Jon
Karl
Gio
Benitez
Dan
Abrams
Guests:
Sen.
Bernie Sanders (I-VT)
Gov.
Bobby Jindal (R-LA)
Raddatz:
OMG Bernie Sanders
is
closing in on Hillary Clinton!
Raddatz:
holy crap Trump and
Ben
Carson are beating everyone!
Raddatz:
biggest surprise is Clinton
is
below 50% which means she's doooomed!
Karl:
Trump is scaring the GOP!
Karl:
Clinton is trailing a
socialist
in New Hampshire!
Karl:
Clinton has a less than
commanding
lead in Iowa!
Karl:
the Clinton e-mails!
Karl:
Joe Biden run! Or maybe not!
Karl:
Trump is riding high everywhere!
Karl:
but he's a racist lunatic!
Jeb:
Trump BE CRAZY YO
Karl:
Clinton is a liar!
Trump
is a arrogant blowhard!
Raddatz:
welcome Bernie Sanders
Sanders:
good morning Martha
Raddatz:
please bash Hillary for me
Sanders:
the American people
don't
want all the wealth going to top 1%
Raddatz:
people don't like Clinton
but
they also don't like you
Sanders:
I'm gaining support with
people
who think corporations are not people
Raddatz:
those people are weird
Sanders:
we also need affordable
college
and to combat climate change
Raddatz:
whoa slow down crazy man
Sanders:
I'm not anti–Clinton
– I'm
pro-Sanders
Raddatz:
you disappoint me Bennie
Sanders:
sorry Mary
Raddatz:
you're weak on
attacking
our enemies
Sanders:
I voted against the
war
in Iraq and I was right
Raddatz:
but you voted against
the
first Persian Gulf War and
that
was a really fun war
Sanders:
I was right about that too
Raddatz:
oh really?
Sanders:
we could have given
Saddam
a villa in Monte Carlo
and
he would have quit
Raddatz:
but he invaded Kuwait –
you
can't just invade a country in the
Middle
East because you want to!
Sanders:
I've heard that
Raddatz:
I worry you would only
start
a war unless we're attacked
first
which is just crazy
Sanders:
Saudi Arabia should take
the
lead in the Middle East – they're
rich
and crazy which makes them
more
than qualified
Raddatz:
Iran will walk all over America
if
you're President because
you're
a weak socialist
Sanders:
fuck that shit –
you
don't want to make this
Jew
from New York angry
Raddatz:
oooh
Sanders:
you don't want to
see
me when I'm angry!
Raddatz:
would you do away
with
the drone program
Sanders:
some drones are
good
and some are bad
Raddatz:
could you simplify that for me
Sanders:
killing innocent civilians
is
counter-productive Martha
Raddatz:
thanks for coming Bern
Sanders:
you too Martha
[
break ]
Raddatz:
welcome Governor Jindal
Jindal:
nice to be here Martha
Raddatz:
will Trump run a third-party campaign?
Jindal:
what am I a soothsayer
Raddatz:
if Trump is the nominee
would
you vote for him?
Jindal:
I'm going to be the nominee!
Raddatz:
no seriously
Jindal:
really I'm the best candidate!
Raddatz:
um okay
Jindal:
I reduced the size of government!
Raddatz:
with all due respect no one likes you
Jindal:
no one knows this
but
I'm very popular
Raddatz:
[ laughs ] yeah okay whatever
Jindal:
don't laugh Martha
Raddatz:
Donald Trump accused
a
Clinton aide of breaking the law
with
zero evidence
Jindal:
so what
Raddatz:
did Trump cross a line?
Jindal:
Clinton broke the law maybe!
She
could possibly go to jail!
Raddatz:
but should he accuse aides of criminality?
Jindal:
that's a distraction
Raddatz:
a distraction from what?
Jindal:
if the fake things are true
then
Clinton broke the law!
Raddatz:
truly you have a logical mind
Jindal:
Trump has tapped into
the
feeling acros the U.S. that
the
Clintons are somehow bad
Raddatz:
should the Republican
party
keep attacking immigrants?
Jindal:
we have a dumb immigration policy
Raddatz:
we all know that
Jindal:
immigrants need to learn English and adopt our values
Raddatz:
what does that mean?
Jindal:
it's an invasion!
Raddatz:
oh my
Jindal:
we need to stop
using
the term 'African-American'
Raddatz:
right
Jindal:
we didn't make African-Americans come here!
Raddatz:
that's not what I heard
Jindal:
hey-yo!
Raddatz:
if we get another
Republican
President are people
in
Louisana prepared for another Katrina?
Jindal:
the American people love each other!
Raddatz:
I'd say the jury's still out on that
Jindal:
the lesson of Katrina is
that
we don't need government
– we
can rely on charities to deal with hurricanes
Raddatz:
oh what a relief
Jindal:
there's more – we have
new levees and-
new levees and-
Raddatz:
sorry Bobby I have to go talk to someone relevant
Jindal:
okay bye
[
break ]
Raddatz:
oooh a prep school rape case!
Benitez:
the jury found him guilty
of
one thing and not guilty of other thing
Nancy
Grace: sex did occur!!
Reporter:
this is a very salacious
story
about an elite prep school
for
the rich and valueless
Benitez:
the school sent a letter to
parents
assuring them the values
students
learn will serve them well
as
CEOs and Wall Street bankers
Abrams:
this was a tough case
for
prosecutors – the jury believed
them
both but not entirely
Raddatz:
what is 'enticing a minor on a computer'
Abrams:
that law is not meant
for
teens chatting with each other
Raddatz:
are our elite perp
schools
doing enough about rape?
Abrams:
you mean for or against?
Raddatz:
oh snap
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