Host:
Jonathan Karl
Reporters:
Cecilia
Vega
Tom
Llamas
Alex
Perez
Guests:
Steve
Ganyard
Donald
Trump
Rick
Santorum
Jack
Hanna
Karl:
omg the missing Malaysian
plane
might have been found!
Karl:
Steve does the new evidence
show
this is the missing plane?
Ganyard:
we don't know
Karl:
well does it show
where crashed?
Ganyard:
we don't know that either
Karl:
you're no fun
Karl:
omg is Joe Biden
about
to run for President!
Vega:
maybe!
Karl:
oh wow
Vega:
Biden is 90% in!
Karl:
fantastic
Vega:
Clinton is popular but
people
love them handsome Joe
Vega:
Beau Biden wanted his dad to run
Vega:
he's not saying no!
Karl:
Trump is running!
Llamas:
Trump is not
preparing for the debates!
Llamas:
He's downplaying
expectations
Trump:
maybe I'll be terrible? who knows?
Llamas:
who will Trump attack? Wait and see!
Llamas:
Perry, Santorum and
Jindal are out!
Cruz:
Obama is a terrorist !
Pundit:
why do you like Trump?
Voter:
he's rich
Voter:
I want to be a billionaire!
Pundit:
what would a Trump
Presidency be like?
Voter:
classy!
Voter:
it would be a Presidency of hope
Silver:
he's got a few strong supporters
but
lots of people hate him
Llamas:
oh really?
Silver:
yes we may have reached Peak Trump
Karl:
Joe Biden is thinking of running!
[
break ]
Karl:
now Mr Donald Trump joins us by phone
Trump:
yeah hiya karl
Karl:
who would you rather beat
– Hillary
of Joe Biden?
Trump:
Hillary Clinton is a criminal
who
belongs in prison with General
Petraeus
who is a hero
Karl:
you've never debated before
Trump:
I'm not a debater – I'm a man of action
– like
Batman but more eccentric
Karl:
are you going to attack
your
opponents?
Trump:
I've been attacked viciously
and
only fought back
Karl:
Rand Paul says anyone
who
supports you is in insane
Trump:
I like him but he's weak on terrorism
Karl:
You once said good things about
Jeb
Bush and Rick Perry and Hillary Clinton
Trump:
I only said nice things about
politicians
because I need their
support
to get building projects done
Karl:
so you're saying you
and
George Pataki are corrupt
Trump:
they're beheading Christians!
Karl:
your opponents aren't doing that
Trump:
I pointed out that
Mexicans
are
rapists and now everyone is apologizing to me
Karl:
you said Obama is so bad America
won't
ever vote for a black person again
Trump:
Obama is losing to Japan and Vietnam!
Karl:
I see
Trump:
Saudi Arabia doesn't
pay for
it's
own defense therefore a black
person
can never be President
Karl:
what does that have to do with him Obama
being black?
Trump:
everything! Obama's
blackness defines him!
Karl:
I see
Trump:
like Bush is a loser
and I'm an asshole
Karl:
I get it
Trump:
Obama because he's
done nothing for black people
Karl:
like that time he
caused
the recession in 2007
Trump:
I thought he Obama
would
be
a cheerleader for this country
but
he turned out to be black
Karl:
that is sad
Trump:
Blacks are worse than ever
and
I will win the black vote
Karl:
who would you put on
the Supreme Court?
Trump:
someone smart
and conservative
Karl:
how you feel about
something
as reprehensible as
torture?
Trump:
I love it because
waterboarding
is almost
as bad as chopping
off heads
which I
haven't ruled out either
Karl:
who would be your
Secretary of State
Trump:
my secretaries are
always hot women
Karl:
how about Sarah
Palin?
Trump:
she's great and the
press
has
treated her very unfairly
Karl:
Reince Preibus said you should
pledge
not to run a third party
Trump:
if I'm treated fairly I won't
do it but
if I'm not treated
nice I
may wreck the party
Karl:
certainly a reasonable position
Trump:
extortion is standard in my busines
Karl:
thanks for coming Mr Trump
Trump:
[ hangs up ]
[
break ]
Karl:
Trump isn't ruling out a third party
Santorum:
I'm not worried about that
Karl:
you should be
Santorum:
Karl:
you were the runner-up last
time
and you won't even qualify
for
the first debate
Santorum:
it's stupid – the last time
I
was at 1% and ended up winning
11
states including Iowa
Karl:
most impressive
Santorum:
people are concerned
that
the media is culling the field
Karl:
but
the Republican party
has
signed off on this fiasco
Santorum:
well they're wrong
Karl:
anyway you're losing
now
Santorum:
I'm not worried
about
what happens in August
Karl:
okay but you're
polling less
than
1% in Iowa – why does no one like you?
Santorum:
most people I talk to
tell
me they'll think about voting for me
Karl:
I hate to break this
to you
Rick
but that's a polite
way of
telling
you they don't like you
Santorum:
come February we'll surprise you!
Karl:
thanks Rick
Karl:
omg an American dentist lured a beloved lion
Perez:
Jericho the lion is still alive!
Perez:
but outrage is brewing
over
the killing of this beloved icon
Perez:
there's no public sighting
of
that dentist who has gone into hiding
Perez:
Zimbabwe wants his ass in jail
Perez:
all this raises questions about
why
the fuck people are paying to kill
an
endangered species
Perez:
but hunters say they love
lions
which is why they kill them
Karl:
welcome Jack Hanna
Hanna:
nice to be here Jonathan
Karl:
what was your reaction when
you
heard this magnificent lion had
been
killed so an American could
have
a sick trophy
Hanna:
I've raised lions by the way
Karl:
well haven't we all
Hanna:
in the 1940s there 450,000
lions
and now there are less than 30,000
Karl:
what was your reaction
Hanna:
this lion was habituated
Karl:
he was on drugs?
Hanna:
no it means he was used to people
– I
even filmed there a few years ago
Karl:
that's cool
Hanna:
If drag a carcass to you
trick
the lion to walk over to the
unprotected
side so you can kill
it
that's illegal and reprehensible
Karl:
that sounds right
Hanna:
and if shoot a lion with
a
collar or removing the lion's
collar
that is also illegal
Hanna:
and they didn't have the right permits
Karl:
what should happen to the dentist?
Hanna:
well we put people in prison
in
the U.S. for similar actions
Karl:
you think he should be punished?
Hanna:
yes I think all good hunters
would agree
Karl:
right
Hanna:
although not necessarily
a Zimbabwe prison
Hanna:
he had to know what was going on
Karl:
should we put an end to trophy hunting?
Hanna:
yes - especially for
endangered species!
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