Sunday, April 08, 2012

Meet The Press - April 8, 2012

Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL)
Gov. Kasich (R-OH)
Rep. Raul Labrador (R-ID)
Rep. Emanuel Cleaver (D-MO)
Archbishop-designate William Lori
Jon Meacham
Anne Graham Lotz
Gregory: America only added
120,000 jobs last month

Durbin: yes but at least we’re adding
jobs which is more than I can say for
the last Republican President

Gregory: Obama says he created four
million jobs and Ohio has a low
unemployment rate

Kasich: I am the best job creator
because I cut taxes and deregulated

Gregory: I’m sold

Kasich: we created jobs in health care -
thankfully there are a lot of sick people

Gregory: Obama says trickle down
economics is all wet

Kasich: we don’t play politics in Ohio -
we just cut taxes and we’re exploding!

Durbin: we must follow Saint Alan Simpson
and not Paul Ryan who we know is evil
because he didn’t support the
hallowed Simpson-Bowles plan

Kasich: just cut taxes

Gregory: I like it

Kasich: cutting taxes is a moral issue
because it keeps marriages together

Gregory: cool

Kasich: these are cold hard facts

Gregory: Mitt Romney says Obama
believes in a government-centered society

Durbin: well he’s says a lot of stupid things

Gregory: but Mitt Romney is on to something!

Durbin: hey Fluffy we cut taxes and it
caused a fucking depression

Gregory: so we should cut taxes more!

Durbin: I heard you were a moron

Gregory: but poor people are so greedy

Kasich: let’s modernize entitlement programs

Gregory: oh noe!

Kasich: look government has a
role to play in health care

Gregory: what!? [ swoons ]

Kasich: Greece invented democracy and
in Ohio we are determined to avoid that trap

Gregory: the GSA wastes a lot of money

Durbin: it’s outrageous and therefore we
will hold probably hearings at some point

Gregory: Jon you won’t endorse
any Republican for President

Kasich: I’m not stupid to tie
myself to any of these clowns

Gregory: will Romney ruin the GOP?

Kasich: probably but it’s good because
then I can run for President in 2016

Gregory: good luck

[ break ]

Gregory: Republicans say Barack Obama
is engaging in an unprecendented
war on religion

Meacham: that may be overstating the case

Lori: the contraception mandate is
an attack on religious liberty

Gregory: expand on that

Lori: We should not have to follow the
law if it conflicts with our religion

Cleaver: there’s not war on religion - good god!

Gregory: what’s wrong with requiring
insurers to follow the law?

Lotz: I don’t know any facts about this but
I assume Obama is attacking all religion

Gregory: you are uninformed
but opinionated - I like it

Lotz: anyone can know facts through
Google but I want our President to
be terrified of a vengeful God

Labrador: no law can ever conflict
with a religious belief ever

Gregory: well of course

Labrador: Obama is attacking religion
but also the media has a liberal bias
for bringing it up

Gregory: that makes sense

Labrador: MSNBC is mocking the
Mormon faith just because its origin
story is utterly ridiculous

Gregory: so sad

Labrador: the fact is any religion can
seem really peculiar which is why they
all must be respected

Gregory: of course

Meacham: I would just like to say that
like all Americans I love Billy Graham

Gregory: we all do

Lori: I must repeat my contention
that religious organizations should
not have to obey the law

Gregory: why doesn’t Mitt Romney
talk about his religion more?

Cleaver: who the hell cares - there is
no religious test for office

Gregory: I know that but let's face it
Mormons are fucking weird

Lotz: I know nothing about religion
or politics - the real issue is that Romney
cut taxes and Obama is a socialist

Meacham: Presidents are busy enough
without worry about without legislating
your father figure in the sky

Labrador: we must beat Obama!

Greg: preach it Labby

Labrador: it would be nice if Romney
would admit he was a Bishop in my
church instead of running away from it

Gregory: how can we get more people
to follow a narrow and intolerant
form of christianity?

Lotz: my daddy used radio and television

Gregory: I don’t trust any religion not on tv

Lotz: religion is not important we must
look at the policies of the candidate

Gregory: you make a good point

Lotz: but I would never vote for an
atheist because they would be not scared
of being ordered to kill their child by Yahweh

Lori: religion makes you moral except
for the occasional child molesting

Meacham: religion is very nice but
let’s not go overboard

Cleaver: all religions are inherently
arrogant and divisive

Gregory: why do people think Obama
is a Muslim and why would that be bad?

Labrador: I don’t think he is a Muslim
- I think he’s a socialist

Gregory: as a Jew I am reminded
we are all slaves

Lori: the true test for religious liberty
is whether a person can use their
superstition to avoid the law

Meacham: religious people won the
Civil war and led the civil rights movement

Lori: Fluffy your being Jewish reminds
me of how awesome Jesus is

Gregory: and that’s another episode
of Meet The Press

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