Gov. Deval Patrick (D-MA)
Gov. Rick Snyder (R-MI)
Stephanopoulos: Ricky why are you
Santorum: now that I am a front runner
people are learning more about me
Stephanopoulos: that’s not good
Santorum: no it’s not George
Stephanopoulos: you violated your principles
to vote for No Child Left Behind
Santorum: did you know America is the
greatest country in the history of the world?
Stephanopoulos: just answer the question Frothy
Santorum: all children should be
Stephanopoulos: why did violate
Santorum: hey Mittens still supports
No Child Left Behind!
Stephanopoulos: that is a good point
Santorum: at least I have principles to
violate unlike the Massachusetts Cyborg
Stephanopoulos: what team do you play for
Santorum: Team Bottom Up
Stephanopoulos: you and Mittens both
opposed the Auto Bailout
Santorum: the steel industry totally
collapsed devastating an entire region
that capitalism works
Stephanopoulos: please explain to me how
Romney is both a Wall Street elitist and a
member of Occupy Wall Street
Santorum: he wants to tax the rich which
is just repulsive
Stephanopoulos: I see
Santorum: he would take away the
government subsidy for charity which
will destroy Americans’ generous impulse
Stephanopoulos: should we ever ever
Santorum: we should not apologize
for burning Korans
Stephanopoulos: why not?
Santorum: because it was inadvertent
Stephanopoulos: what should
Obama have said?
Santorum: he should have said it was a
mistake and it should not have happened
Stephanopoulos: isn’t that an apology?
Santorum: no Obama is weak and timid
like Jimmy Carter and Neville Chamberlain
Stephanopoulos: He’s both Chamberlain
Stephanopoulos: you say Obama is a terrible
snob to say people should go to college
Santorum: what a liberal bastard!
Stephanopoulos: um what
Santorum: frankly colleges don’t train
people to repair my Mercedes
Stephanopoulos: does Obama want to
indoctrinate our youth?
Santorum: of course - at Penn State
conservatives are singled out and ridiculed
and forced to abandon their religion and
worship trees and Karl Marx
Stephanopoulos: so no good conservative
should ever go to college?
Santorum: Political correctness! Commies
under the bed! Party like it’s 1987!
Stephanopoulos: How did you John F. Kennedy
make you vomit
Santorum: He said he believed in
the separation of church and state
Stephanopoulos: yes he did
Santorum: how disgusting!
Stephanopoulos: JFK said he would ban all
people who believe in god from government
Stephanopoulos: that made you throw up?
Santorum: you bet it did - JFK was in favor
of a law forbidding religious people
from even appearing in public!
Stephanopoulos: I must have missed that
Santorum: Jack Kennedy’s next logical
step was concentration camps for Catholics
Stephanopoulos: what about non-Catholics?
Santorum: let’s fight it out - my god is
bigger than your god
Stephanopoulos: you are going to lose Michigan
and Arizona and the Daytona 500
Santorum: I am nothing if not consistent!
Stephanopoulos: thanks for coming Ricky
[ break ]
Stephanopoulos: gas prices are really high
Patrick: we making more gas than
ever under Obama!
Snyder: Michigan used to
suck and now we suck a little less
Stephanopoulos: you supported the
Snyder: let’s not dwell on how Barack
Obama saved my state
Stephanopoulos: you supported RomneyCare!
Patrick: yes and it’s been enormously successful
Snyder: people should shop around for
health insurance like Travelocity
Stephanopoulos: so the roaming gnome
would do your heart bypass?