ABC's This Week with guest CIA Director Panetta

June 27, 2010
Host:
Jake Tapper
Guest: Leon Panetta - CIA Director
***************************************

Tapper: the USA is the greatest country in the
world - so of course we are threatened in every corner of the globe

Panetta: of course

Tapper: this has been the deadliest month ever
for NATO forces - what the hell is going in Afghanistan Leon?

Panetta: lots of heroin production Tapper

Tapper: but what about our military efforts?

Panetta: we have 150,000 troops to go after
15 guys in Al Qaeda there

Tapper: that seems like overkill

Panetta: well it won’t work anyway - it’s all up
to the people of Afghanistan to embrace
the US empire

Tapper: will they?

Panetta: things are getting less worse

Tapper: is the Taliban stronger than when
Obama took office?

Panetta: well sure - but on the bright side we
killed that fascist weirdo who went around
dressed as a woman

Tapper: Rudy Giuliani?

Panetta: damm right

Tapper: what does winning in Afghanistan look like?

Panetta: no safe haven to al-qaeda or
al-qaeda-like products

Tapper: how do we do that?

Panetta: an Extreme National Makeover

Tapper: where is Osama bin Laden?

Panetta: he’s hiding in a land of violent crazed fanatics with the most difficult terrain in the world

Tapper: he’s in Arizona?

Panetta: somewhere near Flagstaff

Tapper: how come we can’t find him?

Panetta: he keeps switching cell phone plans -
he’s very wily

Tapper: what about home-grown terrorists?

Panetta: the more success we have against terrorists the more they attack us

Tapper: genius

Panetta: also they cleverly use people who have never committed a terror attack before

Tapper: so if they used people who had already been terrorists it would be easier for you?

Panetta: I should say so!

Tapper: is Obama assassinating Americans abroad?

Panetta: that dungeons & dragons playing loon declared war on America!

Tapper: but he’s an American citizen

Panetta: yes but he’s committed atrocities

Tapper: like torture?

Panetta: heh no comment

Tapper: are the extremists interested in reconciliation?

Panetta: we have seen no evidence that they are
at all interested in renouncing extreme rhetoric
and joining the political process

Tapper: but the Taliban says-

Panetta: I was talking about the Tea Party

Tapper: is the CIA breaking the law?

Panetta: heavens no - anyone who says that is dead
... wrong

Tapper: Iran is going to build a nuclear bomb!

Panetta: we have an big international coalition against them

Tapper: will that deter them?

Panetta: Probably not

Tapper: what are their intentions?

Panetta: they plan on finishing the nuke next year

Tapper: scary

Panetta: they have to obey international law which says its illegal to have nuclear weapons

Tapper: I did not know that

Panetta: they should just be responsible and build lots of defective nuclear power plans like everyone else in the family of energy hogging nations

Tapper: is Israel going to attack Iran?

Panetta: oh no no - they have such a history
of restraint

Tapper: is North Korea going to attack America?

Panetta: they are trying to establish credibility for the idiot son with no military experience by invading a country for no reason

Tapper: gosh that’s crazy

Tapper: you just gave Blackwater a huge contract even though they are essentially a criminal enterprise

Panetta: I asked the CIA to review our files and
make sure that we don’t contract out any murders
or atrocities

Tapper: you do that yourselves

Panetta: absolutely

Tapper: but why hire them now?

Panetta: we had no choice - they had a lower bid than the Shining Path or the Gambino crime family

Tapper: are CIA officials immune for their crimes?

Panetta: pretty much

Tapper: how do you sleep at night knowing all
the horrible things the government does

Panetta: it’s very inspiring knowing how dedicated out torturers are

Tapper: what really scary threat is the media not reporting enough?

Panetta: well people should know their town
could be nuked at any time

Tapper: well sure

Panetta: and also Twitter could be hacked

Tapper: oh my god!!
***********************