March 21, 2010
Rep. John Larson (D-CT)
Rep. Eric Cantor (R-VA)
David Plouffe (Obama White House Advisor)
Karl Rove (Bush White House Advisor)
Karl: So Rep. Larson - I've never heard of you - so do you have the votes?
Larson: damm right!
Karl: really, for sure?
Larson: fuck yeah!
Karl: Eric have they defeated you?
Cantor: oh no we’re winning
Karl: it seems like they have
Cantor: well if they have it’s only because they bribed Louisiana by promising them health care
for their citizens
Karl: that is disturbing
Larson: are you on the side of the insurance industry or the people?
Cantor: I warn you Democrats don’t pass this bill - the American people are scared!!
Larson: oh the American people are always scared over some bullshit you scream about
Karl: how many Democrats will lose because
of this bill?
Larson: millions of people will die if we don’t enact this bill!
Karl: Eric will this bill really ruin America -
I mean any more that Bush already did?
Cantor: the people are terrified, it’s all about fear!
Karl: but is any of that true?
Cantor: they are frightened!
Karl: but is that a lie or false?
Cantor: you’ve got people out there scared
Karl: so you keep saying
Larson: sure they’re scared - you’re all out there yelling “there’s a nigger in the White House!”
Cantor: no one supports that
Karl: Boehner is screaming “it’s Armageddon!!”
Cantor: true but Boehner is our resident House embarrassing nutjob
Karl: Obama says we shouldn’t focus on whether this helps Obama - so does it help Obama?
Plouffe: this is about insurance companies vs. regular people and big corporations vs. cute puppies and kittens
Karl: if you lose this vote do you lose the House??
Plouffe: this vote proves politics and elections matter godammit!
Karl: so Rove are you geninuely concerned about the Democrats?
Rove: oh yes the Dems are just like Bernie Madoff - they don’t even cut the deficit!
Karl: like you did with the Iraq war?
Rove: right - it’s terrible!
Karl: oh noes!
Rove: look at my magic markers and whiteboard - they cut Medicaid!
Karl: how sophisticated
Rove: it’s a disaster!
Plouffe: and who would know more about disasters and false accounting than Karl Rove and George Bush?
Rove: you spend too much - don’t lecture fiscal conservatives like me and Bush about spending
Karl: he’s got a whiteboard - he must be right
Rove: you lie!!
Karl: I will let Karl Rove yell and scream nonsense for ten minutes
Rove: The Dems will take our surplus and make it a deficit!
Rove: they will bankrupt the country!
Karl: isn’t it kamikaze to fight for what you
Plouffe: no dumbass this about leading delivering for the people
Karl: but isn’t it time for the Unions to back off?
Plouffe: watch out Jonathan or you will wake up
with a pony head in your bed
Karl: but let’s talk more about division in the Democratic party
Rove: Democrats have fascistically threatened the use of the President of the United States!
Plouffe: what a ridiculous person you are
Rove: [ interrupting ]
Obama violated the CAN-SPAM act!
Plouffe: why don’t you go shake down Wall Street or destroy another American city?
Rove: that hurts Pluffy
Karl: isn’t it Obama’s fault that Republicans call Obama a New Guinea witch doctor?
Rove: [interrupting ]
Obama has been detached, aloof uppity and altogether black
Plouffe: interrupting, screaming, spitting -
it’s all they got
Karl: Ok then
Rove: [ spits ]