Sunday, March 21, 2010

Meet the Press - March 21, 2010

Guests:
Rep. Steny Hoyer
Rep. John Boehner
Tim Kaine (Chair, DNC)
Michael Steele (Chair, RNC)
Anita Dunn
Ed Gillespie
Chuck Todd
Tavis Smiley
*****************
Gregory: Steny do you have the votes?

Hoyer: god I hope so - I bet my family fortune on it and on Kansas in the office NCAA pool

Gregory: I’m sorry to hear that

Hoyer: we have the votes - maybe

Gregory: will you hold the vote anyway?

Hoyer: we will hold a vote today and we will
have the votes! I’m pretty sure!

Boehner: any bill which the GOP doesn't vote
for must be bad

Gregory: that makes sense

Boehner: this bill will ruin America!

Hoyer: just like Clinton’s 1993 budget did?

Boehner: right

Gregory: the American people hate this bill

Hoyer: no they don’t - you lie about that every week

Gregory: [ smugly grinning ]
my selected poll says they do

Hoyer: I don’t care what General Electric says

Boehner: the Democrats are stealing money
from Medicare!

Hoyer: what an idiot you are

Boehner: Obama’s Health Czar will seize your body

Gregory: I’m stunned that the Teabaggers are
racist, homophobic lunatics

Boehner: let’s not let a few bad apples take away from the fact that Obama is an African witch doctor who wants to kill your white grandmother

Gregory: that is scary

Hoyer: this bill will help small businesses, expand insurance, and give every American a choice of a puppy, kitten or Glock 9

Boehner this is an immediate takeover of everything!

Gregory: what else about the bill is bad?

Boehner it doesn’t kick in until 2014!

Gregory: the CBO says this will cut the debt and stave off disaster

Boehner: yes but we have a great plan that isn’t a dangerous socialist plan

Gregory: why didn’t you enact it before?

Boehner we didn’t know a skillful black guy would
be elected President

Gregory: you can’t trust the CBO - they like Obama’s plan and I hate it!

Hoyer: Calm down Fluffy

Gregory: Bohner will Democrats lose the House
in the fall?

Boehner well it’s a steep climb - after all everyone hates Republicans

Gregory: will you try to repeal this law?

Boehner well let’s not get crazy - after all people
like insurance

Gregory: so what is the GOP plan?

Boehner yell and scream that Obama will bankrupt this country

Gregory: anything else?

Boehner: file a lawsuit saying that we are all the Jews for Obama’s Indonesian cannibal cauldron of Sharia Kenyan Marxist Sacrificial Commission of Death

Gregory: well good luck with that

[ break ]

Gregory: Mike how terrible will it be for Obama
if he wins?

Steele: oh it will be awful - Obama and the Democrats will be defeated in the fall if they pass this bill

Gregory: I can’t wondering if maybe you are insane

Steele: no this has Commissions - it’s basically a Marxist takeover of America’s precious fluids

Kaine: um yeah - I’ll take your concern for Democrats with all due consideration

Steele: you should listen to me - don’t do this!!

Kaine: we’re going to run on crushing the insurance companies and it’s going to be awesome!

Gregory: oh sure you say that now - but the stimulus still isn’t popular

Kaine: hey Dancin’ Dave did you know 42%
is not a majority?

Gregory: oh noe!

Kaine: I heard you were a moron

Gregory: word appears to have gotten out

Kaine: this is a good bill with popular ideas

Gregory: the merits don’t matter - I want to talk
about inside baseball

Kaine: Fluffyhaid you are an idiot

Steele: we’re turning the economy on its head!!

Gregory: why is Congress so unpopular?

Steele: because Congressmen didn’t want lunatics screaming epithets at them in Town Hall meetings

Gregory: speaking of that - teabaggers are out there yelling “nigger!”

Steele: we have a handful of people saying
hateful and ignorant things

Gregory: enough about John Boehner and Mitch McConnell

Steele: there’s a fine line between clever and stupid

Gregory: the Republican Committee jumped over it

Steele: that’s just the national committee - they don't represent good white Republicans like me

Gregory: Obama wants to steer the ship of state to help people

Steele: it's immoral - the American nation was founded by people who love business and hate government

Kaine: In 8 years Republicans destroyed this country and it’s to Barack Hussein Obama
to rescue it!

Steele: Holy moley!

Gregory: can we ever have bipartisanship?

Kaine: we can all agree on cracking Mexican skulls

Steele: damm right!
[ high fives Kaine ]

[ break ]

Gregory: If Obama passes health care reform do we take Teddy Roosevelt off Mount Rushmore?

Dunn: His kung fu is mighty mighty!

Gillespie: I greatly respect his ability to push through a bill which will wreck America by restoring majority rule

Todd: It’s a philosophical difference - Democrats are swarthy welfare cheats who buy votes and Republicans are devout Christians who
think people shouldn’t get health care

Smiley: if you're gonna lose, go down swingin’!

Dunn: insurance companies spent a billion dollars
to defeat the bill!

Gregory: probably to help Democrats from themselves

Dunn: one week from now people will wake up to free insurance, small business tax credits and sugarplums in their beds

Gregory: Boooooooooring!!!

Todd: ha good one Fluffy

Gregory: what mistakes did Obama make in enacting this historic legislation?

Todd: Letting Max Baucus write the bill and not seducing Olympia Snowe

Gillespie: Republicans will take over in the fall and ruin this country again like we did before

Gregory: [ grinning idiotically ]
who wins!? who loses?!?!

Todd: jeebus Fluffy even I think you look like a fool

Gregory: ha ha ha

Todd: People need to see the benefits immediately or they will panic and vote the party they know
are insane

Smiley: people are dyin’ goddammitt - pull your head out of your ass!

Gregory: but those Congressmen are scared-

Smiley: I was talkin’ ‘bout you Fluffy!!

Gillespie: the IRS will raid your home and murder your grandma!

Gregory: Bush ignored the people for 8 years

Gillespie: when you are Commander-in-Chief you have a moral obligation to repeal the Constitution

Gregory: but you cannot take the savings to the bank!

Dunn: oh sure Gregory loves the CBO until it favors the health care bill

Gregory: ha ha you got me Anita

Dunn: this bill is going to pass so you can
suck it Greggers

Gregory: ha ha that’s the last word

*******************************

12 comments:

Mike said...

Thanks--I'm spending the time not watching these shows on savoring Spring. Cheers!

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