********************************
December 7, 2008
Guests:
President-Elect Barack Obama
David Gregory
************************************
Brokaw: Welcome Obama -- now tell us what really unpopular things are you going to have to do??
Obama: I'm going to do not just short term fun things but long term boring shit like bridges and repaving roads and medical records on your iPod
Brokaw: warp speed!
Obama: photon topedoes!
Brokaw: how fast and how much will it cost??
Obama: oh we are going to move fast like Usain Bolt on crack - like Michael Phelps on speed
Tom: orsome
Obama: we're gonna inject a motherfucking transfusion into America!
Brokaw: does Detroit deserve to fail
Obama: yes they suck but that's not the point we have to give them money but also spank them at the same time
Brokaw: how fast and how much will it cost??
Obama: oh we are going to move fast like Usain Bolt on crack - like Michael Phelps on speed
Tom: orsome
Obama: we're gonna inject a motherfucking transfusion into America!
Brokaw: does Detroit deserve to fail
Obama: yes they suck but that's not the point we have to give them money but also spank them at the same time
Brokaw: but pointing fingers is fun!
Obama: i have a crazy idea - maybe they can make a fuel efficient car people actually want
Brokaw: Should Jack Welch be out Car Czar?
Obama: let me answer the question this way -- Tom that is so fucking stupid only you could ask it
Brokaw: help me out here - what else can we do but put a White Man in Charge??
Obama: Tom look I like white dudes - my grandfather was a white man - but haven't white guys stolen enough tax money for one generation??
Tom: What about the current management in Detroit?
Obama: Dumbest bunch of white guys north of 14th street
Obama: I'm hoping to introduce a new ethic in businenss where the first priority is not steal everything not nailed down
Brokaw: how about taxing gasoline - get money and promote better behavior?
Obama: good idea but people have lost their jobs so it's not like the worker is whopping it up big time right now
Brokaw: but lazy americans!
Obama: should change their light bulbs
Brokaw: Mortgages!
Obama: I'm disappointed that Stupid isn't doing anything on this issue
Brokaw: he's busy doing interviews saying he's sad Sadddam Hussein attacked Pearl Harbor
Obama: well anyway I think we need to get banks and homeowners together and admit they both fucked up
Brokaw: did you call Stupid and tell him you are mad at him?
Obama: i tried but I called during "Heroes" and he hung up on me
Brokaw: what about all Americans trying to get a piece of the bailout pie
Obama: sure but first we have to put out the housing fire and reinflate the bubble!
Brokaw: so from now on no more misbehavior
Obama: right party is over - starting after the bailout
Brokaw: Please tell me you are not really going to raise taxes on middle class people making $200,000 year
Obama: i was going to cut taxes
Brokaw: that's not what i heard
Obama: i want to go to the tax rates of the '90s
Brokaw: the 1890s??
Obama: no Tom
Brokaw: dammit
Brokaw: you are engaging in class warfare
Obama: so who doens't love war
Brokaw: good point
Obama: poor people make less as America grows rich
Brokaw: Biden said paying taxes is patriotic - he can't mean that
Obama: hey it turns out greed and stealing isn't good for anyone
Brokaw: but it sure is fun!
Obama: Usury isn't really profitable
Brokaw: well that's a damm shame
Brokaw: is India in hot pursuit?
Obama: there are spicy terrorist across the border
Brokaw: kill kill!
Obama: i want to a foresighted three dimension foreign policy
Brokaw: ok dood - how many civillians are going to kill?
Obama: I'm going to write a number on this piece of paper and slip it over to you...
Brokaw: Will you appoint a Curry Czar?
Obama: well Hilllary and Susan and Joe and Jim and I don't need any help thanks
Brokaw: will you disppoint liberals by staying in Iraq please
Obama: I will wait until i am sworn in and then start to design a plan will haeve in it the beginning of a possibility of an eventual draw-down
Brokaw: ok um what
Obama: create a mechanism of ensuring that terrorism will not occur while refocusing on Afghanistan...
Brokaw: how do we win in Afghanistan
Obama: fight better battles and make peace between India and Pakistan and also make Afghanistan a nice place to live
Brokaw: oh is that all
Obama: dude only defeatists say it can't be done
Brokaw: but the killing!
Obama: we'll kill Osama
Brokaw: But we should stay forever!
Obama: oh wow you really are dumb
Brokaw: but we're white and we're here to help
Obama: uh-huh
Brokaw: Iraq Residual Force - 50,000??
Obama: Could be
Brokaw: how many
Obama: we'll leave a force of 20,000 ferrets
Brokaw: oh noes
Brokaw: will you meet with Iran?
Obama: yes but they are unacceptable so we will send them carrots and sticks
Brokaw: Iran is so mean!
Obama: sure but we have to be sensible and use our allies so dudes we can do this the easy way or the hard way
Brokaw: Russia
Obama: they are like Alaska - oil money has made the leaders there fucking crazy
Brokaw: Caroline Kennedy in the Senate?
Obama: you think I want to get involved in NY politics? Momma didn't raise no fool Tom
Brokaw: but it's fun
Obama: hey i like competent people
Brokaw: well you are different
Obama: Shineski pissed on Stupid so he will be my head of Veteran's Affairs
Tom: Holy Shit the Hawaii Axis has begun
Obama: he covered up my birth certificate so he deserves it
Tom: but he said we would need 500,000 troops in Iraq
Obama: And he was proved fucking right
Obama: Shineski pissed on Stupid so he will be my head of Veteran's Affairs
Tom: what kind of artists will you have in white house?
Obama: for a change i will celebrate science and jazz and learning and culture and poetry
Tom: motherfucker do you hate America??
Tom: have you stopped smoking
Obama: yes but i have fallen off the wagon
Tom: like when
Obama: right after this interview i'm going to get high
Tom: holy shit
Obama: suck it Tom - I'm the motherfucking President
Tom: Dancin Dave you have taking over a national institution
Gregroy: for the last few months we've had a normal person at Meet The Press - thank god our national nightmare is over
Tom: it's important for the whole nation to have a suck up dancing fool hosting this show
Gregory: you had relatively few stupid gotcha questions for Obama i was disappointed
Tom: well I'm new
David: this is a national treasure so we must ask idiotic questions and preen about how wonderful we are
Tom: try to write at least one book about how your father raised a terrific son
David: oh sure
Tom: well good luck I'm off to Montana
David: bye bye old man
Tom: warble warble
Gregroy: [ sniff ]
I'm miss that speech-impedified old doofus
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment