This Week with Christiane Amanpour
Former Prime Minister Tony Blair
September 5, 2010
Amanpour: you colossally fucked up in
Blair: um yeah well that was kind of bad
Amanpour: but will you apologize?
Amanpour: you didn’t know that invading a middle east nation would be complex
Blair: 9/11 made my brain stop functioning
Amanpour: ah right
Blair: those terrorists could have killed 300,000 people so we had to overreact in the
most stupid way possible
Amanpour: of course
Blair: those muslims freak me out!!
Amanpour: isn’t Obama weak on radical Islam?
Blair: yes he is - it’s our generations great mission to invade random desert nations until we get lucky
Amanpour: you say ordinary middle easterners are afraid we won’t occupy them forever
Blair: it’s just like the fight against Communism - it must never end until those nations are ruled a freedom hating loon who supports corporations
Amanpour: well then invading Iraq was really stupid wasn’t it?
Blair: but the sanctions were crumbling
Amanpour: not after 9/11 Poodle Boy
Blair: yeah but then Saddam would’ve been around after 9/11 and you can’t take a chance him and his evil mustache might launch balsa wood planes
filled with anthrax
Amanpour: make sense
Blair: I would also point out that because we attacked Iraq by mistake North Korea has agreed
to talk to us while building more nuclear bombs
Amanpour: oh good
Blair: look I’m the decider
Amanpour: so what would you decide about Iran
Blair: we have to attack Iran now!
Amanpour: dood you’re a little crazy
Blair: Hey Dickie wanted to attack a dozen countries
Amanpour: good lord
Blair: he wanted to remake the world -
but he’s not stupid
Amanpour: just evil and insane
Blair: I’ve seen his Horcrux
Amanpour: what did you think about George Bush
Blair: he is simple-minded but he was very decisive in his mistakes and admire that
Amanpour: Bill Clinton?
Blair: I love him because he ditched the activists and radicals and all those rainbow types
Blair: Bill’s got a bloody big brain
Amanpour: what was he like during impeachment
Blair: he’s got an amazing ability to compartmentalize - it’s really incredible
Amanpour: why you think he slept with Monica?
Blair: he just loves people - I mean really
Amanpour: so I’ve heard
Blair: personally I can’t stand ‘em
Amanpour: why do all these men politicians have affairs?
Blair: hey there’s a lot of pressure at the top -
you gotta blow it off somehow
Amanpour: but you don’t
Blair: no I drink and cry myself to sleep every night
Amanpour: very healthy
Blair: [ sobs ]
Amanpour: the 'Prime Minister’s Questions' session is pretty scary
Blair: it’s bloody petrifying
Amanpour: did you like Diana?
Blair: she was great but those inbred loons at Buckingham palace were terrified of her
Amanpour: you had to tell the Queen that people were upset about Diana
Blair: hey I was just a new PM and it’s not like I’m the Queen’s buddy
Amanpour: but you saw her washing the dishes
Blair: right that was freaky
Amanpour: LOL you Brits are hilarious