Meet the Press
December 14, 2008
Illinois Attorney General Lisa Madigan
Illinois Lt. Gov. Pat Quinn
Michigan Gov. Jennifer Granholm
Former Mass. Gov. Mitt Romney
Former Hewlett-Packard CEO Carly Fiorina
Wal-Mart President & CEO Lee Scott
Google CEO Eric Schmidt
Gregory: Will Balgo quit?
Madigan: either that or commit self defenestration
Gregory: the guy needs money
Quinn: as the lt. governor i hope he quits
Gregory: how objective of you
Gregory: but you're hardly objective
Madigan: fuck you
Gregory: but you want to be senator!
Madigan: watch it Gregory i have recordings of you too
Gregory: like what?
Madigan: you dancing with Karl Rove
Gregory: what knd of guy is Blago is like a good bad guy
Quinn: he's like a blundering crook in a ripoff of Pulp Fiction or Bottle Rocket
Quinn: i like democracy but hey
Gregory: special election
Madigan: we are America's Taint
Gregory: OMG Rahm once had contacts with the Governor of his home state!!!
Todd: um so fucking what
Gregory: it's a huge scandal!
Todd: could be
Mitchell: it's huge!!!
Gregory: how is this a scandal?
Mitchell: because Rahm didn't have Jesse Jackson on his list
Gregory: holy shit!!
Todd: let's gossip more
Mitchell: pay to play is part of life
Gregory: like chuck schumer!
Todd: what's his crime then
Mitchell: he got caught
Gregory: does this ever happen in Washington?
Todd: yes chuck schumer!!!
Gregory: we won in Iraq just as Bush is leaving!
Todd: it's exciting
Gregory: People love Obama!
Todd: that was before Obama appoint Blago Secretary of Stealing
Gregory: why did the bailout fail?
Granholm: because Republicans hate working people
David: why else?
Granholm: the GOP hates America
Romney: Frankly we want all those companies to thrive
David: and how do we do that
Mitt: kill all those unions
Romney: even liberals like Jack Welch is against the bailout!
David: well I'm sold
Granholm: other countries subisidize health care you idiot
Mitt: not here they don't
Mitt: Legacy costs!
David: what are those?
Mitt: Elderly people eating Fancy Feast instead of Friskies
Gregory: isn't the real problem that American cars suck?
Walmart Guy: people are buying frozen food at Sam's Club
David: the Economy is in Total Suck Mode
Fiorina: oh pshaw its just a deepening recession
David: oh ok
Carly: the problem is rich unions ignoring the little guy
Gregory: explain the economy to me Mitt
Romney: Bush has lost 11 trillion dollars
Gregory: where did it go?
Romney: China and Saudi Arabia
Gregory: what's answer?
Romney: cut taxes and raise government spending
Gregory: but you are a conservative!
Romney: yes i hate it but i support military spending which at least will not help poor people
Walmart Guy: more Americans are drinking heavily, taking drugs and eating leftovers
Gregory: and that's just the Bush family
Google guy: America has sunshine!
Gregory: what are people looking for on the Internet?
Google CEO: people are searching for "discounts" "saving money" and "fuck george w bush"
Granholm: let the dirt fly!
Carly: business taxes are too high!
Gregory: wow let me put on my serious monkey face
Gregory: Should the government insure the value of overpriced McMansions??
Walmart Guy: um okay
Granholm: we should retrain auto workers to weatherize houses and empty bedpans
Romney: Fuck George Bush what is waiting for??
Greory: uh i thought you like him
Romney: no we need to jump start the economy! Now!
Google Guy: i would rather live in a Depression in the US than well in Europe
Gregory: job security and gelato - who needs it??
Walmart Guy: that's right - this is no time to be self-serving -- that's why we reached out to Obama and pushed for tax cuts for businesses
Gregory: what do you want for xmas?
Granholm: an auto bailout, access to credit, consumer confidence and an Easy Bake Oven
Fiorina: consumer credit, banks lending to auto companies and a malibu barbie
Google dude: solar energy and a GI Joe
Romney: economic stimulus and an air rifle
Walmart Guy: Wal Mart moms spending more on crappy stuff and a tonka truck