Meet The Pres - Guest: Barack Obama - July 27, 2008

*********************************************
Meet The Press
July 27, 2008
Host: Tom Brokaw
Guest: Senator Barack Obama
**********************************************

Brokaw: dood u r insanely cool

Obama: heh heh heh

Brokaw: u met with troops and whirrled leaders, isrealis and arabs, and kings and throngs of teutonic peeps

Obama: boy r my arms tired!

Brokaw: what did you learn?

Obama: how incredibly awesome i am

Obama: i learned i was right about Iraq and Afghanistan and that we need to kick ass in Pakistan

Brokaw: hmmmmm

Obama: Maliki is ready to finally leave the nest and move out of his parents house

Brokaw: you shot some hoops and also did some kung fu on DC journalists

Obama: people seemed to like seeing Richard Cohen getting kicked in the balls

Brokaw: McCain says you would choose failure

Obama: yeah i heard that

Brokaw: since you were right about the facts let me argue hypothetically you could have been wrong -- wouldn't you agree

Obama: that's fiction Tom

Brokaw: bear with me if Tim Russert were here he would say this too

Obama: but that's also hypothetical

Brokaw: perhaps i've said too much...

Obama: look McCain's whole foreign policy is "kill kill kill"

Brokaw: it has the merit of simplicity

Obama: speaking of hypotheticals if McCain wasn't a senile warmonger people might vote for him

Brokaw: most people believe that American troops create peace everywhere they go to kill people

Obama: that isn't true Tom Brokaw

Brokaw: but USA Toady says you were wrong about the Surge

Obama: oh we all were frumpy

Brokaw: poles say you are riskier

Obama: duh I'm young and black what did your poll say about who is better for change or hope or reform

Brokaw: [meekly] you

Obama: and who did the polls say people would vote for

Brokaw: you

Obama: dude

[puts feet up on desk ]

Brokaw: how is it possible you've never been to Afghanistan - my mother's been to Afghanistan!

Obama: I was right about Afghanistan all along man

Brokaw: well sure - but did you get Angela Merkel to commit 1 million troops cause if you didn't u r totally teh suck

Obama: i wanted to speak in Berlin to remind them that one hit song in the 80's isn't going to cut it

Brokaw: but that was so cool remember when Tom Cruise kissed Kelly McGillis

Obama: i thought that was Val Kilmer

Brokaw: could be

Obama: the war in Iraq is so unpopular that EU nations refuse to help us to the good shit like killing terrorists or ridding the world of teen pop bands

Brokaw: will you protect our American oil fields in Saudi Arabia

Obama: that might be the most imperialistic question i've ever heard on a tv show

Brokaw: that's not what my piss-boy said

Brokaw: we've spent $10 billion in Pakistan and we've got shit

Obama: right we've got to do more and build schools

Brokaw: they're doing they're best

Obama: oh bullshit they protect popular anti-american terrorists and then take our money - it's a great scam

Brokaw: wow sounds like FOX News' business plan

Brokaw: but everyone is Pakistan supports terrorists

Obama: jesus christ Tom you just made my previous point do you not realize that?

Brokaw: whut

Obama: we should go after the terrorists there

Brokaw: but that could be a conflagration

Obama: 'cause Iraq is such a peachy place

Brokaw: why haven't you solved peace in the middle east yet?

Obama: i touched them with my magic finger so i am working on the problem

Brokaw: i noticed the chair you are sitting on has turned to gold during this interview

Obama: it's a bit of problem

Brokaw: i can see

Brokaw: you never met a palestinian dead child or ate a falafel

Obama: hey i went to the holocaust museum and met all 23 people running for prime minister

Brokaw: were you just trying to get jewish votes

Obama: no not all i also was trying to get wacko christian votes

Brokaw: David Brooks and Krauthammer didn't like your speech in Berlin

Obama: what did the loonies in Bedlam say

Brokaw: but he told us all about foreign policy of the 1990s

Obama:

[bursts out laughing ]

Brokaw: but David Brooks said-

Obama: [LAUGHING ]

stop it Tom, you're killing me

Brokaw: what is the Obama Doctrine?

Obama: Look i gave them tough rhetoric and it's not my fault Brooks is an illiterate navel gazing Villager

Brokaw: awwww

Brokaw: ok let's gossip about vice president and the DC conventional wisdom

Obama: i will choose someone who has integrity and independence and shares my vision of making me President

Brokaw: the rule in 1959 was choose a candidate to carry Texas

Obama: no since 1992 it's choose a good person to govern with

Brokaw: choose a southern white male jesus lover - how about Hootie and the Blowfish

Brokaw: what about Hillary Clinton

Obama: yeah yeah she's the best leader of the anti-Obama faction out there

Brokaw: The Clenis!?!

Obama: the Clenis is awesome no one can touch the Clenis

Brokaw: America will be consumed by synchronized swimming next month so when will you announce?

Obama: i will announce i am running with Muhammad Ali during the closing ceremonies

Brokaw: ooh good choice


Brokaw: why should cadillac driving black people get bailed out by hard working white people

Obama: tell it to John McCain and his rich white buddies

Brokaw: they told me to ask the question!

Obama: they are the problem!

Brokaw: i don't get it

Obama: see!

Brokaw: naw

Obama: [slaps forehead]

Obama: some buyers weren't speculating they were sold crazy loans

Brokaw: i didn't know that

Obama: plus we have to prop up the housing market

Brokaw: China is stealing our oil but on the upside traffic deaths are down

Obama: but American families are suffering and McCain opposes efficiency

Brokaw: there's no easy answer to ending traffic deaths

Obama: take away Bob Novak's drivers license

Brokaw: why do some black people see racism just because 70% of people in prison are black

Obama: gee i dunno Tom what did your busboy say

Brokaw: he doesn't speak english very well

Obama: well neither do you so you should get along well

Obama: the real problem is the legacy of past racism why are the worst neighborhoods always populated with black people

Brokaw: i thought they just liked living near liquor stores and basketball courts

Obama: no that's WASPs

Brokaw: Jesse Jackson!

Obama: Nuts!

Brokaw: will you appear three times a week with John McCain?

Obama: well i draw crowds of 100,000 and he draws 30 so on average we draw about 100,000 each

Brokaw: wha?

Obama: you get what i'm saying - I'm Bill Gates in the bar

Brokaw: still not following

Obama: ok - fuck John McCain and his pathetic begging for attention - I'm going to win this election so easy whole new states will have to be invented to they can vote against him too

Brokaw: thank very much for coming

Obama: [ FIST BUMP DUDE! ]

*************************************