Meet the Press with Hillary Clinton, Newt Gingrich & Al Sharpton - November 15, 2009

Meet The Press
November 15, 2009
Guests:
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton
Secretary of Education Arne Duncan
Newt Gingrich
Al Sharpton
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Gregory: Hi Hillary

Clinton: morning Fluffy

Gregory: Secretary Clinton why would we enforce the rule of law against really bad people?

Clinton: Greggers New York City isn’t afraid to try these people and bring them to justice

Gregory: but having super-terrorists in New York City is so scary!

Clinton: Calm down Fluffy - I don’t how it works
in California but here in New York our jails have locks and everything

Gregory: speaking of being terrified of brown swarthy terrorists - why haven’t you closed
Gitmo yet?

Clinton: we want to leave it nice so we’re painting and mowing the lawn first

Gregory: makes sense

Gregory: I hear Obama is considering invading Afghanistan

Clinton: maybe

Gregory: Jill Eikenberry says sending more troops to Afghanistan could backfire

Clinton: you mean Karl Eikenberry

Gregory: him too

Clinton: we need to defeat al-qaeda

Gregory: ok

Clinton: and also the Taliban

Gregory: right

Clinton: so we can’t leave until the Afghan government has defeated the Taliban on its
own and rules a peaceful nation

Gregory: what’s the deal with Hamid Karzai

Clinton: on the plus side he’s a handsome man
and a snappy dresser - on the other hand he’s a power-hungry megalomaniac

Gregory: just like Donald Trump

Clinton: look Bush completely fucked up
this country

Gregory: yes Afghanistan is in really bad shape

Clinton: I meant the U.S.

Gregory: oh

Clinton: I don’t think I can overstate how hated George Bush was around the world and frankly he dropped the ball on Bin Laden along with everything else he touched

Gregory: Obama is going to pay homage to
Our Chinese Overlords

Clinton: you know when my husband Bill was President we almost eliminated the debt and since then Stupid wasted 2 trillion dollars so it’s up to Obama and me to fix all his mistakes

Gregory: how do we combat the wily orientals?

Clinton: sure we’re rivals but we have a common enemy who presents a threat to the stability of the whole world

Gregory: North Korea?

Clinton: Sarah Palin

Gregory: She wants to have coffee with you

Clinton: it would be fascinating to meet someone who’s never read a newspaper before

Gregory: will you read her book?

Clinton: I will if she does

Gregory: can her brand of Crazy take over the GOP?

Clinton: I sure hope so

[ break ]

Gregory: OMG it’s such a cute odd couple - Newt Gingrich and Al Sharpton are going to come up with a bipartisan solution to failing education in America!

Gregory: Newt and Al - both of you are widely disliked - so thank you for coming on my show today

Gingrich: right on

Sharpton: dude!

[ fist bump each other ]

Gregory: people say America doesn’t manufacture anything anymore Arne but you say we have excellent Dropout Factories

Duncan: that’s right - we want achievement and to raise the bar and remove firewalls

Gregory: those are some very inspiring clichés

Duncan: we must challenge the status quo, go outside our comfort zones and hope for change

Gingrich: this is the civil right of the 21st century

Duncan: we need good schools

Gregory: interesting

Gingrich: some schools are poor and violent and that’s bad

Sharpton: the poor and minorities are really getting screwed by our failing schools

Gregory: Newt you wanted to rid of the Department
of Education

Gingrich: in an ideal world every child would get
a Pell grant and buy their education on the open free market

Sharpton: hell parents have failed as well

Gregory: have we achieved anything?

Sharpton: we have succeeded in getting Newt
and me back on tv!

Gregory: since the teachers unions are evil why should we believe that a liberal will enforce accountability?

Duncan: if there was real accountability Rachel Maddow would take your job Fluffy

Gregory: what if teachers lie to you?

Duncan: I could kiss their ass like you do

Gingrich: the teachers union is responsible for
kids going to prison

Sharpton: we also need parents involved

Gregory: now wait just a minute - I invited you here
to bash teachers unions not for some debate about education

Sharpton: I heard back in Harlem you were a moron

Gingrich: Al Sharpton and I can inspire the whole world with our bipartisanship attention-seeking

Gregory: Are our teachers just stupid and should we have a West Point of Teachers?

Duncan: hard-working, service, public service,
blah blah blah

Gingrich: Jefferson said self-knowledge is vital

Gregory: Thomas Jefferson?

Gingrich: no George Jefferson - in the Hawaii episode

Gregory: that is so wise

Gingrich: the damm kids need discipline for the first time in their lives!

Sharpton: I never knew I was underprivileged because my mother taught me right

Gregory: Should we have a national failed curriculum?

Gingrich: no because some districts want to
teach kids that Adam and Eve rode dinosaurs to meetups with blond haired blue-eyed Republican tax-cutting Jesus
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