Sunday, December 30, 2012

This Week – December 30, 2012

Host: Jonathan Karl
Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY)
Sen. Jon Kyl (R-AZ)
Rep. Chris Van Hollen (D-MD)
Rep. Raul Labrador (R-ID)
Karl: good morning - this is a
special edition of the show because
tomorrow the USA could fall off a cliff,
stock markets around the world are crashing
and so George Stephanopoulos is on vacation

Karl: Senators do we have a deal?

Schumer: we're eyeball to eyeball –
it's kind of disgusting really

Jon Kyl: if we go over the articifial cliff
created by Congress it could destroy
the country forever

Karl: what will the non-existent deal look like?

Schumer: we are bravely going to avoiding
rasing taxes on the middle class and
slashing defense spending

Karl: fascinating

Schumer: also raise taxes on rich people
and give ourselves a raise of course

Karl: but the Wall Street Journal told me
this doesn't do anything good!

Kyl: jonathan karl you are so right –
Obama is a terrible big spender

Schumer: not fair – Obama offered to cut spending
and John Boehner screwed around for a week
trying to curry favor with the Tea Party

Karl: [ jumping up and down in his seat ]
but Senator Schumer you wanted to raise
taxes only on millionaires!

Schumer: because I represent people who
make a lot of money but pay $2,000 a month
for 300 square feet dumbass

Karl: you sound like Senator Kyl

Schumer: no I actually make sense

Karl: but the small businesses!

Kyl: and the little women!

Karl: I love the GOP but don't you have
to compromise since the taxes go up anyway?

Kyl: when you raise taxes on corporations
you really raise them on women and poor
people and old people

Schumer: the estate tax affects a few dozen families

Karl: aren't you embarressed that you
disagree politically instead of all getting
along and coming together and drinking
coffee and whiskey together?

Schumer: um jonathan the Tea Party are fucking crazy

Kyl: not fair – the GOP responsibly
wants to destroy Medicare

Karl: Senator why not raise taxes
on poor people so they will finally
see how wonderful Republicans are?

Kyl: that is a good point but remember people are very stupid

Schumer: ok let's not raise taxes on poor people then

Kyl: no I don't like those lazy fuckers

Karl: can we make a deal or not?

Kyl: yes if the bill provides chocolates and mints
on the pillows of every billionaire

[ break ]

Van Hollen: John Boehner has totally lost control

Karl: what can Democrats vote for

Van Hollen: higher taxes for the rich

Labrador: Democrats won't support John Boehner!

Van Hollen: how about an up or down
vote on the Democrat's plan?

Karl: even Nancy Pelosi suggested raising
taxes only on $1 million per year

Van Hollen: try getting the GOP to vote even for that

Labrador: hell no!

Karl: that's pretty extreme

Labrador: raising taxes on rich people is
unacceptable without slashing spending

Karl: the GOP won't support John Boehner now either

Labrador: true

Karl: Krauthammer says Obama has
skillfully smashed the Republicans

Labrador: he's right – Obama has divided the
GOP by pitting the crazies against the bought-and-paid for

Karl: that's quite a divide

Labrador: Democrats are like bank robbers
since they spend money which
never happened before 2009

Karl: you are not willing to compromise at all

Labrador: Ronald Reagan was a big spending liberal!

Karl: thanks for coming guys

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