This Week - March 14, 2010

Host:
Jake Tapper
Guests:
David Axelrod (White House Advisor)
Lindsey Graham (R-SC)
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Tapper: so Dave are you going pass health
care or not?

Axelrod: yes we will crush the health care lobbyists! Maybe

Tapper: President Scott Brown (R-Cosmo) says you are a fascist for passing this bill - isn’t he right?

Axelrod: we’re trying to enact the same plan he never tried to repeal in Massachusetts

Tapper: but the American people hate the bill

Axelrod: no they don’t Jake - they hate the lies they’ve been told about the bill but when you ask them about provisions really in the plan they like it

Tapper: but the Poles!

Axelrod: screw those Slavic bastards

Tapper: ok

Axelrod: we’re not walking away from this
- we’re taking this fight to the next election

Tapper: no one wants health care reform

Axelrod: it will help the American people so
we’re doing it dammit

Tapper: so will you enact the bill this week or never?

Axelrod: people deserve an up or down vote
on this crappy bill no one likes

Tapper: what about the special deals for individual Senators - like Ben Nelson gets free hairpieces for life

Axelrod: that’s a good point Tapper - for example some states get special benefits if the entire state
is a disaster area but that could apply to every state in the South

Tapper: and Nebraska and Montana

Axelrod: and California, Alaska and Iraq

Tapper: will it reduce the deficit which is terribly important now that a Democrat is President?

Axelrod: sure why not

Tapper: will the House pass a bill on complete faith in the U.S. Senate which is not the greatest idea?

Axelrod: they have to Tapster

Tapper: I’m confused

Axelrod: we already had an up or down vote on
all these bills many times

Tapper: so you will ram Obama’s package down
our throats?

Axelrod: that’s exactly right Jake

Tapper: John Roberts says he felt threatened by a bunch of angry white Senators

Axelrod: yeah they’re a scary bunch alright

Tapper: but he was surrounded!

Axelrod: I could carve a judge out of a banana
and get better rulings

Tapper: Israel slapped Joe Biden in the face

Axelrod: They sure insulted Joe

Tapper: so what will be the consequences?

Axelrod: if they don’t apologize we will be forced to send Joe Biden there again and again

Tapper: do the new Israel settlements put U.S. lives at risk?

Axelrod: fuck Bibi - you don’t diss Barack Hussein Fucking Obama!

[ break ]

Tapper: Lindsey you say reconciliation is fascist
but you voted for reconciliation when it suited you

Graham: yes but health care affects one sixth
of the economy

Tapper: and Bush tax cuts don’t?

Graham: this is completely different after all we
have a black Democratic President now

Tapper: The Democrats say the people want this bill

Graham: the American people are just sick of
this crap

Tapper: meaning what?

Graham: they’re going to cut Medicare!

Tapper: you’re the President’s best friend - is Obama committed to immigration?

Graham: no he doesn’t meet with Republicans every day - it’s so sad

Tapper: what should be do

Graham: let Senator Obama propose a bill and I
will decide whether or not to veto it

Tapper: where is the leadership from John McCain

Graham: give the old man a break - he’s being primaried by a lunatic

Tapper: to be fair last time the GOP killed the immigration bill!

Graham: no that’s not fair - Obama is a sleazy black man cheating and is going to use a trick which we used to use all the time

Tapper: if a Republican works with Obama the teabaggers will kill them

Graham: this Obama character President is arrogant and uppity - who the hell does this black guy think he is?

Tapper: Sen Inhofe says if we close Gitmo swarthy terrorists will run for office in America and install Shaira law in our elementary schools

Graham: we need new laws to suspend the rule
of law in America

Tapper: but then we won’t have any laws at all

Graham: right - we need a legal framework to treat terrorists as warriors

Tapper: how odd

Graham: Gitmo is recruitment tool for terrorists

Tapper: so it’s a threat to American troops?

Graham: yes closing it is still a tough call - we should stop arguing about it since the one thing we can all agree on is that we have arrogant uppity black man in the White House

Tapper: thanks for coming Lindy
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posted by Culture of Truth