Rep. Peter King (R-NY)
Rep. Darrell Issa (R-CA)
Gregory: OMG this campaign is getting dirty
- Obama said he wasn’t born with a
silver spoon in his mouth like Ricky Schroeder
Gregory: holy crap 11 members of the military
have been implicated in the Secret Service
King: I am shocked that agents went
to prostitutes - they should be fired and
elected to Congress
King: my staff is going to get the bottom
of these prostitutes
Gregory: good luck
King: we need to make sure these women
didn’t find out anything secret like
why we're in Afghanistan
Gregory: why should they have access
to information we don’t?
Issa: we are totally going to observe this investigation
Gregory: you’re a good man
Issa: I am told many of these
Columbians were foreigners
Gregory: shouldn’t we just fire
everybody in the Secret Service
Issa: Calm down Fluffy
Gregory: these weren’t rookies -
what the hell were they thinking?
King: we must have a zero tolerance
policy for contact with foreigners
Gregory: what do you demand
of the President?
Issa: be hands-off and also personally
conduct the investigation
Gregory: should the Director of the
Secret Service be fired?
King: oh no - he has too many secrets
Gregory: you disappoint me
King: you should see that guy’s files
Gregory: maybe Congress should do
more oversight on the Secret Service
King: oh everyone watches porn at work
Gregory: a Secret Service agent posted on
Facebook that he was checking Sarah Palin out
Gregory: and then this moron at the GSA
posted pics of him with champagne -
don’t they know people read Facebook??
Issa: we should encourage more of this
- that’s how we catch ‘em!
King: he should have posted them on Google Plus
then no one would ever know
Gregory: why the hell is Newt Gingrich
still getting Secret Service protection?
King: he is being threatened by
Tiffany collection services
[ break ]
Gregory: Is Obama hopping mad?
Axelrod: he was apoplectic about the GSA scandal
- but he loves the Secret Service
Gregory: Senator Sessions says Obama
should be protecting the Secret Service
Axelrod: that shocking because he’s usually
so supportive of the President
Gregory: was that sarcasm?
Gregory: I bet Comcast has problem employees too
Gregory: not me - I never rock the boat
Gregory: Obama leads in nearly every poll
but if you go inside the numbers he only
leads in 11 out of 15 categories
Axelrod: Romney wants to bring back
the Bush years - it didn’t fucking
the last time work
Gregory: so you won’t defend Obama?
Axelrod: he’s created millions of jobs Fluffs
Gregory: but not enough
Axelrod: the last quarter was the
best jobs quarter in six years
Gregory: this campaign is going to be
very mean - you called Mitt Romney out of touch!
Axelrod: He has an elevator for his cars Fluffy!
Gregory: who among us doesn’t have a
Axelrod: he wants to cut taxes for richest
Americans but double rates on student loans
Gregory: Karl Rove said Bush brought us
the war on terror so vote for him -
what’s your meaningless soundbite?
Gregory: the President is fighting for
the middle class
Gregory: But I don’t like Obama
Axelrod: well you’re not middle class
are you Greggers?
Gregory: I’m lower upper class
Gregory: when is Obama going cut Social Security?
Axelrod: he’s not
Gregory: but people are voting for
Mitt Romney because they hate Medicare
Axelrod: which people?
Gregory: the people I hang out with
Axelrod: there is a Reign of Terror on Capitol Hill!
Gregory: I get all my news from The Onion
Axelrod: that makes sense
Gregory: can you do big things?
Axelrod: not with the Tea Party
Gregory: thanks for coming
[ break ]
Gregory: hey panel what about the Secret Service?
Brooks: I hate ego-centric people who think writing
for the New York Times makes them important
Cooper: Presidents are reluctant to go
after the Secret Service because they will
take a bullet for you
Todd: the media loves prostitutes
Gregory: prostitutes should be paid dammit!
Todd: The American people don’t trust
large institutions anymore
Dionne: the Secret Service scandal is
bad for progressives
Gregory: Barack Obama is going to divide
America by attacking Romney
Todd: people don’t like Romney but
they really dislike Republicans
Cooper: Is Mitt Romney a flip-flopper
or a right-wing extremist?
Brooks: I think both guys can lose the election
Gregory: at my cocktail parties we all
wonder why these guys won’t do big
things like cut Social Security!
Dionne: If Obama turns out young people,
women and blacks he’s got this
Todd: if Obama wins Hispanics he can win the West
Gregory: who will be the Vice President?
Brooks: someone really decent like Rob Portman
Cooper: McDonnell maybe boring too
but he can help with another swing state
Gregory: If Romney was serious about
the budget he would pick Paul Ryan
Dionne: Fluffy you are a moron
Todd: Senator Kelly Ayotte from New Hampshire
would be a real game-changer
Dionne: oh god
Gregory: I talked about Jay Leno
Leno: Al Gore is funny in person but
stiff on camera
Gregory: what about John Kerry?
Leno: he rode a motorcycle, drank a beer
and announced he was a regular person
Gregory: what about Mitt Romney
Leno: he exhibited many human-like qualities
Gregory: speaking of inanimate objects
- welcome Stanley Cup!
Stanley Cup: hi Fluffy
Gregory: you are a very shiny object
Stanley Cup: I know what it takes
to get your attention
Gregory: you travel the world constantly,
are fondled by men and women, and
can hold 14 cans of beer
Stanley Cup: just like a Secret Service advance team
Gregory: thanks for coming
Stanley Cup: you’re welcome
Gregory: and that’s another episode
of Meet The Press