Guests:
Sen. John McCain
Fred Thompson
David Axelrod
Joe Scarborough
Doris Kearns Goodwin
*********************************
Gregory: so Florida is voting in a few days
Todd: Romney leads Gingrich in every
category except “too crazy to be
our nominee”
Gregory: greetings gentlemen
McCain: hi Fluffy
Thompson: whuh?
Gregory: hey Newt is losing Florida
McCain: yes I noticed
Thompson: yes but Newt won in South
Carolina except for smart people
Gregory: the Establishment is terrified
of Newt as the GOP nominee
Thompson: that’s only because people
who know him hate his guts
Gregory: I see
Thompson: Newt passed welfare reform
then he went insane
McCain: Newt shut down the government
- also he’s corrupt
Gregory: he is?
McCain: ever heard of the K Street Project Fluffy?
Gregory: no
McCain: he called Ronald Reagan a failure!
Apostate!
Thompson: haarrruumph
McCain: Citizens United was an outrage and
Gingrich is being funded by
a Chinese casino operator
Thompson: Mitt Romney is rich which
is very bad!
McCain: Fred you washed up
Hollywood jackass
Thompson: George Soros spends money!
Gregory: good point grandpa
Thompson: in an alternate universe Gingrich
successfully impeached Bill Clinton
Gregory: is that why you have the beard -
are you Evil Fred Thomson?
McCain: oh my god Fred you are insane
Thompson: Romney is mean nasty and
did I say mean
Gregory: when did Republicans become
such crybabies?
Thompson: whaaaa!
Gregory: here’s a hankie Fred
Thompson: Being nasty is no way
to win an election!
[ sobs ]
Gregory: Sarah Palin is worried about a
split in the party
McCain: who is this Sarah Palin person
you speak of?
Gregory: heh
McCain: Did I mention Mitt Romney has
never had extra martial affairs
Gregory: but you attacked Romney in 2008
McCain: Gingrich can’t whine his way to victory
Thompson: this is the most important time in
our history - the economy has stopped!
Gregory: actually the economy is growing
Thompson: maybe so but this is the
Obama Recession
Gregory: ok
Thompson: we don’t need a bean counter!
We need a 51st state on the moon!
Gregory: Obama intimidated the
Governor of Arizona
McCain: 40,000 people have been killed in
a country that is not America!
Gregory: wow
Gregory: this is your 61st appearance on
Meet The Press
McCain: What do I get when I hit 100?
Gregory: a pair of gold rabbit ears
McCain: how appropriate Fluffy
[ break ]
Gregory: David Brooks says Obama isn’t
thinking big enough
Axelrod: Obama wants to revive manufacturing
and community colleges
Gregory: I demand Americans sacrifice!
Axelrod: ok how about raising taxes on millionaires
Gregory: the reality of the situation with
entitlements is dire!
Axelrod: so you say Greggers
Gregory: President Alan Simpson says we
must cut social security!
Axelrod: you’re a moron
Gregory: Obama says this election is
about fairness
Axelrod: that sounds good to me
Gregory: but didn’t Romney play
by the rules?
Axelrod: yes you are allowed to hide
your money in Swiss bank accounts but
that doesn't make it right
Gregory: you must raise taxes on
the middle class
Axelrod: you seem insistent on this point
Gregory: you must cut entitlements!
Axelrod: the rich have done spectacularly
well you know Fluffy
Gregory: isn’t Bain Capital wonderful
Axelrod: Romney bankrupts companies
and then loots them
Gregory: but shareholders made a
lot of money
Axelrod: he kills jobs!
Gregory: so does Obama
Axelrod: no George Bush lost millions of
jobs and Romney wants to return to his policies
Gregory: you attack investors but Obama
invested in General Motors
Axelrod: but we didn’t loot the company -
we built an industry
Gregory: it’s still the same
Axelrod: well then why did Romney oppose
the auto bailout!?
Gregory: will the GOP fight continue?
Axelrod: well Romney has the money and
Newt is crazy but then again Mitt
is a liar and weirdo
Gregory: Does Obama hate politics?
Axelrod: no he likes it which proves
he’s not normal
Gregory: why should people vote for Obama?
Axelrod: because we’re adding jobs and the
other guys are out of their fucking minds
Gregory: thanks for coming
[ break ]
Gregory: Hi panel! So Newt was doing so
well - what went wrong?
Scarborough: Florida is big state - it
takes money and organization and
popularity - three things Gingrich
doesn’t have
Todd: Team Romney carpet-bombed
the state with cash and coupons
for early bird dinners
Goodwin: it’s like Custer’s Last Stand
except Romney is a very rich Indian
Scarborough: Establishment v Tea Party!
It’s so on right now!!
Goodwin: I’m starting to wonder if Newt
is actually insane
Gregory: George Washington was just like
Romney because he was very rich too
Good: yes but FDR had polio and JFK was
in WWII and Mitt spent Vietnam in Paris
Todd: not every American has a Swiss
bank account
Gregory: most of the best people do
Scarborough: that is true
Gregory: Joe you warned that Gingrich is like
a cockroach or Cher
Scarborough: yes they are scary and
you don’t want them around and you think
you got rid of them and there they are
Gregory: will Newt ever go away?
Scarborough: He could win Georgia,
Oklahoma, Tennessee and the Moon
Gregory: Newt is still leading in nation polls
Todd: but Romney is going to win Michigan
- people love him there and since they
are unemployed will plenty of time to vote
Gregory: Obama is laughing his ass off
Goodwin: Obama talked about fairness
and people like that
Gregory: Obama is not demanding
enough sacrifice is he?
Scarborough: it was a great campaign
speech which is very depressing because
no one is willing to demand that
poor people give up even more
Gregory: Obama is cheating by being popular
Scar: it’s so so sad
Gregory: Beet sugar fields on the Moon!
Goodwin: so awesome
Gregory: and that’s another episode
of Meet The Press
***************************************
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