June 27, 2010
Guest: Leon Panetta - CIA Director
Tapper: the USA is the greatest country in the
world - so of course we are threatened in every corner of the globe
Panetta: of course
Tapper: this has been the deadliest month ever
for NATO forces - what the hell is going in Afghanistan Leon?
Panetta: lots of heroin production Tapper
Tapper: but what about our military efforts?
Panetta: we have 150,000 troops to go after
15 guys in Al Qaeda there
Tapper: that seems like overkill
Panetta: well it won’t work anyway - it’s all up
to the people of Afghanistan to embrace
the US empire
Tapper: will they?
Panetta: things are getting less worse
Tapper: is the Taliban stronger than when
Obama took office?
Panetta: well sure - but on the bright side we
killed that fascist weirdo who went around
dressed as a woman
Tapper: Rudy Giuliani?
Panetta: damm right
Tapper: what does winning in Afghanistan look like?
Panetta: no safe haven to al-qaeda or
Tapper: how do we do that?
Panetta: an Extreme National Makeover
Tapper: where is Osama bin Laden?
Panetta: he’s hiding in a land of violent crazed fanatics with the most difficult terrain in the world
Tapper: he’s in Arizona?
Panetta: somewhere near Flagstaff
Tapper: how come we can’t find him?
Panetta: he keeps switching cell phone plans -
he’s very wily
Tapper: what about home-grown terrorists?
Panetta: the more success we have against terrorists the more they attack us
Panetta: also they cleverly use people who have never committed a terror attack before
Tapper: so if they used people who had already been terrorists it would be easier for you?
Panetta: I should say so!
Tapper: is Obama assassinating Americans abroad?
Panetta: that dungeons & dragons playing loon declared war on America!
Tapper: but he’s an American citizen
Panetta: yes but he’s committed atrocities
Tapper: like torture?
Panetta: heh no comment
Tapper: are the extremists interested in reconciliation?
Panetta: we have seen no evidence that they are
at all interested in renouncing extreme rhetoric
and joining the political process
Tapper: but the Taliban says-
Panetta: I was talking about the Tea Party
Tapper: is the CIA breaking the law?
Panetta: heavens no - anyone who says that is dead
Tapper: Iran is going to build a nuclear bomb!
Panetta: we have an big international coalition against them
Tapper: will that deter them?
Panetta: Probably not
Tapper: what are their intentions?
Panetta: they plan on finishing the nuke next year
Panetta: they have to obey international law which says its illegal to have nuclear weapons
Tapper: I did not know that
Panetta: they should just be responsible and build lots of defective nuclear power plans like everyone else in the family of energy hogging nations
Tapper: is Israel going to attack Iran?
Panetta: oh no no - they have such a history
Tapper: is North Korea going to attack America?
Panetta: they are trying to establish credibility for the idiot son with no military experience by invading a country for no reason
Tapper: gosh that’s crazy
Tapper: you just gave Blackwater a huge contract even though they are essentially a criminal enterprise
Panetta: I asked the CIA to review our files and
make sure that we don’t contract out any murders
Tapper: you do that yourselves
Tapper: but why hire them now?
Panetta: we had no choice - they had a lower bid than the Shining Path or the Gambino crime family
Tapper: are CIA officials immune for their crimes?
Panetta: pretty much
Tapper: how do you sleep at night knowing all
the horrible things the government does
Panetta: it’s very inspiring knowing how dedicated out torturers are
Tapper: what really scary threat is the media not reporting enough?
Panetta: well people should know their town
could be nuked at any time
Tapper: well sure
Panetta: and also Twitter could be hacked
Tapper: oh my god!!