Meet the Press
July 20, 2008
Host: Tom Brokaw
Guest: Al Gore
Tom Brokaw: since you were last on “Meet The Press” last time you won an Nobel and an Oscar and were named People's Sexiest Man Alive
Al Gore: I'm just a man doing my thing Tom
Tom Brokaw: ok you say we should like totally go green
Al Gore: ah do
Tom Brokaw: but there are critics who say this will be very tough
Al Gore: oh well let's just give up then and buy SUVs which run on endangered species
Gore: no dumbass
Al Gore: look we can't continue our insane course -- there's no new oil, prices are skyrocketing, India and China are outbidding us, and our national security is at risk
Tom Brokaw: we all know that
Al Gore: exactamundo
Tom Brokaw: yeah but we have 2 wars, a housing crisis and my Jackson Hole home needs a new copper bathtub
Al Gore: we just spent a trillion dollars on the Iraq
Tom Brokaw: no we didn't
Al Gore: Joe Stieglitz says we did
Tom Brokaw: oh noes he haz facts!
Al Gore: enough with teh baby steps and treating the American people like they are children
Brokaw: well if the shoe fits
Al Gore: We have to be the new Greatest Generation
Tom Brokaw: but the cost and pain to the American Taxpayer!!
Al Gore: cause gasoline is free now, right Tom?
Tom Brokaw: T Bone Pickens disagrees with you he wants to harness the power of the wind
Al Gore: i love it - only the media would try to pit us against each other
Tom Brokaw: don't you hate him?
Al Gore: no he said what i said with the facts i used
Tom Brokaw: but there can only be one winner in the contest for America's Greenest Hero
Al Gore: is that another award i can win?
Tom Brokaw: it's NBC's summer game show
Tom Brokaw: so do you love Pickens?
Al Gore: hey if the man wants a car to run on natural gas he should go for it
Tom Brokaw: so Pickens is right?
Al Gore: he's a oilman he says we can't drill our way out
Tom Brokaw: he's funding Oilman Veterans for the Truth
Al Gore: let's face it he's a total dick who's hand has been forced
Tom Brokaw: please slam Bush and the Democrats in Congress
Al Gore: i am only interested in solving the problem
Tom Brokaw: please bash Hillary Clinton
Al Gore: no
Tom Brokaw: PLEEEEZ
Al Gore: [ sigh ]
Tom Brokaw: isn't it time for politicians to tell people gas costs $4.00 a gallon
Al Gore: they don't have to tell them - they know
Tom Brokaw: it's a tax!
Al Gore: no stupid it's the price of gas set by the free market
Tom Brokaw: but that's a tax
Al Gore: i don't think that words means what you think it means
Tom Brokaw: but the poor truckers!
Al Gore: look we saw the cost of silicon chips drop and that will happen with solar panels and we aren't going to run out of sand
Tom Brokaw: but if we use too much solar power we will run out of the sun
Al Gore: [ sigh ]
Tom Brokaw: will you be Vice President??
Al Gore: ha ha ha - yeah - look i only want to top job
Tom Brokaw: President?
Al Gore: no i want to be Head of the United Federation of Planets
Tom Brokaw: but there is no power like 1600 Pennsylvania Ave
Al Gore: oh yeah - try winning an Oscar believe me it opens doors
Tom Brokaw: don't you have a duty to run
Al Gore: i did that already and as you may recall i got a load of shit from the media for it
Tom Brokaw: that's why we all want you to run again
Al Gore: well you may do me the honor of fucking off
Tom Brokaw: you say politics is about nonsense - what about the young people and children??!?!?
Al Gore: bear in mind stupid i ran for office - i was only talking about the fact that Margaret Carlson and Chris Matthews are out of their fucking minds
Tom Brokaw: hey Chris is getting psychological help
Al Gore: i hope so
Tom Brokaw: let me just cut through the middleman and simply channel Rush Limbaugh
Al Gore: well that would save time asshole
Tom Brokaw: your house it too big and fat
Al Gore: your house in Jackson Hole is 30,000 square feet
Tom Brokaw: true but most of that is where i hang my meat
Gore: that’s cool
Tom Brokaw: oh c'mon can't we have little bipartisan offshore drilling
Al Gore: let California decide
Tom Brokaw: well what if Florida wants to despoil their environment to send oil to China?
Al Gore: i need a drink
Tom Brokaw: let’s talk about trivia some more
Al Gore: this ain't no fuckin’ joke, man!
Tom Brokaw: whut?
Al Gore: the 3 million year old ice cap is melting goddammitt!!
Tom Brokaw: hey, hey, there is debate in scientific community as to exactly how fat you are
Al Gore: the Pentagon, scientists the EPA and reality disagree with you
Tom Brokaw: but not Rush Limbaugh
Al Gore: as Letterman said he's a fine physical specimen
Tom Brokaw: do you hate Bill and Hillary
Al Gore: they are fine people and I have moved on
Tom Brokaw: why didn't you punch George Bush when you had the chance
Al Gore: what's the point?
Tom Brokaw: but you were in the Oval Office that was your big opportunity
Al Gore: [laughs] oh Tom you are so stupid
Tom Brokaw: Lieberman!
Al Gore: oh let's not get too riled up he just says liberals are terrorists but he protects the right to abortion
Tom Brokaw: The New Yorker!
Al Gore: I know funny and that was not funny
Tom Brokaw: you know who's funny? Rush Limbaugh!
Al Gore: yeah that Michael J Fox bit killed
[ break ]
Chuck Todd: Al Gore is an environmentalist and you know how they are
Todd: when McCain is elected he will have to work with Dems
David Gregory: the White House is bitter cause Al was right and shit
Tom Brokaw: let's look at McCain's ad which says Obama hates the troops
Brokaw: but then Maliki endorsed Obama
Gregory: a little waterboarding brought him in line
Todd: Obama has had the best 48 hours in the history of elections
Brokaw: so he can only go down from here - what's wrong with Obama??
Todd: Maliki even used the word timetable
Gregory: but the Surge worked!
Brokaw: maybe the economy will help McCain
Todd: sure it will
Todd: you can't reveal your choice during teh Olympics
Brokaw: why not
Todd: because McCain will run Romney who is Mr. Olympics and Obama will run with Michael Phelps
Brokaw: next week we will interview Barack Obama live from Hogwarts where he has just won the Quiddich tournament