Sunday, July 20, 2008

Meet The Press with Al Gore - July 20, 2008

Meet the Press
July 20, 2008
Host: Tom Brokaw
Guest: Al Gore

Tom Brokaw: since you were last on “Meet The Press” last time you won an Nobel and an Oscar and were named People's Sexiest Man Alive

Al Gore: I'm just a man doing my thing Tom

Tom Brokaw: ok you say we should like totally go green

Al Gore: ah do

Tom Brokaw: but there are critics who say this will be very tough

Al Gore: oh well let's just give up then and buy SUVs which run on endangered species

Brokaw: really??

Gore: no dumbass

Al Gore: look we can't continue our insane course -- there's no new oil, prices are skyrocketing, India and China are outbidding us, and our national security is at risk

Tom Brokaw: we all know that

Al Gore: exactamundo

Tom Brokaw: yeah but we have 2 wars, a housing crisis and my Jackson Hole home needs a new copper bathtub

Al Gore: we just spent a trillion dollars on the Iraq

Tom Brokaw: no we didn't

Al Gore: Joe Stieglitz says we did

Tom Brokaw: oh noes he haz facts!

Al Gore: enough with teh baby steps and treating the American people like they are children

Brokaw: well if the shoe fits

Al Gore: We have to be the new Greatest Generation

Tom Brokaw: but the cost and pain to the American Taxpayer!!

Al Gore: cause gasoline is free now, right Tom?

Tom Brokaw: T Bone Pickens disagrees with you he wants to harness the power of the wind

Al Gore: i love it - only the media would try to pit us against each other

Tom Brokaw: don't you hate him?

Al Gore: no he said what i said with the facts i used

Tom Brokaw: but there can only be one winner in the contest for America's Greenest Hero

Al Gore: is that another award i can win?

Tom Brokaw: it's NBC's summer game show

Tom Brokaw: so do you love Pickens?

Al Gore: hey if the man wants a car to run on natural gas he should go for it

Tom Brokaw: so Pickens is right?

Al Gore: he's a oilman he says we can't drill our way out

Tom Brokaw: he's funding Oilman Veterans for the Truth

Al Gore: let's face it he's a total dick who's hand has been forced

Tom Brokaw: please slam Bush and the Democrats in Congress

Al Gore: i am only interested in solving the problem

Tom Brokaw: please bash Hillary Clinton

Al Gore: no

Tom Brokaw: PLEEEEZ

Al Gore: [ sigh ]

Tom Brokaw: isn't it time for politicians to tell people gas costs $4.00 a gallon

Al Gore: they don't have to tell them - they know

Tom Brokaw: it's a tax!

Al Gore: no stupid it's the price of gas set by the free market

Tom Brokaw: but that's a tax

Al Gore: i don't think that words means what you think it means

Tom Brokaw: but the poor truckers!

Al Gore: look we saw the cost of silicon chips drop and that will happen with solar panels and we aren't going to run out of sand

Tom Brokaw: but if we use too much solar power we will run out of the sun

Al Gore: [ sigh ]

Tom Brokaw: will you be Vice President??

Al Gore: ha ha ha - yeah - look i only want to top job

Tom Brokaw: President?

Al Gore: no i want to be Head of the United Federation of Planets

Tom Brokaw: but there is no power like 1600 Pennsylvania Ave

Al Gore: oh yeah - try winning an Oscar believe me it opens doors

Tom Brokaw: don't you have a duty to run

Al Gore: i did that already and as you may recall i got a load of shit from the media for it

Tom Brokaw: that's why we all want you to run again

Al Gore: well you may do me the honor of fucking off

Tom Brokaw: you say politics is about nonsense - what about the young people and children??!?!?

Al Gore: bear in mind stupid i ran for office - i was only talking about the fact that Margaret Carlson and Chris Matthews are out of their fucking minds

Tom Brokaw: hey Chris is getting psychological help

Al Gore: i hope so

Tom Brokaw: let me just cut through the middleman and simply channel Rush Limbaugh

Al Gore: well that would save time asshole

Tom Brokaw: your house it too big and fat

Al Gore: your house in Jackson Hole is 30,000 square feet

Tom Brokaw: true but most of that is where i hang my meat

Gore: that’s cool

Tom Brokaw: oh c'mon can't we have little bipartisan offshore drilling

Al Gore: let California decide

Tom Brokaw: well what if Florida wants to despoil their environment to send oil to China?

Al Gore: i need a drink

Tom Brokaw: let’s talk about trivia some more

Al Gore: this ain't no fuckin’ joke, man!

Tom Brokaw: whut?

Al Gore: the 3 million year old ice cap is melting goddammitt!!

Tom Brokaw: hey, hey, there is debate in scientific community as to exactly how fat you are

Al Gore: the Pentagon, scientists the EPA and reality disagree with you

Tom Brokaw: but not Rush Limbaugh

Al Gore: as Letterman said he's a fine physical specimen

Tom Brokaw: do you hate Bill and Hillary

Al Gore: they are fine people and I have moved on

Tom Brokaw: why didn't you punch George Bush when you had the chance

Al Gore: what's the point?

Tom Brokaw: but you were in the Oval Office that was your big opportunity

Al Gore: [laughs] oh Tom you are so stupid

Tom Brokaw: Lieberman!

Al Gore: oh let's not get too riled up he just says liberals are terrorists but he protects the right to abortion

Tom Brokaw: The New Yorker!

Al Gore: I know funny and that was not funny

Tom Brokaw: you know who's funny? Rush Limbaugh!

Al Gore: yeah that Michael J Fox bit killed

[ break ]

Chuck Todd: Al Gore is an environmentalist and you know how they are

Brokaw: indeed

Todd: when McCain is elected he will have to work with Dems

David Gregory: the White House is bitter cause Al was right and shit

Tom Brokaw: let's look at McCain's ad which says Obama hates the troops

Brokaw: but then Maliki endorsed Obama

Gregory: a little waterboarding brought him in line

Todd: Obama has had the best 48 hours in the history of elections

Brokaw: so he can only go down from here - what's wrong with Obama??

Todd: Maliki even used the word timetable

Gregory: but the Surge worked!

Brokaw: maybe the economy will help McCain

Todd: sure it will

Brokaw: Veepstakes!

Todd: you can't reveal your choice during teh Olympics

Brokaw: why not

Todd: because McCain will run Romney who is Mr. Olympics and Obama will run with Michael Phelps

Brokaw: next week we will interview Barack Obama live from Hogwarts where he has just won the Quiddich tournament