?
McCain: i don't have one
Pelley: nothing else?
McCain: bush also sucks on this issue too
Pelley: control spending?
McCain: gop pervs also to blame for this
Pelley: should the government mandate anything ever?
McCain: no never that's crazy that government should never tell people what to do
Pelley: health care - what’s your solution?
McCain: $5,000 tax credit for rich people
Pelley: immigration?
McCain: let all the illegals run the country
Pelley: you are a finger-wagger but you are corrupt too
McCain: hey at least I'm not in jail
Pelley: yes that is unusual for a Republican politician
McCain: I win!
Pelley: you are fucking old and have deadly cancer
McCain: i will release my internet death date soon
Pelley: you are a short-temptered lunatic
McCain: FUCK OFF SCOTT PELLEY!!!
Pelley: Ok ok -- you're not at all crazee pleez back off
McCain: america is normal and Obama and Hillary crazee liberals
Pelley: well I'm convinced i will salute your vice president in Feb of 2009
McCain: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
****************************************
Sunday, March 09, 2008
Meet The Press - March 9, 2008
************************************
Meet The Press
March 9, 2008
Guests:
Sen. Tom Daschle
Gov. Ed Rendell
************************************
Russert: omg Obama has a slight lead among delegates!!!!!!
Daschle: as an Obama surrogate i would say its possible he could win
Russert: whoa - calm down dood
Daschle: the will of the people should be respected, or not, you know, whatever
Russert: will you vote for Hillary is Obama has more elected delegates
Daschle: sure i guess you know maybe
Russert: what if Hillary has more popular votes but fewer delegates
Daschle: well she will have lost Tim
Russert: but she won Texas which you have to win in order to be the Democratic President
Daschle: whatever fathead
Russert: ok Hillary Clinton is losing - Ed what is today's plan for stealing the election?
Rendell: today's plan is analyze the map by electoral college votes
Tim: you're kidding
Rendell: also Utah is irrelevant but Texas is key
Tim: oh of course
Rendell: we must have a revote in Florida
Tim: you lost Michigan
Rendell: hey she was the only name on the ballot that is very very hard to win
Tim: what about a caucus?
Rendell: Older People are banned from voting in caucuses did you know that Tim?
Tim: no i didn't
Daschle: well it's news to me that caucuses hate older people i wish the Clinton campaign had said that back in Iowa and Nevada
Tim: why do you hate the elderly and shift workers?
Daschle: oh well it's just the rules
Tim: should we privatize America's elections?
Daschle: well we privatize the results so why not?
Russert: should Obama be the candidate if he wins the most delegates?
Rendell: absolutely not the nominee should be whoever wins Texas
Russert: so how do shut up the whiny black people and young punks
Rendell: i tell them to fuck off wiz wit
Daschle: i could make a compelling and boring argument that Obama should be the nominee
Timmy: ZZZzzzzzzzz
Timmy: Hillary is trying to get the nomination by promising Obama the VP ticket
Rendell: it's a dream ticket!
Russert: so he's qualified to be Commander in Chief
Rendell: well i guess so
Timster: but Hillary says all Obama has is one speech
Rendell: he's very articulate and talented
Timmy: but why is she praising McCain and dissing Obama
Rendell: she scares me Tim but that's what makes her ready
Russert: look Daschle be honest he's young and he's black shouldn't he just be the vice president???
Daschle: he's the one who is leading
Russert: but he's black!
Dashcle: and she was arranging flowers for eight years big deal
Russert: well he's still black
Daschle: yes i know - he's also winning
Russert: would he accept her as Veep
Daschle: sure
Russert: but we need to move on from the Clinton sex scandals
Daschle: true but that was her husband
Russert: what a race ha!
Balz: they must have a re-vote in FL and MI
Tim: so donors would finance elections?
Balz: The Democratic Primary Brought to You By Tropicana
Harwood: Clinton will hold her breath if they schedule a caucus
Brownstein: the Caucus Belli
Russert: heh
Brownstein: they are tied we should turn it over to a computer
Harwood: well that would save money
Russert: if Obama wins Indiana that would be cool
Ifill: that doesn't count that's just Ku KLux Klan voting for the guy who's mother was white
Russert: good point
Ifill: he's not who he says he is - for example - Obama is black
Russert: omg has he condemmed Idi Amin!?!?!
Brownstein: Superdelegates are a mysterious race of genetically superior beings
Ifill: they transcend race and gender - they glow with their own inner light
Hardwood: size matters that favors Obama
Tim: Obama takes credit for defeating Denny Hastert
Russert: if Obama unqualified or should he be president after Hillary is impeached???
Balz: i liked Obama until that red phone ad - that ad raised many important questions about him
Russert: omg the two campaigns are sniping and name calling!!!
Harwood: shocking tim
Russert: but in a general election people like Ken Starr!
Ifill: who like ken starr tim???
Tim: all my friends in Nantucket
Hardwood: samatha power called hillary a monster
Dan Balz: i'd still hit it
Russert: let's talk more about Samatha Power
Ifill: hey 63,000 jobs were lost
Balz: oh noes
Brownstein: Power is a brilliant journalist
Ifill: that's damming with faint praise
Timmy: hey!
Hardwood: Pelosi said the ‘3:00 a.m.’ ad was the suck
Russert: she flip flopped on her tax returns
Ifill: eh
Russert: bill bradley went on PBS and bashed Clinton
Ifill: both people watching must have been shocked
Tim: she's hiding the donors to the library
Balz: what if monica donated?
Harwood: and she hasn't been vetted
Brownstein: none of this will change anything - they will have to agree to be co-Triumvirs like Mark Antony and Octavian
Russert: that worked out very well
Russert: they are fighting so much how do we resolve this in August
Harwood: if Obama has more votes, more delegates and more states, then he should be the nominee
Russert: even though he's black?
Hardwood: amazing but true
Ifill: Clinton says only the big states should count which is odd
Brownstein: VP as consolation prize
Balz: Superdelegates will ask who has held up and performed and found the super-D G spot
Russert: Karl Rove says it's actually bad for McCain all the attention is on Clobama
Ifill: who the fuck is McCain
Russert: white women will vote for McCain over Obama and so will blacks if Hillary is
Balz: so put them both on the ticket
Russert: but no white men - so sad
Meet The Press
March 9, 2008
Guests:
Sen. Tom Daschle
Gov. Ed Rendell
************************************
Russert: omg Obama has a slight lead among delegates!!!!!!
Daschle: as an Obama surrogate i would say its possible he could win
Russert: whoa - calm down dood
Daschle: the will of the people should be respected, or not, you know, whatever
Russert: will you vote for Hillary is Obama has more elected delegates
Daschle: sure i guess you know maybe
Russert: what if Hillary has more popular votes but fewer delegates
Daschle: well she will have lost Tim
Russert: but she won Texas which you have to win in order to be the Democratic President
Daschle: whatever fathead
Russert: ok Hillary Clinton is losing - Ed what is today's plan for stealing the election?
Rendell: today's plan is analyze the map by electoral college votes
Tim: you're kidding
Rendell: also Utah is irrelevant but Texas is key
Tim: oh of course
Rendell: we must have a revote in Florida
Tim: you lost Michigan
Rendell: hey she was the only name on the ballot that is very very hard to win
Tim: what about a caucus?
Rendell: Older People are banned from voting in caucuses did you know that Tim?
Tim: no i didn't
Daschle: well it's news to me that caucuses hate older people i wish the Clinton campaign had said that back in Iowa and Nevada
Tim: why do you hate the elderly and shift workers?
Daschle: oh well it's just the rules
Tim: should we privatize America's elections?
Daschle: well we privatize the results so why not?
Russert: should Obama be the candidate if he wins the most delegates?
Rendell: absolutely not the nominee should be whoever wins Texas
Russert: so how do shut up the whiny black people and young punks
Rendell: i tell them to fuck off wiz wit
Daschle: i could make a compelling and boring argument that Obama should be the nominee
Timmy: ZZZzzzzzzzz
Timmy: Hillary is trying to get the nomination by promising Obama the VP ticket
Rendell: it's a dream ticket!
Russert: so he's qualified to be Commander in Chief
Rendell: well i guess so
Timster: but Hillary says all Obama has is one speech
Rendell: he's very articulate and talented
Timmy: but why is she praising McCain and dissing Obama
Rendell: she scares me Tim but that's what makes her ready
Russert: look Daschle be honest he's young and he's black shouldn't he just be the vice president???
Daschle: he's the one who is leading
Russert: but he's black!
Dashcle: and she was arranging flowers for eight years big deal
Russert: well he's still black
Daschle: yes i know - he's also winning
Russert: would he accept her as Veep
Daschle: sure
Russert: but we need to move on from the Clinton sex scandals
Daschle: true but that was her husband
Russert: what a race ha!
Balz: they must have a re-vote in FL and MI
Tim: so donors would finance elections?
Balz: The Democratic Primary Brought to You By Tropicana
Harwood: Clinton will hold her breath if they schedule a caucus
Brownstein: the Caucus Belli
Russert: heh
Brownstein: they are tied we should turn it over to a computer
Harwood: well that would save money
Russert: if Obama wins Indiana that would be cool
Ifill: that doesn't count that's just Ku KLux Klan voting for the guy who's mother was white
Russert: good point
Ifill: he's not who he says he is - for example - Obama is black
Russert: omg has he condemmed Idi Amin!?!?!
Brownstein: Superdelegates are a mysterious race of genetically superior beings
Ifill: they transcend race and gender - they glow with their own inner light
Hardwood: size matters that favors Obama
Tim: Obama takes credit for defeating Denny Hastert
Russert: if Obama unqualified or should he be president after Hillary is impeached???
Balz: i liked Obama until that red phone ad - that ad raised many important questions about him
Russert: omg the two campaigns are sniping and name calling!!!
Harwood: shocking tim
Russert: but in a general election people like Ken Starr!
Ifill: who like ken starr tim???
Tim: all my friends in Nantucket
Hardwood: samatha power called hillary a monster
Dan Balz: i'd still hit it
Russert: let's talk more about Samatha Power
Ifill: hey 63,000 jobs were lost
Balz: oh noes
Brownstein: Power is a brilliant journalist
Ifill: that's damming with faint praise
Timmy: hey!
Hardwood: Pelosi said the ‘3:00 a.m.’ ad was the suck
Russert: she flip flopped on her tax returns
Ifill: eh
Russert: bill bradley went on PBS and bashed Clinton
Ifill: both people watching must have been shocked
Tim: she's hiding the donors to the library
Balz: what if monica donated?
Harwood: and she hasn't been vetted
Brownstein: none of this will change anything - they will have to agree to be co-Triumvirs like Mark Antony and Octavian
Russert: that worked out very well
Russert: they are fighting so much how do we resolve this in August
Harwood: if Obama has more votes, more delegates and more states, then he should be the nominee
Russert: even though he's black?
Hardwood: amazing but true
Ifill: Clinton says only the big states should count which is odd
Brownstein: VP as consolation prize
Balz: Superdelegates will ask who has held up and performed and found the super-D G spot
Russert: Karl Rove says it's actually bad for McCain all the attention is on Clobama
Ifill: who the fuck is McCain
Russert: white women will vote for McCain over Obama and so will blacks if Hillary is
Balz: so put them both on the ticket
Russert: but no white men - so sad
The Chris Matthews Show - March 9, 2008
************************************************
The Chris Matthews Show
March 9, 2008
************************************************
Matthews: omg the young black man could still win!!!
Andrea Mitchell: it’s amazing
Matthews: but she wants to win with superdelegates with Obama as VP!!!
Mitchell: She won the big states and we all know democats can't win without Texas!!!
Pat Healey: sure Obama is cute and good looking and fun but Hillary is the girl you marry she's no fun at all but she will fit in with your corporate buddies
Gloria Borger: Hillary's campaign is The Lord of Disicpline
Ron Allen: she's gonna going to deliver a beat down
Mitchell: he will win in Mississippi because there are black people there and he has an advantage in Pennsylvania because he has time to let people get to know him
Healey: no Hillary wants to time to knock the shine right off his ass
Tweety: he's so elegant
Allen: he's a hell of a dancer
Borger: he has be negative with nuance
Tweety: people love a person being attacked and who's fighting back
Borger: she played the victim very well
Matthews: can Bill hand out jobs like Boss Tweed?
Borger: no that's stupid
Healey: it would look really bad Tweety you have no sense at all do you
Borger: the media would attack him for it
Matthews: but who would ever leak that??
Mitchell: duh who wouldn't??
Matthews: is she hoping an Obama affair will come out?
Healey: oh big time
Allen: um dood there are sexual skeletons in the Clinton closet
Matthews: can she still win it?
Mitchell: supers are terrified of the young bloggers if they steal the election
Tweety: ha!
Matthews: omg will obama and clinton be running mates!!!!
Panel: but only with him as veep
Borger: she's proposing marriage to Barack Obama she got down on one knee and gave him a diamond
Allen: watch it that's a blood diamond
Healey: um dood they hate each other - she's playing a game
Mitchell: she's saying you get 2 for the price of 1
Andrea: will Bill be willing to live in the VP house?
Tweety: he might like it - I hear Nelson Rockefeller put in a Jungle Room
Borger: Howard Dean is America's Kingmaker
Matthews: holy crap
Allen: the American people are crying out for fairnes
Matthews: holy crap
Mitchell: Michigan wants to the campaigns to pay for that state's election
Matthews: holy crap
Healey: Hillary Clinton is raising a million dollars a day
Matthews: holy crap
The Chris Matthews Show
March 9, 2008
************************************************
Matthews: omg the young black man could still win!!!
Andrea Mitchell: it’s amazing
Matthews: but she wants to win with superdelegates with Obama as VP!!!
Mitchell: She won the big states and we all know democats can't win without Texas!!!
Pat Healey: sure Obama is cute and good looking and fun but Hillary is the girl you marry she's no fun at all but she will fit in with your corporate buddies
Gloria Borger: Hillary's campaign is The Lord of Disicpline
Ron Allen: she's gonna going to deliver a beat down
Mitchell: he will win in Mississippi because there are black people there and he has an advantage in Pennsylvania because he has time to let people get to know him
Healey: no Hillary wants to time to knock the shine right off his ass
Tweety: he's so elegant
Allen: he's a hell of a dancer
Borger: he has be negative with nuance
Tweety: people love a person being attacked and who's fighting back
Borger: she played the victim very well
Matthews: can Bill hand out jobs like Boss Tweed?
Borger: no that's stupid
Healey: it would look really bad Tweety you have no sense at all do you
Borger: the media would attack him for it
Matthews: but who would ever leak that??
Mitchell: duh who wouldn't??
Matthews: is she hoping an Obama affair will come out?
Healey: oh big time
Allen: um dood there are sexual skeletons in the Clinton closet
Matthews: can she still win it?
Mitchell: supers are terrified of the young bloggers if they steal the election
Tweety: ha!
Matthews: omg will obama and clinton be running mates!!!!
Panel: but only with him as veep
Borger: she's proposing marriage to Barack Obama she got down on one knee and gave him a diamond
Allen: watch it that's a blood diamond
Healey: um dood they hate each other - she's playing a game
Mitchell: she's saying you get 2 for the price of 1
Andrea: will Bill be willing to live in the VP house?
Tweety: he might like it - I hear Nelson Rockefeller put in a Jungle Room
Borger: Howard Dean is America's Kingmaker
Matthews: holy crap
Allen: the American people are crying out for fairnes
Matthews: holy crap
Mitchell: Michigan wants to the campaigns to pay for that state's election
Matthews: holy crap
Healey: Hillary Clinton is raising a million dollars a day
Matthews: holy crap
Sunday, March 02, 2008
This Week With George Stephanopoulos - March 2, 2008
************************************
This Week With George Stephanopoulos
March 2, 2008
Guests:
David Axelrod
Howard Wolfson
*************************************
Stephanopoulos: Obama is all about 1 speech he gave in 2002 right?
Axelrod: no, but what if we were -- Hillary was wrong and he was right about getting bogged down in Afghanistan and that Iraq would be a total fuck up
Stephanopoulos: but he's only 12 years old
Axelrod: no he's got 20 years experience fighting loose nukes and putting baseball cards in his bicycle spokes
Stephanopoulos: what crisis has hillary handled?
Wolfson: she's been endorsed by 30 Generals
Stephanopoulos: like who?
Wolfson: General Foods and General Mills
Axelrod: well heck we've been endorsed by General McPeak and Captain Crunch
Wolfson: oh fuck Obama - he's voted the same way as Hillary it's ridiculous
Stephanopoulos: Howard makes a good point Obama must be stupid to do what she does
Axelrod: not true he fought for a withdrawal from Iraq and Hillary opposed that bill
Wolfson: i don't trust Obama he almost always votes with Hillary and he never holds NATO hearings - although he is beautiful
Axelrod: hey we wouldn't have this problem if Hillary hadn't supported President Stupid in the first place
Stephanopoulos: please call Obama a criminal
Wolfson: please detail all the ties of Barack Obama to Tony Rezko while i make alot of implications without saying anything
Stephanopoulos: like what?
Wolfson: every letter they wrote each other
Axelrod: nice try Howard - there is no evidence of wrongdoing and i understand this is desperate from a campaign that has lost 11 primaries in a row
Wolfson: answer my questions
Axelrod: half your donors are in federal prison jackass
Axelrod: release her tax returns - Obama did it a long time ago
Wolfson: yes after she's done her taxes in April
Axelrod: what about last year's dumbass?
Wolfson: the WaPo says her Archives records is totally bogus issue
Stephanopoulos: is Obama willing to dwell on the Rezco case for no reason while he's winnning every primary??
Axelrod: you know, i don't think so motherfucker
Wolfson: all Senators have to release their income and we will release her tax returns after the primaries over
Axelrod: Obama is spotless
Wolfson: i want to see his e-mails
Axelrod: yeah ok let's see her e-mails from marc rich dood
Wolfson: never heard of him
Stephanopoulos: your campaign sucks
Wolfson: we're the underdogs and Obama is outspending us - its so sad
Stephanopoulos: you're fucked what if you lose Ohio or Texas?
Wolfson: oh we expect to lose one or both of those that's to be expected but Texas doesn't count its a red state and Ohio has too many white elitists
Axelrod: heh heh i spend alot of time with Howard and his spin is showing frankly i feel for the guy the Clinton campaign is circling the drain
Stephanopoulos: what if she wins Texas - which is a state Democrats must win in order to win the White House?
Axlreod: that's stupid
Wolfson: Latino Women are with us!
Stephanopoulos: teh J-Lo Vote!
Axelrod: drag out the crumb tray cause yur toast
[ Roundtable ]
Stephanopoulos: she's more tested and experienced
Will: she's counting her public service in teh Rose Law firm
Stephanopoulos: that's fair
Will: james buchanan had a lot of experience and he was the worst presnit ever
Lancaster, Pa: hey he wasn't that bad!
Brooks: she should compare him to her husband’s terrible presidency that will win her the election
Dowd: only Republicans can protect America
Brazille: she plagiarized it from Walter Mondale
Stephanopoulos: yeah that's a great idea
Brazile: they say Obama is a rookie and he's says she's an idiot
Stephanopoulos: Wolfson admitted she will probably lose Texas
Will: he has to be careful as he asks her to please go away now
Brooks: Obama's people are very excited but the Clinton people basically just want to see Ken Starr's head explode
Dowd: Hillary is going through the stages of grief - they are now passing through anger into acceptance
Brazile: i am a superdelegate and i haven't decided
Stephanopoulos: they will have to step in and shut her down but what if it's really close?
Brazile: well if she wants the Supers to go with her she'd better start winning something
Stephanopoulos: let's say she wins everything from now on i mean Texas is key
Dowd: the excited voters are with Obama and the Clinton Machine is mean and bad
Will: i hate Democracy
Cunningham: i hate people with funny names
Michelle Obama: fuck that fucking fucker
Brooks: this definitely helps John McCain he should invite racists on stage more often to prove that he doesn't like them
Brazille: thank god Obama is not actually a dirty Koran-reading muslim
Stephanopoulos: but is he jewish?
Brazille Wax: that's a lie!
Will: who among us does not have racist friends?
Dowd: that is so true but McCain has to show the GOP base and racists that he is one of them - is he tolerant or a Republican?? It's very confusing
Will: McCain's key to victory is promise that America will be the world's policeman and engage in nation building
Brooks: look he was in teh GOP gang of 14 and he took on Boeing!!
Brooks: Democrats will all vote for John McCain
Will: Obama will fuck McCain they way he did to Clinton
Dowd: unless Obama fucks up he will roll all over the old man
Stephanopoulos: can he create a new Dem coalition and leave poor people behind
Brazille: that's ridiculous McCain is the one making love with Hagee
Will: no one cares about Reagan
Brooks: McCain is the center of killing brown people and Obama is a crazy liberal
Dowd: Obama is inspirational like RR or JFK
Stephanopoulos: bill buckley died!
Will: Buckley was an such an affable segregationist
Brooks: he had such a big heart and big soul i love the way he hated black people expecially he offered me a job after he made sure i was white
Will: i liked the way he hated people with diseases
Stephanopoulos: yeah good times
This Week With George Stephanopoulos
March 2, 2008
Guests:
David Axelrod
Howard Wolfson
*************************************
Stephanopoulos: Obama is all about 1 speech he gave in 2002 right?
Axelrod: no, but what if we were -- Hillary was wrong and he was right about getting bogged down in Afghanistan and that Iraq would be a total fuck up
Stephanopoulos: but he's only 12 years old
Axelrod: no he's got 20 years experience fighting loose nukes and putting baseball cards in his bicycle spokes
Stephanopoulos: what crisis has hillary handled?
Wolfson: she's been endorsed by 30 Generals
Stephanopoulos: like who?
Wolfson: General Foods and General Mills
Axelrod: well heck we've been endorsed by General McPeak and Captain Crunch
Wolfson: oh fuck Obama - he's voted the same way as Hillary it's ridiculous
Stephanopoulos: Howard makes a good point Obama must be stupid to do what she does
Axelrod: not true he fought for a withdrawal from Iraq and Hillary opposed that bill
Wolfson: i don't trust Obama he almost always votes with Hillary and he never holds NATO hearings - although he is beautiful
Axelrod: hey we wouldn't have this problem if Hillary hadn't supported President Stupid in the first place
Stephanopoulos: please call Obama a criminal
Wolfson: please detail all the ties of Barack Obama to Tony Rezko while i make alot of implications without saying anything
Stephanopoulos: like what?
Wolfson: every letter they wrote each other
Axelrod: nice try Howard - there is no evidence of wrongdoing and i understand this is desperate from a campaign that has lost 11 primaries in a row
Wolfson: answer my questions
Axelrod: half your donors are in federal prison jackass
Axelrod: release her tax returns - Obama did it a long time ago
Wolfson: yes after she's done her taxes in April
Axelrod: what about last year's dumbass?
Wolfson: the WaPo says her Archives records is totally bogus issue
Stephanopoulos: is Obama willing to dwell on the Rezco case for no reason while he's winnning every primary??
Axelrod: you know, i don't think so motherfucker
Wolfson: all Senators have to release their income and we will release her tax returns after the primaries over
Axelrod: Obama is spotless
Wolfson: i want to see his e-mails
Axelrod: yeah ok let's see her e-mails from marc rich dood
Wolfson: never heard of him
Stephanopoulos: your campaign sucks
Wolfson: we're the underdogs and Obama is outspending us - its so sad
Stephanopoulos: you're fucked what if you lose Ohio or Texas?
Wolfson: oh we expect to lose one or both of those that's to be expected but Texas doesn't count its a red state and Ohio has too many white elitists
Axelrod: heh heh i spend alot of time with Howard and his spin is showing frankly i feel for the guy the Clinton campaign is circling the drain
Stephanopoulos: what if she wins Texas - which is a state Democrats must win in order to win the White House?
Axlreod: that's stupid
Wolfson: Latino Women are with us!
Stephanopoulos: teh J-Lo Vote!
Axelrod: drag out the crumb tray cause yur toast
[ Roundtable ]
Stephanopoulos: she's more tested and experienced
Will: she's counting her public service in teh Rose Law firm
Stephanopoulos: that's fair
Will: james buchanan had a lot of experience and he was the worst presnit ever
Lancaster, Pa: hey he wasn't that bad!
Brooks: she should compare him to her husband’s terrible presidency that will win her the election
Dowd: only Republicans can protect America
Brazille: she plagiarized it from Walter Mondale
Stephanopoulos: yeah that's a great idea
Brazile: they say Obama is a rookie and he's says she's an idiot
Stephanopoulos: Wolfson admitted she will probably lose Texas
Will: he has to be careful as he asks her to please go away now
Brooks: Obama's people are very excited but the Clinton people basically just want to see Ken Starr's head explode
Dowd: Hillary is going through the stages of grief - they are now passing through anger into acceptance
Brazile: i am a superdelegate and i haven't decided
Stephanopoulos: they will have to step in and shut her down but what if it's really close?
Brazile: well if she wants the Supers to go with her she'd better start winning something
Stephanopoulos: let's say she wins everything from now on i mean Texas is key
Dowd: the excited voters are with Obama and the Clinton Machine is mean and bad
Will: i hate Democracy
Cunningham: i hate people with funny names
Michelle Obama: fuck that fucking fucker
Brooks: this definitely helps John McCain he should invite racists on stage more often to prove that he doesn't like them
Brazille: thank god Obama is not actually a dirty Koran-reading muslim
Stephanopoulos: but is he jewish?
Brazille Wax: that's a lie!
Will: who among us does not have racist friends?
Dowd: that is so true but McCain has to show the GOP base and racists that he is one of them - is he tolerant or a Republican?? It's very confusing
Will: McCain's key to victory is promise that America will be the world's policeman and engage in nation building
Brooks: look he was in teh GOP gang of 14 and he took on Boeing!!
Brooks: Democrats will all vote for John McCain
Will: Obama will fuck McCain they way he did to Clinton
Dowd: unless Obama fucks up he will roll all over the old man
Stephanopoulos: can he create a new Dem coalition and leave poor people behind
Brazille: that's ridiculous McCain is the one making love with Hagee
Will: no one cares about Reagan
Brooks: McCain is the center of killing brown people and Obama is a crazy liberal
Dowd: Obama is inspirational like RR or JFK
Stephanopoulos: bill buckley died!
Will: Buckley was an such an affable segregationist
Brooks: he had such a big heart and big soul i love the way he hated black people expecially he offered me a job after he made sure i was white
Will: i liked the way he hated people with diseases
Stephanopoulos: yeah good times
Meet The Press - March 2, 2008
Meet The Press
March 2, 2008
Russert: i asked Obama about al qaeda in Iraq and he said maybe they could be there
McCain: i have news for Barack it's called al qaeda in iraq
Bush: heh heh heh
Obama: hey they weren't there until McCain invaded
Shrum: we've got to get the hell out of there
Murphy: i've got news for McCain - people don't want to stay in Iraq
Murphy: he has to stop campaigning with evangelists McCain should run as a liberal
Russert: Bill Clinton loved NAFTA but now they have both said its bad
Matalin: Oh Noes!!!
Timmy: what's wrong?
Matalin: they have our oil in Canada!
Timy: oh no!
Matalin: but Obama is being sneaky with Canada
Shrum: go ahead and campaign in favor of NAFTA in Ohio Mary - i dare you
Russert: but cutting off trade!
Shrum: sure you can renegotiate
Murphy: Otto von Bismark!
Russert: people say the economy sucks
Matalin: but they say their own finances are good
Shrum: no they don't
Matalin: ok - but only because the media keep saying it
Carville: that's stupid people know they are in big trouble meanwhile Exxon has the Chief Justice weeping for them
Murphy: of course people are hurting
Shurm: Republicans lie all the time but it won't work this time
Russert: people think McCain is old but honest, Obama is young and charismatic and Clinton is experienced and strong but mean
Carville: that's sad because she is such a warm and nice person
Matalin: McCain is the best american who has ever lived
Tim: no one else better ever???
Matalin: ok there is fred thomspson
Murphy: Obama is like the hula hoop he's got the kids moving their hips
Shurm: Obama is touching people although i don't get it myself
Russert: is he too young?
Shrum: no he's not he's like JFK and people seem to like him
Carville: if you like Bush then you'll love McCain
Shrum: McCain is going to attack Iran!
Russert: he will probably die in office
Murphy: that's true so we should look forward to Presidents Crist or Ridge
Carville: nope Ridge is pro-choice
Matalin: McCain has to have a VP with no ambition
Russert: who will Obama or Clinton choose?
Murphy: an anti-war general or Bayh or Dodd
Shrum: Zinni or Wes Clark
Russert: i say Louis Farrakhan
March 2, 2008
Russert: i asked Obama about al qaeda in Iraq and he said maybe they could be there
McCain: i have news for Barack it's called al qaeda in iraq
Bush: heh heh heh
Obama: hey they weren't there until McCain invaded
Shrum: we've got to get the hell out of there
Murphy: i've got news for McCain - people don't want to stay in Iraq
Murphy: he has to stop campaigning with evangelists McCain should run as a liberal
Russert: Bill Clinton loved NAFTA but now they have both said its bad
Matalin: Oh Noes!!!
Timmy: what's wrong?
Matalin: they have our oil in Canada!
Timy: oh no!
Matalin: but Obama is being sneaky with Canada
Shrum: go ahead and campaign in favor of NAFTA in Ohio Mary - i dare you
Russert: but cutting off trade!
Shrum: sure you can renegotiate
Murphy: Otto von Bismark!
Russert: people say the economy sucks
Matalin: but they say their own finances are good
Shrum: no they don't
Matalin: ok - but only because the media keep saying it
Carville: that's stupid people know they are in big trouble meanwhile Exxon has the Chief Justice weeping for them
Murphy: of course people are hurting
Shurm: Republicans lie all the time but it won't work this time
Russert: people think McCain is old but honest, Obama is young and charismatic and Clinton is experienced and strong but mean
Carville: that's sad because she is such a warm and nice person
Matalin: McCain is the best american who has ever lived
Tim: no one else better ever???
Matalin: ok there is fred thomspson
Murphy: Obama is like the hula hoop he's got the kids moving their hips
Shurm: Obama is touching people although i don't get it myself
Russert: is he too young?
Shrum: no he's not he's like JFK and people seem to like him
Carville: if you like Bush then you'll love McCain
Shrum: McCain is going to attack Iran!
Russert: he will probably die in office
Murphy: that's true so we should look forward to Presidents Crist or Ridge
Carville: nope Ridge is pro-choice
Matalin: McCain has to have a VP with no ambition
Russert: who will Obama or Clinton choose?
Murphy: an anti-war general or Bayh or Dodd
Shrum: Zinni or Wes Clark
Russert: i say Louis Farrakhan
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Democratic Debate - MSNBC - February 26, 2008
*****************************************
Democratic Debate
February 26, 2008
MSNBC
Sen. Hillary Clinton
Sen. Barack Obama
*****************************************
Brian Williams: Welcome to Ohio!! Home of 8 presidents - how the hell did that happen???
[applause]
Williams: this debate is like a Republican bathhouse - the only rule is that there are no rules!
Here to make me look even more handsome is Tim Russert
Russert: that's not what you said on Sept. 23, 1986
Williams: shut up Timmy
Williams: Hillary you flew into a rage at Obama do you have emotional problems?
Hillary: dammit he said i was in favor of NAFTA!
Obama: no that was BAFTA - i mean fuck daniel day lewis
Clinton: he said i would make people pay for their health care plan and that's not true because i would cover everyone - whereas he would not and hates sick people
Williams: now let me flash the Drudge photo again and cite the Drudge Report twice
Clinton: oh for fuck's sake
Obama: well that's fine she denies the whole Drudge thing although I doubt it - but let's talk about health care -- she never lets a day go by without reminding people that I would leave 15 million people to die in the street without health insurance
Clinton: oh yeah that's true
Obama: well she only covers people with a mandate that would include garnishing wages
Clinton: but those are free riders!
Obama: oh quit whining look at your Robo-calls
Clinton: no my lies on other issues are ok - but this issue is too important to send out bad mailings - its like the health insurance companies wrote it - i take on the insurers by requiring people to go out and buy health insurance
Obama: bullshit i care about sick people as much as you do
Clinton: we all must be in the same boat so insurers can't cherrry pick the sick people
Obama: criminy that does not make sense - of course insurers like a mandate and how does her plan bring down costs
Clinton: He's Barack Mandate Obama - he requires parents to go out and get insurance and it's so wrong to make parents take care of their children
Obama: wrong wrong demmit
Clinton: my plan is affordable because i have loads of subsidies and tax credits and i would limit the cost of premiums
Obama: its a gift to insurers
Clinton: health insurance is health care - there is no difference so ergo under your plan everyone dies
Obama: duh my plan makes parents get health insurance for their kids because it's affordable
Clinton: those young fuckers must be forced to buy health insurance they think they are immortal
Williams: maybe they're Highlanders
Clinton: Barack Obama is a big baby who needs a pillow and blankie
Obama: gawd 4 years of this will be friggin painful
Clinton: yes I was in favor of NAFTA - but we need a plan to fix the mistakes i made in 1996
Obama: i have one too -- elect me instead
Clinton: you need a time-out like the one we need for trade - i know that the blue collars joe sixpacks care about so i will say i do
Obama: mighty white of you
Clinton: NAFTA killed Ohio but Obama keeps criticizing me and that's mean
Obama: jeebus of course she was in favor of NAFTA - when I worked on the streets of Chicago a quarter of a century ago i saw devastation caused by poor trade agreements
Clinton: i can't believe your mommy let you out that late at night
Russert: gotcha hillary you said dozens of times that NAFTA was great and courageous - will you pull out of NAFTA
Clinton: i will renegotiate it - but to be fair NAFTA really was a good idea and courageous
Russert: so was it a good idea or not??
Clinton: Tim you don't have the entire record sometimes i say it's good and sometimes i don't - i've been entirely consistent
Russert: can you prove that?
Clinton: the Cleveland Plain Dealer said teh negro was lying
Clinton: this is NO FAIR - Obama and i never voted on NAFTA
Russert: but you were co-president
Clinton: was i?
Russert: Borat will you pull out?
Obama: i luv american workers but let's face it free trade fucks us over i want to be the Worker President
Russert: u scare me
Obama: american retirees should not be making hamburgers
Russert: i can haz cheeseburger?
Timmy: are you sure that NAFTA isn't great - i mean look at my underwear it's only costs $1 a pack and comes in XXXXL
Obama: well that's very nice Timmy but i'd like to talk about windmills
Russert: tonight will you pledge to revive the city of Buffalo
Clinton: Tim i'm running for president not Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot
Russert: but you lied about the jobs back in 2000
Clinton: hey fatty i thought al gore would be president all we need to do is elect a democrat
Russert: good point - Brian you try her she scares me
Williams: Hillary says you are just like George W Bush with no experience
Obama: that's because she is a creature of Washington - she is another John McCain who wants to stay in Iraq for 100 years
Brian: but she is against the war now
Obama: she freaked out when i said i would get tough on Pakistan but i was right
Clinton: i liberated ireland and gave a speech in china
Williams: but he was right about Iraq!
Clinton: i question his foreign policy judgment
Williams: give me an example of where he has been wrong
Clinton: he agreed with me on Iraq
Williams: wow that is dumb
Williams: but if he agreed with you then what makes you better?
Clinton: i went to 80 countries with the Bill Clinton presidency
Williams: were you qualified for that?
Clinton: shut up
Obama: look Hillary and George W. Bush drove the American bus into a ditch and i'm trying to get the bus out of the ditch but it's hard
Williams: you're a hot-head
Obama: i never said i would bomb Pakistan - i said we need to stop fucking around with the people who attacked on 9/11 it's about a speech it's a break with the Clinton-McCain Doctrine
Tim: if the iraqi government says we should leave but Bill Kristol says we should stay - should we leave???
Obama: of course motherfucker
Clinton: duh sovereignty dood
Tim: what if Al Qeada resurges and Iraq GOES TO HELL?????
Clinton: why don't you go to hell fatty?
Tim: will you re-invade if there is another civil war?
Clinton: sure sounds delightful pumpkinhaid
Obama: we're fucked in Afghanistan now - of course i will always reserve the right to invade anywhere monaco or Nantucket or wherever
Timmy: oh noes!!
Obama: fuck you timmy as commander in chief i won't be dicking around
Williams: Hillary mocked you dood
Hillary: celestial choirs!
Obama: sounds damm good to me
Hillary: ha ha ha ha
Williams: whut do u think Becky
Obama: look i get it - she has this whole thing where she says I'm all about speeches - well for 2 decades i've worked for people - sick people, wounded warriors, and unethical fucks in Congress - and i talked to working class white women and i said i'm not interested in talk or speeches and i'm interested in getting motherfucking shit done!
Clinton: hey giving bizarre speeches is my idea of fun - you know 15 years ago i failed at making universal health care plan happen so i know what i'm doing
Brian: naturally but what else?
Clinton: take on credit cards companies, dick cheney, and special interest and i am a fighter
Obama Clip: you can't run away from some things in teh White House but not others
Williams: you have to take the good and take the bad
Obama: and there you have it those are the Facts of Life
Williams: was she co-presnit?
Obama: Look fighting is not enough she ended up fighting Pat Moynihan - but look if you want a fighter hire a black man from the mean streets of chicago and not a fucking goldwater girl
Williams: damm - my negro gettin tough!
Obama: she takes cash from special interests she's part of the problem
Tim: there is nothing more important than adhering to my arbitrary standards - will you vote for John McCain??
Obama: look stupid my funding comes from small donors McCain's comes from 527s
Tim: but your word!!! Your pledge!
Obama: McCain is going to game this system
Russert: I am now going to talk for a half an hour about bullshit - your tax returns hillary
Clinton: sorry i fell asleep while you were talking
Russert: will you release 10,000 pages from teh Archives
Clinton: i don't run the National Archives dumbass
Russert: do you accept the support of the Scary Black Louis Farrakhan
Obama: no i don't
Russert: but will reject his vote?
Obama: well I can't-
Russert: but he said judaism was a gutter religion-
Obama: shut the fuck up shithead
Russert: but you think Farrakhan epitomizes greatness what about the Jews!!???!!?
Obama: one more such question and i will reach across the table punch that grin off your fat face
Hillary: there's a difference between denouncing and rejecting -- Obama is clearly an anti-semite
Obama: well since Hillary is going to lose this debate and the election i will be nice and give her the word reject - i reject Farrakan
Hillary: yay i win
William: well thank god we settled the all important Farrakhan Question now the people of Youngstown will get those jobs back
Williams: how can you possibly run as a black man with a more liberal record than Ted Kennedy???
Obama: ooooh i must be a Scary Liberal because I wanted an Independent Ethics Office within the U.S. Senate
Williams: but you're scary
Obama: Republicans like me because I'm gonna fight for americans
Williams: you're a Magic Negro
Russert: who will be the next President of Russia?
Hillary: he's a hand picked scary dood who's name i can't remember
Russert: what's his name
Clinton: Medvedvy something
Obama: yeah whatever Timmy
Russert: what if he invades Kosovo???
Obama: i will send the National Guard to occupy the set of Meet the Press
Russert: oh noes!
Obama: i'm not kidding you dumb fat mick
Russert: any regrets
Clinton: my iraq vote - but i was against the war - really!
Russert: so to be clear you would like a time machine
Clinton: yes
Tim: will you pledge to expend funds on a flux capacitor
Clinton: what a fucktard you are
Obama: look i like Hillary Clinton and we both have big egos but we have heard heart breaking stories and these people are just looking for a little help -- i am sure that when I am the White Knight Standard Bearer i will be great
Brian Williams: please say something nasty about Hillary
Obama: oh fuck off i am not going to answer that -- vote for me or don't - i've made my case
Clinton: seriously Brian I thought Tim Russert was bad but you are also a fucker -- look I am running to be the first woman and i do believe that i can make change happen better because i know where the bodies are buried and where the levers of power are and I will go to bat for the poor and middle class - it's time someone did dammit
Williams: I'm brian williams - big rush limbaugh fan - thanks and good night
Democratic Debate
February 26, 2008
MSNBC
Sen. Hillary Clinton
Sen. Barack Obama
*****************************************
Brian Williams: Welcome to Ohio!! Home of 8 presidents - how the hell did that happen???
[applause]
Williams: this debate is like a Republican bathhouse - the only rule is that there are no rules!
Here to make me look even more handsome is Tim Russert
Russert: that's not what you said on Sept. 23, 1986
Williams: shut up Timmy
Williams: Hillary you flew into a rage at Obama do you have emotional problems?
Hillary: dammit he said i was in favor of NAFTA!
Obama: no that was BAFTA - i mean fuck daniel day lewis
Clinton: he said i would make people pay for their health care plan and that's not true because i would cover everyone - whereas he would not and hates sick people
Williams: now let me flash the Drudge photo again and cite the Drudge Report twice
Clinton: oh for fuck's sake
Obama: well that's fine she denies the whole Drudge thing although I doubt it - but let's talk about health care -- she never lets a day go by without reminding people that I would leave 15 million people to die in the street without health insurance
Clinton: oh yeah that's true
Obama: well she only covers people with a mandate that would include garnishing wages
Clinton: but those are free riders!
Obama: oh quit whining look at your Robo-calls
Clinton: no my lies on other issues are ok - but this issue is too important to send out bad mailings - its like the health insurance companies wrote it - i take on the insurers by requiring people to go out and buy health insurance
Obama: bullshit i care about sick people as much as you do
Clinton: we all must be in the same boat so insurers can't cherrry pick the sick people
Obama: criminy that does not make sense - of course insurers like a mandate and how does her plan bring down costs
Clinton: He's Barack Mandate Obama - he requires parents to go out and get insurance and it's so wrong to make parents take care of their children
Obama: wrong wrong demmit
Clinton: my plan is affordable because i have loads of subsidies and tax credits and i would limit the cost of premiums
Obama: its a gift to insurers
Clinton: health insurance is health care - there is no difference so ergo under your plan everyone dies
Obama: duh my plan makes parents get health insurance for their kids because it's affordable
Clinton: those young fuckers must be forced to buy health insurance they think they are immortal
Williams: maybe they're Highlanders
Clinton: Barack Obama is a big baby who needs a pillow and blankie
Obama: gawd 4 years of this will be friggin painful
Clinton: yes I was in favor of NAFTA - but we need a plan to fix the mistakes i made in 1996
Obama: i have one too -- elect me instead
Clinton: you need a time-out like the one we need for trade - i know that the blue collars joe sixpacks care about so i will say i do
Obama: mighty white of you
Clinton: NAFTA killed Ohio but Obama keeps criticizing me and that's mean
Obama: jeebus of course she was in favor of NAFTA - when I worked on the streets of Chicago a quarter of a century ago i saw devastation caused by poor trade agreements
Clinton: i can't believe your mommy let you out that late at night
Russert: gotcha hillary you said dozens of times that NAFTA was great and courageous - will you pull out of NAFTA
Clinton: i will renegotiate it - but to be fair NAFTA really was a good idea and courageous
Russert: so was it a good idea or not??
Clinton: Tim you don't have the entire record sometimes i say it's good and sometimes i don't - i've been entirely consistent
Russert: can you prove that?
Clinton: the Cleveland Plain Dealer said teh negro was lying
Clinton: this is NO FAIR - Obama and i never voted on NAFTA
Russert: but you were co-president
Clinton: was i?
Russert: Borat will you pull out?
Obama: i luv american workers but let's face it free trade fucks us over i want to be the Worker President
Russert: u scare me
Obama: american retirees should not be making hamburgers
Russert: i can haz cheeseburger?
Timmy: are you sure that NAFTA isn't great - i mean look at my underwear it's only costs $1 a pack and comes in XXXXL
Obama: well that's very nice Timmy but i'd like to talk about windmills
Russert: tonight will you pledge to revive the city of Buffalo
Clinton: Tim i'm running for president not Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot
Russert: but you lied about the jobs back in 2000
Clinton: hey fatty i thought al gore would be president all we need to do is elect a democrat
Russert: good point - Brian you try her she scares me
Williams: Hillary says you are just like George W Bush with no experience
Obama: that's because she is a creature of Washington - she is another John McCain who wants to stay in Iraq for 100 years
Brian: but she is against the war now
Obama: she freaked out when i said i would get tough on Pakistan but i was right
Clinton: i liberated ireland and gave a speech in china
Williams: but he was right about Iraq!
Clinton: i question his foreign policy judgment
Williams: give me an example of where he has been wrong
Clinton: he agreed with me on Iraq
Williams: wow that is dumb
Williams: but if he agreed with you then what makes you better?
Clinton: i went to 80 countries with the Bill Clinton presidency
Williams: were you qualified for that?
Clinton: shut up
Obama: look Hillary and George W. Bush drove the American bus into a ditch and i'm trying to get the bus out of the ditch but it's hard
Williams: you're a hot-head
Obama: i never said i would bomb Pakistan - i said we need to stop fucking around with the people who attacked on 9/11 it's about a speech it's a break with the Clinton-McCain Doctrine
Tim: if the iraqi government says we should leave but Bill Kristol says we should stay - should we leave???
Obama: of course motherfucker
Clinton: duh sovereignty dood
Tim: what if Al Qeada resurges and Iraq GOES TO HELL?????
Clinton: why don't you go to hell fatty?
Tim: will you re-invade if there is another civil war?
Clinton: sure sounds delightful pumpkinhaid
Obama: we're fucked in Afghanistan now - of course i will always reserve the right to invade anywhere monaco or Nantucket or wherever
Timmy: oh noes!!
Obama: fuck you timmy as commander in chief i won't be dicking around
Williams: Hillary mocked you dood
Hillary: celestial choirs!
Obama: sounds damm good to me
Hillary: ha ha ha ha
Williams: whut do u think Becky
Obama: look i get it - she has this whole thing where she says I'm all about speeches - well for 2 decades i've worked for people - sick people, wounded warriors, and unethical fucks in Congress - and i talked to working class white women and i said i'm not interested in talk or speeches and i'm interested in getting motherfucking shit done!
Clinton: hey giving bizarre speeches is my idea of fun - you know 15 years ago i failed at making universal health care plan happen so i know what i'm doing
Brian: naturally but what else?
Clinton: take on credit cards companies, dick cheney, and special interest and i am a fighter
Obama Clip: you can't run away from some things in teh White House but not others
Williams: you have to take the good and take the bad
Obama: and there you have it those are the Facts of Life
Williams: was she co-presnit?
Obama: Look fighting is not enough she ended up fighting Pat Moynihan - but look if you want a fighter hire a black man from the mean streets of chicago and not a fucking goldwater girl
Williams: damm - my negro gettin tough!
Obama: she takes cash from special interests she's part of the problem
Tim: there is nothing more important than adhering to my arbitrary standards - will you vote for John McCain??
Obama: look stupid my funding comes from small donors McCain's comes from 527s
Tim: but your word!!! Your pledge!
Obama: McCain is going to game this system
Russert: I am now going to talk for a half an hour about bullshit - your tax returns hillary
Clinton: sorry i fell asleep while you were talking
Russert: will you release 10,000 pages from teh Archives
Clinton: i don't run the National Archives dumbass
Russert: do you accept the support of the Scary Black Louis Farrakhan
Obama: no i don't
Russert: but will reject his vote?
Obama: well I can't-
Russert: but he said judaism was a gutter religion-
Obama: shut the fuck up shithead
Russert: but you think Farrakhan epitomizes greatness what about the Jews!!???!!?
Obama: one more such question and i will reach across the table punch that grin off your fat face
Hillary: there's a difference between denouncing and rejecting -- Obama is clearly an anti-semite
Obama: well since Hillary is going to lose this debate and the election i will be nice and give her the word reject - i reject Farrakan
Hillary: yay i win
William: well thank god we settled the all important Farrakhan Question now the people of Youngstown will get those jobs back
Williams: how can you possibly run as a black man with a more liberal record than Ted Kennedy???
Obama: ooooh i must be a Scary Liberal because I wanted an Independent Ethics Office within the U.S. Senate
Williams: but you're scary
Obama: Republicans like me because I'm gonna fight for americans
Williams: you're a Magic Negro
Russert: who will be the next President of Russia?
Hillary: he's a hand picked scary dood who's name i can't remember
Russert: what's his name
Clinton: Medvedvy something
Obama: yeah whatever Timmy
Russert: what if he invades Kosovo???
Obama: i will send the National Guard to occupy the set of Meet the Press
Russert: oh noes!
Obama: i'm not kidding you dumb fat mick
Russert: any regrets
Clinton: my iraq vote - but i was against the war - really!
Russert: so to be clear you would like a time machine
Clinton: yes
Tim: will you pledge to expend funds on a flux capacitor
Clinton: what a fucktard you are
Obama: look i like Hillary Clinton and we both have big egos but we have heard heart breaking stories and these people are just looking for a little help -- i am sure that when I am the White Knight Standard Bearer i will be great
Brian Williams: please say something nasty about Hillary
Obama: oh fuck off i am not going to answer that -- vote for me or don't - i've made my case
Clinton: seriously Brian I thought Tim Russert was bad but you are also a fucker -- look I am running to be the first woman and i do believe that i can make change happen better because i know where the bodies are buried and where the levers of power are and I will go to bat for the poor and middle class - it's time someone did dammit
Williams: I'm brian williams - big rush limbaugh fan - thanks and good night
Sunday, February 24, 2008
MEET THE PRESS with Ralph Nader - February 24, 2008 -
************************************
Meet The Press
February 24, 2008
Guest: Ralph Nader
************************************
Russert: will you run for President and help elect another Republican?
Nader: Look at Frank Luntz and Palestine anyone would conclude a lunatic like me should run for president
Russert: oh of course
Nader: the Pentagon spends a lot of money
Rusert: but they have invisible jets!
Nader: the nation is clamoring to repeal the Taft Hartley Act
Russert: oh definitely
Nader: i don't want to run but the people are demanding I run for example all the anti-slavery advocates
Russert: you elected George W. Bush
Nader: doesn't matter Jeb Bush would have stolen another 97,000 votes
Russert: is that the deal you had with him?
Nader: no the Mayor of Miami is responsible for Gore losing
Russert: you’re full of excuses
Nader: i'm amazed at the commie liberal intelligentsia who hate the voters
Russert: you’re a crackpot
Nader: get over it let's have multiple choice
Russert: you’re a spoiler
Nader: no they spoiled the system by suppressing me
Russert: Obama sez yur an egomanical nut
Nader: Obama is brilliant
Russert: so why not support him?
Nader: he has no sympathy for deaths of Palestinians and he should get involved in the Israeli intellectual peace movement
Russert: isn't that another country?
Nader: Congress has to solve the Israeli land issue
Russert: how will you feel about handing the election to the GOP?
Nader: it won't be so bad they are only criminals and evil and McCain is a vicious war monger
Russert: do you even see any differences between Dems and the GOP
Nader: Obama is a corporate lackey with no courage to get things done for the American people
Russert: do you have the courage to run for the Senate and get things done for the American people?
Nader: i have the courage to preen once every four years and talk about how wonderful I am
Russert: you’re old
Nader: David Letterman is very, very unfair
Russert: he's a fucking comedian dumbass
Nader: i will receive no money except from Republicans
Russert: will you waste money like Hillary?
Nader: no i will not buy any doughnuts
Russert: you have ruined your reputation by acting like a complete jackass
Nader: people die from hospital infections - only I can stop that
Russert: are you completely psychotic
Nader: it will be very easy for the Green party to turn over Congress and win the White House if we organize
Russert: dude you got lost on your way from the Green Room
[ break ]
Russert: Oooh it's a close one Obama barely leads in elected delegates
CTodd: she could win big three out of four states and still be screwed
Timmy: why?
CTodd: Texas chooses their delegates based on who can outrun longhorn steers in downtown Fort Worth and he's a very fast runner
Tim: well that is strange
Norris: it's worse than that - she has to run in high heels - the rules are really against her in Texas
Tim: wow that sounds bad
Russert: Hillary went ballistic this week what happened to the nice white lady?
Goodwin: she took the high road knowing she would lose but then Obama brought up that she supported NAFTA in 1996 and that is just very low politics
Russert: She says Obama is just like George W Bush because Bush promised change just like Barack does
Brooks: What the fuck does that even mean? i admire her but this ridiculous and anyway it's all slipping away from the campaign
Tim: why did they lose?
Brooks: because he's young and hungry like Mr. T in Rocky III
Norris: the Clinton campaign is accusing someone else of having no shame is really amazing
Obama: words matter look at the Declaration of Independence
Timmy: wow he stole line that from Thomas Jefferson
Obama: yeah but Jefferson stole it from John Locke
Clinton: that guy from “Lost” is running Obama's campaign and that's not real change
Goodwin: who among us hasn't committed plagiarism now and then
Tim: hell i though Deval Patrick and Obama were the same guy
Brooks: they're not? oh wow
Russert: Hillary steals lines too
Brooks: all they do is talk, talk, talk, - it ruins your brain
Russert: well that explains why i forgot how to use a spoon
CTodd: they just cannot believe they're losing to a state senator
Norris: they're trying to flush him out and make him the bad guy
Russert: will he take the Clinton bait?
Norris: no he’s too dignified
Timmy: Hillary took from Carter who took from Nixon who took from FDR who took it from some Hayes in 1876 who took it from Cicero who took from Og of the Wolf Clan who took from John McCain
Brooks: she should attack Obama on why he wasn't one of the Gang of 14 who have brought us wonderful bipartisanship
Goodwin: yeah that will work stupid
Russert: McCain is pure i love it
Norris: he was winning against the NY Times but then he fucked up by lying
Russert: but he can't lie
Norris: that was true until he became a presidential nominee
Ctodd: he is fucked because he has no money
Goodwin: so sad reporters knew Harding had an affair with Churchill but never said anything - they just sent Warren to the Orient
Russert: how did that go
Goodwin: it helped America
Brooks: who among us has not written letters in exchange to the FCC for $20,000 in cash?
Goodwin: McCain benefits from the Clenis now no one cares about sex
Timmy: McCain owns national security but Obama says he at least was against the whole concept of invading Iraq
Todd: he finally proved he could be a commander by giving that line
Russert: our young Jedi is learning
Todd: McCain really isn't good after 5:00 p.m.
Brooks: the election will depend on how terrified voters are
Goodwin: John McCain could be president how could you not be?
Meet The Press
February 24, 2008
Guest: Ralph Nader
************************************
Russert: will you run for President and help elect another Republican?
Nader: Look at Frank Luntz and Palestine anyone would conclude a lunatic like me should run for president
Russert: oh of course
Nader: the Pentagon spends a lot of money
Rusert: but they have invisible jets!
Nader: the nation is clamoring to repeal the Taft Hartley Act
Russert: oh definitely
Nader: i don't want to run but the people are demanding I run for example all the anti-slavery advocates
Russert: you elected George W. Bush
Nader: doesn't matter Jeb Bush would have stolen another 97,000 votes
Russert: is that the deal you had with him?
Nader: no the Mayor of Miami is responsible for Gore losing
Russert: you’re full of excuses
Nader: i'm amazed at the commie liberal intelligentsia who hate the voters
Russert: you’re a crackpot
Nader: get over it let's have multiple choice
Russert: you’re a spoiler
Nader: no they spoiled the system by suppressing me
Russert: Obama sez yur an egomanical nut
Nader: Obama is brilliant
Russert: so why not support him?
Nader: he has no sympathy for deaths of Palestinians and he should get involved in the Israeli intellectual peace movement
Russert: isn't that another country?
Nader: Congress has to solve the Israeli land issue
Russert: how will you feel about handing the election to the GOP?
Nader: it won't be so bad they are only criminals and evil and McCain is a vicious war monger
Russert: do you even see any differences between Dems and the GOP
Nader: Obama is a corporate lackey with no courage to get things done for the American people
Russert: do you have the courage to run for the Senate and get things done for the American people?
Nader: i have the courage to preen once every four years and talk about how wonderful I am
Russert: you’re old
Nader: David Letterman is very, very unfair
Russert: he's a fucking comedian dumbass
Nader: i will receive no money except from Republicans
Russert: will you waste money like Hillary?
Nader: no i will not buy any doughnuts
Russert: you have ruined your reputation by acting like a complete jackass
Nader: people die from hospital infections - only I can stop that
Russert: are you completely psychotic
Nader: it will be very easy for the Green party to turn over Congress and win the White House if we organize
Russert: dude you got lost on your way from the Green Room
[ break ]
Russert: Oooh it's a close one Obama barely leads in elected delegates
CTodd: she could win big three out of four states and still be screwed
Timmy: why?
CTodd: Texas chooses their delegates based on who can outrun longhorn steers in downtown Fort Worth and he's a very fast runner
Tim: well that is strange
Norris: it's worse than that - she has to run in high heels - the rules are really against her in Texas
Tim: wow that sounds bad
Russert: Hillary went ballistic this week what happened to the nice white lady?
Goodwin: she took the high road knowing she would lose but then Obama brought up that she supported NAFTA in 1996 and that is just very low politics
Russert: She says Obama is just like George W Bush because Bush promised change just like Barack does
Brooks: What the fuck does that even mean? i admire her but this ridiculous and anyway it's all slipping away from the campaign
Tim: why did they lose?
Brooks: because he's young and hungry like Mr. T in Rocky III
Norris: the Clinton campaign is accusing someone else of having no shame is really amazing
Obama: words matter look at the Declaration of Independence
Timmy: wow he stole line that from Thomas Jefferson
Obama: yeah but Jefferson stole it from John Locke
Clinton: that guy from “Lost” is running Obama's campaign and that's not real change
Goodwin: who among us hasn't committed plagiarism now and then
Tim: hell i though Deval Patrick and Obama were the same guy
Brooks: they're not? oh wow
Russert: Hillary steals lines too
Brooks: all they do is talk, talk, talk, - it ruins your brain
Russert: well that explains why i forgot how to use a spoon
CTodd: they just cannot believe they're losing to a state senator
Norris: they're trying to flush him out and make him the bad guy
Russert: will he take the Clinton bait?
Norris: no he’s too dignified
Timmy: Hillary took from Carter who took from Nixon who took from FDR who took it from some Hayes in 1876 who took it from Cicero who took from Og of the Wolf Clan who took from John McCain
Brooks: she should attack Obama on why he wasn't one of the Gang of 14 who have brought us wonderful bipartisanship
Goodwin: yeah that will work stupid
Russert: McCain is pure i love it
Norris: he was winning against the NY Times but then he fucked up by lying
Russert: but he can't lie
Norris: that was true until he became a presidential nominee
Ctodd: he is fucked because he has no money
Goodwin: so sad reporters knew Harding had an affair with Churchill but never said anything - they just sent Warren to the Orient
Russert: how did that go
Goodwin: it helped America
Brooks: who among us has not written letters in exchange to the FCC for $20,000 in cash?
Goodwin: McCain benefits from the Clenis now no one cares about sex
Timmy: McCain owns national security but Obama says he at least was against the whole concept of invading Iraq
Todd: he finally proved he could be a commander by giving that line
Russert: our young Jedi is learning
Todd: McCain really isn't good after 5:00 p.m.
Brooks: the election will depend on how terrified voters are
Goodwin: John McCain could be president how could you not be?
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