Sunday, February 10, 2013

Meet The Press - February 10, 2012

Guests:
Rep. Eric Cantor (R-VA)
Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL)
Mayor Kasim Reed (D-Atlanta)
Michael Isikoff
Katty Kay
Michael Gerson
********************************

Gregory: the sequester automatic
spending cuts could happen in a
few days and would cripple
Virginia's economy

Audience: yes Virginia there
is a Sequester Clause

Cantor: these are horrible
indiscriminate cuts I supported

Gregory: so why can't you make
a deal with Obama?

Cantor: because Obama wants to raise taxes

Gregory: so you can't compromise?

Cantor: no because Obama got his
tax hikes and took things from the rich
and now it's our turn to get what we want

Gregory: which is what?

Cantor: take things from the poor
and give them back to the rich

Gregory: but the sequester
would wreck the economy

Cantor: look we can't raise
taxes every 3 months

Gregory: or once every 20 years

Cantor: we actually have things
Obama supports in our plan

Gregory: well good

Cantor: but first he has to agree
not to raise taxes

Gregory: ok

Cantor: also this is all Obama's fault

Gregory: do you like sequester or not?

Cantor: it would be an epic disaster
but not as bad a raising taxes on
our precious job-creating billionaires

Gregory: you changed your
mind on immigration

Cantor: these illegal immigrants
came here as children through
no fault of their own

Gregory: would you support
the DREAM Act?

Cantor: no because it has Obama cooties on it

Gregory: what can you support?

Cantor: something exactly like it

Gregory: what would it take for
Republicans to support immigration reform?

Cantor: If Obama came out against it

Gregory: that would do it

Cantor: right

Gregory: how can you re-brand the
Republican party when people
don't like your central beliefs?

Cantor: we have to persuade people
that cutting taxes for very rich
people will make their lives better

Gregory: okay

Cantor: also school scholarships
seem to be popular

Gregory: wow

Cantor: we need to provide relief
to people who are suffering

Gregory: fine but your core beliefs
were rejected by the people

Cantor: we have to talk about helping people

Gregory: what about actually helping people

Cantor: if we have to

Gregory: what else?

Cantor: Obama doesn't care about
the debt and deficit and we do

Gregory: It's so sad

Cantor: but maybe we should
help sick kids while we're at it

Gregory: should Congress regulate
the President's power to kill?

Cantor: muslims want to kill Americans!

Gregory: okay

Cantor: American must continue
to kill all over the world if we
are to lead the world in peace and liberty

Gregory: thanks for coming

[break]

Gregory: my rich friends never use
the Post Office but I hear some
regular folks do

Audience: woot
[break]

Gregory: omg Obama is doubling-down
on his agenda

Murphy: I do not support this

Gregory: what a surprise

Murphy: Obama has to be like
Nixon in China and do all the things
Republicans wants – that would totally
undercut Republicans and be historic

Gregory: you are so awesome

Kay: Obama has to create jobs and
we live a world overrun by killer robots

Gerson: he should stop being mean
and polarizing and instead make
huge concessions to Republicans

Gregory: your insight is fascinating

Gregory: Senator what happens 
with sequester?

Durbin: sequester would ruin the
economy so the solution is to make 
cuts and raise taxes

Gregory: Isn't Obama an absurd
failure of a President?

Durbin: I heard you were a moron

Gregory: but Washington doesn't work

Durbin: look the sequester was designed
to be so terrible that it forced Washington
politicians act like rational adults

Gregory: but what does Obama
have to show for it besides
winning tax hikes?

Durbin: he won the Presidency jackass

Gregory: what else?

Durbin: Eric Cantor just endorsed
the DREAM Act on your show!

Gregory: okay but what else

Durbin: we've got Republicans
quoting Emma Lazarus!

Gregory: should we make 11 million
people go home first?

Durbin: our current immigration
policy is cruel and insane

Gregory: speaking of that - 
what about automatic spending cuts?

Durbin: they're bad

Gregory: doesn't Washington have
a spending problem?

Durbin: even if we did the sequester cuts
are demented – why would we cut
psychological help for veterans?

Gregory: yes but aren't Republicans
always right about everything?

Durbin: no this is cruel and destructive

Gregory: the Wall Street Journal is
very excited about Obama's hypocrisy
on killing terrorists

Durbin: Obama kept us safe, banned torture,
killed bin Laden and got us out of war

Gregory: what about targeted killing?

Durbin: the U.S. is in a raging war
on computer hackers!

Gregory: what about drone killing?

Durbin: we're at war!

Gregory: what war?

Durbin: we need a new Constitution
for an endless vague war on a tactic!

Gregory: what about Bob Menendez

Durbin: who among doesn't take
free flights to South America?

Gregory: shouldn't Chuck Hagel pull out?

Durbin: No that's ridiculous

Gregory: but Dick Cheney says
Obama's nominees are second-rate

Durbin: has that sociopath shot 
anyone in the face recently?

Reed: Obama spent four years
reaching out to Republicans and
they gave him the back of their hand
he shouldn't make huge concessions
to Republicans they should make
huge concessions to him!

Gregory: Republicans are always
right but Obama won the election

Isikoff: technically that is true

Gerson: yes but there is literally
no Republican who can support
spending cuts with tax increases

Gregory: well that ends that discussion

Murphy: it's time for Obama to
become a Republican and adopt
all their ideas

Gregory: great idea but I wonder
if that is realistic Mike

Reed: we're rushing to adopt policies
which have destroyed Great Britain

Kay: America needs to increase
spending - not cut it!

Gregory: would Obama becoming
a Republican actually help him?

Gerson: of course – by being a
Democrat he is very divisive

Murphy: Obama should call up heroes
like Marco Rubio and Jeb Bush and
say what do you need and they
will say “you should just go away”
and then he should resign and let
the Bush family take over like nature intended

Gregory: what's the deal with the
President killing people?

Isikoff: the President can kill people
who pose an imminent threat or
are just generally really bad

Gregory: cool

Isikoff: also he can kill if capture 
is not feasible or Game of Thrones is on

Kay: it's not just the law –
drone attacks alienate moderates
all over the world

Gregory: moderates like John McCain?

Kay: no moderate muslims in Pakistan

Gregory: oh like in other countries

Gregory: should we use drones to
track murderers in America

Reed: President Bush kept up 
safe except for 9/11

Gregory: should Presidents have absolute power?

Isikoff: Obama killed as many
people as who were waterboarded
his legacy is at stake

Gerson: Obama loves drones
because he is lazy

Gregory: all right enough about
whether the President has the right to kill
Ashley Judd is cute and Chris Christie is fat!

Audience: yeah!

Gregory: I love Marco Rubio

Murphy: he's not ready to run
for President just yet

Gregory: Chris Christie ate a donut
on David Letterman

Kay: obesity is real problem in America

Gregory: Ashley Judd is very adorable

Murphy: don't bet against Turtle Man

****************************************

4 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Gregory: would you support
the DREAM Act?

Cantor: no because it has Obama cooties on it
.

Bingo.
~

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