David Axelrod - White House advisor
Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL)
Rep. James Clyburn (D-SC)
Brokaw: David the health care bill is 2,700 pages long - what page provides health coverage for
mindless books about generations?
Axelrod: the American people have witnessed a year-long debate, filibuster-proof votes in the House and Senate, and they don’t give a shit about procedure - they want goddamm health care reform!
Brokaw: President Brown says we shouldn’t have multi-trillion dollar health care in America
Axelrod: did you know Massachusetts has the
same plan and he never tried to repeal it
Brokaw: maybe so but he is good looking and
drives a truck
Axelrod: we stopped a Depression and Scott Brown just voted for another Obama jobs bill!
Brokaw: what about the little fetuses?
Axelrod: not only are they protected they can
now carry guns
Brokaw: Democrats are very scared of the teabaggers
Axelrod: they need to suck it up and realize they
are going to criticized whatever they do
Brokaw: well many of them are not used to that
Axelrod: yes I noticed
Brokaw: but the bill is so long and scary
Axelrod: hey dipshits you gotta go back to your constituents with an accomplishment!
Brokaw: but how can you be sure what this bill
will cost - after all when I served in WWII we had no idea FDR would nuke Lousiana
Axelrod: that’s a good point Tom
Brokaw: will you get it passed?
Axelrod: yes probably
Axelrod: definitely highly likely
Brokaw: Israel gave a big fuck you to Joe Biden
Axelrod: that’s true
Brokaw: why didn’t Obama call Bibi and give
him a beat down Obama-style?
Axelrod: he didn’t need to - Joe was there
Brokaw: what did he do?
Axelrod: threatened to keep coming back unless they apologized
Brokaw: what did they do?
Axelrod: they started removing settlements the
[ break ]
Brokaw: Congressman do you have the votes
for health care?
Clyburn: no but we will - I think
Brokaw: Democrats are scared that GOP opponents will read the bill during debates in the fall
Clyburn: I don’t think so - how many GOP candidates can actually read?
Brokaw: Dick will the Senate wreck the House bill?
Durbin: I am in the process of trying to reach
every Democratic Senator
Brokaw: have you gotten them all?
Durbin: yes I reached Blanche Lincoln in the Republican cloakroom and Ben Nelson at
the Hair Club for Men
Brokaw: people say they oppose government takeover of Medicare
Durbin: you see what kind of stupidity we’re up against
Brokaw: let me warble GOP talking points
Durbin: go ahead Tom
Brokaw: warble warble
Brokaw: Clyburn could I get a free abortion with
Clyburn: no - Bart Stupak is one of my best friends and a fucking liar
Brokaw: the Black Caucus says Obama doesn’t care about black people
Clyburn: yeah that makes sense
Brokaw: can you assure black people the
recession will end in 3 months?
Clyburn: looks like they picked you from the same Idiot Tree where the found Dancing Dave
Durbin: Tom the US economy will pick up when the GOP stops filibustering progress
[ break ]
Brokaw: Karl some call you Bush’s Brain and liberals call your Treasonous Motherfucker
Rove: hi everybody
[ waves ]
Bush: [ waching tv at home]
hey Laura there’s turdblossom
Laura: that’s nice dear
Brokaw: Karl is Obama making the same mistake you did when you failed to pass Social Security?
Rove: no because we had bipartisan support for
our utter failure
Brokaw: why has Obama failed?
Rove: he’s lazy
Brokaw: will the GOP run against health care reform?
Rove: yes - when you think about it it’s amazing that Obama is not more popular just because Fox news keeps calling him Hitler
Brokaw: so oppose the bill no matter what it says
Brokaw: but you don’t even know what is in the bill!
Rove: right - that’s also terrible!
Brokaw: I noticed you didn’t find fake WMD so apparently we invaded another country for no
Rove: that’s a fair point - I admit with no WMD the
UN would not have ordered Bush to invade Iraq
Brokaw: Dick Cheney said ‘so who gives a shit
we would have invaded anyway’
Rove: John Kerry said the same thing
Brokaw: oh well forget I said anything then
Rove: look the UN forced us to attack Iraq
- there was nothing we could do
Brokaw: we only have a half hour so I can only list
a few of your other epic failures - for example the oil revenues-
Rove: it’s not fair to say we screwed up control the oil - we fucked that up before we ever invaded
Brokaw: anyway it was utter chaos in Iraq
Rove: well sure - but two and half years after the war started al qaeda attacked us and we were caught completely by surprise
Brokaw: you sound like incredible idiots
Rove: no fair we had a plan
Brokaw: but it failed
Brokaw: Sarah Palin
Rove: I love her but she’s a moron
Rove: they finally realized that spending and government is bad under a black man
Brokaw: Dick Cheney shot your lawyer and you
Rove: yes that’s when I finally realized he’s completely psychotic
Brokaw: do you think Fox News is fair to Obama
Rove: oh yes absolutely
Brokaw: with all due respect you have got to be kidding
Rove: but Joe Scarborough is a liberal and
Rachel Maddow is gay
Brokaw: arble barble
[ break ]
Brokaw: David Brooks is health care the apocalypse?
Brooks: Obama is just like Bush
Brokaw: of course
Brooks: I miss the greatest generation - if there’s one thing people learn in war it’s never to take risks
Friedman: if the GOP stops him he might as well resign
Brooks: Obama should just try to little things and let health care fester for a little while
Brokaw: since Bush was a terrible President I can’t support Obama arble
Brooks: I’m very concerned that this is too expensive - unlike war and tax cuts which are of course free
Brokaw: while Biden was in Israel they announced they would build 1,600 new settlements in Delaware
Hillary: hey Bibi take your settlements and shove them up your fat ass!
Friedman: Israel is a crazy drunk driver
Brokaw: who will take away their keys?
Friedman: we did Israel a huge favor invading Iraq and they thank us by dissing the best Vice President since Al Gore
Brokaw: oh my
Friedman: we give them lots in aid in cash and could they have given Obama a beer?! Is that too much?
Brokaw: It seems like everyone in the world hates our guts
Friedman: if we don’t get tough with Israel no one
will respect us
Brooks: cocooned shut-in bloggers are ruining our political dicourse
Brokaw: oh noes the bloggers!
Brooks: the ability to create a twitter feed will bring down the American Empire
Brokaw: [ tweets ] brooksie sez tweets r bad
Brooks: being stupid feels really good
Brokaw: that is so true
Friedman: we have one party governing and another party throwing spit balls and erasers from the back row
Brokaw: Reagan was overwhelmingly re-elected - maybe people should calm the fuck down
Brooks: I’m with you Tom
Brokaw: you got it baby
Friedman: America is the greatest Dysfunctional Show on Earth!
posted by Culture of Truth