Guests: Rick Warren
Michael Eric Dyson
Tapper: wow Rick Warren has sold
30 million books - that’s almost as
many as The DaVinci Code
Warren: thanks Jake
Tapper: what’s the deal with God?
Warren: he’s all kinds of awesome
Tapper: why do horrible things happen
like the Black Death, the Holocaust
and Toddlers & Tiaras?
Warren: because people basically suck
Tapper: what’s wrong with America?
Warren: we’re selfish and short-sighted
which is why we need to cut spending
Tapper: what about ‘love thy neighbor’?
Warren: the Bible yammers on and
on about the poor but the best thing
to help the poor is to cut taxes for the
rich and build nuclear weapons
Tapper: the Bible does mentions
the poor quite a lot
Warren: I’m fundamentally about the
freedom to be poor if that’s your choice
Tapper: you hate contraception
Warren: no government should tell
people do things if it is against their religion
Tapper: you said every single American
is not better off than they were 4 years ago
Warren: that isn’t true but it could be
Tapper: who’s to blame?
Warren: everyone and by everyone
I mean Barack Obama
Tapper: noted theologian Andrew Sullivan
says Jesus was a gay man who
looked like Brad Pitt
Warren: Newsweek hates the church
just because religion is responsible
for numerous atrocities
Tapper: so unfair
Warren: there is a terrible trend of not
trusting large corrupt institutions in America
Tapper: on noe
Warren: it’s not news that churches
are arrogant and corrupt so stop talking about it
Tapper: Is Mitt Romney a Christian?
Warren: no because Mormons don’t
believe in the holy trinity
Tapper: what is the State of Union spiritually?
Warren: people are just too mean
Tapper: I’ve noticed that
Warren: I blame people for blaming people!
Tapper: polls show people don’t
want religion in government
Warren: we should not ban religious
people from public life
Tapper: how brave of you to say
Warren: you don’t think gay people
should have the same rights as everyone else
Warren: I don’t have the right to
change the word of God I just interpret
it whether it's shellfish, slavery or the gays
Tapper: got it
Warren: I also think premarital sex is wrong
Tapper: um I think your members
have had premarital sex
Warren: I’m aware of that
Tapper: so why not permit gay marriage?
Warren: because gays sap our bodily fluids
Tapper: what about Tim Tebow?
Warren: America was great 300 years
ago when people like Tim Tebow could
pray before a good witch burning
Tapper: Can Jews go to heaven
Warren: no - but I don’t judge I just
follow Jesus’ cruel arbitrary orders
Tapper: Why is your God so mean?
Warren: because all people are evil but a
few people are saved from eternal torture
if they sign the right loyalty oath
Tapper: got it
Warren: God doesn’t grade on a curve -
all you have to do is swear fealty to Jesus
Tapper: do dogs go to heaven?
Warren: oh sure all dogs go to heaven
Warren: some of them
Tapper: what do you mean?
Warren: American shorthairs but not Persians
Tapper: so in heaven dogs yes, cats maybe, Jews and Muslims, no
Warren: that’s right Tappy
Tapper: you lost weight
Warren: I baptized 500 people in one day and
I realized ‘good god Saddleback is full of fat people’
Tapper: have you thought about
baptizing them posthumously
Warren: I was a Purpose-Driven Eater!
Tapper: how did you get thin
Warren: I went on the Daniel Plan
Tapper: what’s that
Warren: lock yourself in a lion’s den
Tapper: Happy Easter dude
[ break ]
Tapper: Can Obama tie the Ryan Plan
as an albatross around Mitt Romney’s neck?
Will: that loser Romney already did it for him
Freeland: it will be good to have national
debate over social darwinism vs the
Heritage foundation’s health care plan
Chalian: sadly it will be a negative campaign
Noonan: In the green room we were drinking
and talking about how Obama is campaigning
harder than Mitt Romney and he has a job
Dyson: Romney is sending his wife
out do anthropological studies and
report back on what women want
Tapper: we only added 120,000 jobs in March
Will: Obama caused the recession 2007
Chalian: blah blah Obama blah jobs blah
Freeland: um what
Noonan: this all so sad
Dyson: at least we’re adding jobs -
if you want to lose jobs please elect