Sunday, August 02, 2015

This Week with George Stephanopoulos – August 2, 2015

Host: Jonathan Karl
Cecilia Vega
Tom Llamas
Alex Perez
Steve Ganyard
Donald Trump
Rick Santorum
Jack Hanna

Karl: omg the missing Malaysian
plane might have been found!

Karl: Steve does the new evidence
show this is the missing plane?

Ganyard: we don't know

Karl: well does it show where crashed?

Ganyard: we don't know that either

Karl: you're no fun

Karl: omg is Joe Biden
about to run for President!

Vega: maybe!

Karl: oh wow

Vega: Biden is 90% in!

Karl: fantastic

Vega: Clinton is popular but
people love them handsome Joe

Vega: Beau Biden wanted his dad to run

Vega: he's not saying no!

Karl: Trump is running!

Llamas: Trump is not preparing for the debates!

Llamas: He's downplaying expectations

Trump: maybe I'll be terrible? who knows?

Llamas: who will Trump attack? Wait and see!

Llamas: Perry, Santorum and Jindal are out!

Cruz: Obama is a terrorist !

Pundit: why do you like Trump?

Voter: he's rich

Voter: I want to be a billionaire!

Pundit: what would a Trump 
Presidency be like?

Voter: classy!

Voter: it would be a Presidency of hope

Silver: he's got a few strong supporters
but lots of people hate him

Llamas: oh really?

Silver: yes we may have reached Peak Trump

Karl: Joe Biden is thinking of running!

[ break ]

Karl: now Mr Donald Trump joins us by phone

Trump: yeah hiya karl

Karl: who would you rather beat
Hillary of Joe Biden?

Trump: Hillary Clinton is a criminal
who belongs in prison with General
Petraeus who is a hero

Karl: you've never debated before

Trump: I'm not a debater – I'm a man of action
like Batman but more eccentric

Karl: are you going to attack
your opponents?

Trump: I've been attacked viciously
and only fought back

Karl: Rand Paul says anyone
who supports you is in insane

Trump: I like him but he's weak on terrorism

Karl: You once said good things about
Jeb Bush and Rick Perry and Hillary Clinton

Trump: I only said nice things about
politicians because I need their
support to get building projects done

Karl: so you're saying you
and George Pataki are corrupt

Trump: they're beheading Christians!

Karl: your opponents aren't doing that

Trump: I pointed out that Mexicans
are rapists and now everyone is apologizing to me

Karl: you said Obama is so bad America
won't ever vote for a black person again

Trump: Obama is losing to Japan and Vietnam!

Karl: I see

Trump: Saudi Arabia doesn't pay for
it's own defense therefore a black
person can never be President

Karl: what does that have to do with him Obama being black?

Trump: everything! Obama's blackness defines him!

Karl: I see

Trump: like Bush is a loser 
and I'm an asshole

Karl: I get it

Trump: Obama because he's 
done nothing for black people

Karl: like that time he caused 
the recession in 2007

Trump: I thought he Obama would
be a cheerleader for this country
but he turned out to be black

Karl: that is sad

Trump: Blacks are worse than ever
and I will win the black vote

Karl: who would you put on 
the Supreme Court?

Trump: someone smart and conservative

Karl: how you feel about
something as reprehensible as torture?

Trump: I love it because waterboarding
is almost as bad as chopping off heads  
which I haven't ruled out either

Karl: who would be your Secretary of State

Trump: my secretaries are always hot women

Karl: how about Sarah Palin?

Trump: she's great and the press
has treated her very unfairly

Karl: Reince Preibus said you should
pledge not to run a third party

Trump: if I'm treated fairly I won't 
do it but if I'm not treated nice I 
may wreck the party

Karl: certainly a reasonable position

Trump: extortion is standard in my busines

Karl: thanks for coming Mr Trump

Trump: [ hangs up ]

[ break ]

Karl: Trump isn't ruling out a third party

Santorum: I'm not worried about that

Karl: you should be


Karl: you were the runner-up last
time and you won't even qualify
for the first debate

Santorum: it's stupid – the last time
I was at 1% and ended up winning
11 states including Iowa

Karl: most impressive

Santorum: people are concerned
that the media is culling the field

Karl: but the Republican party
has signed off on this fiasco

Santorum: well they're wrong

Karl: anyway you're losing now

Santorum: I'm not worried
about what happens in August

Karl: okay but you're polling less
than 1% in Iowa – why does no one like you?

Santorum: most people I talk to
tell me they'll think about voting for me

Karl: I hate to break this to you
Rick but that's a polite way of
telling you they don't like you

Santorum: come February we'll surprise you!

Karl: thanks Rick

Karl: omg an American dentist lured a beloved lion

Perez: Jericho the lion is still alive!

Perez: but outrage is brewing
over the killing of this beloved icon

Perez: there's no public sighting
of that dentist who has gone into hiding

Perez: Zimbabwe wants his ass in jail

Perez: all this raises questions about
why the fuck people are paying to kill
an endangered species

Perez: but hunters say they love
lions which is why they kill them

Karl: welcome Jack Hanna

Hanna: nice to be here Jonathan

Karl: what was your reaction when
you heard this magnificent lion had
been killed so an American could
have a sick trophy

Hanna: I've raised lions by the way

Karl: well haven't we all

Hanna: in the 1940s there 450,000
lions and now there are less than 30,000

Karl: what was your reaction

Hanna: this lion was habituated

Karl: he was on drugs?

Hanna: no it means he was used to people
I even filmed there a few years ago

Karl: that's cool

Hanna: If drag a carcass to you
trick the lion to walk over to the
unprotected side so you can kill
it that's illegal and reprehensible

Karl: that sounds right

Hanna: and if shoot a lion with
a collar or removing the lion's
collar that is also illegal

Hanna: and they didn't have the right permits

Karl: what should happen to the dentist?

Hanna: well we put people in prison
in the U.S. for similar actions

Karl: you think he should be punished?

Hanna: yes I think all good hunters 
would agree

Karl: right

Hanna: although not necessarily 
a Zimbabwe prison

Hanna: he had to know what was going on

Karl: should we put an end to trophy hunting?

Hanna: yes - especially for 
endangered species!

No comments: