Sunday, June 20, 2010

Meet The Press - June 19, 2010

Gov. Haley Barbour-(R-MS)
Sen. Mary Landrieu-(D-LA)
Rep. Ed Markey-(D-MA) House Energy and Commerce Committee
John Hofmeister-Former President of Shell Oil
Katty Kay - BBC

Gregory: Hi everyone the worst environmental disaster in American history continues unabated

Reporter: there’s fucking red tape everywhere and
it seems like there’s nothing anyone can do and it’s really fucking maddening Fluffy!

Gregory: what’s up with that asshole CEO?

Reporter: he’s still overseeing the response -
he’s just doing it from a yacht in Britain

Gregory: Hi Governor Barbour how’s it going?

Barbour: look it sucks as long as the oil is flowing - Obama has done fine - but we need to make BP pay!

Gregory: Governor perhaps I wasn’t clear -
I wanted you to bash Barack Obama

Barbour: oh sorry

Landrieu: if it helps I think Obama could have
done better

Gregory: thank you!!

Gregory: now let’s look at the iconic image of this Presidency - an oil spill he has no control over

[ seabed spill image ]

Markey: Shockingly I think BP is to blame -
they are liars or incompetent

Gregory: sure BP isn’t so great - but aren’t we
all really to blame?

Hofmeister: absolutely - although I have to admit using mops probably wasn’t the brightest idea

Gregory: that reminds me - why didn’t Barack Obama sop up the oil by himself?

Kay: Exactly - but there is an inherent tension in that David Gregory insists Obama fix the spill but he
can’t do it because no one can

Landrieu: true - but I would like to point out we’re not relying on BP - we also have Shell and Exxon

Gregory: but that has been a criticism

Landrieu: by you

Gregory: why would the government have processes to do things?

Markey: Calm down Fluffy

Hofmeister: the lesson here is we need to build
more supertankers

Markey: Look Dancing Dave all the oil companies are incompetent and liars

Barbour: Big Government needs get ‘er done!

Gregory: Obama just like Bush promised that the Gulf would be better than before

Barbour: sure but Obama said that after so
it’s a much lower bar

Gregory: good point

Landrieu: these are America’s wetlands-

Gregory: that reminds me that Obama is a
bad President

Kay: the people in Gulf want Obama to make sure the oil industry stays in there

Gregory: what’s the frequency Kenneth?

Feinberg: I’m the man with the cash

Gregory: do you have to waive a right to file a lawsuit

Feinberg: not at all Fluffers

Gregory: what’s an illegitimate claim?

Feinberg: idiot talk show hosts don’t get compensation

Gregory: awww

Gregory: Joe Barton apologized to BP

Feinberg: ha ha - look BP has paid out $100 million already because they should and they have to

Gregory: is the money there now Ken?

Feinberg: yes and the money will keep on
flowing endlessly

Gregory: just like the oil

Feinberg: right

Gregory: is the escrow is an upfront settlement?

Feinberg: hey you want to give 40% to a lawyer
go right ahead

Lawyers: oh noe!

Landrieu: we don’t want BP to go out of business
we need them to keep drilling so they can keep paying us

Barbour: I underestimated Obama - he’s very smart - he’s got BP on a permanent payment plan forever and ever

Markey: it’s brilliant actually - he got results from BP without a government solution or getting his fingerprints all over the disaster

Gregory: that reminds me that Obama is a terrible President and another Jimmy Carter

Kay: Exactly - this plays into the narrative that Obama hates ordinary people and is not an
oil spill engineer

Gregory: my god he is an emotionless bastard

Landrieu: Obama is doing well but the proof is in the pudding

Gregory: that’s a cute saying

Landrieu: it’s not a saying - all the shrimp pudding
is contaminated with oil

Gregory: Governor Barbour would you please bash Barack Obama for me

Barbour: I heard you were a moron

Gregory: why won’t you go after the President?!?
[ starts sobbing ]

Barbour: because you’re an idiot

Gregory: But Obama will politicize this in the fall!

Barbour: Obama’s thugs did a shakedown of BP! Also he’s too cozy with BP!!

Gregory: Should we apologize to BP?

Barbour: we would have to if it was $20 billion
but since it’s $5 billion that’s ok

Gregory: isn’t the BP gulf oil spill really government’s fault?

Markey: In a way, yes! We have to stop believing businesses like Goldman Sachs or AIG or BP when they say there’s no risk when in fact they are
taking huge risks!!

Gregory: Obama should have reformed the MMS in January 2009 so this is all his fault

Hofmeister: America is a short-sighted greedy nation

Gregory: we all know that

Hofmeister: the government must create a plan that can last beyond all Presidents and various Democratic and Republican Congresses

Gregory: excellent idea

Barbour: the Obama drilling moratorium is a terrible thing - much worse than that silly minor spill

Markey: bullshit - the current bill we have would capture America’s genius and meanwhile we’re consuming 25% of the world’s oil and that’s
the real problem

Landrieu: I think we need get off oil - just not now

Gregory: when?

Landrieu: never

Gregory: I see

Landrieu: anyway environmentalists are to blame because they are so eager to kill BP that they never regulated it and now we have this terrible oil spill in the Gulf - thanks alot tree-huggers!

Gregory: and thank you all for joining this thoughtful and totally insane discussion


SUNDAY, June 20, 5PM SLT 􀀀

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CULTURE OF TRUTH writes the Bobblespeak Translations, political satire wherein he recaps the Sunday morning talk shows and major appearances of national political figures. "What They're Really Saying When They're Saying What They're Saying" just about sums it up.

CS KENDRICK - A financial analyst by trade, Chris writes professionally with a focus on the life insurance industry and writes 'recreationally' as cskendrick at Dailykos and other progressive blogs. Pretty much any subject is fair game for his keyboard.

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A weekly news review and counterpoint to the network opinion shows. Each week, two well regarded bloggers discuss the events of the week, with an emphasis on U.S. politics and policy.

1 comment:

The Grumpy Buddha said...

Amazing as usual.