Host: Jonathan Karl
Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY)
Sen. Jon Kyl (R-AZ)
Rep. Chris Van Hollen (D-MD)
Rep. Raul Labrador (R-ID)
Karl: good morning - this is a
special edition of the show because
tomorrow the USA could fall off a cliff,
stock markets around the world are crashing
and so George Stephanopoulos is on vacation
Karl: Senators do we have a deal?
Schumer: we're eyeball to eyeball –
it's kind of disgusting really
Jon Kyl: if we go over the articifial cliff
created by Congress it could destroy
the country forever
Karl: what will the non-existent deal look like?
Schumer: we are bravely going to avoiding
rasing taxes on the middle class and
slashing defense spending
Schumer: also raise taxes on rich people
and give ourselves a raise of course
Karl: but the Wall Street Journal told me
this doesn't do anything good!
Kyl: jonathan karl you are so right –
Obama is a terrible big spender
Schumer: not fair – Obama offered to cut spending
and John Boehner screwed around for a week
trying to curry favor with the Tea Party
Karl: [ jumping up and down in his seat ]
but Senator Schumer you wanted to raise
taxes only on millionaires!
Schumer: because I represent people who
make a lot of money but pay $2,000 a month
for 300 square feet dumbass
Karl: you sound like Senator Kyl
Schumer: no I actually make sense
Karl: but the small businesses!
Kyl: and the little women!
Karl: I love the GOP but don't you have
to compromise since the taxes go up anyway?
Kyl: when you raise taxes on corporations
you really raise them on women and poor
people and old people
Schumer: the estate tax affects a few dozen families
Karl: aren't you embarressed that you
disagree politically instead of all getting
along and coming together and drinking
coffee and whiskey together?
Schumer: um jonathan the Tea Party are fucking crazy
Kyl: not fair – the GOP responsibly
wants to destroy Medicare
Karl: Senator why not raise taxes
on poor people so they will finally
see how wonderful Republicans are?
Kyl: that is a good point but remember people are very stupid
Schumer: ok let's not raise taxes on poor people then
Kyl: no I don't like those lazy fuckers
Karl: can we make a deal or not?
Kyl: yes if the bill provides chocolates and mints
on the pillows of every billionaire
[ break ]
Van Hollen: John Boehner has totally lost control
Karl: what can Democrats vote for
Van Hollen: higher taxes for the rich
Labrador: Democrats won't support John Boehner!
Van Hollen: how about an up or down
vote on the Democrat's plan?
Karl: even Nancy Pelosi suggested raising
taxes only on $1 million per year
Van Hollen: try getting the GOP to vote even for that
Labrador: hell no!
Karl: that's pretty extreme
Labrador: raising taxes on rich people is
unacceptable without slashing spending
Karl: the GOP won't support John Boehner now either
Karl: Krauthammer says Obama has
skillfully smashed the Republicans
Labrador: he's right – Obama has divided the
GOP by pitting the crazies against the bought-and-paid for
Karl: that's quite a divide
Labrador: Democrats are like bank robbers
since they spend money which
never happened before 2009
Karl: you are not willing to compromise at all
Labrador: Ronald Reagan was a big spending liberal!
Karl: thanks for coming guys