Valerie Jarrett - White House Advisor
Gov. Ed Rendell (D-PA)
Gov. Haley Barbour (R-MS)
Tapper: Hi Valerie is it true that Iran is about to violate international law by building nuclear bombs which we have thousands of?
Jarrett: yes and we’re going to kick Iranian ass!
Tapper: but don’t you convey weakness?
Jarrett: hell no Jack!
Tapper: when we will spank Iran?
Jarrett: next week - Obama’s rolling!
Tapper: speaking of that - Obama had a big success this week - how do you respond to the charge
that Obama is a big failure for enacting this unpopular bill?
Jarrett: when people see all the kittens and puppies in this law they will change their tune Jake
Tapper: AT&T says they will lose one billion dollars so then they can’t hire more customer service people to ignore you
Jarrett: Those big corporations are getting massive subsidies and deducting them from their taxes and we’re changing that - no wonder they’re whining
Tapper: the CBO says this is a good law but let’s assume it’s a total failure - is Obama willing to apologize to the American people for this
Jarrett: um, what?
Tapper: Teabaggers are attacking people using threats and violence - isn’t it inappropriate for Democrats to point that out?
Jarrett: no it’s not
Tapper: but it’s so uncivil and inappropriate!
Jarrett: you like that word don’t you
Tapper: I’m very appropriate at all times
Jarrett: yes I see
Tapper: is there a strong bond of love with
Obama and Bibi?
Jarrett: oh sure
Tapper: really cause I heard they hate each
Jarrett: yes but in a loving friendly way
[ break ]
Tapper: Gov. Barbour you say making people buy health insurance is unconstitutional but law-takers says that’s ignorant and pathetic grandstanding
Barbour: suddenly I’m very concerned about far-reaching powers of the federal government
- like what if every American had to buy a gun
NRA: hey that’s a damm good idea dammit
Rendell: the legal argument is stupid - they only reason the mandate is there is because we kept
the insurance system in intact
Tapper: if we give people health care won’t we
run out of doctors?
Rendell: No we have millions of doctors out
there doing nothing
Rendell: See we have a lot of unemployed PhDs in America - we just empower them to treat people and problem solved
Tapper: Do we really want people who wrote a thesis on medieval iconography in Jane Austen diaries performing surgery?
Rendell: don’t be silly - only art history majors will
be cutting into people
Gregory: Haley Barbour Mississippi is a fat unhealthy mess of a state - why would you sue to stop health care?
Barbour: That is all true but the problem is not a lack of insurance - it’s that most people here eat deep-fried lard in cream sauce
Tapper: that sounds tasty
Barbour: we were just about to pass real health care reform when that damm Obama came along!
Tapper: Ed everyone hates you - aren’t Democrats doomed?
Rendell: No people are going to like this bill and we’re not as fucked as people think we are - maybe
Tapper: Barbour it looks like the GOP blew it and people make like this law after all
Barbour: The Big Corporations are going to lose money - it’s so so so sad
Barbour: Candidly the liberal media is giving
oral sex to Obama
Rendell: no offense to you Jake but the media has been pounding Obama in the ass
Tapper: Isn’t David Paterson ruining the Democratic party nationwide?
Rendell: well he is a weasel but the Lt. Governor wasn’t elected
Tapper: Paterson wasn’t either
Rendell: yes he was idiot
Barbour: you can’t trust the CBO demmit
Tapper: ok ok