Sunday, April 15, 2012

Meet The Press - April 15, 2012

Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY)
Rep. Michelle Bachmann (R-WI)
Chuck Todd
Savannah Guthrie
Harold Ford
Mike Murphy
Bill Cosby

Gregory: OMG President Hilary Rosen
attacked Ann Romney!

Audience: oh noe

Gregory: The Secret Service
went to prostitutes!

Audience: oh dear I hope President
Rosen is all right

Gregory: good morning Timmy -
let’s talk about only things
Mitt Romney wants to talk about

Geithner: ok

Gregory: Why is the recovery so slow?

Geithner: the business of America is
business and business is doing great

Gregory: I see

Geithner: the Bush recession was bad
and the crisis in Europe didn’t help

Gregory: why did my stocks go
down in last two weeks?

Geithner: don’t be so selfish Fluffy

Gregory: what about your own money?

Geithner: I invest all my money
in beanie babies

Gregory: Mitt Romney said Obama
fired 92% of women

Geithner: that’s utterly ridiculous

Gregory: is it?

Geithner: George W. Bush caused
a massive recession and men lost
their jobs in construction

Gregory: aha

Geithner: then Republicans got elected
and fired teachers which is ladies work

Gregory: we all feel that gas prices are
the most important thing ever

Geithner: gas prices go up when
the economy improves

Gregory: they do?

Geithner: also Iran saber-rattling
raises prices

Gregory: but Mr. Secretary that
it is uncertain!

Geithner: grow up Fluffy

Gregory: Obama raised the debt!

Geithner: Bush borrowed to pay for two wars,
tax cuts and a prescription drug giveaway

Gregory: but Tom Coburn says
we will be Greece in 24 months

Geithner: are you fucking serious Fluffy?

Gregory: you don’t see a debt crisis?

Geithner: not particularly

Gregory: but the debt!!

Geithner: hey if we followed Obama
proposals the debt would go down

Gregory: should we raise the debt ceiling?

Geithner: no if you want to wreck the economy

Gregory: income tax forms are too
long and complicated!

Geithner: believe me I know that

Gregory: why doesn’t the President reform
taxes instead of taxing poor rich people

Geithner: I’m sure you know we
have all kinds of proposals to
improve the tax code

Gregory: no one tells me anything

Gregory: the Buffet Rule would only
raise $5 billion a year

Geithner: just because Republicans oppose
something doesn’t make it a bad idea

Gregory: that never occurred to me

Gregory: Republicans says we should
cut taxes on rich people because
they are job creators

Geithner: we tried that - how did it work out?

Gregory: my taxes went down and
I bought a house on Martha’s Vineyard

Geithner: so we should raise taxes
on poor people?

Gregory: maybe

Gregory: Obama created an economic
recovery but it wasn’t big enough

Geithner: his policies got us out a worse
economic shock than the Great Depression

Gregory: so it’s s a success story?

Geithner: yes!

Gregory: really??

Geithner: yes really Fluffy!

[ break ]

Gregory: OMG Vice President
Hilary Rosen attacked stay at home mothers!

Bachmann: I was shocked and insulted!

Gregory: of course

Bachmann: Ann Romney knows all
about suffering under high gas prices

Gregory: I see

Bachmann: women are paying thousands
of dollars in gas because of Obama

Gregory: wow

Bachmann: Obama attacked women!

Gillibrand: why are we talking about
Hilary Rosen when the Governor
of Wisconsin repealed an equal pay law
and Obama’s health insurance favors women

Bachmann: Romney is very smart
unlike Barack Obama

Gregory: ok

Bachmann: Dodd-Frank is costing
women jobs!

Gregory: fascinating

Bachmann: Obama has caused
high grocery prices!

Gregory: wow this is a such an
important conversation

Audience: oh absolutely

Gregory: but I would like to see
you two in a pillow fight

Gillibrand: I’m sure

Gregory: remember when Hilary Clinton
attacked women who bake cookies -
that was awesome

Gillibrand: if half the people in Congress
were women we sure as hell wouldn’t
be debating the evils of contraception

Bachmann: I was shocked and insulted
when Hilary Clinton attacked women

Gregory: uh-huh

Bachmann: Obama raised gas
prices on women!!

Gregory: yes I think we got it

Bachmann: 15 years from now America
will cease to exist if Obama is reelected

Gregory: is that so?

Bachmann: also Obama will throw old
women out in the streets

Gillibrand: I would like to respond to that

Gregory: no

Gillibrand: this a very weird tv show

Gregory: do you think of Ann Romney
is a bad person?

Gillibrand: the GOP want employers to
take health care away

Bachmann: no we want women to make
their own choices

Gillibrand: that’s absurd

Gregory: should the Secret Service
be going to prostitutes?

Bachmann: the White House made
David Vitter go to prostitutes!

Gregory: thanks for coming ladies

[ break ]

Gregory: what about the gender gap?

Murphy: idiot talk show hosts love
this stupid issue but no one else cares

Gregory: Queen Hilary Rosen shocked America!

Guthrie: I’m not sure the nation can
ever recover from Rosen’s remarks

Gregory: Romney wants to get rid
of Planned Parenthood

Todd: Romney wants to close the gender
gap by manufacturing a controversy

Gregory: but I love a good fake controversy

Murphy: Obama doesn’t want to talk about jobs

Gregory: Bachmann makes a good point
that the most important thing in America
is the price of gas

Ford: exactly - Michele Bachmann made
some really good points

Gregory: so true

Ford: also women were very insulted
by Emperor Rosen

Gregory: I love you Harold

Ford: Mitt Romney is poised
to make big gains!

Murphy: Obama is a failure because
the Supreme Court is reviewing
his heath care law

Todd: this will be a very negative campaign

Ford: Mitt Romney will probably
win if he talks about big issues

Gregory: Romney can seem almost
human on Saturday Night Live!

Murphy: it might be good idea but
remember Mitt Romney is not funny

Gregory: Is the George Zimmerman
case about race?

Cosby: it’s about guns!

Gregory: ah

Cosby: when you have a gun you
mean to kill somebody

Gregory: what about Barack Obama?

Cosby: Obama is Sisyphus!

Gregory: was Sisyphus Muslim or Kenyan?

Cosby: he inherited a massive recession
and people pretend it never happened!

Gregory: ok

Cosby: critics act like he had a surplus --
our political discourse is just pathetic and sad

Gregory: and that’s another episode
of Meet The Press


pygalgia said...

Minor correction: Bachmann is (R-MN), not (R-WI). Although, as someone living in Minnesota, I'd be happy to give her to Wisconsin.

steve simels said...

Gregory: Hispanics will decide this
election won’t they

Plouffe: si

Okay, now I have to clean the iced tea off my monitor.