Rep. Steny Hoyer
Rep. John Boehner
Tim Kaine (Chair, DNC)
Michael Steele (Chair, RNC)
Gregory: Steny do you have the votes?
Hoyer: god I hope so - I bet my family fortune on it and on Kansas in the office NCAA pool
Gregory: I’m sorry to hear that
Hoyer: we have the votes - maybe
Gregory: will you hold the vote anyway?
Hoyer: we will hold a vote today and we will
have the votes! I’m pretty sure!
Boehner: any bill which the GOP doesn't vote
for must be bad
Gregory: that makes sense
Boehner: this bill will ruin America!
Hoyer: just like Clinton’s 1993 budget did?
Gregory: the American people hate this bill
Hoyer: no they don’t - you lie about that every week
Gregory: [ smugly grinning ]
my selected poll says they do
Hoyer: I don’t care what General Electric says
Boehner: the Democrats are stealing money
Hoyer: what an idiot you are
Boehner: Obama’s Health Czar will seize your body
Gregory: I’m stunned that the Teabaggers are
racist, homophobic lunatics
Boehner: let’s not let a few bad apples take away from the fact that Obama is an African witch doctor who wants to kill your white grandmother
Gregory: that is scary
Hoyer: this bill will help small businesses, expand insurance, and give every American a choice of a puppy, kitten or Glock 9
Boehner this is an immediate takeover of everything!
Gregory: what else about the bill is bad?
Boehner it doesn’t kick in until 2014!
Gregory: the CBO says this will cut the debt and stave off disaster
Boehner: yes but we have a great plan that isn’t a dangerous socialist plan
Gregory: why didn’t you enact it before?
Boehner we didn’t know a skillful black guy would
be elected President
Gregory: you can’t trust the CBO - they like Obama’s plan and I hate it!
Hoyer: Calm down Fluffy
Gregory: Bohner will Democrats lose the House
in the fall?
Boehner well it’s a steep climb - after all everyone hates Republicans
Gregory: will you try to repeal this law?
Boehner well let’s not get crazy - after all people
Gregory: so what is the GOP plan?
Boehner yell and scream that Obama will bankrupt this country
Gregory: anything else?
Boehner: file a lawsuit saying that we are all the Jews for Obama’s Indonesian cannibal cauldron of Sharia Kenyan Marxist Sacrificial Commission of Death
Gregory: well good luck with that
[ break ]
Gregory: Mike how terrible will it be for Obama
if he wins?
Steele: oh it will be awful - Obama and the Democrats will be defeated in the fall if they pass this bill
Gregory: I can’t wondering if maybe you are insane
Steele: no this has Commissions - it’s basically a Marxist takeover of America’s precious fluids
Kaine: um yeah - I’ll take your concern for Democrats with all due consideration
Steele: you should listen to me - don’t do this!!
Kaine: we’re going to run on crushing the insurance companies and it’s going to be awesome!
Gregory: oh sure you say that now - but the stimulus still isn’t popular
Kaine: hey Dancin’ Dave did you know 42%
is not a majority?
Gregory: oh noe!
Kaine: I heard you were a moron
Gregory: word appears to have gotten out
Kaine: this is a good bill with popular ideas
Gregory: the merits don’t matter - I want to talk
about inside baseball
Kaine: Fluffyhaid you are an idiot
Steele: we’re turning the economy on its head!!
Gregory: why is Congress so unpopular?
Steele: because Congressmen didn’t want lunatics screaming epithets at them in Town Hall meetings
Gregory: speaking of that - teabaggers are out there yelling “nigger!”
Steele: we have a handful of people saying
hateful and ignorant things
Gregory: enough about John Boehner and Mitch McConnell
Steele: there’s a fine line between clever and stupid
Gregory: the Republican Committee jumped over it
Steele: that’s just the national committee - they don't represent good white Republicans like me
Gregory: Obama wants to steer the ship of state to help people
Steele: it's immoral - the American nation was founded by people who love business and hate government
Kaine: In 8 years Republicans destroyed this country and it’s to Barack Hussein Obama
to rescue it!
Steele: Holy moley!
Gregory: can we ever have bipartisanship?
Kaine: we can all agree on cracking Mexican skulls
Steele: damm right!
[ high fives Kaine ]
[ break ]
Gregory: If Obama passes health care reform do we take Teddy Roosevelt off Mount Rushmore?
Dunn: His kung fu is mighty mighty!
Gillespie: I greatly respect his ability to push through a bill which will wreck America by restoring majority rule
Todd: It’s a philosophical difference - Democrats are swarthy welfare cheats who buy votes and Republicans are devout Christians who
think people shouldn’t get health care
Smiley: if you're gonna lose, go down swingin’!
Dunn: insurance companies spent a billion dollars
to defeat the bill!
Gregory: probably to help Democrats from themselves
Dunn: one week from now people will wake up to free insurance, small business tax credits and sugarplums in their beds
Todd: ha good one Fluffy
Gregory: what mistakes did Obama make in enacting this historic legislation?
Todd: Letting Max Baucus write the bill and not seducing Olympia Snowe
Gillespie: Republicans will take over in the fall and ruin this country again like we did before
Gregory: [ grinning idiotically ]
who wins!? who loses?!?!
Todd: jeebus Fluffy even I think you look like a fool
Gregory: ha ha ha
Todd: People need to see the benefits immediately or they will panic and vote the party they know
Smiley: people are dyin’ goddammitt - pull your head out of your ass!
Gregory: but those Congressmen are scared-
Smiley: I was talkin’ ‘bout you Fluffy!!
Gillespie: the IRS will raid your home and murder your grandma!
Gregory: Bush ignored the people for 8 years
Gillespie: when you are Commander-in-Chief you have a moral obligation to repeal the Constitution
Gregory: but you cannot take the savings to the bank!
Dunn: oh sure Gregory loves the CBO until it favors the health care bill
Gregory: ha ha you got me Anita
Dunn: this bill is going to pass so you can
suck it Greggers
Gregory: ha ha that’s the last word