Host: Jonathan Karl
Karl: omg the missing Malaysian
plane might have been found!
Karl: Steve does the new evidence
show this is the missing plane?
Ganyard: we don't know
Karl: well does it show where crashed?
Ganyard: we don't know that either
Karl: you're no fun
Karl: omg is Joe Biden
about to run for President!
Karl: oh wow
Vega: Biden is 90% in!
Vega: Clinton is popular but
people love them handsome Joe
Vega: Beau Biden wanted his dad to run
Vega: he's not saying no!
Karl: Trump is running!
Llamas: Trump is not preparing for the debates!
Llamas: He's downplaying expectations
Trump: maybe I'll be terrible? who knows?
Llamas: who will Trump attack? Wait and see!
Llamas: Perry, Santorum and Jindal are out!
Cruz: Obama is a terrorist !
Pundit: why do you like Trump?
Voter: he's rich
Voter: I want to be a billionaire!
Pundit: what would a Trump
Presidency be like?
Voter: it would be a Presidency of hope
Silver: he's got a few strong supporters
but lots of people hate him
Llamas: oh really?
Silver: yes we may have reached Peak Trump
Karl: Joe Biden is thinking of running!
[ break ]
Karl: now Mr Donald Trump joins us by phone
Trump: yeah hiya karl
Karl: who would you rather beat
– Hillary of Joe Biden?
Trump: Hillary Clinton is a criminal
who belongs in prison with General
Petraeus who is a hero
Karl: you've never debated before
Trump: I'm not a debater – I'm a man of action
– like Batman but more eccentric
Karl: are you going to attack
Trump: I've been attacked viciously
and only fought back
Karl: Rand Paul says anyone
who supports you is in insane
Trump: I like him but he's weak on terrorism
Karl: You once said good things about
Jeb Bush and Rick Perry and Hillary Clinton
Trump: I only said nice things about
politicians because I need their
support to get building projects done
Karl: so you're saying you
and George Pataki are corrupt
Trump: they're beheading Christians!
Karl: your opponents aren't doing that
Trump: I pointed out that Mexicans
are rapists and now everyone is apologizing to me
Karl: you said Obama is so bad America
won't ever vote for a black person again
Trump: Obama is losing to Japan and Vietnam!
Karl: I see
Trump: Saudi Arabia doesn't pay for
it's own defense therefore a black
person can never be President
Karl: what does that have to do with him Obama being black?
Trump: everything! Obama's blackness defines him!
Karl: I see
Trump: like Bush is a loser
and I'm an asshole
Karl: I get it
Trump: Obama because he's
done nothing for black people
Karl: like that time he caused
the recession in 2007
Trump: I thought he Obama would
be a cheerleader for this country
but he turned out to be black
Karl: that is sad
Trump: Blacks are worse than ever
and I will win the black vote
Karl: who would you put on
the Supreme Court?
Trump: someone smart and conservative
Karl: how you feel about
something as reprehensible as torture?
Trump: I love it because waterboarding
is almost as bad as chopping off heads
which I haven't ruled out either
Karl: who would be your Secretary of State
Trump: my secretaries are always hot women
Karl: how about Sarah Palin?
Trump: she's great and the press
has treated her very unfairly
Karl: Reince Preibus said you should
pledge not to run a third party
Trump: if I'm treated fairly I won't
do it but if I'm not treated nice I
may wreck the party
Karl: certainly a reasonable position
Trump: extortion is standard in my busines
Karl: thanks for coming Mr Trump
Trump: [ hangs up ]
[ break ]
Karl: Trump isn't ruling out a third party
Santorum: I'm not worried about that
Karl: you should be
Karl: you were the runner-up last
time and you won't even qualify
for the first debate
Santorum: it's stupid – the last time
I was at 1% and ended up winning
11 states including Iowa
Karl: most impressive
Santorum: people are concerned
that the media is culling the field
Karl: but the Republican party
has signed off on this fiasco
Santorum: well they're wrong
Karl: anyway you're losing now
Santorum: I'm not worried
about what happens in August
Karl: okay but you're polling less
than 1% in Iowa – why does no one like you?
Santorum: most people I talk to
tell me they'll think about voting for me
Karl: I hate to break this to you
Rick but that's a polite way of
telling you they don't like you
Santorum: come February we'll surprise you!
Karl: thanks Rick
Karl: omg an American dentist lured a beloved lion
Perez: Jericho the lion is still alive!
Perez: but outrage is brewing
over the killing of this beloved icon
Perez: there's no public sighting
of that dentist who has gone into hiding
Perez: Zimbabwe wants his ass in jail
Perez: all this raises questions about
why the fuck people are paying to kill
an endangered species
Perez: but hunters say they love
lions which is why they kill them
Karl: welcome Jack Hanna
Hanna: nice to be here Jonathan
Karl: what was your reaction when
you heard this magnificent lion had
been killed so an American could
have a sick trophy
Hanna: I've raised lions by the way
Karl: well haven't we all
Hanna: in the 1940s there 450,000
lions and now there are less than 30,000
Karl: what was your reaction
Hanna: this lion was habituated
Karl: he was on drugs?
Hanna: no it means he was used to people
– I even filmed there a few years ago
Karl: that's cool
Hanna: If drag a carcass to you
trick the lion to walk over to the
unprotected side so you can kill
it that's illegal and reprehensible
Karl: that sounds right
Hanna: and if shoot a lion with
a collar or removing the lion's
collar that is also illegal
Hanna: and they didn't have the right permits
Karl: what should happen to the dentist?
Hanna: well we put people in prison
in the U.S. for similar actions
Karl: you think he should be punished?
Hanna: yes I think all good hunters
Hanna: although not necessarily
a Zimbabwe prison
Hanna: he had to know what was going on
Karl: should we put an end to trophy hunting?
Hanna: yes - especially for