Sunday, September 19, 2010

Meet The Press - September 19, 2010

Colin Powell
Bill Clinton
Gregory: Colin has Republican party gone completely insane?

Powell: It’s a fascinating group of angry people but I think they need more than slogans like ‘Taxpayers are Jews for Obama’s Ovens’

Gregory: Mike Bloomerg says they are fad like hula hoops, pet rocks or suspending habeus corpus

Powell: but they might have bizarre staying power - they could be the Rubik’s Cube of politics

Gregory: no one can figure either one out

Powell: right

Gregory: Rush Limbaugh says you are not hate-filled or crazy enough

Powell: I don’t care what that obese drug addict
has to say

Gregory: but no one in the GOP likes you

Powell: jesus fuck if the GOP has any future we
can’t be anti-immigration

Gregory: but you’re biased - you're Jamaican

Powell: we’re going to be a brown nation in
a few years

Gregory: Mitt Romney says we need to crack Mexican skulls

Powell: criminy immigrants come here to
do hard work

Gregory: and behead our men and defile
our white women

Powell: I’m telling my fellow republicans to get with the program and stop acting stupid

Gregory: have you thought about leaving the party?

Powell: no why should I?

Gregory: because they’ve gone completely insane

Powell: true - but we need two parties to slow down the Biden juggunaut

Gregory: It’s Palin’s party now

Powell: it’s fine to criticize the President but try to use your brain once in a while

Gregory: Gingrich says Obama is a Marxist
Kenyan con man

Powell: this is all bullshit nonsense and it makes Republicans look racist and stupid

Gregory: why is this happening?

Powell: because you report on it and does appeal to the fringe elements of the party

Gregory: Like the recent Vice President nominee

Powell: it might be good for the GOP and Obama if Republicans took the House

Gregory: why?

Powell: it would force them to take responsibility and make Obama focus on employment

Gregory: what more should Obama do to reach out to Republicans?

Powell: He could not be black

Gregory: You totally fucked up in Afghanistan

Powell: true but Obama may pull our chestnuts out of that fire

Gregory: lucky you

Powell: but the Karzai government is corrupt

Gregory: oh now you figure that out

Gregory: should we attack Iran?

Powell: no we should contain them with rigid
IAEA inspections

Gregory: gee we could have tried that in Iraq

Gregory: will you endorse Obama in 2012?

Powell: well the GOP crashed the economy and
I thought Obama would prevent a Depression and he did

Gregory: but he has not transformed America
or given me a unicorn

Powell: give him time - he enacted an pretty transformational health care plan-

Gregory: -but no rainbows or lollipops

Powell: so the GOP treats him like a dog - how do you think I feel? Suck it up!!

[ break ]

Gregory: Bill what do you make of the Tea Party?

Clinton: some of them are legitimately angry and have good instincts - they think the wealthy and powerful benefit by causing economic problems
and they’re right

Gregory: interesting

Clinton: but the question is what we are going to do about it - I heard one guy thinks unemployment compensation is unconstitutional

Gregory: what do you think of Christine O’Donnell?

Clinton: She’s hot

Gregory: what about her ideas?

Clinton: if tea partiers are against financial elites are they in favor of the Wall Street reform bill or against it - we don’t know

Gregory: Newt Gingrich says Obama is a secret anti-colonialist spy who will give America away to the Kenya Mau Mau Empire

Clinton: he also said when Susan Smith drowned her children it was my fault

Gregory: he does have a way with words

Gregory: what’s up with the Clinton Global Initiative?

Clinton: we get every attendee to make a commitment to women - I certainly will

Gregory: what about poverty here in America?

Clinton: Fluffy for the first time in my lifetime there are job openings not being filled because people are trapped in the underwater homes and are not trained to do the jobs

Gregory: it seems like Haiti is real basket case

Clinton: one third of the country was wrecked and it wasn’t exactly Monaco to begin with

Gregory: fair point

Clinton: and they’re having an election in the aftermath an earthquake which is not easy

Gregory: speaking of that what about our
2010 election?

Clinton: the problem is that Democrats didn’t solve all the problems the Republicans created

Gregory: I noticed that

Clinton: It took 8 years to create the devastation we are living in now

Gregory: well you’ve had 21 months and you
failed so you suck

Clinton: Bring it On Fluffy

Gregory: why is the health care bill so unpopular

Clinton: we give a trillion dollars to insurance companies every year and they spend part of that on propaganda and lies

Gregory: you make the case better than Obama does

Clinton: I am the Big Dog

Gregory: so what’s the solution?

Clinton: shake the voters out of their apathy and tell people the Republicans are bad for America

Gregory: are you too thin?

Clinton: ha - I am too thin, too rich, too popular and just too damm awesome!

Gregory: Thanks Bill - and now a look back at
Edwin Newman and when real journalists hosted Meet The Press

Audience: [ sobs ]

1 comment:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Gregory: Thanks Bill - and now a look back at
Edwin Newman and when real journalists hosted Meet The Press