Sunday, January 22, 2012

Meet The Press - January 22, 2012

Newt Gingrich
Gov. Chris Christie (R-NJ)
Joe Scarborough
Katty Kay
Mike Murphy
Chuck Todd

Gregory: wow Newt won South Carolina

Gingrich: thank you I am amazing

Gregory: what happened?

Gingrich: there is real pain and anger
out there and people are sick and tired
about being told what to think

Gregory: I see

Gingrich: I’m running against the
big boys in Washington

Gregory: but you are the ultimate insider

Gingrich: I took a million dollars to
tell Fannie Mae they suck

Gregory: ok

Gingrich: I am a regular American and
Mitt is a capitalist stooge

Gregory: Mittens says you hate success

Gingrich: I’m not attacking business I’m
attacking this slippery jerk

Gregory: do you think Mitt should
release his tax returns?

Gingrich: yes of course but I won’t release mine

Gregory: a lot of people hate you
and some Republicans say you would
be a total catastrophe

Gingrich: I will take on the Establishment!

Gregory: wow

Gingrich: I will take on elites -
they caused the recession!

Gregory: what happened to family values?

Gingrich: I’m a grandfather now -
cuddly and cute!

Gregory: Jeb Bush says we should be
positive but you said Obama basically
hates America

Gingrich: the media has never
investigated Saul Alinsky

Gregory: I’m sorry about that

Gingrich: the objective fact is that Obama
is a black panther communist

Gregory: Romney is releasing tax returns

Gingrich: good now I don’t have to release
mine since the conversation is over

Gregory: Mitt is putting his tax returns

Christie: Finally - what a dumbass

Gregory: what was he hiding?

Christie: his amazing success which would
have made people really jealous

Gregory: right

Christie: people don’t want a failure as
President do they?

Gregory: what happened last night?

Christie: hey we got in a rumble and got beat up
and now we got to pick our knives and guns
take some dudes out

Gregory: you said Mitt Romney is too robotic

Christie: we’re working on that

Gregory: Newt is beating you on ethics

Christie: let’s drop the baloney -
of course Newt Gingrich was a lobbyist

Gregory: what has Mitt Romney ever done ?

Christie: people working at the Sports Authority
should thank Mitt Romney

Gregory: oh

Christie: people using those high-paying jobs at
Staples for food - let Obama attack that!

Gregory: why not elect Newt Gingrich

Christie: because Congress sucks and
Obama was a Senator

Gregory: do you think Gingrich would embarrass
the Republican party?

Christie: of course he would

Gregory: when has he ever done that?

Christie: don’t play dumb Fluffy

Gregory: I’m not playing

Christie: I see

Gregory: you’re making his character an issue

Christie: no I’m saying he’s an erratic wacko
who will destroy the party

Gregory: would Newt lose?

Christie: Romney would win!

Gregory: would you run for Vice President?

Christie: sure why not

Gregory: but no one likes you

Christie: true enough

Gregory: how can Obama get Republicans
get to rally behind him

Christie: stop being such a coward and
embrace Simpson-Bowles

Gregory: wow

Christie: I don’t agree with Simpson-Bowles
but he should totally do it anyway

Gregory: Do Republicans bear responsibility
for all the gridlock

Christie: no because Obama is a big meanie

Gregory: you killed a Hudson tunnel but
now you’re cutting income taxes in New Jersey

Christie: We’ve aggressively cut spending
and now it’s time for people to get their money back

Gregory: I love it

Christie: go New Jersey Giants!

[ break ]

Gregory: Chuck what happened in South Carolina?

Todd: Newt became the conservative alternative
and he even won on electability

Scarborough: Gingrich is not a real conservative
- he’s just a giant asshole

Gregory: really

Scarborough: Newt called Paul Ryan a
right-wing radical!

Murphy: Losing Carolina is not the problem -
the issue is Romney is a crappy campaigner

Gregory: Newt is running against Saul Alinsky
and food stamps

Kay: he tapped the conservative lizard brain

Todd: People aren’t voting for Newt Gingrich
- they’re voting against Mitt Romney

Scarborough: the party base is revolting

Gregory: true

Scarborough: Newt Gingrich is not
a conservative! Google it!

Gregory: wow

Scarborough: he called us jihadists!

Gregory: so sad

Scarborough: Newt is not a conservative
- he’s an opportunist!

Murphy: nobody cares Joe - he attacked
food stamps and called for child labor -
you can’t beat that

Gregory: so how does he win?

Murphy: Mitt has to remind people that
Newt is a living train-wreck

Scarborough: Gingrich is Michael Moore
and Mitt is an idiot

Gregory: will Mitch Daniels be recruited
to be President?

Murphy: after a UFO lands in Miami

Scarborough: the good news is that
people don’t like Mitt Romney but they
hate Gingrich

Gregory: true

Scarborough: Jeb Bush will probably
be the nominee

Murphy: [ snort! ]

Kay: Florida is more moderate

Todd: have you seen their Governor?

Gregory: NBC is hosting another Republican
debate tomorrow

Audience: oh my god

Todd: he should call on Newt to release
his Fannie Mae agreement

Murphy: we’ll see if Romney is a wimp or a fighter

Kay: the Super PAC ads will go negative for him

Scarborough: Newt is horrible -
but last night was a primal scream from the party
we will not go quietly into the night!

Gregory: and that’s another episode
of Meet The Press

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