Sunday, February 26, 2012

Meet The Press - February 26, 2012

Rick Santorum
Gov. Jerry Brown (D-CA)
Gov. Jan Brewer (R-AZ)
Chuck Todd
Kathleen Parker
Harold Ford
Steve Schmidt

Gregory: President Obama personally
apologized to President Karzai for this apparently
inadvertent act of burning the Korans!

Santorum: a President should never apologize
should making a mistake if it was inadvertent

Gregory: No?

Santorum: no you say you made a mistake
and meant no disrespect but you are
definitely not sorry and do not apologize

Gregory: right

Santorum: when you apologize you just make
people mad unlike when don’t apologize
which people love

Gregory: got it

Santorum: they should apologize to us!

Gregory: should we leave Afghanistan?

Santorum: yes but should not tell anyone
in advance - we should just suddenly
leave in the middle of the night like
all my house guests do

Gregory: can you win lose Arizona?

Santorum: I love Jan Brewer's bravery in
standing up to that big bully Barack Obama

Gregory: I see

Santorum: this is a one-and-half-person race

Gregory: explain that

Santorum: Romney is a not a full
person - he is a cyborg

Gregory: what about Ron Paul?

Santorum: Paul made a deal with
Romney to destroy me!

Gregory: you really think that?

Santorum: how else to explain his
bizarre behavior?

Gregory: he’s just crazy?

Santorum: I admit I can’t rule
that possibility out

Gregory: you say Obama is a snob
who hates decent people for
going to college

Santorum: Obama wants people to
go to college which are incredibly lefty
and politically correct and where you can’t
shout ethnic slurs which is the new McCarthyism

Gregory: unemployment for people who
went to college is only 4%

Santorum: look I have 7 kids and without
naming names not all of them
are college material if you know
what I mean

Gregory: hey if all else fails they
can become talk show hosts

Santorum: that would really would
shame my family

Gregory: ha ha

Santorum: look Obama is a snob who
looks down his nose at uneducated
white people

Gregory: you voted for No Child Left Behind
and yelled at the debate audience

Santorum: shut up folks!

Gregory: do you often betray your conscience?

Santorum: Romney has no principles at all!

Gregory: we all know that

Santorum: all children should be home schooled!

Gregory: please continue

Santorum: kids should be left in the
woods to fend for themselves!

Gregory: you make unprincipled decisions
all the time apparently

Santorum: name one Fluffy!

Gregory: the steel bailout

Santorum: the Chinese were cheating
at capitalism

Gregory: okay

Santorum: I love what no bailouts did
to the Pennsylvania steel industry

Gregory: you would give manufacturing
a tax break but wouldn’t extend
unemployment benefits

Santorum: that’s different because manufacturers
have to compete internationally but
unemployed people are lazy

Gregory: John F. Kennedy said religious
views are private and politicians should
not impose religion on the
people or government

Santorum: he also said separation of
church and state should be absolute
which is horrible

Gregory: uh huh

Santorum: JFK said religious people should
be banned from the public and that’s not fair

Gregory: he said that?

Santorum: yes which means Kennedy
approved of slavery!

Gregory: I never knew any of this

Santorum: and now Obama wants
to ban religion!

Gregory: the Wall Street Journal says
you are a finger-wagging dolt

Santorum: Fluffy why are you asking me
about my religion?

Gregory: you talk about it all the time Frothy!

Santorum: yes because our nation is
falling apart because we must ban
contraception which leads
to out of wedlock births!

Gregory: you will not win an Oscar
or the Daytona 500

Santorum: the race is perfect because it’s
watching a bunch of white men crash and burn
while making left turns

[ break ]

Gregory: Jan Brewer will you endorse
any candidates?

Brewer: absolutely I am endorsing
Mitt Romney and will work really hard
to get him elected

Gregory: dear god - why?

Brown: he is by far the person who can win

Gregory: very well put

Brewer: I have never been party to
an election like this

Gregory: Jerry you ran for President in 1992

Brown: Go Ron Paul go!

Gregory: you say the GOP is committing
political suicide

Brown: the GOP caused a recession and
started two wars and now they want to
take away women’s rights

Gregory: should we ban college as a
liberal conspiracy?

Brown: I like pipefitters!

Gregory: in 1978 you said and I quote
“I like Mexican-Americans!
Ten-Four good buddy! Groovy!”

Brown: I stand by that statement

Gregory: what about illegal immigrants?

Brown: we need a path to citizenship!

Gregory: Jan you have a law demanding
the papers of brown-looking people

Brewer: Marcia! Marcia! Marcia!

Gregory: just answer the question

Brewer: Mexico is sending its
drug crimes to Flagstaff!

Gregory: sounds scary

Brewer: Mexicans have brought Extortion!
Torture! Kidnapping!

Brown: the dope comes up and
the dough goes down!

Gregory: why would you refuse to
testify on Capitol Hill about immigration?

Brewer: During the Oscars? Not a chance!

Gregory: Obama doesn’t want to
control the border! He wants to send
guns to drug criminals! He ignores murders!

Gregory: gas prices are very high

Brown: We need mass transit! And electric cars!
We must invent a car that runs on hemp!

Gregory: Is California ungovernable?

Brown: it’s still a state of freaks and weirdos!
I love it!

Gregory: thanks governors

Brown: dude!

[ break ]

Gregory: OMG Romney could
lose Michigan!

Todd: Democrats are going to vote
for Rick Santorum

Gregory: ha ha

Schmidt: Santorum is busy excusing his
big government votes and also his
crazy-ass beliefs

Gregory: Kathleen you say voters don’t
want a sanctimonious asshole

Parker: Santorum’s best friends like
him but think he’s fucking crazy
and a little mean

Gregory: he says church and state
should be unified

Ford: I’m conservative but this
guy is a loon

Gregory: oh my

Ford: he won’t apologize for burning
a Koran but how would he feel if
people burned a Bible?

Gregory: can we get anyone else
in the Republican primary?

Todd: look I realize people hate
Romney and Santorum but it’s a
little late now

Gregory: a brokered convention
would be a lot of fun!

Schmidt: Excuse me? The delegates are
all going to be tea party wackos!

Gregory: Independents appear to
dislike Mitt Romney

Ford: I’m an independent and I like him

Gregory: so he’s got one supporter

Ford: hell no I don’t trust that
flip-flopping robot

Gregory: Mitt Romney seem to not be
able to utter sentences like a human

Parker: he’s a dork but think of him as
a doctor who completely lacks a
bedside manner and who also advocates
returning to using leeches

Gregory: Steve you are a character in a
movie played by Woody Harrelson!

Schmidt: he gets Julianne Moore and
I got Sarah Palin

Gregory: and that’s another episode
of Meet The Press


Sandy Underpants said...


karl knox said...

Always been a fan. Takes the edge off the evil and the stupid nicely. Sincere thanks!


Friendlystranger said...

"We must invent a car that runs on hemp!"

There already is one, it's called diesel.

Anonymous said...

too funny

Georgia said...

I just think you are crazy brilliant and read you every week.