Sunday, December 21, 2008

Meet the Press - December 21, 2008

Host: David Gregory
Guests:
Sec. of State Condi Rice
Andrea Mitchell
Erin Burnett
Michelle Norris
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Gregory: Holy shit Bush said he wanted to be humble and not arrogant!! Were you out of your fucking minds??

Rice: well who among us has not completely fucked everything up for seven straight years??

Gregory: um are you serious?

Rice: people who say Africans and Arabs aren't capable of democracy or don't deserve rights are arrogant

Gregory: who are those people

Rice: the live in a box under my bed

Gregory: so to fight their arrogance we must bomb and torture innocent people

Rice: exactly

Gregory: Holy shit Bush said he wanted to be humble and not arrogant!! Were you out of your fucking minds??

Rice: well who among us has not completely fucked everything up for seven straight years??

Gregory: um are you serious?

Rice: people who say Africans and Arabs aren't capable of democracy or don't deserve rights are arrogant

Gregory: who are those people

Rice: the live in a box under my bed

Gregory: so to fight their arrogance we must bomb and torture innocent people

Rice: exactly

Gregory: you foreign policy sucked

Rice: well it's hard its not easy like being the best ice skater in Alabama

Gregory: any regrets

Rice: didn't stop genocide in Sudan

Gregory: so why didn't we do it?

Rice: well Bush thought about it?

Gregory: when?

Rice: on the 17th hole at Pebble Beach

Rice: hey we tried to stop genocide but we can't do much after all we're not members of the international criminal court

Gregory: because Bush refused to join

Rice: oh well sure

Gregory: so first Rwanda and now Darfur

Rice: yeah but we stopped Saddam's genocide in Iraq

Gregory: when was that?

Rice: in 1986

Gregory: when Rumsfeld shook his hand

Rice: never heard of him

Gregory: Iraqis are throwing shoes at Bush

Rice: yeah but Bush was standing next to our puppet regime!

Gregory: you say you are proud of screwing up in Iraq and would do 1,000 times over

Rice: oh well you have to take the long view the 9/11 hijackers came from there

Gregory: no they didn't

Rice: forget it i'm rolling

Gregory: ok

Rice: hey they're friends with Kuwait and Egypt now

Gregory: Egypt where Al Qaeda is from

Rice: exactly

Gregory: the President demanded optimism

Rice: that's true but it was fun we were all like mary tyler moore in Ordinary People

Gregory: tight lipped forced cheefulness

Rice: right we must never give in to pessimism and hand wringing

Gregory: is that why Laura looks like that?

Rice: I don't know about their family issues

Gergory: It sounds like a psychological mess

Rice: yeah but in 50 years things might get better

Gergory: what guidance did Bush tell you when Iraq was a total disaster?

Rice: he said he believed in freedom

Gergory: so he's just a moronic child

Rice: you have no idea

Gergory: now that I have one last chance to interview Condi Rice - let me bash the the Clintons

Rice: hee hee hee

Gregory: let's play hopscotch

Rice: i was alabama state hopscotch champion

Gregory: of course

Gergory: now that I have one last chance to interview Condi Rice - let me bash the the Clintons

Rice: hee hee hee

Gregory: let's play hopscotch

Rice: i was alabama state hopscotch champion

Gregory: of course

Gregory: how can you trust the north koreans

Rice: hey we were very resolute for 5 years

Gregory: then they built a bomb

Rice: no it was a crude nuclear device

Rice: we tested the korean soil

Gregory: ok ok you failed to stop Iran from building a bomb as well

Rice: no we were proved fucking right after all we sounded the nuclear bomb alarm and no one believed us

Gregory: and Iran now has influence in Iraq

Rice: yes but they failed to rule Iraq so that proves we won

Gregory: Obama won!

Rice: yes it says something about slavery as America's birth defect

Gregory: were you rooting for Obama

Rice: of course he's light years better than McCain

Gregory: what's next for you

Rice: I'm going to relive the glory days of 9/11 and talk about our lack of innocence and our need to invade other countries and torture people

Gregory: I'm sure your book will further that endeavor

Rice: I want to talk about how anyone can grow up to a disastous secretary of state if they are willing to tell drunken white privileged frat boys whatever they want to hear about how their dicks are bigger than some arab strong man

Gregory: well thanks very much for coming Condi it's been quite a ride

Rice: [ sobs ]

Gregory: car bailout?

Burnett: Republicans found a solution - kill unions - Obama should also take on unions to prove is independence

Norris: Obama has this crazy plan to build roads an schools and hospitals

Gregory: whacky!

Norris: Obama will have a lot of power for a liberals who hates economics

Gregory: can we incentivize the plan going forward?

Burnett: the core problem is we must reinflate the bubble!

Gregory: Blago says he is guilty... guilty of being adorable!!!

Marin: he's the son of a steelworker and quotes Kipling and he believes this shit

Gregory: wow

Marin: it's on baby -- Fitz vs. Blago!

Mitchell: this is crazy Illinois can't have a senator as long as Fitz is going after Blago

Gergory: so Balgo should appoint Fitz to the Senate

Mitchell: brilliant!

Marin: Daley said Blago should appoint Daley

Gregory: brilliant!

Marin: this is a 76 page charge he's screwed

Gregory: how fucked is Obama

Norris: it's tough he's innnocent because Obama told the truth but people didn't hear it

Gregory: because the american people have a hearing problem

Norris: right the media like dogs cannot hear high pitched sounds or the truth

Marin: the new standard is Obama must rush to the police any negotiations with Blago

Gregory: Caroline Kennedy ate at motherfuckin' Sylvia's!

Mitchell: fuck!

Gregory: she couldn't answer if Israel should negotiate with Hamas!

Mitchell: she won't support a non-existent democratic mayor for new york!

Gregory: wow!

Mitchell: don't fuck with Andrew Cuomo!

Gregory: let my quote Charles Manson and Krauthammer

Burnett: yeah but democrats Corzine and Bloomberg bought their senate seats!

Mitchell: what the fuck is Krauthammer's problem?? - it's an appointment!!

Gregory: Bloomberg says it's aristocratic

Mitchell: the billionaire who wants a third term???

Gregory: look at bernie madoff - if you can't trust a white man who can you trust??

Burnett: no one!

Gregory: John McCain was right Chris Cox should be fired!

Mitchell: all hail John McCain - but Bill Clinton is also to blame

Gregory: Obama's cabinet has not radical muslims!

Marin: it's too bad

Norris: a lot Westerners

Mitchell: it's fucking brainpowered meritocracy

Gregory: best and brightest

Burnett: it's all about jobs and labor - he's got fuck over the unions

Gregory: wow!

7 comments:

Libby Spencer said...

Merry Merry CoT. Peace and joy to you and yours.

Anonymous said...

Rice: people who say Africans and Arabs aren't capable of democracy or don't deserve rights are arrogant

Gregory: who are those people

Rice: the live in a box under my bed

Gregory: so to fight their arrogance we must bomb and torture innocent people

Rice: exactly

Gregory: you foreign policy sucked

Rice: well it's hard its not easy like being the best ice skater in Alabama

Gregory: any regrets

Rice: didn't stop genocide in Sudan

Gregory: so why didn't we do it?

Rice: well Bush thought about it?

Gregory: when?

Rice: on the 17th hole at Pebble Beach

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I love that stuff!

Taterhaid

Libby Spencer said...

Happy New Year CoT. Thanks so much for your translations. I'd be lost without you.

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