Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT)
Gov. Bobby Jindal (R-LA)
Raddatz: OMG Bernie Sanders
is closing in on Hillary Clinton!
Raddatz: holy crap Trump and
Ben Carson are beating everyone!
Raddatz: biggest surprise is Clinton
is below 50% which means she's doooomed!
Karl: Trump is scaring the GOP!
Karl: Clinton is trailing a
socialist in New Hampshire!
Karl: Clinton has a less than
commanding lead in Iowa!
Karl: the Clinton e-mails!
Karl: Joe Biden run! Or maybe not!
Karl: Trump is riding high everywhere!
Karl: but he's a racist lunatic!
Jeb: Trump BE CRAZY YO
Karl: Clinton is a liar!
Trump is a arrogant blowhard!
Raddatz: welcome Bernie Sanders
Sanders: good morning Martha
Raddatz: please bash Hillary for me
Sanders: the American people
don't want all the wealth going to top 1%
Raddatz: people don't like Clinton
but they also don't like you
Sanders: I'm gaining support with
people who think corporations are not people
Raddatz: those people are weird
Sanders: we also need affordable
college and to combat climate change
Raddatz: whoa slow down crazy man
Sanders: I'm not anti–Clinton
– I'm pro-Sanders
Raddatz: you disappoint me Bennie
Sanders: sorry Mary
Raddatz: you're weak on
attacking our enemies
Sanders: I voted against the
war in Iraq and I was right
Raddatz: but you voted against
the first Persian Gulf War and
that was a really fun war
Sanders: I was right about that too
Raddatz: oh really?
Sanders: we could have given
Saddam a villa in Monte Carlo
and he would have quit
Raddatz: but he invaded Kuwait –
you can't just invade a country in the
Middle East because you want to!
Sanders: I've heard that
Raddatz: I worry you would only
start a war unless we're attacked
first which is just crazy
Sanders: Saudi Arabia should take
the lead in the Middle East – they're
rich and crazy which makes them
more than qualified
Raddatz: Iran will walk all over America
if you're President because
you're a weak socialist
Sanders: fuck that shit –
you don't want to make this
Jew from New York angry
Sanders: you don't want to
see me when I'm angry!
Raddatz: would you do away
with the drone program
Sanders: some drones are
good and some are bad
Raddatz: could you simplify that for me
Sanders: killing innocent civilians
is counter-productive Martha
Raddatz: thanks for coming Bern
Sanders: you too Martha
[ break ]
Raddatz: welcome Governor Jindal
Jindal: nice to be here Martha
Raddatz: will Trump run a third-party campaign?
Jindal: what am I a soothsayer
Raddatz: if Trump is the nominee
would you vote for him?
Jindal: I'm going to be the nominee!
Raddatz: no seriously
Jindal: really I'm the best candidate!
Raddatz: um okay
Jindal: I reduced the size of government!
Raddatz: with all due respect no one likes you
Jindal: no one knows this
but I'm very popular
Raddatz: [ laughs ] yeah okay whatever
Jindal: don't laugh Martha
Raddatz: Donald Trump accused
a Clinton aide of breaking the law
with zero evidence
Jindal: so what
Raddatz: did Trump cross a line?
Jindal: Clinton broke the law maybe!
She could possibly go to jail!
Raddatz: but should he accuse aides of criminality?
Jindal: that's a distraction
Raddatz: a distraction from what?
Jindal: if the fake things are true
then Clinton broke the law!
Raddatz: truly you have a logical mind
Jindal: Trump has tapped into
the feeling acros the U.S. that
the Clintons are somehow bad
Raddatz: should the Republican
party keep attacking immigrants?
Jindal: we have a dumb immigration policy
Raddatz: we all know that
Jindal: immigrants need to learn English and adopt our values
Raddatz: what does that mean?
Jindal: it's an invasion!
Raddatz: oh my
Jindal: we need to stop
using the term 'African-American'
Jindal: we didn't make African-Americans come here!
Raddatz: that's not what I heard
Raddatz: if we get another
Republican President are people
in Louisana prepared for another Katrina?
Jindal: the American people love each other!
Raddatz: I'd say the jury's still out on that
Jindal: the lesson of Katrina is
that we don't need government
– we can rely on charities to deal with hurricanes
Raddatz: oh what a relief
Jindal: there's more – we have
new levees and-
new levees and-
Raddatz: sorry Bobby I have to go talk to someone relevant
Jindal: okay bye
[ break ]
Raddatz: oooh a prep school rape case!
Benitez: the jury found him guilty
of one thing and not guilty of other thing
Nancy Grace: sex did occur!!
Reporter: this is a very salacious
story about an elite prep school
for the rich and valueless
Benitez: the school sent a letter to
parents assuring them the values
students learn will serve them well
as CEOs and Wall Street bankers
Abrams: this was a tough case
for prosecutors – the jury believed
them both but not entirely
Raddatz: what is 'enticing a minor on a computer'
Abrams: that law is not meant
for teens chatting with each other
Raddatz: are our elite perp
schools doing enough about rape?
Abrams: you mean for or against?
Raddatz: oh snap