Meet The Press
March 9, 2008
Sen. Tom Daschle
Gov. Ed Rendell
Russert: omg Obama has a slight lead among delegates!!!!!!
Daschle: as an Obama surrogate i would say its possible he could win
Russert: whoa - calm down dood
Daschle: the will of the people should be respected, or not, you know, whatever
Russert: will you vote for Hillary is Obama has more elected delegates
Daschle: sure i guess you know maybe
Russert: what if Hillary has more popular votes but fewer delegates
Daschle: well she will have lost Tim
Russert: but she won Texas which you have to win in order to be the Democratic President
Daschle: whatever fathead
Russert: ok Hillary Clinton is losing - Ed what is today's plan for stealing the election?
Rendell: today's plan is analyze the map by electoral college votes
Tim: you're kidding
Rendell: also Utah is irrelevant but Texas is key
Tim: oh of course
Rendell: we must have a revote in Florida
Tim: you lost Michigan
Rendell: hey she was the only name on the ballot that is very very hard to win
Tim: what about a caucus?
Rendell: Older People are banned from voting in caucuses did you know that Tim?
Tim: no i didn't
Daschle: well it's news to me that caucuses hate older people i wish the Clinton campaign had said that back in Iowa and Nevada
Tim: why do you hate the elderly and shift workers?
Daschle: oh well it's just the rules
Tim: should we privatize America's elections?
Daschle: well we privatize the results so why not?
Russert: should Obama be the candidate if he wins the most delegates?
Rendell: absolutely not the nominee should be whoever wins Texas
Russert: so how do shut up the whiny black people and young punks
Rendell: i tell them to fuck off wiz wit
Daschle: i could make a compelling and boring argument that Obama should be the nominee
Timmy: Hillary is trying to get the nomination by promising Obama the VP ticket
Rendell: it's a dream ticket!
Russert: so he's qualified to be Commander in Chief
Rendell: well i guess so
Timster: but Hillary says all Obama has is one speech
Rendell: he's very articulate and talented
Timmy: but why is she praising McCain and dissing Obama
Rendell: she scares me Tim but that's what makes her ready
Russert: look Daschle be honest he's young and he's black shouldn't he just be the vice president???
Daschle: he's the one who is leading
Russert: but he's black!
Dashcle: and she was arranging flowers for eight years big deal
Russert: well he's still black
Daschle: yes i know - he's also winning
Russert: would he accept her as Veep
Russert: but we need to move on from the Clinton sex scandals
Daschle: true but that was her husband
Russert: what a race ha!
Balz: they must have a re-vote in FL and MI
Tim: so donors would finance elections?
Balz: The Democratic Primary Brought to You By Tropicana
Harwood: Clinton will hold her breath if they schedule a caucus
Brownstein: the Caucus Belli
Brownstein: they are tied we should turn it over to a computer
Harwood: well that would save money
Russert: if Obama wins Indiana that would be cool
Ifill: that doesn't count that's just Ku KLux Klan voting for the guy who's mother was white
Russert: good point
Ifill: he's not who he says he is - for example - Obama is black
Russert: omg has he condemmed Idi Amin!?!?!
Brownstein: Superdelegates are a mysterious race of genetically superior beings
Ifill: they transcend race and gender - they glow with their own inner light
Hardwood: size matters that favors Obama
Tim: Obama takes credit for defeating Denny Hastert
Russert: if Obama unqualified or should he be president after Hillary is impeached???
Balz: i liked Obama until that red phone ad - that ad raised many important questions about him
Russert: omg the two campaigns are sniping and name calling!!!
Harwood: shocking tim
Russert: but in a general election people like Ken Starr!
Ifill: who like ken starr tim???
Tim: all my friends in Nantucket
Hardwood: samatha power called hillary a monster
Dan Balz: i'd still hit it
Russert: let's talk more about Samatha Power
Ifill: hey 63,000 jobs were lost
Balz: oh noes
Brownstein: Power is a brilliant journalist
Ifill: that's damming with faint praise
Hardwood: Pelosi said the ‘3:00 a.m.’ ad was the suck
Russert: she flip flopped on her tax returns
Russert: bill bradley went on PBS and bashed Clinton
Ifill: both people watching must have been shocked
Tim: she's hiding the donors to the library
Balz: what if monica donated?
Harwood: and she hasn't been vetted
Brownstein: none of this will change anything - they will have to agree to be co-Triumvirs like Mark Antony and Octavian
Russert: that worked out very well
Russert: they are fighting so much how do we resolve this in August
Harwood: if Obama has more votes, more delegates and more states, then he should be the nominee
Russert: even though he's black?
Hardwood: amazing but true
Ifill: Clinton says only the big states should count which is odd
Brownstein: VP as consolation prize
Balz: Superdelegates will ask who has held up and performed and found the super-D G spot
Russert: Karl Rove says it's actually bad for McCain all the attention is on Clobama
Ifill: who the fuck is McCain
Russert: white women will vote for McCain over Obama and so will blacks if Hillary is
Balz: so put them both on the ticket
Russert: but no white men - so sad