Meet The Press – December 23, 2012

Guests:

Wayne LaPierre - CEO National Rifle Association

Sen. Lindsay Graham (R-SC)

Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY)

Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R-UT)

Harold Ford

Andrea Mitchell

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Gregory: Welcome Wayne

LaPierre: it's good to be here David 

[ pulls out semi-automatic rifle ]

Gregory: whoa put that down - 

 this is a tv show - not an appropriate 

place for a gun like a wedding or 

a birthday party or bar mitzvah

LaPierre: or christening or funeral 

or a school play

Gregory: Wayne one week after 

a horrible school shooting you held 

a big press conference and

called for called for MOAR GUNZ

LaPierre: at the NRA we sat down 

around our conference table and 

said what is the answer and we said 

ban 10 year-old video games

Gregory: that's your solution?

LaPierre: we also want to arm the 

good guys to fight the monsters

Gregory: the New York Post called 

you a nut and loon

LaPierre: if it's crazy to fill our 

public schools with armed people 

then call me crazy

Gregory: you're fucking crazy

LaPierre: we just need every entrance 

in every school to protected by a 

soldier retired from combat and 

nothing else to do all day until we invade Iran

Gregory: that's your big idea?

LaPierre: Diane Feinstein is a lesbian 

from San Francisco

Gregory: you're evading my questions

LaPierre: many people I know sleep with their gun

Gregory: there were armed guards at

Columbine and Virginia Tech

LaPierre: yes but those guards were losers

who have never seen a cool movie where

the good guy can never get shot

Gregory: the guards at Columbine exchanged fire with the shooters

LaPierre: I like good guys and not bad guys

Gregory: how many guards would a school need?

LaPierre: the fancy elite gay liberal media

are surrounded by armed guards

Gregory: you strike me as delusional

LaPierre: Fluffy isn't it obvious that  
good guys should patrol school hallways 

with a submachine guns?

Gregory: what could go wrong?

LaPierre: Israel has armed guards 

every school and it's very safe

Gregory: you don't think this is a stupid idea?

LaPierre: every mom and dad wants

an armed cop in every school

Gregory: wouldn't this would be very expensive?

LaPierre: not if we stopped fighting all these

liberal wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and

started fighting wars in our elementary schools

Gregory: you're dripping blood all over my desk

LaPierre: sorry about that

Gregory: Betsy can we get some paper towels

LaPierre: the NRA has a program to tell 

elementary school kids not to pick up

 a gun they find lying around

Gregory: why would a gun just be lying around?

LaPierre: you know how careless gun owners are

Gregory: are you willing to try anything to 

save the lives of children?

LaPierre: no because there are monsters everywhere

Gregory: would you be willing to limit

gun magazines that carry 30 bullets?

LaPierre: no – we need bigger magazines and more guns to the shoot the monsters like Bigfoot and that one in Loch Ness - he's a slippery one!

Gregory: and the New Jersey Devil

LaPierre: exactly!

Gregory: why do ordinary people

need so much ammunition?

LaPierre: because the mutant monsters have

bullets coming out of their fingers!

Gregory: can't we make mass killers' 

jobs a little harder?

LaPierre: no – haven't you ever seen Monsters Inc?

Gregory: I'm more of a Finding Nemo guy

LaPierre: we need a national database of lunatics!

Gregory: wherever could we find such a list

LaPierre: every cop knows who all the lunatics are

Gregory: I certainly know one when I see one

LaPierre: who put all these mentally ill 

 people on the street?

Gregory: Ronald Reagan

LaPierre: monsters have magic killing powers!

Gregory: okay so how about 

background checks for monsters

LaPierre: I support background checks

Gregory: but you won't close the gun show loophole

LaPierre: I would love to but the federal government is fascist

Gregory: do you realize how crazy you sound?

LaPierre: look we don't want anyone in the 

inner city to have a gun

Gregory: now we're getting somewhere

LaPierre: we should arrest felons 

who try to buy a gun

Gregory: what about assault weapons?

LaPierre: civilians really need these guns which

are not dangerous or effective at all

Gregory: what about high capacity magazines?

LaPierre: those guns are no different 

from any other gun which is why 

they must never be banned

Gregory: would you work with the

administration on gun safety?

LaPierre: no if it would limit the individual's 

sacred right to own a rocket launcher

Gregory: would there be any gun policy

you could ever support?

LaPierre: yes enforce gun laws against black people

Gregory: would you support any new gun law?

LaPierre: no because drug dealers are

never prosecuted in America

Gregory: after 9/11 this nation went

completely insane with new laws except

laws against terrorists owning guns

LaPierre: that was awesome

Gregory: and yet you seem desperate to

make any excuse to avoid a new gun law

LaPierre: a gun is a tool

Gregory: so are you

LaPierre: drug dealers are very astute economists

Gregory: we all know that

LaPierre: we need a massive federal effort

to fund medical treatment

Gregory: Mike Bloomberg says the NRA

are a bunch of losers

LaPierre: he's one of those big city snooty elitists

who want to confiscate your guns

Gregory: maybe but he's rich

LaPierre: the NRA wants major 

baseball players to have a gun even 

if they only have a .215 batting average

Gregory: even Mark Sanchez?

LaPierre: no a responsible gun owner

has to be able to hit something

Gregory: will you support any more laws?

LaPierre: yes if it means more guns and a

bigger more intrusive federal government

so people can use their guns to protect themselves

from a bigger more intrusive federal government

Gregory: thanks for coming Bloody

LaPierre: you're welcome Fluffy

[ break ]

Gregory: Chucky what did you think of that

Schumer: I think Pierre might be a little crazy

Gregory: my desk looks like someone

slaughted a chicken

Schumer: what about stopping the

bad guy from getting the gun in the first place?

Gregory: Lindsay the NRA doesn't 

want to talk about guns

Graham: I want to talk about how sad I am

Gregory: okay go ahead and cry Linds

Graham: there is never anything we can

do to stop people who aren't wired right

–  believe me I know I'm in the U.S. Senate

Gregory: the assault weapons ban

didn't prevent Columbine

Schumer: mass shootings are the

New Normal which is terrible

Gregory: but banning high capacity 

magazines didn't work before

Schumer: after we enacted it crime went

down and after it expired we have a 

mass shooting every month

Gregory: should we do anything 

but ban video games?

Graham: I love my guns! I love them so much!

[ starts crying again ]

Gregory: easy there Linds

Graham: I have a god-given right to buy an AR-15

Gregory: yes you do

Graham: just lock the school doors!

Gregory: what else would you suggest?

Graham: I was Christmas shopping and

I got a good deal on the new Taylor Swift CD

and also people kept coming up to me crying

saying don't let the governmnet take my guns away!

Gregory: Chucky what's up with the Fiscal Cliff

Schumer: John Boehner is going to have

cut the Tea Party loose and make a deal 

with the Democrats

Gregory: Lindsay could you vote

for raising taxes on rich people

Graham: no

Gregory: what would you vote for

Graham: America is becoming Greece!

Gregory: but with more movie and school shootings

Graham: I would have supported Boehner's plan

Gregory: but it failed

Graham: I also like Simpson-Bowles

Gregory: I love it too but it too also failed

Graham: I just want everyone to know I

will never raise the debt celing unless

we can cut Social Security

Schumer: that's extortion - he's threatening

the credit of the nation so they can achieve

their dream of eliminating Social Security

Gregory: what about Chuck Hegel?

Graham: I like Chuck very much but I 

hear he's a Communist

Gregory: thanks for coming guys

[ break ]

Gregory: panel will we get a Fiscal Cliff deal?

Todd: Obama should try one more 

time to make a big deal

Gregory: they are fed up with 

how pathetic Boehner is

Todd: I think Obama is making 

a big mistake not trying again to work 

with the losers in the House

Chaffetz: Boehner failed to pass anything -

thus putting all the pressure on Obama

Ford: I work on Wall Street and they are

very disappointed that Congress has 

failed to do our bidding

Gregory: that is so sad

Ford: I love this country but I

love making money more

Mitchell: I know of a lot of guys in the stock market

and they told me Obama needs to get over himself

and make a deal which will make them even richer

Gregory: Obama failed but so did John Boehner

Todd: that's just Obama's excuse for not

bailing out Wall Street

Gregory: what about school shootings

Chaffetz: I would be willing to do anything

to prevent school schootings except 

give up my Glock

Gregory: so what else

Chaffetz: I believe in small government -

let's create a national database of the mentally ill

Ford: do you really need a magazine

with 30 shots to hunt squirrels?

Mitchell: there is no national standard

for background checks

Gregory: what about national funding

for a cop in every school?

Todd: Obama is a total loser who needs

to give Boehner everything he wants

Ford: I agree we need armed guards in schools

Chaffetz: gun control doesn't work because

God wants America to have millions of guns

Gregory: I can't argue with that

Chaffetz: people in Utah love guns

Todd: at one point LaPierre actually called for more

background checks but then again he seemed to

be under the influence of some powerful medication

Gregory: if Obama loses Hegel this will be

second consecutive non-nomination he will lose

Mitchell: this proves that Obama is a total loser

Todd: Obama will talk about guns in the

State of the Union which will cause

massive unemployment

Gregory: and that's another episode

of Meet The Press

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