Sunday, July 13, 2008

Meet The Press - July 13, 2008

Meet The Press
July 13, 2008
Host: Tom Brokaw
Carly Fiorina
Sen. Claire McCaskill

Tom Brokaw: welcome ladies you are smokin’ hawt!

Carly Fiorina: thank u

Claire McKaskill: you too Tom

Brokaw: Carly Phil Gramm says poor Americans are a bunch of whiners

Obama: McCain thinks you're all crazy - coming from him that's rich

McCain: i don't agree with my top economic advisor on economics

Carly Fiorina: i am here today to abjectly apologize and grovel and say hey we know Americans are hurting

Fiorina: Tom no one cares what a bunch of surrogates have to say

Brokaw: well then why the fuck are the two of you on my teevee

Fiorina: touche tom - but we're here to spin the beltway stupid

Brokaw: which is worse Al Qaeda or Recession?

Fiorina: terrorism!

Brokaw: but he now says the economy is the big issue!

Fiorina: hey he talked about it all week!

Brokaw: but the economy is a disaster

Fiorina: no one could have predicted a poor economy

Brokaw: he's a crazy flip-flopper

Fiorina: he voted against Bush tax cuts because there were no spending cuts

Brokaw: but now he supports them and there is more spending than ever

Fiorina: yes but that was then!

Brokaw: Obama flip-flopped on Iraq

Sen. McCaskill: look he's consistent he promised to pull out but he also has to pretend to listen to he handsome men in the green uniforms

Brokaw: well will he listen to them or give them orders

Sen. McCaskill: it's a goal Tom but yeah you have to careful getting in and getting out

Brokaw: why can't Obama know what the situation will be in the summer of 2010

Sen. McCaskill: the media will still be assholes i know that much

Brokaw: if you were still the CEO of HP

Fiorina: they would be broke

Brokaw: McCain's economic plan sucks

Fiorina: we will kick start this economy by not raising taxes or reenacting smoot-hawley like Obama would do

Brokaw: but we so spend so much money in Iraq

Fiorina: oh did I mention he's against the war now

Fiorina: i'm going to be snide and obnoxious now people seem to like that

Brokaw: Obama is a big spender and that's bad the media suddenly realized Democratic spending is bad!

McCaskill: he's going to raise taxes on the top 2%

Brokaw: that's everybody I know

Fiorina: me too

McCaskill: christ CEOs make 400 times what workers make and most of them are dumb

Fiorina: hey!

Brokaw: but the debt!! the deficit!!!

McCaskill: gee where have you been since 1980?

Brokaw: at my vacation home at Jackson Hole

Brokaw: how can we get the Boom Years back?

Sen. McCaskill: by electing a Dem Congress and a Dem President

Fiorina: in know math and Obama's numbers don't add up

Brokaw: but you're a girl

Fiorina: math is hard but Obama has voted to raise taxes 94 times

Brokaw: McCain's numbers don't add up either

Fiorina: did you know John McCain hated Donald Rumsfeld?

Brokaw: he also said we should stay in Iraq for 100 years

Fiorina: well we are still in Japan

Brokaw: does he stand by that?

Fiorina: why not - maybe someday Iraq will make cameras and better cars than us

Brokaw: what is his plan

Fioronia: Taxes taxes taxes and cutting taxes!

McCaskill: away with you and your skinny california tan

Brokaw: NCLB sucked but it shows that accountability is important

McCaskill: blah blah blah Tom jesus you're gullible

Brokaw: Democrats are beholden to the teachers

Sen. McCaskill: bullshit

Brokaw: you don't think teachers have too much power?

Sen. McCaskill: no - but it's clear that you do

Brokaw: no i hid my editorial statement behind unnamed people

Fiorina: oh did I mention McCain is hedging on NCLB as well

Brokaw: Quel suprise

Brokaw: will you be vice president?

Fiorina: well i would carry the failed CEO vote

Brokaw: Obama needs help with women of a certain age

McCaskill: you mean older dood

Brokaw: hey we've never had two women on the show before

McCaskill: gee i wonder why

Brokaw: well you weren't irish catholic men so i never saw you on Timmeh's short list

Brokaw: i've listen to the Generals and General Election favors Obama

Harold Ford: oh noes

Brokaw: is he leaning to the right?

Ford: shocker i support his lurch to the right

Brokaw: but he's black!

Ford: we're not all liberals you're know

Brokaw: i thought you were all panthers

Mitchell: the commenters on the liberal blogs are angry about FISA

Brokaw: wow what's your handle

Mitchell: I post under the name “Alan’s Greenspan’s Bathtub”

Brokaw: ha ha Obama got a gift from the angry black man

Ford: Obama and I are a new breed of black leader - screw Jesse

Murphy: this election will be close because it will be decided by two steelworkers from Ohio

Brokaw: speaking of that the blue collar guys do not like being called a bunch of whiners

Murphy: no but this isn’t a scandal because unlike with Jesse Jackson that wasn't the candidate speaking

Brokaw: VP??

Murphy: we need a governor from the Great Lakes like mitt romney

Mitchell: Jack Reed

Tom: who the fuck is that?

Mitchell: he has a very impressive bio

Tom: Jesse?

Mitchell: i have analyzed the black community and the fear is that he is throwing blacks under the bus in an effort to appease Hillary Clinton

Brokaw: fascinating

Mitchell: wow one woman someone somewhere said she doesn’t like Obama

Brokaw: hmmmmm

Mitchell: Obama is still calling people on the telephone assuming it isn't broadcast

Murphy: he won't pick Hillary because it isn't turning the page

Brokaw: is she very scary?

Murphy: we are terrified losing Virginia

Brokaw: Sam Nunn!!

Muhrphy: Evan Bayh!

Mitchell: Tom Ridge had an abortion so he can't be VP

Brokaw: well thank you all for overcoming your grief over Tim Russert and coming on the show

[ flashback ]

Tim Russert: you really think the Iraq war went great??

Tony Snow: look we tried our best but we're morons you can't expect anything else

Brokaw: what an elegant sexy man he was

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