January 8, 2012
Gregory: Good morning and welcome
to the Fluffy Facebook debate
Candidates: good morning Mr. Zuckerberg
Gregory: please bash Mittens for me
Gingrich: because Obama is a scary black
man and Romney is timid just like Obama
Gingrich: I created 100 million jobs with
Saint Ronald and that other guy in the
1990s and I’ve been pre-smeared
Romney: we were losing jobs when I
became Governor and began adding
jobs after I took office
Gregory: that sounds like Obama
Romney: I’m a leader and Newt is a loser
Gregory: Rick you are also a loser
Santorum: Mitt didn’t even run for re-election
Gregory: he ran against Ted Kennedy
Santorum: he ran to his left and was defeated
Romney: I didn’t even to want to be
Santorum: you ran for the Governor and
Senate and President twice idiot
Romney: my life’s passion is making
money and I’ve done that
Santorum: you will only serve one term
Romney: not voluntarily
Gingrich: drop the baloney you loser
Romney: I know very well that I am
a loser dipshit
Gregory: is Romney a man of
Paul: Obama created empires and
bailed out the banks!
Perry: Wall Street dicks like Mitt Romney
caused the recession!
Gregory: Mitt what do you believe?
Romney: I wrote a book saying my firm
belief that I should be President
Hunstman: I love America so I served
as Ambassador to China
Romney: I respect that decision I
just think it destroys the nation
Huntsman: shut up pretty boy
Gregory: what pain will you bring to
Hunstman: I will cut Medicare Fluffy
Gregory: you must Social Security!
Huntsman: ok ok Fluffy
Santorum: of course we have to
means-test Social Security
Gregory: how else do you balance
Santorum: require black people to
Gingrich: I’d like to see you in pain Fluffy
Perry: I can too name all three departments
I would cut!
Gregory: whoa slow down cowboy
Hunstman: get a load of the big brain on Rick!
Gregory: would you cut old people off Medicare
Santorum: we should let old people be
free to choose to have bad healthcare
Gregory: what about raising taxes on
very rich people
Romney: Ronald Reagan grew government!
Gregory: oh noe
Romney: we have to cut food stamps
Huntsman: we have to cut trillions!
Gingrich: Bill Clinton knew I hated his guts
but we worked together because he never
hounded me about all my affairs
Romney: The legislature gave me unilateral
power and I’m sure if Obama asked nicely
the GOP would do that for him
Gregory: Ron Paul you have no influence in DC
Paul: that proves how out of touch everyone is!
Gregory: how do you make people in
Washington stop being assholes?
Santorum: Ron Paul is creating vacuums!
He’s another Hoover!
Santorum: I stood up and fought to cut aid
for mothers with children
Huntsman: Barack Obama is ignoring
wonderful people like Alan Simpson
Gregory: that is so sad
Hunstman: I want to roam around this
country generating excitement
Gregory: good luck with that
Gregory: what would you do to make
Perry: I think I’m making them pretty
uncomfortable right now!
DiStaso: should we cut home
heating oil benefits?
Huntsman: we should break up the oil
Paul: regarding home heating oil the
gold standard is fascinating
Gregory: should Americans learn to live
with less heat?
Romney: As President I will tell states to
take care of their own damn problems
Hiller: Mitt you used to love gays so
Romney: I put gay people on the bench
Santorum: I respect all people I just
believe we should discriminate
against gay people
Hiller: what if you had gay children?
Santorum: I would love my evil gay son
and if he married a dog I wouldn’t let
him take a ride from Mitt Romney
Perry: Obama caused the recession in 2007!
Romney: we must crush government unions!
Santorum: I didn’t vote for right-to-work law
when I was a Senator but since Pennsylvania
voted me out of office screw them all
Gregory: is Obama a bad President?
Gregory: would you care to expand on that
Gingrich: Obama is weakening America
by not fracking interns
Gregory: is the recession Obama’s fault?
Romney: Obama is controlled by labor stooges!
Perry: all three of 'em!
Hiller: what about cross-state air pollution?
Romney: I like clean air because air
that is clean is good which is nice
Gingrich: the EPA is run by radicals that
doesn’t cooperate with businesses
Hiller: John McCain says Obama is a patriot
and loves America
Perry: Obama is a socialist doesn’t reflect
our founding fathers who believed in small
whiter federal government
Gregory: Rick Santorum are you a socialist?
Santorum: I’m a bottom-up kind of guy
Hiller: is health care a right?
Paul: there is only one right - a right to liberty!
DiStaso: are you willing to live free or die?
Huntsman: I’m sick of all these gay-bashing assholes
Gregory: should we go to war with Iran?
Santorum: Iran is crazy because they are
religious nuts who believe that the afterlife
is better than this one
Gregory: Pakistan has nukes too
Santorum: yes but religion should have no
role at all in politics
Gregory: I see
Santorum: Obama is very weak against Pakistan
Gregory: He violated their sovereignty to
get bin Laden
Gregory: You used be against Super PACs
Gingrich: yes but then I found out
Mitt Romney is a big meanie
Gregory: you called him a predator
Gingrich: am I’m going to catch him!
Romney: I haven’t even seen these ads you speak of
Gingrich: they’re on tv moron
Romney: let me cited five things from the ad
Gingrich: I thought you hadn’t seen them
Romney: Of course my former staffers
are running ads supporting me using a PAC
I don’t control!
Gregory: will you pull all your PAC ads?
Romney: I hope these fellows I barely know
pull these ads
Gingrich: Romney has forced me to run a
slanderous movie sliming him
Santorum: Why doesn’t Obama help people
get married except for banning gay marriage?
Gregory: fascinating point
Santorum: Iran is an evil theocracy and
Obama has a secular ideology!
Gregory: thanks for coming gentlemen