Guests:
John
Kerry – U.S. Sec. of State
Sen.
Lindsay Graham (R-SC)
Chuck
Todd
Kevin
Tibbles
Andrea
Mitchell
Ron
Fournier
Amy
Walter
Jason
Riley
Talking Parrot
Gregory:
what's going on in Ukraine Andrea?
Mitchell:
all evidence points to Putin's
policies
resulting in 298 civilians deaths
Gregory:
wow
Mitchell:
now what is Obama
going
to do about it?!?
Obama:
Putin is behind these deaths!
Mitchell:
Obama is unpopular
while
Putin is very popular
Gregory:
in the Beltway obviously
Mitchell:
does Europe have the
backbone
to punish Putin or
are
they selfish wimps?
Gregory:
good question Andrea
Mitchell:
but with more sanctions
would
Putin cave or will it start
a new Cold War?!?
Gregory:
we can only hope
Mitchell:
my god even a call from
John
Kerry didn't change Putin's mind
Gregory:
amazing
[
break ]
Gregory:
welcome Secretary Kerry
Kerry:
nice to see you David
Gregory:
Rebels are stealing human bodies
Kerry:
drunken separatists are taking
victims'
bodies and evidence and it's horrible
Gregory:
cripes
Kerry:
Russia supports and trains these
thugs and Putin needs to
step up here
and stop being
such an asshole
Gregory:
go on
Kerry:
Russia sends tanks and rocket
launchers
and missiles to these criminals
Gregory:
he's so fancy
Kerry:
the NSA managed to get a
recording
of a rebel soldier bragging
that
they shot down a cargo plane
Gregory:
how did they managed to get that?
Kerry:
a rebel posted it on his blog
Gregory:
you should never
live-tweet
a terror attack
Kerry:
probably not
Gregory:
did Russia provide
the missile or not?
Kerry:
we can't confirm that
but
yes they did
Gregory:
got it
[
winks ]
Kerry:
look the NSA has access to
rebel
instagram and facebook posts
bragging
about this – you figure it out
Gregory:
I'm trying
Kerry:
not to mention the rebels
are
covering the crash up
Gregory:
Ok so let's declare war
on
Russia or is Obama a wimp?
Kerry:
hey we imposed sanctions
on
Gazprom before the shoot down
Gregory:
dammit call Putin some
catchy
name like thug or axis of evil
Kerry:
words are irrelevant
Gregory:
words are my stock in trade
Kerry:
I thought it was facial expressions
Gregory:
let's get back to Putin
Kerry:
Putin has supplied and trained
and
inflamed these illegal criminal rebels
Gregory:
but isn't this a one-on-one
battle
between Obama and Putin
Kerry:
no
Gregory:
but this is the worst moment
for
U.S. – Russia relations ever
Kerry:
maybe but we're working with
Russia
on stopping Iran from
getting
a nuclear bomb and
siezing
Syria's chemical weapons
Gregory:
can't you call Putin
a
thug just once
Kerry:
Russia has to stop sending
weapons
to murderers
Gregory:
ooh
Kerry:
this is a Moment of Truth for Russia
Gregory:
Israel is bombing Gaza
Kerry:
Israel is under attack
by
rockets – no one likes rockets
Gregory:
except the ones with the red glare
Kerry:
Israel has every right to defend itself
Gregory:
no doubt
Kerry:
but we are trying to get a cease-fire
Gregory:
all right
Kerry:
but you can't reward terrorism
Gregory:
well sure
Kerry:
so we support the Egypt cease-fire plan
Gregory:
does Obama have a
weak
and uncertain foreign policy?
Kerry:
no that's stupid
Gregory:
I'm still asking
Kerry:
the U.S. have never been
more
engaged around the world
Gregory:
oh really
Kerry:
we're making progress in
North
Korea and Syria and
Iraq
and Afghanistan
Gregory:
okay but only
in
those four places
Kerry:
and we're getting Iran
to
give up its nuclear bomb
Gregory:
but other than you're failing
Kerry:
we're also getting troops in
Sudan
and peace in Congo
Gregory:
but you're still disengaged
Kerry:
and we're getting trade
agreements
in Europe and Asia
Gregory:
all right all right
Kerry:
people should be proud we
have
a thoughtful President and
not
one that lies and starts stupid wars
Gregory:
that hurts John that really hurts
[
break ]
Gregory:
welcome Lindsay
Graham:
hey Fluffy
Gregory:
what about Israel and Gaza?
Graham:
Hamas are like Nazis –
Israel
should kill as many as possible
Gregory:
should America tell
them to be careful?
Graham:
no – we should encourage
Israel
to kill and then kill some more
Gregory:
what else do you want to talk about
Graham:
it scares me that
John
Kerry is totally delusional
Gregory:
go on Linds
Graham:
Obama is failing all across
the
globe and soon Americans will be killed
Gregory:
what should Obama do?
Graham:
first he should call Putin a “thug”
Gregory:
what else?
Graham:
well basically that would
solve
all the world's problems
Gregory:
any other deep thoughts?
Graham:
America is being
attacked by Syrians!
Gregory:
it is?
Graham:
America must sanction
the
Russian energy sector
Gregory:
Obama already did that
Graham:
Obama is a community organizer
being
outfoxed by a KGB colonel
Gregory:
some say you're a
knee-jerk
Obama hater
Graham:
Obama is weak and
Europe
will do nothing!
Gregory:
so what should Obama do
Graham:
Obama should get
Europe
to impose sanctions
Gregory:
you just said Europe will do nothing
Graham:
no I didn't
Gregory:
yes you did – look at the transcript
Graham:
transcripts have a
well-known
pro-Obama bias
Gregory:
will you give Obama
more
money for border security?
Graham:
no because of the law
he
singed in 2008 allow to all
immigrants
in America
Gregory:
Bush signed that law
Graham:
no he didn't
Gregory:
yes he did
Graham:
never heard of him
Gregory:
thanks for coming
[
break ]
Gregory:
panelists talk Obama to me
Fournier:
Obama is aloof and does
not
impose his will on the globe
and
that's why the world is in
chaos
and it makes me sad
Walter:
the American people don't
trust
Obama because the Obamacare
website
didn't work for a week
Riley:
Obama is not leading and Putin
is
taking over the whole world
Gregory:
but tell me how Obama is weak
Talking
Parrot: Obama weak!
Gregory:
Jason Talking Parrot
makes
a cogent point
Riley:
yes he does – Obama said
he
would bomb Syria and then
he
didn't and there were no consequences
Gregory:
except Assad gave up
all
his chemical weapons without
anyone
getting killed
Riley:
Obama was going to bomb
Syria and
Republicans said no
don't bomb Syria
and wimpy Obama
didn't bomb
Syria and therefore
Putin invaded Ukraine
Gregory:
make sense to me
Mitchell:
Obama definitely should
have
bombed Syria but you
know
the Germans are wimps too
Gregory:
everyone in the world
are
wimps but the people on this panel
Fournier:
and Lindsay Graham –
he's
very manly and macho
Riley:
and Putin – have you seen
him
with his shirt off?
Mitchell:
and my husband – he can crush
an
aluminum can with his bare hands
Gregory:
Chuck talk Presidential politics to me
Todd:
Democrats love Hillary but she
would
not cruise to election in 2016
Gregory:
that is amazing news
Todd:
Rand Paul leads early polls
and
runs best against Hillary
Gregory:
interesting
Todd:
he's working with Cory Booker
and
he doesn't want to invade
every
nation on earth all the time
Gregory:
what about Chris Christie?
Todd:
everyone hate hims
Gregory:
Jason you want more
war
but Rand Paul is an isolationist
Riley:
he's another wimp like Obama!
Gregory:
I see
Riley:
the GOP has a deep bench!
Gregory:
that's great but you
can
only nominate one person
Fournier:
Obama is very weak!
Parrot:
Obama weak! Obama weak!
Walter:
Hillary's problem is that
Obama
wrecked the economy in 2008
Fournier:
also Hillary ruined
America's foreign policy
Mitchell:
since Hillary is so
terrible
Elizabeth Warren might run
Riley:
but Warren likes Obama
and
Obama is a communist
Gregory:
I'm not sure about that
Walter:
liberals actually like Hillary
Fournier:
Democrats are doomed!
Parrot:
doomed! doomed!
Gregory:
Chris Christie is wonderful
and
only the media is obsessed with Bridgegate
Fournier:
getting attacked by the media
only
helps with Republican voters
Gregory:
good point
Fournier:
I was talking with George Bush
and
Karl Rove this weekend and we
talking
about how aloof that arrogant
bastard
Obama is and then Jeb
came in
the room and we all pretended
we were talking about Hitler
Riley:
Wall Street loves Chris Christie –
but
if he's indicted their money
goes to Jeb Bush
Walter:
true – but no one likes Jeb Bush
Gregory:
what about Rand Paul?
Fournier:
I don't like him but who
knows
what might happen –
the
American people are weak
and
wimpy unlike me and
Bush
and Karl Rove
[
break ]
Tibbles:
I'm in Davenport Iowa –
truly
middle America
Tibbles:
even though it's 1,500 miles
from
the border people are freaking
out
over immigrants
Average
American: random placement
of
immigrants is not a long-term answer
Average
American: I will block immigrants
with
my body if I have to –
without
borders we don't have a nation
Average
American: we should take them
– we
are a beacon of hope
Average
American: more and more will come!
Average
American: the law is the law
[ break ]
Gregory:
this is a tough issue –
I
mean you can't send children
back
to utter misery
Mitchell:
why not?
Fournier:
I'll do it
Walter:
look the the real point
of
the refugee problem is that
Obama
is terrible
Gregory:
but Amy should we send
kids
back to their deaths?
Mitchell:
don't dodge the issue David –
Obama
is awful for shooting pool
Talking
Parrot: Obama bad! Obama bad!
Gregory:
good point TP
Riley:
the compassionate thing to
do
is to trap kids in Honduras
which
has the highest murder
rate
in the world
Gregory:
that makes sense
Riley:
there was a similar problem
under
Bush he built a giant fence
around
Brazil and the problem was solved
Talking
Parrot: Bush good! Bush good!
Fournier:
both parties are extreme
psychos
and Obama is asleep at the switch
Riley:
Obama hates all children
and immigrants and wants them to die
Gregory:
today is the 45th anniversary
of
the moon landing – we haven't been
back
since because Obama is weak
[
break ]
Gregory:
many AIDS researchers
were
killed on MH 17 including Joep Lange
Gregory:
Anthony Fauci you
are
in Melbourne now – how's it going there
Fauci:
this is a close-knit
community
and it's very sad
Fauci:
Joep worked hard to get
HIV
drugs all over the world
Gregory:
what has been lost
Fauci:
many activists including
Joep
who was an inspirational thought leader
Gregory:
what are you focusing on
now
with the loss of these colleagues
Fauci:
more access to more
drugs
and treatment
[
break ]
Gregory:
panel is Vladimir Putin
a
threat to the world?
Riley:
yes he's going to invade Poland next!
Gregory:
what is the western response?
Mitchell:
Weak! Weak! Very Weak!
[
runs around room screaming ]
Talking
Parrot: Obama weak!
Gregory:
what should we do?
Mitchell:
we must have strong sanctions!
[
pounds table ]
Gregory:
is he just like Hitler?
Mitchell:
Obama? No he's weak!
Gregory:
no I meant Putin
Fournier:
I would never compare
anyone
to Hitler
Gregory:
fair enough
Fournier:
but Obama is more like
Neville
Chamberlain – you must draw
a
red line and stick to it and kill people
Gregory:
so you're not just a journalist
– you're
a policy maker too?
Fournier:
that's right
Gregory:
so I assume since you are
not
weak like Obama you have the
guts
to get in the arena and run for office
Fournier:
you must be joking Fluffy
Gregory:
Amy is Putin a threat to the world?
Walter:
he's shooting down passenger planes!
Gregory:
what should we do about it?
Riley:
arm the Ukrainians to fight back!
Gregory:
what else?
Riloey:
drill baby drill!
Gregory:
and that's another
episode of Meet The
Press
1 comment:
I remember the days when The Bobblespeak Translations was satire, man.
Now you're just quoting them verbatim!
~
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