Sunday, September 05, 2010

This Week with guest Tony Blair - Sept. 5, 2010

This Week with Christiane Amanpour
Guest:
Guest:
Former Prime Minister Tony Blair
September 5, 2010
************************************
Amanpour: you colossally fucked up in
invading Iraq

Blair: um yeah well that was kind of bad

Amanpour: but will you apologize?

Blair: no

Amanpour: you didn’t know that invading a middle east nation would be complex

Blair: 9/11 made my brain stop functioning

Amanpour: ah right

Blair: those terrorists could have killed 300,000 people so we had to overreact in the
most stupid way possible

Amanpour: of course

Blair: those muslims freak me out!!

Amanpour: isn’t Obama weak on radical Islam?

Blair: yes he is - it’s our generations great mission to invade random desert nations until we get lucky

Amanpour: you say ordinary middle easterners are afraid we won’t occupy them forever

Blair: it’s just like the fight against Communism - it must never end until those nations are ruled a freedom hating loon who supports corporations

Amanpour: well then invading Iraq was really stupid wasn’t it?

Blair: but the sanctions were crumbling

Amanpour: not after 9/11 Poodle Boy

Blair: yeah but then Saddam would’ve been around after 9/11 and you can’t take a chance him and his evil mustache might launch balsa wood planes
filled with anthrax

Amanpour: make sense

Blair: I would also point out that because we attacked Iraq by mistake North Korea has agreed
to talk to us while building more nuclear bombs

Amanpour: oh good

Blair: look I’m the decider

Amanpour: so what would you decide about Iran

Blair: we have to attack Iran now!

Amanpour: dood you’re a little crazy

Blair: Hey Dickie wanted to attack a dozen countries

Amanpour: good lord

Blair: he wanted to remake the world -
but he’s not stupid

Amanpour: just evil and insane

Blair: I’ve seen his Horcrux

Amanpour: what did you think about George Bush

Blair: he is simple-minded but he was very decisive in his mistakes and admire that

Amanpour: Bill Clinton?

Blair: I love him because he ditched the activists and radicals and all those rainbow types

Amanpour: smart?

Blair: Bill’s got a bloody big brain

Amanpour: what was he like during impeachment

Blair: he’s got an amazing ability to compartmentalize - it’s really incredible

Amanpour: why you think he slept with Monica?

Blair: he just loves people - I mean really
loves people

Amanpour: so I’ve heard

Blair: personally I can’t stand ‘em

Amanpour: why do all these men politicians have affairs?

Blair: hey there’s a lot of pressure at the top -
you gotta blow it off somehow

Amanpour: but you don’t

Blair: no I drink and cry myself to sleep every night

Amanpour: very healthy

Blair: [ sobs ]

Amanpour: the 'Prime Minister’s Questions' session is pretty scary

Blair: it’s bloody petrifying

Amanpour: did you like Diana?

Blair: she was great but those inbred loons at Buckingham palace were terrified of her

Amanpour: you had to tell the Queen that people were upset about Diana

Blair: hey I was just a new PM and it’s not like I’m the Queen’s buddy

Amanpour: but you saw her washing the dishes

Blair: right that was freaky

Amanpour: LOL you Brits are hilarious

Blair: cheerio

******************************

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