MEET THE PRESS
November 9, 2008
Guests:
Valerie Jarrett
Rep. Clyburn
Sen. Martinez
********************
Brokaw: what can we expect from our new Chicago overlord?
Valerie Jarrett: radical change from people like jennifer granholm, paul volcker, and warren buffet
Brokaw: will you people a dark shadow government
Jarrett: no
Brokaw: really?
Jarrett: no really we will be
Brokaw: what did you learn studying the Polk adminstration
Jarrett: don't fuck up
Brokaw: ok let's talk about my money
Brokaw: who else besides Volcker, Summers, Rubin and Buffet
Jarrett: Obamans don't talk out of school
Brokaw: any Republicans
Jarrett: yes we will have Democrats and Losers represented
Brokaw: will you keep some Bush appointees on?
Jarrett: well he's looking for talent - so no
Brokaw: this is going to shock - you John Boner criticizes Obama
Jarrett: oh noes! He'd better resign now!
Brokaw: what about Bill Clinton
Jarrett: i can tell you we are so very eager to talk about the Clintons
Brokaw: are you being sarcastic
Jarrett: who me?
Brokaw: Democrats are always the party of Big Government
Jarrett: You are such an interesting person and apparently a fucking liar
Brokaw: what are Obama's flaws?
Jarrett: He's too inspirational
Brokaw: will Michelle be Laura or be Hillary?
Jarrett: this is the stupidest conversation i've ever had in my life
Brokaw: will she be in the bowels of the White House
Jarrett: you are a true idiot, aren't you?
Brokaw: Puppy?
Jarrett: oh noe don't go there
Brokaw: how did you feel when Obama won
Jarrett: awesome that people saw how awesome he is
Brokaw: what about the failed Obama administration
[ break ]
Clyburn: we have to restore teh economy, rebuild america, fund stem cells, and heal the country
Martinez: lets not worry about who slimed who - the point is unemployment is very high under the Obama administration!!
Brokaw: stimulus program
Martinez: i would like to see checks mailed to foreclosed homeowners in Miami
Brokaw: what else
Martinez: Obama should do whatever Republicans want
Brokaw: given the big win for Democrats should we lower taxes on the rich and cut government spending
Clyburn: are you fucking drunk?
Brokaw: stimulus program
Martinez: i would like to see checks mailed to foreclosed homeowners in Miami
Brokaw: what else
Martinez: Obama should do whatever Republicans want
Brokaw: given the big win for Democrats should we lower taxes on the rich and cut government spending
Clyburn: are you fucking drunk?
Brokaw: should we give the failed auto industry a trillion dollars?
Clyburn: yes every american should get a hummer
Brokaw: you are from the party of free markets?
Martinez: no the the GOP is the party of Free Capitalism - failed businesses get free money from the government when they fail
Brokaw: what about teh deficits?
Clyburn: the coffers are empty and we must govern from the center - i hate the far left they're so lefty
Brokaw: Ted Kennedy wants to divide America - will Republicans support that
Martinez: we as Republicans have to figure out what teh hell we believe
Brokaw: solution to health care is to go to the ER?
Martinez: see it turns out people don't think that's a good idea
Brokaw: given the poor economy isn't it true that we can't do health care in the first four years
Martinez: see children's health care is very divisive we should not attempt that it's so mean and divisive
Brokaw: Earth to Martinez - maybe the reason you went 0 for 3 is because you consider funding health care for kids divisive
Martinez: John McCain was a POW he didn't deserve to lose or the GOP be branded a racist
Brokaw: what is a Republican?
Martinez: we are going to try and figure it out - starting with Mitch Daniels
Brokaw: oh god
Brokaw: Clyburn you're black - did you know Obama is too?
Clyburn: hey some of my best friends are black and descended from slaves
Brokaw: that's very moving
Clyburn: we who worked with the system have been vindicated
Brokaw: Rahm is terrible
Martinez: Boner is moron
Brokaw: hey the Obamas are black! what about all the dysfunctional ones!
Mitchell: we need to get the guys off the corners and the kids in schools
Brokaw: wow can he finally get black families to work?
Mitchell: this dude is a better role model that a rapper or ballplayer
Brokaw: then they can hope to have the world's worst job
Goodwin: hey an economic disaster creates real opportunity for change
Brokaw: hmmmm
Goodwin: like LBJ who I slept with
Brokaw: TMI doris
Meachem: i haz advise for new preznit
Brokaw: do tell
Meachem: Obama is andrew jackson
Brokaw: maybe Obama can be on the $15 bill
Brokaw: he's very eloquent
Meachem: he's a rock star but not one of those elitist ones
Goodwin: Obama echoed FDR in the war when he said we will get there
Brokaw: that's wasn't MLK?
Goodwin: who?
Brokaw: is he black enough
Mitchell: he's President enough!
Brokaw: but not from the inner city
Mitchell: but he's got a white mother and worked in the city - it's fascinating
Brokaw: krauthammer says he's Putin
Meachem: he's actually very tough - who knew??
Brokaw: not a weak intellectual black man?
Meachem: i didn't believe it - but McCain ran a noble campaign
Goodwin: Obama should appoint McCain cabinet
Brokaw: will inner city blacks run the country?
Goodwin: this is a fucking fun time to live in America!
Thursday, November 13, 2008
The Chris Matthews Show - November 9, 2008
The Chris Matthews Show
November 9, 2008
*****************************
Tweety: No Drama Obama! Oh noes!!
Obama: the road ahead is long and there are alot of bathroom breaks along the way
Tweety: can he he save my 401k?
Rather: he's bold but cautious - no highs or lows
Tucker: the Man canceled the fireworks cause he didn't want to make John McCain cry
Brooks: he's post-Boomer that's Audacious! But Cautious! He's Caudacious!
Tweety: ha I love it!
Bumiller: unlike Bush he read newspapers
Tweety: he is really is a socialist who will make people wait in line for a heart transplant
Rather: that's bad news for Dick Cheney
Tweety: ha
Rather: i expect him to govern from the center
Brooks: my opinion matters a great deal
Tweety: Ronald Reagan taught us you must get it all done early before you go senile
Brooks: he should no do anything at all
Tucker: bullshit you simpering fop
Brooks: Obama's people are nice and kind -- it's really weird
Bumiller: what planet are you on - Obama is mean
Brooks: no he isn't
Bumiller: ok you've convinced me
Rather: Obama is as optimistic as a frog on a Texas griddle
Tweety: what would you ask Bush?
Bumiller: why are you such a fuck up?
Rather: when are you leaving?
Tucker: nothing from Stupid
Brooks: Obama should ask to have sex with Laura
Tweety: where is the bowling alley?
Tweety: let me relive the ‘68 Convention also the battle of Lexington
Rather [ in 68] : take your hands off me pigs!
Tweety: that was awesome
Tweety: will the GOP love Obama
Brooks: McCain will help Obama depending on how long he lives
Tweety: only John McCain knows how pass legislation
Bumiller: uh...
Tweety: Will Obama offer him a cabinet postition?
Bumiller: uh...
Tweety: Rahm is bad
Rather: that's good
Tweety: uh...
Tucker: he's jerk but he's Obama's jerk
Bumiller: moderate GOP hate Randy Schumerman
Rather: Rahm solves Obama's Jewish problem
Tweety: what else
Rather: Obama must decide where to dump Bill Richardson
Tucker: there were 80,000 undervotes in Georgia - that means people voted for President and then left
Tweety: What about Race Relations!?
Bumiller: blacks and whites gettin' along!
Rather: it's all horseshit
Tucker: they are teh cutest family ever - they will show an upper middle class black family
Tweety: i thought that was teh Cosbys
Brooks: the lesson of this campaign is that America is not a racist country
Tweety: whites secretly voted for Barack but couldn't tell anyone down at the knight of columbus hall - the Obama Effect
November 9, 2008
*****************************
Tweety: No Drama Obama! Oh noes!!
Obama: the road ahead is long and there are alot of bathroom breaks along the way
Tweety: can he he save my 401k?
Rather: he's bold but cautious - no highs or lows
Tucker: the Man canceled the fireworks cause he didn't want to make John McCain cry
Brooks: he's post-Boomer that's Audacious! But Cautious! He's Caudacious!
Tweety: ha I love it!
Bumiller: unlike Bush he read newspapers
Tweety: he is really is a socialist who will make people wait in line for a heart transplant
Rather: that's bad news for Dick Cheney
Tweety: ha
Rather: i expect him to govern from the center
Brooks: my opinion matters a great deal
Tweety: Ronald Reagan taught us you must get it all done early before you go senile
Brooks: he should no do anything at all
Tucker: bullshit you simpering fop
Brooks: Obama's people are nice and kind -- it's really weird
Bumiller: what planet are you on - Obama is mean
Brooks: no he isn't
Bumiller: ok you've convinced me
Rather: Obama is as optimistic as a frog on a Texas griddle
Tweety: what would you ask Bush?
Bumiller: why are you such a fuck up?
Rather: when are you leaving?
Tucker: nothing from Stupid
Brooks: Obama should ask to have sex with Laura
Tweety: where is the bowling alley?
Tweety: let me relive the ‘68 Convention also the battle of Lexington
Rather [ in 68] : take your hands off me pigs!
Tweety: that was awesome
Tweety: will the GOP love Obama
Brooks: McCain will help Obama depending on how long he lives
Tweety: only John McCain knows how pass legislation
Bumiller: uh...
Tweety: Will Obama offer him a cabinet postition?
Bumiller: uh...
Tweety: Rahm is bad
Rather: that's good
Tweety: uh...
Tucker: he's jerk but he's Obama's jerk
Bumiller: moderate GOP hate Randy Schumerman
Rather: Rahm solves Obama's Jewish problem
Tweety: what else
Rather: Obama must decide where to dump Bill Richardson
Tucker: there were 80,000 undervotes in Georgia - that means people voted for President and then left
Tweety: What about Race Relations!?
Bumiller: blacks and whites gettin' along!
Rather: it's all horseshit
Tucker: they are teh cutest family ever - they will show an upper middle class black family
Tweety: i thought that was teh Cosbys
Brooks: the lesson of this campaign is that America is not a racist country
Tweety: whites secretly voted for Barack but couldn't tell anyone down at the knight of columbus hall - the Obama Effect
Sunday, November 02, 2008
This Week with George Stephanopoulos - November 2, 2008
************************
This Week with George Stephanopoulos
November 2, 2008
***************************
Stephanopoulos: yur losing
Davis: no way dood
Stephanopoulos: why do u say that
Davis: pollz r biased against Republicans
Stephanopoulos: you've got to be kidding me
Davis: whaaaaa
Stephanopoulos: so sad
Davis: the number of undecided voters is rising
Stephanopoulos: why is that
Davis: people are getting stupider
Stephanopoulos: i didn't think that wasn't possible
Davis: it is our key to winning
Stephanopoulos: it seems you are truly fucked
Davis: no we can still win new mexico
Stephanopoulos: dream on lunatic
Davis: no no no early voting trends to democrats - GOP voters are now in left hand lane at 15 mph
Stephanopoulos: i don't think so
Davis: we are going to win Pennsylvania
Stephanopoulos: prove it
Davis: the amish are very excited by McCain - they held a fundraiser: Amish Against Socialism
Stephanopoulos: Obama tied to your to Dick Cheney
Davis: Obama is engaging in the stale old politics of the past
Stephanopoulos: right...
Stephanopoulos: so is Davis right are you losing?
Axelrod: sure reality is biased against the pubic party
Stephanopoulos: you will lose because all your voters are early voters
Axelrod: yes i've heard the new GOP line is that McCain wins because people hate McCain so much they can't wait to defeat him
Stephanopoulos: can't you beat McCain like a rented mule
Axelrod: rented, bought, paid for, sold on eBay and served at Le Cirque for $100 a plate
Stephanopoulos: Mmmmmmmm....
Axelrod: We're drawing record crowds but we need all the hippies and kids to remember to vote
Stephanopoulos: Obama claims he hates lobbyists but hell we've all dabbled in lobbying in our time
Axelrod: true but they weren't Kenyan
Stephanopoulos: how many electoral votes will you get
Axelrod: a hell of a lot
Will: Obama has generated great enthusiasm in this election which is good news for McCain
Halperin: Obama is cheating by being popular in early voting
Brazille: so THIS is what a winning campaign looks like!
Stephanopoulos: is McCain fucked?
Matt Dowd: sure there are more democrats in the polls - cause there are more democrats after 8 years of Bush
Stephanopoulos: who the fuck is still undecided?
Dowd: they're retarded
Stephanopoulos: can Bob Barr win Georgia?
Will: yes he will benefit from a surge in african american voting
Stephanopoulos: who still supports McCain?
Brazille: robots they are making all his calls
Halperin: Obama will probably lose in 2012
Dowd: McCain will get more votes than Bush - and still lose
Stephanopoulos: what can we look forward to
Dowd: if Virginia goes to Obama then you can go to bed and dream sweet dreams of a black president
Stephanopoulos: turning points in the 2008 campaign?
Will: Iowa caucuses and killing reverend Right
Steph: McCain
Will: Palin and his being a shitty campaigner
Stephanopoulos: Obama opposing the war in 2002 and his address in 2004
Dowd: the turning point was the Iraq war - it killed Bush, weakened Hillary, and crippled Bush and McCain and gave us Obama
Halperin: hillary lost it but not just over the war
Brazille: howard dean won this election
Halperin: let's be fair - McCain made alot of really stupid decisions this election
Will: McCain should have been tougher and meaner and nastier - not so gentle and nice on race and accusing Obama of eating christian children
Dowd: George W. Bush has been a bad President and even a black guy with a funny name could have won this election ha ha
Steph: his speech on race was important
Brazille: i think of sunday bloody sunday
Steph: Palin / Bono 2012
Steph: what fascinates you
Halperin: Suununu - i love him so much and if he loses it proves reasonanable white men can't get a break
Dowd: poor poor white male conservatives
Will: poor poor poor Chris Shays if he loses it will proves that translucent closeted shitheads can't get a break
Brazile: i am so looking forward to Liddy Dole getting killed
Will: Obama wins North Dakota = 378 EC votes
Dowd: 338 EVs for the masai warrior
Halperin: 349 EVs for the magic negro
Brazille: 343 EV votes based on ground game for Baruch
Steph: Obama gets 353 - including Ohio and Florida
Dowd: um, what happened to the Permanent Repubic Majority??
Halperin: it's a 50/50 Nation
Steph: of course it's always 50 - 50 on teevee
Dowd: whatever fuckhead
Halperin: hey
Dowd: go shine my shoes dick
Halperin: [ bends down ]
This Week with George Stephanopoulos
November 2, 2008
***************************
Stephanopoulos: yur losing
Davis: no way dood
Stephanopoulos: why do u say that
Davis: pollz r biased against Republicans
Stephanopoulos: you've got to be kidding me
Davis: whaaaaa
Stephanopoulos: so sad
Davis: the number of undecided voters is rising
Stephanopoulos: why is that
Davis: people are getting stupider
Stephanopoulos: i didn't think that wasn't possible
Davis: it is our key to winning
Stephanopoulos: it seems you are truly fucked
Davis: no we can still win new mexico
Stephanopoulos: dream on lunatic
Davis: no no no early voting trends to democrats - GOP voters are now in left hand lane at 15 mph
Stephanopoulos: i don't think so
Davis: we are going to win Pennsylvania
Stephanopoulos: prove it
Davis: the amish are very excited by McCain - they held a fundraiser: Amish Against Socialism
Stephanopoulos: Obama tied to your to Dick Cheney
Davis: Obama is engaging in the stale old politics of the past
Stephanopoulos: right...
Stephanopoulos: so is Davis right are you losing?
Axelrod: sure reality is biased against the pubic party
Stephanopoulos: you will lose because all your voters are early voters
Axelrod: yes i've heard the new GOP line is that McCain wins because people hate McCain so much they can't wait to defeat him
Stephanopoulos: can't you beat McCain like a rented mule
Axelrod: rented, bought, paid for, sold on eBay and served at Le Cirque for $100 a plate
Stephanopoulos: Mmmmmmmm....
Axelrod: We're drawing record crowds but we need all the hippies and kids to remember to vote
Stephanopoulos: Obama claims he hates lobbyists but hell we've all dabbled in lobbying in our time
Axelrod: true but they weren't Kenyan
Stephanopoulos: how many electoral votes will you get
Axelrod: a hell of a lot
Will: Obama has generated great enthusiasm in this election which is good news for McCain
Halperin: Obama is cheating by being popular in early voting
Brazille: so THIS is what a winning campaign looks like!
Stephanopoulos: is McCain fucked?
Matt Dowd: sure there are more democrats in the polls - cause there are more democrats after 8 years of Bush
Stephanopoulos: who the fuck is still undecided?
Dowd: they're retarded
Stephanopoulos: can Bob Barr win Georgia?
Will: yes he will benefit from a surge in african american voting
Stephanopoulos: who still supports McCain?
Brazille: robots they are making all his calls
Halperin: Obama will probably lose in 2012
Dowd: McCain will get more votes than Bush - and still lose
Stephanopoulos: what can we look forward to
Dowd: if Virginia goes to Obama then you can go to bed and dream sweet dreams of a black president
Stephanopoulos: turning points in the 2008 campaign?
Will: Iowa caucuses and killing reverend Right
Steph: McCain
Will: Palin and his being a shitty campaigner
Stephanopoulos: Obama opposing the war in 2002 and his address in 2004
Dowd: the turning point was the Iraq war - it killed Bush, weakened Hillary, and crippled Bush and McCain and gave us Obama
Halperin: hillary lost it but not just over the war
Brazille: howard dean won this election
Halperin: let's be fair - McCain made alot of really stupid decisions this election
Will: McCain should have been tougher and meaner and nastier - not so gentle and nice on race and accusing Obama of eating christian children
Dowd: George W. Bush has been a bad President and even a black guy with a funny name could have won this election ha ha
Steph: his speech on race was important
Brazille: i think of sunday bloody sunday
Steph: Palin / Bono 2012
Steph: what fascinates you
Halperin: Suununu - i love him so much and if he loses it proves reasonanable white men can't get a break
Dowd: poor poor white male conservatives
Will: poor poor poor Chris Shays if he loses it will proves that translucent closeted shitheads can't get a break
Brazile: i am so looking forward to Liddy Dole getting killed
Will: Obama wins North Dakota = 378 EC votes
Dowd: 338 EVs for the masai warrior
Halperin: 349 EVs for the magic negro
Brazille: 343 EV votes based on ground game for Baruch
Steph: Obama gets 353 - including Ohio and Florida
Dowd: um, what happened to the Permanent Repubic Majority??
Halperin: it's a 50/50 Nation
Steph: of course it's always 50 - 50 on teevee
Dowd: whatever fuckhead
Halperin: hey
Dowd: go shine my shoes dick
Halperin: [ bends down ]
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
The Obama TV Ad - October 29, 2008
****************
The Obama TV Ad
October 29, 2008
*****************
Scenes:
Waves of wheat
waves of hands
lots of white people
Obama: hi i'm barack obama and i;d like to be your black friend
now i know you're thinking, i aleady have a black friend, that guy down the street who i saw once in k-mart
but you're thinking do as i need as my new black friend this good looking guy in a slightly oval office?
Well, i'm here to tell you that i am in fact black, but a lot of white people like me, and i'm hoping you will too
white lady: hi, I had to put off an operation to make ends meet - and barack obama is going to be my new black friend
Obama: see that wasn't so hard
Obama in Colorado: small businesses are ok and btw i'm not a socialist
audience: hmmmmmm
Obama: a few weeks ago we found out what we suspected - that George Bush has nearly destroyed America
audience: well there is that
Obama: but i want to cut taxes for american business, grow the economy and keep people in their homes
tv audience: where's his koran and dashiki??
Pensioner: i wuz robbed
Obama: that sucks
McCain: commie!!!!
audience: he IS good looking
Sibelius: he's basically a white boy from kansas
Deval P: if i was any less scary i'd be pat boone
Hard Working black guy: i am a hard working black guy
Guys wife: i was sick and he had to go back to work
Bush: uniquely amerkin!
McCain: lazy fuckers
Obama: i love me some entepeneurs like Mortimer the Solar Panel Maker
Google CEO: he's MAH black frend!
Obama: fuck the CEOs!
Google: hey!
Obama: sorry dood
Teacher: peopel in this school are really struggling
McCain: only 12 houses so sad
Obama: the government cannot turn off the tv set
audience: we loves tv
Obama: i was raised by white people if that helps any
White Audience: so were we
Obama: i will recruit an army of zombie robots to teach our children
audience: yay
Obama: i'm will fight for college tuition in exchange for serving you county
McCain: no one gave me school for service
Obama: yes they did
McCain: oh right
Obama: my momma died fighting the insurance companies
Michelle: he reads harry potter to the kids and does all the voices too
audience: * sniff *
Durbin: we were all blown away
Claire McCaiskill: he purified DC
Biden: i turned to Dick Lugar and said whoa where did the eloquent black guy come from
Obama: its hard dwelling with mere mortal men
Obama: remember during ozzie and harriet and leave it to beaver after WWII America sat on top of the world
audience: good times
Obama: well forget it white people
audience: oh noes
Obama: my white grandfather fought with Patton
McCain: terroris-- aw fuck it
Obama: i will not be a perfect president but let's face i couldn't be any worse than Stupid
LIVE
OBAMA: in 6 days we can choose to reward work, invest in health care, energy, college or Senator Psycho and his Loony Sidekick from the Arctic
Obama: i will catch Osama but I also will not just send troops willy nilly
McCain: bomb bommb bomb iraq
Liebeman: you mean iran
McCain: whatever
Obama: this is for the coal miners and factory workers
Edwards: damm he's good
Hillary: dammit he's really good
Richardson: he's teh awesome
Obama: people i am asking you to fight with and vote for me and work for me and change this country and change the world
Crowd: YAAAAAAY
Audience: Swoon
The Obama TV Ad
October 29, 2008
*****************
Scenes:
Waves of wheat
waves of hands
lots of white people
Obama: hi i'm barack obama and i;d like to be your black friend
now i know you're thinking, i aleady have a black friend, that guy down the street who i saw once in k-mart
but you're thinking do as i need as my new black friend this good looking guy in a slightly oval office?
Well, i'm here to tell you that i am in fact black, but a lot of white people like me, and i'm hoping you will too
white lady: hi, I had to put off an operation to make ends meet - and barack obama is going to be my new black friend
Obama: see that wasn't so hard
Obama in Colorado: small businesses are ok and btw i'm not a socialist
audience: hmmmmmm
Obama: a few weeks ago we found out what we suspected - that George Bush has nearly destroyed America
audience: well there is that
Obama: but i want to cut taxes for american business, grow the economy and keep people in their homes
tv audience: where's his koran and dashiki??
Pensioner: i wuz robbed
Obama: that sucks
McCain: commie!!!!
audience: he IS good looking
Sibelius: he's basically a white boy from kansas
Deval P: if i was any less scary i'd be pat boone
Hard Working black guy: i am a hard working black guy
Guys wife: i was sick and he had to go back to work
Bush: uniquely amerkin!
McCain: lazy fuckers
Obama: i love me some entepeneurs like Mortimer the Solar Panel Maker
Google CEO: he's MAH black frend!
Obama: fuck the CEOs!
Google: hey!
Obama: sorry dood
Teacher: peopel in this school are really struggling
McCain: only 12 houses so sad
Obama: the government cannot turn off the tv set
audience: we loves tv
Obama: i was raised by white people if that helps any
White Audience: so were we
Obama: i will recruit an army of zombie robots to teach our children
audience: yay
Obama: i'm will fight for college tuition in exchange for serving you county
McCain: no one gave me school for service
Obama: yes they did
McCain: oh right
Obama: my momma died fighting the insurance companies
Michelle: he reads harry potter to the kids and does all the voices too
audience: * sniff *
Durbin: we were all blown away
Claire McCaiskill: he purified DC
Biden: i turned to Dick Lugar and said whoa where did the eloquent black guy come from
Obama: its hard dwelling with mere mortal men
Obama: remember during ozzie and harriet and leave it to beaver after WWII America sat on top of the world
audience: good times
Obama: well forget it white people
audience: oh noes
Obama: my white grandfather fought with Patton
McCain: terroris-- aw fuck it
Obama: i will not be a perfect president but let's face i couldn't be any worse than Stupid
LIVE
OBAMA: in 6 days we can choose to reward work, invest in health care, energy, college or Senator Psycho and his Loony Sidekick from the Arctic
Obama: i will catch Osama but I also will not just send troops willy nilly
McCain: bomb bommb bomb iraq
Liebeman: you mean iran
McCain: whatever
Obama: this is for the coal miners and factory workers
Edwards: damm he's good
Hillary: dammit he's really good
Richardson: he's teh awesome
Obama: people i am asking you to fight with and vote for me and work for me and change this country and change the world
Crowd: YAAAAAAY
Audience: Swoon
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Meet The Press with Colin Powell - October 19 2008
***********************************************
MEET THE PRESS
October 19, 2008
Host: Tom Brokaw
Guest: Colin Powell
***********************************************
Brokaw: America and the whole world are facing a nightmare of crises like we have never had before
Powell: yes it's almost as bad as disco
Brokaw: indeed
Powell: we've got that crazy economy, wars all over the place, and we got to reach out to our friends like Pakistan and our enemies like Spain
Brokaw: daunting challenges!
Powell: we need an articulate guy
Brokaw: a novel idea
Powell: there's going to be a crisis on January 21st 2009
Brokaw: what is it!?
Powell: i can't tell you
Brokaw: wow!
Powell: we need a president that calms people down and that people like and trust
Brokaw: i smell an endorsement coming!!!
Powell: we need leadership with greening, energy, poverty, for needy people
Brokaw: you hate America, don't you?
Powell: I will endorse someone smart, ready, well-informed, patriotic, with good ideas-
Brokaw: spill the beans handsome
Powell: Ok - i know and like John McCain and I've met Barack Obama and I admire John McCain although the GOP is increasingly evil...
Brokaw: out with it buddy
Powell: okay i've given a test to them both and McCain has been ranting like a crazy person - he's an erratic possibly insane loony and frankly a jerk
Brokaw: but but but.....
Powell: Sarah Palin - i wouldn't hire to walk my dog without fucking it up
Brokaw: none of us would General - hell she shoots wolves
Powell: turns out Obama on the other hand is smart, inclusive, hopeful, reaching out, not dividing America
Brokaw: well there is that
Powell: then you have McCain, running a hateful, racist, evil, divisive, mean, nasty, dishonest, pathetic, shitty campaign
Brokaw: hey whatever works smoothie
Powell: Let's face it I didn't leave the GOP - the GOP left Planet Earth
Brokaw: but Obama might be a muslim
Powell: So what? So what if he were? How come no one ever says it's fucking racist and wrong to say a President can't be a Muslim???
Brokaw: they’re swarthy?
Powell: a 14 year old kid joined the army and died a hero under the Crescent and Star
Brokaw: maybe we can harness their fanaticism for our own ends
Powell: Obama is who we need NOW
Brokaw: but he has no experience!
Powell: he is a brilliant man, a snappy dresser, and a transformational figure, and a campaign genius
Brokaw: well you would say that - you are black
Powell: his race might help with the rest of the world
Brokaw: the world! Pheh!
Brokaw: will you beg Obama to please stay in Iraq?
Powell: hey if they Iraqis want us to leave we should leave
Brokaw: but it's been such a fun war to cover
Powell: Get over it Tom
Brokaw: Let's talk about William Ayers
Powell: [ smacks Brokaw ]
Brokaw: ow!
Powell: [ rolls eyes ]
Brokaw: Ayers is worst person in human history
Powell: i don't truck with no motherfuckin’ Weathermen and neither does Mister Obama
Brokaw: Lessons from Iraq?
Powell: Look I tried diplomacy but Bush was stupid and he was the President - in my defense the CIA lied to me
Brokaw: uh huh
Powell: Let's not argue about who lied about what - the real mistake was not killing more
Brokaw: true
Powell: we goofed - it's happens
Brokaw: Who care what you think then
Powell: Do you how many white people consider me their Black Friend?
Brokaw: no
Powell: Millions
Brokaw: You said Bush would be moderate and optimistic
Powell: Yes look at Liberia
Brokaw: [ head explodes ]
Powell: Tom your brains are all over my suit
Brokaw: sorry about that general
Powell: The Bush administration had a decent 5 minutes from 12:06 to 12:11 pm on Jan. 21 2001
Brokaw: Good times
Brokaw: Apologize to McCain!
Powell: We need a man younger than 100 years, a smart man, and reasonable man, a clever man, a sane man, a non-psycho-
Brokaw: okay you've made your point
Brokaw: you're black - do you think americans are racist?
Powell: yes
Brokaw: you're black - would you be Ambassador to Africa?
Powell: that's a continent Tom
Brokaw: Whatever
[ break ]
Brokaw: C-Todd gimme the polls
Todd: Ohio is an unmoved tie - but Obama has Wisconsin
Brokaw: hoh mai
Todd: Obama getting close in West Virginia
Brokaw: oh my gowd why
Todd: The economy - otherwise it's baffling
Brokaw: indeed
Todd: Obama's winning in Charlotte cause of banking and in Montana and the United States of Brokejaw
Tom: warble
Brokaw: can McCain win?
Todd: yes - if he can wheel people age 75 to 100 to the polls
Brokaw: can terry schiavo vote?
Todd: yes but she has endorsed Obama
Brokaw: Colin Powell - wow!
Scar: Obama is cheating by being right about everything
Tom: Florida?
Scar: Powell will help - he's a respected military dude
Brook: the Republican party left me and went into Ga Ga Land
Mitchell: I'm very worried about this - the GOP has become a hate filled looney party - a problem with centrist Republicans
Brokaw: both of them!?
Parson Meachem: this is like a Seal of Approval from Morgan Freeman playing God
Brokaw: how so?
Meachem: he's a stand alone brand he stands for 'Military Uprightness'
Brokaw: is that it?
Meachem: Understand that Powell has been America's Magic Negro for over a decade and a half
Scar: I want to warn the Obama campaign to focus on the states you must win - McCain closes strongly - forget N. Carolina and just take Florida and win this thing
Brokaw: what the fuck is wrong with John McCain Brooksie - what's his raisin detter?
Brooks: They made a decision not to run a likeable moderate maverick candidate and decided to run a hate-filled divisive mean campaign
Scar: now wait just a second - we all laugh at Sarah Palin now - but McCain will lose by less than he was in July
McCain: i hate President Bush!!!!
Crowd: Booooo Buuuuuuushhh!!!!
Obama: Buuuuuuuullshiiiit!!!
Mitchell: the fact is Obama is running a very sad nasty ad campign - on national television
Brokaw: what sleazy thing are they doing?
Mitchell: running a video of McCain talking in his own words
Brokaw: that's below the belt
Brokaw: this is not fair
Mitchell: indeed Obama is cheating by being popular
Tom: John Lewis said a mean thing
Parson Meachem: John Lewis is literally a Saint - They call him Bleeding Gums John
Brokaw: he gave his life for the cause of gingivitis
Meachem: McCain was likeable this week because he has conceded the election in his mind
Brokaw: Obama is going to win big with a Democratic Congress
Scar: this is a Republican country
Brokaw: it's bad news for liberals
Brooks: why have the liberals given us a huge debt and big spending!!!???
Brokaw: indeed those fucking liberals I already hate the failed Obama administration
******************************************************
|
MEET THE PRESS
October 19, 2008
Host: Tom Brokaw
Guest: Colin Powell
***********************************************
Brokaw: America and the whole world are facing a nightmare of crises like we have never had before
Powell: yes it's almost as bad as disco
Brokaw: indeed
Powell: we've got that crazy economy, wars all over the place, and we got to reach out to our friends like Pakistan and our enemies like Spain
Brokaw: daunting challenges!
Powell: we need an articulate guy
Brokaw: a novel idea
Powell: there's going to be a crisis on January 21st 2009
Brokaw: what is it!?
Powell: i can't tell you
Brokaw: wow!
Powell: we need a president that calms people down and that people like and trust
Brokaw: i smell an endorsement coming!!!
Powell: we need leadership with greening, energy, poverty, for needy people
Brokaw: you hate America, don't you?
Powell: I will endorse someone smart, ready, well-informed, patriotic, with good ideas-
Brokaw: spill the beans handsome
Powell: Ok - i know and like John McCain and I've met Barack Obama and I admire John McCain although the GOP is increasingly evil...
Brokaw: out with it buddy
Powell: okay i've given a test to them both and McCain has been ranting like a crazy person - he's an erratic possibly insane loony and frankly a jerk
Brokaw: but but but.....
Powell: Sarah Palin - i wouldn't hire to walk my dog without fucking it up
Brokaw: none of us would General - hell she shoots wolves
Powell: turns out Obama on the other hand is smart, inclusive, hopeful, reaching out, not dividing America
Brokaw: well there is that
Powell: then you have McCain, running a hateful, racist, evil, divisive, mean, nasty, dishonest, pathetic, shitty campaign
Brokaw: hey whatever works smoothie
Powell: Let's face it I didn't leave the GOP - the GOP left Planet Earth
Brokaw: but Obama might be a muslim
Powell: So what? So what if he were? How come no one ever says it's fucking racist and wrong to say a President can't be a Muslim???
Brokaw: they’re swarthy?
Powell: a 14 year old kid joined the army and died a hero under the Crescent and Star
Brokaw: maybe we can harness their fanaticism for our own ends
Powell: Obama is who we need NOW
Brokaw: but he has no experience!
Powell: he is a brilliant man, a snappy dresser, and a transformational figure, and a campaign genius
Brokaw: well you would say that - you are black
Powell: his race might help with the rest of the world
Brokaw: the world! Pheh!
Brokaw: will you beg Obama to please stay in Iraq?
Powell: hey if they Iraqis want us to leave we should leave
Brokaw: but it's been such a fun war to cover
Powell: Get over it Tom
Brokaw: Let's talk about William Ayers
Powell: [ smacks Brokaw ]
Brokaw: ow!
Powell: [ rolls eyes ]
Brokaw: Ayers is worst person in human history
Powell: i don't truck with no motherfuckin’ Weathermen and neither does Mister Obama
Brokaw: Lessons from Iraq?
Powell: Look I tried diplomacy but Bush was stupid and he was the President - in my defense the CIA lied to me
Brokaw: uh huh
Powell: Let's not argue about who lied about what - the real mistake was not killing more
Brokaw: true
Powell: we goofed - it's happens
Brokaw: Who care what you think then
Powell: Do you how many white people consider me their Black Friend?
Brokaw: no
Powell: Millions
Brokaw: You said Bush would be moderate and optimistic
Powell: Yes look at Liberia
Brokaw: [ head explodes ]
Powell: Tom your brains are all over my suit
Brokaw: sorry about that general
Powell: The Bush administration had a decent 5 minutes from 12:06 to 12:11 pm on Jan. 21 2001
Brokaw: Good times
Brokaw: Apologize to McCain!
Powell: We need a man younger than 100 years, a smart man, and reasonable man, a clever man, a sane man, a non-psycho-
Brokaw: okay you've made your point
Brokaw: you're black - do you think americans are racist?
Powell: yes
Brokaw: you're black - would you be Ambassador to Africa?
Powell: that's a continent Tom
Brokaw: Whatever
[ break ]
Brokaw: C-Todd gimme the polls
Todd: Ohio is an unmoved tie - but Obama has Wisconsin
Brokaw: hoh mai
Todd: Obama getting close in West Virginia
Brokaw: oh my gowd why
Todd: The economy - otherwise it's baffling
Brokaw: indeed
Todd: Obama's winning in Charlotte cause of banking and in Montana and the United States of Brokejaw
Tom: warble
Brokaw: can McCain win?
Todd: yes - if he can wheel people age 75 to 100 to the polls
Brokaw: can terry schiavo vote?
Todd: yes but she has endorsed Obama
Brokaw: Colin Powell - wow!
Scar: Obama is cheating by being right about everything
Tom: Florida?
Scar: Powell will help - he's a respected military dude
Brook: the Republican party left me and went into Ga Ga Land
Mitchell: I'm very worried about this - the GOP has become a hate filled looney party - a problem with centrist Republicans
Brokaw: both of them!?
Parson Meachem: this is like a Seal of Approval from Morgan Freeman playing God
Brokaw: how so?
Meachem: he's a stand alone brand he stands for 'Military Uprightness'
Brokaw: is that it?
Meachem: Understand that Powell has been America's Magic Negro for over a decade and a half
Scar: I want to warn the Obama campaign to focus on the states you must win - McCain closes strongly - forget N. Carolina and just take Florida and win this thing
Brokaw: what the fuck is wrong with John McCain Brooksie - what's his raisin detter?
Brooks: They made a decision not to run a likeable moderate maverick candidate and decided to run a hate-filled divisive mean campaign
Scar: now wait just a second - we all laugh at Sarah Palin now - but McCain will lose by less than he was in July
McCain: i hate President Bush!!!!
Crowd: Booooo Buuuuuuushhh!!!!
Obama: Buuuuuuuullshiiiit!!!
Mitchell: the fact is Obama is running a very sad nasty ad campign - on national television
Brokaw: what sleazy thing are they doing?
Mitchell: running a video of McCain talking in his own words
Brokaw: that's below the belt
Brokaw: this is not fair
Mitchell: indeed Obama is cheating by being popular
Tom: John Lewis said a mean thing
Parson Meachem: John Lewis is literally a Saint - They call him Bleeding Gums John
Brokaw: he gave his life for the cause of gingivitis
Meachem: McCain was likeable this week because he has conceded the election in his mind
Brokaw: Obama is going to win big with a Democratic Congress
Scar: this is a Republican country
Brokaw: it's bad news for liberals
Brooks: why have the liberals given us a huge debt and big spending!!!???
Brokaw: indeed those fucking liberals I already hate the failed Obama administration
******************************************************
|
The Chris Matthews Show - October 19, 2008
********************************
The Chris Matthews Show - October 19, 2008
October 19, 2008
*********************************
Chris: Is Obama inevitable?
Whitaker: we've made progress in America - but not that much
Kay: some people say that Obama lacks character and may be a terrorist
Chris: hell Katty - even karl rove thinks McCain is doomed
Parker: Swing voters are a strange breed - no one knows what they will do
Sullivan: the ground game won it for the Republicans in 2004 but this time the Obama campaign has the best we've ever seen
Kay: Obama is doomed
Chris: Obama can't win big states
Whitaker: Obama is relying on young people and black people - so it's all up in the air
Parker: the kids today with the Fish concerts!
Chris: are the GOP motivated?
Sullivan: moderates Republicans are motivated -- to vote for Obama!!
Chris: who won the week?
Panel: Obama for the fifth week in a row
Kay: those fucking debates!
Whitaker: cindy was at the debate with her jewish friend and her gay friend - Joe Lieberman and Linsday Graham
Chris: how can McCain win?
Kay: Robocalls calling Obama a Zulu warrior
Chris: wow!!
Kay: McCain doesn't like to do this
Parker: Obama has no experience being a lying fuck-up
Sullivan: if McCain keeps this up everyone in American will hate him
Chris: the only funny Republican in America Chris Buckley likes Obama so of course he fled the National Review
Parker: i am a conservative but Sarah Palin is a fucking idiot
Chris: so of course they smeared you
Parker: being qualified is considered elitist
Sullivan: joe the plumber gives more press conferences than her!
Chris: i like him!
Sullivan: The GOP is now full of radicals with expansive big government and spending and debt and aggressive foreign policy -- not like sweet cuddly small government tingly guys like Ronald Reagan
Kay: anyone smart is dismissed in the GOP as a hoity-toity elitist with their fancy clean scapels and snobby lighter than air aeroplanes
Kay: The Smearing of Obama is amazing - Sacramento GOP saying Obama should be waterboarded
Whitaker: Come Now the Election Lawyers -- Dems have 5,000 ready
Parker: Dems believe in a Surge - in Florida!!
Sully, 5th Columnist: The GOP will blame Obama's win on suspicious lying communist black people
Chris: why did Obama lose to Hillary in the debates and not McCain
Kay: she got under his skin
Parker: she's smarter than McCain
Whitaker: Obama knew he could needle McCain because the guys is a hothead - and he did
Sullivan: Obama is boring and that's what America wants now
The Chris Matthews Show - October 19, 2008
October 19, 2008
*********************************
Chris: Is Obama inevitable?
Whitaker: we've made progress in America - but not that much
Kay: some people say that Obama lacks character and may be a terrorist
Chris: hell Katty - even karl rove thinks McCain is doomed
Parker: Swing voters are a strange breed - no one knows what they will do
Sullivan: the ground game won it for the Republicans in 2004 but this time the Obama campaign has the best we've ever seen
Kay: Obama is doomed
Chris: Obama can't win big states
Whitaker: Obama is relying on young people and black people - so it's all up in the air
Parker: the kids today with the Fish concerts!
Chris: are the GOP motivated?
Sullivan: moderates Republicans are motivated -- to vote for Obama!!
Chris: who won the week?
Panel: Obama for the fifth week in a row
Kay: those fucking debates!
Whitaker: cindy was at the debate with her jewish friend and her gay friend - Joe Lieberman and Linsday Graham
Chris: how can McCain win?
Kay: Robocalls calling Obama a Zulu warrior
Chris: wow!!
Kay: McCain doesn't like to do this
Parker: Obama has no experience being a lying fuck-up
Sullivan: if McCain keeps this up everyone in American will hate him
Chris: the only funny Republican in America Chris Buckley likes Obama so of course he fled the National Review
Parker: i am a conservative but Sarah Palin is a fucking idiot
Chris: so of course they smeared you
Parker: being qualified is considered elitist
Sullivan: joe the plumber gives more press conferences than her!
Chris: i like him!
Sullivan: The GOP is now full of radicals with expansive big government and spending and debt and aggressive foreign policy -- not like sweet cuddly small government tingly guys like Ronald Reagan
Kay: anyone smart is dismissed in the GOP as a hoity-toity elitist with their fancy clean scapels and snobby lighter than air aeroplanes
Kay: The Smearing of Obama is amazing - Sacramento GOP saying Obama should be waterboarded
Whitaker: Come Now the Election Lawyers -- Dems have 5,000 ready
Parker: Dems believe in a Surge - in Florida!!
Sully, 5th Columnist: The GOP will blame Obama's win on suspicious lying communist black people
Chris: why did Obama lose to Hillary in the debates and not McCain
Kay: she got under his skin
Parker: she's smarter than McCain
Whitaker: Obama knew he could needle McCain because the guys is a hothead - and he did
Sullivan: Obama is boring and that's what America wants now
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Presidential Debate - October 15, 2008
**********************************************
Presidential Debate
Hofstra University
Sen. Barack Obama
Sen. John McCain
Host: Robert Schieffer
October 16, 2008
**********************************************
Schieffer: please applaud for the final debate of this tortuous campaign!!
Audience: yaaaaaaaay!!!!
Schieffer: First question - McCain you want to cut taxes for rich white people while you Obama want to give all the money to liberals and blacks
McCain: thanks to Hofstra and hi Barack
{ refuses to look }
People are very very very angry like me I am also very very angry
Obama: [ whistles ]
McCain: the cause of this crisis was Fannie Mae and Freddie giving money to poor people - now let's go out and buy all the irresponsible people a free house
Obama: yeah thanks to Hofstra and Wayne Chrebet and nice to see you John
McCain: [ looks away ]
Obama: my plan has three prongs - one lets get lots of jobs, two let people dip into IRAs; three, stop John McCain from giving a trillion dollars to the banks
McCain: Barack Obama met Joe the Plumber the other day and he found out that he was going make $250,000 a year when Obama is President and he got very depressed doggone it and I won't stand for some darkie coming along taking money from Joe the Plumber or the Rosie the Riveter or Mack the Knife
Obama: you forgot Exxon the Bird Killer or Halliburton the Murderer or WalMart the Sweat Shopper
McCain: why do Democrats always love taxes let's not have any taxes
Obama: you have to pay for the stuff you want
McCain: [throws self on the floor, cries, pounds fists ]
no no no no no no no no no
Schieffer: what about the deficits??
Obama: i will go through the budget line by line and highlight the really racy parts
Bob: oooooh
Obama: we should cure cancer and invent cold fusion that would be really good
McCain: speaking of home ownership obviously we should artificially prop up home prices-
Bob: what would you cut?
McCain: Tide, solar, wind
Bob: are you mental?
McCain: we owe China! I will eliminate programs like the one in that movie the Dave! I know how to save billions!
Bob: name something
McCain: I would eliminate tarriffs on sugar
Schieffer: name an expense you twit
McCain: Overhead Projectors
Obama: you *are* an Overhead Projector
Schieffer: can you balance the budget
McCain: hey i'm not President Bush for one thing I'm older and even weirder
Obama: you voted for all of Bush's budgets
McCain: he voted for the energy bill! Racists for America voted for me!
Obama: hey dude you have been a supporter of President Bush and every one knows it
McCain: i fought the Republican party and have the scars to prove - heck i opposed the war in Iraq!! hell I could go on all night on bad ideas the Republicans have had!
Schieffer: McCain is senile and Obama is a terrorist - say it to his face! Go!
McCain: if Obama had agreed to my town hall meetings I would not have called him a terrorist - but clearly the worst thing was what John Lewis said - also Obama is an untrustworthy liar
Obama: John 100% of your ads have been negative - but John unemployed americans are not interested you poor widdle hurt feelings
McCain: whaaaaaaaaaaaa
Obama: John the notion that you had to smear me because I wouldn't agree to Town Hall meetings is fucking stupid
McCain: you misportray me with so so so much money so of course people in my crowds shout out "kill him" what the hell do you expect!?
Obama: people at John's rallies are shouting "Kill him"
McCain: [ laughs maniacally ]
Obama: the american people have a choice - the hateful lunatic or me
McCain: How dare you attack veterans and patriotic people and I'm not going to stand for it!
Schieffer: are you going to let him say that Barack?
Obama: oh for god's sake I don't think McCain is a bad person
McCain: we need to know the full extent of his full relationship with Bill Ayers the Famous Terrorist and ACORN which is destroying the very fabric of America
Obama: [ laughs ]
Obama: you mean Bill Ayers the friend to Ronald Reagan, or ACORN the group that registers people???
McCain: he's BLACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Obama: i have lots of white friends like Paul Volcker and Warren Buffet and Jim Jones
Schieffer: [ drinks kool aid ]
McCain: we just need to know all the facts of his terror leanings and my campaign is about jobs and economics and I won't raise taxes
Obama: [ kicks McCain under the table ]
Schieffer: Your Vice Presidents - defend them!
Obama: Biden is brilliant and he was born a poor white child
McCain: I have fought against the Old White Boy network and Palin understands that autism is on the rise
Obama: if we have an across the board spending freeze john we can't help autistic kids
McCain: Biden is not qualified - why he did want to invade Iraq or Kuwait and frankly i know this will shock you but he is a white man - why do we always have to have white men - why not a change for once???
Schieffer: energy?
McCain: i will take white oil but not the brown people's oil
Obama: uh huh
McCain: hybrid clean coal wind solar
Obama: hmmm
McCain: you don't tell a country you're going to renegotiate a treaty for god's sake they might sell oil to china!
Obama: nice to see the Republicans jump on yet another liberal bandwagon
[ Jimmy Carter, watching at home]
FUCKING RIGHT!!!!!!!!
[ throws beer can at tv ]
Obama: hell yeah I will renegotiate NAFTA
McCain: we have to drill now right now!!
Obama: idiot
McCain: he opposes free trade with Columbia - for god's sake where are you we going to get cocaine in the coming Depression???
Obama: oh i understand it very well john - unsurprisingly Bush's agreement tramples on worker's rights but the point is we need to a President who does not have his head jammed firmly up his ass
McCain: let me smear Obama one more time and Obama wants to hang out with terrorists like Hugo Chavez
Obama: yeah that's me
McCain: Obama wants to raise taxes and force people to marry gay terrorists arab muslims - just like Herbert Hoover
Schieffer: health insurance
Obama: we will lower costs across the nation and put everyone in giant pool that is cheap - and when elderly Senators start to die it will be even cheaper
McCain: oh i do feel for people who don't have insurance so so so sad -- so my solution is putting health care records online, fewer fat kids, force employers to make their employers thin
Schieffer: that's it?
McCain: we should cut capital gains taxes and offer tax credits and what will your fine for Joe the Plumber ???
Obama: Zero
McCain: [ squeaky voice ] zero??
Obama: ZERO motherfucker!
McCain: erp
Obama: hey maybe Joe doesn't have health insurance i will help you get it - now let's talk about John McCain's plan
McCain: yay!
Obama: for god's sake he's going to destroy the employer based health care system - he's going to tax your health care benefits - PLUS insurance costs $12,000
McCain: spread the wealth! Joe you're rich! Congrats! But what about your family, your children, and your employees
Obama: you forgot slaves
McCain: them too
McCain: Look the Senator Government wants to Jew the Dog
Schieffer: what?
Obama: don't worry he's rolling
Schieffer: Barry?
Obama: the motherfucking US Chamber of Commerce supports my plan fucker
Schieffer: Rove Wade
McCain: look i don't care but i had a little club of 14 and we invited Barack Obama to join and that little uppity bastard said no
Bob: who would you nominate?
McCain: a smart Frenchman
Obama: good people can disagree on this issue
McCain: that leaves you out terrorist
Obama: the Constitution has a right to privacy and you don' put those out to a popular vote
McCain: fuck the constitution who let this negro on the stage with me anyway
Obama: here's an example the court agreed that women are discriminated against and the court said sorry too late
McCain: fucking trial lawyers always talking about the law in courts and trials
McCain: he voted present and with the pro abortion movement to kill little living babies
Obama: if John McCain is beginning to sound like an erratic crazy man -- it's because he is
McCain: baby killer!!!
Obama: take your pro abortion rhetoric and stuff it
McCain: health! You prove anything with health!!
Schieffer: education?
Obama: i want American kids to learn - so I support college money in exchange for service -- also speaking of Bill Cosby we need parents to help kids
Bob: sounds good but you are black
Obama: I can't wait to hear how tax cuts for Joe the Plumber will lead to small government and little dead babies
McCain: I am pro choice when it comes to education - the answer as always is Darwinian competion and charter schools and also blame the teachers
Bob: like who
McCain: forget certification - we need to put troops who recently were shooting people into our public schools
Bob: fuck yeah!
Obama: hey i doubled the number of charter schools - but it has to be paid for
McCain: Vouchers! and Cindy and your wife got choose! That was vouchers!
[ looks at Obama ]
[ stares intently at Obama ]
McCain: throwing money at problems that aren't investment banks isn't the answer!
Obama: the DC school system is bad that's true
McCain: vouchers!!
Obama: oh did he forget to mention that his plan leaves out 49 states?
McCain: [ laughs maniacally ]
Bob: final statements!
McCain: my friends we need to oppose the white old boy network and i have an impressive boring record of grandstanding and i will continue to say stupid crazy shit when i am president --- now i ask you -- can you really trust that arab muslim negro terrorist sitting there -- now please reward me for being an POW and my grandfather serving George Washington thank you
Obama: Insanity is John McCain doing what George Bush has done and expecting a different result -- but look we are going to spend and yes tax so we can grow the middle class - it will be hard and we need to come together and sacrifice - i ask for you vote so i can work tirelessly - not like some decrepit old man - on your behalf - thank you
Schieffer: I for one welcome our new Kenyan-American Overlord
****************************
Presidential Debate
Hofstra University
Sen. Barack Obama
Sen. John McCain
Host: Robert Schieffer
October 16, 2008
**********************************************
Schieffer: please applaud for the final debate of this tortuous campaign!!
Audience: yaaaaaaaay!!!!
Schieffer: First question - McCain you want to cut taxes for rich white people while you Obama want to give all the money to liberals and blacks
McCain: thanks to Hofstra and hi Barack
{ refuses to look }
People are very very very angry like me I am also very very angry
Obama: [ whistles ]
McCain: the cause of this crisis was Fannie Mae and Freddie giving money to poor people - now let's go out and buy all the irresponsible people a free house
Obama: yeah thanks to Hofstra and Wayne Chrebet and nice to see you John
McCain: [ looks away ]
Obama: my plan has three prongs - one lets get lots of jobs, two let people dip into IRAs; three, stop John McCain from giving a trillion dollars to the banks
McCain: Barack Obama met Joe the Plumber the other day and he found out that he was going make $250,000 a year when Obama is President and he got very depressed doggone it and I won't stand for some darkie coming along taking money from Joe the Plumber or the Rosie the Riveter or Mack the Knife
Obama: you forgot Exxon the Bird Killer or Halliburton the Murderer or WalMart the Sweat Shopper
McCain: why do Democrats always love taxes let's not have any taxes
Obama: you have to pay for the stuff you want
McCain: [throws self on the floor, cries, pounds fists ]
no no no no no no no no no
Schieffer: what about the deficits??
Obama: i will go through the budget line by line and highlight the really racy parts
Bob: oooooh
Obama: we should cure cancer and invent cold fusion that would be really good
McCain: speaking of home ownership obviously we should artificially prop up home prices-
Bob: what would you cut?
McCain: Tide, solar, wind
Bob: are you mental?
McCain: we owe China! I will eliminate programs like the one in that movie the Dave! I know how to save billions!
Bob: name something
McCain: I would eliminate tarriffs on sugar
Schieffer: name an expense you twit
McCain: Overhead Projectors
Obama: you *are* an Overhead Projector
Schieffer: can you balance the budget
McCain: hey i'm not President Bush for one thing I'm older and even weirder
Obama: you voted for all of Bush's budgets
McCain: he voted for the energy bill! Racists for America voted for me!
Obama: hey dude you have been a supporter of President Bush and every one knows it
McCain: i fought the Republican party and have the scars to prove - heck i opposed the war in Iraq!! hell I could go on all night on bad ideas the Republicans have had!
Schieffer: McCain is senile and Obama is a terrorist - say it to his face! Go!
McCain: if Obama had agreed to my town hall meetings I would not have called him a terrorist - but clearly the worst thing was what John Lewis said - also Obama is an untrustworthy liar
Obama: John 100% of your ads have been negative - but John unemployed americans are not interested you poor widdle hurt feelings
McCain: whaaaaaaaaaaaa
Obama: John the notion that you had to smear me because I wouldn't agree to Town Hall meetings is fucking stupid
McCain: you misportray me with so so so much money so of course people in my crowds shout out "kill him" what the hell do you expect!?
Obama: people at John's rallies are shouting "Kill him"
McCain: [ laughs maniacally ]
Obama: the american people have a choice - the hateful lunatic or me
McCain: How dare you attack veterans and patriotic people and I'm not going to stand for it!
Schieffer: are you going to let him say that Barack?
Obama: oh for god's sake I don't think McCain is a bad person
McCain: we need to know the full extent of his full relationship with Bill Ayers the Famous Terrorist and ACORN which is destroying the very fabric of America
Obama: [ laughs ]
Obama: you mean Bill Ayers the friend to Ronald Reagan, or ACORN the group that registers people???
McCain: he's BLACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Obama: i have lots of white friends like Paul Volcker and Warren Buffet and Jim Jones
Schieffer: [ drinks kool aid ]
McCain: we just need to know all the facts of his terror leanings and my campaign is about jobs and economics and I won't raise taxes
Obama: [ kicks McCain under the table ]
Schieffer: Your Vice Presidents - defend them!
Obama: Biden is brilliant and he was born a poor white child
McCain: I have fought against the Old White Boy network and Palin understands that autism is on the rise
Obama: if we have an across the board spending freeze john we can't help autistic kids
McCain: Biden is not qualified - why he did want to invade Iraq or Kuwait and frankly i know this will shock you but he is a white man - why do we always have to have white men - why not a change for once???
Schieffer: energy?
McCain: i will take white oil but not the brown people's oil
Obama: uh huh
McCain: hybrid clean coal wind solar
Obama: hmmm
McCain: you don't tell a country you're going to renegotiate a treaty for god's sake they might sell oil to china!
Obama: nice to see the Republicans jump on yet another liberal bandwagon
[ Jimmy Carter, watching at home]
FUCKING RIGHT!!!!!!!!
[ throws beer can at tv ]
Obama: hell yeah I will renegotiate NAFTA
McCain: we have to drill now right now!!
Obama: idiot
McCain: he opposes free trade with Columbia - for god's sake where are you we going to get cocaine in the coming Depression???
Obama: oh i understand it very well john - unsurprisingly Bush's agreement tramples on worker's rights but the point is we need to a President who does not have his head jammed firmly up his ass
McCain: let me smear Obama one more time and Obama wants to hang out with terrorists like Hugo Chavez
Obama: yeah that's me
McCain: Obama wants to raise taxes and force people to marry gay terrorists arab muslims - just like Herbert Hoover
Schieffer: health insurance
Obama: we will lower costs across the nation and put everyone in giant pool that is cheap - and when elderly Senators start to die it will be even cheaper
McCain: oh i do feel for people who don't have insurance so so so sad -- so my solution is putting health care records online, fewer fat kids, force employers to make their employers thin
Schieffer: that's it?
McCain: we should cut capital gains taxes and offer tax credits and what will your fine for Joe the Plumber ???
Obama: Zero
McCain: [ squeaky voice ] zero??
Obama: ZERO motherfucker!
McCain: erp
Obama: hey maybe Joe doesn't have health insurance i will help you get it - now let's talk about John McCain's plan
McCain: yay!
Obama: for god's sake he's going to destroy the employer based health care system - he's going to tax your health care benefits - PLUS insurance costs $12,000
McCain: spread the wealth! Joe you're rich! Congrats! But what about your family, your children, and your employees
Obama: you forgot slaves
McCain: them too
McCain: Look the Senator Government wants to Jew the Dog
Schieffer: what?
Obama: don't worry he's rolling
Schieffer: Barry?
Obama: the motherfucking US Chamber of Commerce supports my plan fucker
Schieffer: Rove Wade
McCain: look i don't care but i had a little club of 14 and we invited Barack Obama to join and that little uppity bastard said no
Bob: who would you nominate?
McCain: a smart Frenchman
Obama: good people can disagree on this issue
McCain: that leaves you out terrorist
Obama: the Constitution has a right to privacy and you don' put those out to a popular vote
McCain: fuck the constitution who let this negro on the stage with me anyway
Obama: here's an example the court agreed that women are discriminated against and the court said sorry too late
McCain: fucking trial lawyers always talking about the law in courts and trials
McCain: he voted present and with the pro abortion movement to kill little living babies
Obama: if John McCain is beginning to sound like an erratic crazy man -- it's because he is
McCain: baby killer!!!
Obama: take your pro abortion rhetoric and stuff it
McCain: health! You prove anything with health!!
Schieffer: education?
Obama: i want American kids to learn - so I support college money in exchange for service -- also speaking of Bill Cosby we need parents to help kids
Bob: sounds good but you are black
Obama: I can't wait to hear how tax cuts for Joe the Plumber will lead to small government and little dead babies
McCain: I am pro choice when it comes to education - the answer as always is Darwinian competion and charter schools and also blame the teachers
Bob: like who
McCain: forget certification - we need to put troops who recently were shooting people into our public schools
Bob: fuck yeah!
Obama: hey i doubled the number of charter schools - but it has to be paid for
McCain: Vouchers! and Cindy and your wife got choose! That was vouchers!
[ looks at Obama ]
[ stares intently at Obama ]
McCain: throwing money at problems that aren't investment banks isn't the answer!
Obama: the DC school system is bad that's true
McCain: vouchers!!
Obama: oh did he forget to mention that his plan leaves out 49 states?
McCain: [ laughs maniacally ]
Bob: final statements!
McCain: my friends we need to oppose the white old boy network and i have an impressive boring record of grandstanding and i will continue to say stupid crazy shit when i am president --- now i ask you -- can you really trust that arab muslim negro terrorist sitting there -- now please reward me for being an POW and my grandfather serving George Washington thank you
Obama: Insanity is John McCain doing what George Bush has done and expecting a different result -- but look we are going to spend and yes tax so we can grow the middle class - it will be hard and we need to come together and sacrifice - i ask for you vote so i can work tirelessly - not like some decrepit old man - on your behalf - thank you
Schieffer: I for one welcome our new Kenyan-American Overlord
****************************
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Presidential Debate - October 7, 2008
*****************************************************
Presidential Debate
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Belmont University
Nashville, Tennessee
Candidates:
Senator Barack Obama
Senator John McCain
Host: Tom Brokaw
**********************************************
Brokaw: welcome the Black Guy and the Old Guy
Audience: clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap
Brokaw: I understand McCain is still napping so Obama will go first
Audience Question: when do i get my damm bailout???
Obama: thanks to George Bush we are in teh worst financial crisis since the Great Depression
Audience: Yaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!
Obama: John McCain and George Bush thought deregulation would rain prosperity on all us - well it's raining on our haids but it's not water
Audience: oooooooh
McCain: Senator Obama thanks for finally showing up to one of my town hall debates - you little snot
Obama: uh huh
McCain: my answer to the question is energy independence, peace in the world, cutting taxes, and raising home values
Question: how do w do that?
McCain: the federal government is too big -- so the federal government should buy every American a free house
Audience: yaaaay
McCain: that little snot didn't think of this -- i thought of it all by myself
Brokaw: who would you hire as Sec. of the Treasury?
McCain: not you Tom - you fuckin’ bastard
Brokaw: testy fucker aren't you?
McCain: i would hire Obama's buddy Warren Buffet or Meg Whitman - maybe we can all get jobs on eBay - only by raising the vaues of benie babies will the US economy get back on track
Brokaw: oh ok
McCain: this whole housing crisis is the fault of Obama and his cronies in Washington DC -- ooh it makes me so mad when I think of those politicians in Washington DC
Obama: Uh in March John McCain bragged that he was big deregulator and 2 years ago I was warning that this was a problem while he was begging money from Fannie Mae
Brokaw: are we fucked??
Obama: no - but we must get people in their homes and have energy and change Washington
McCain: the economy will only get better if you elect an outsider to Washington like me - why Obama doesn't even sign my letters to NBC demanding they bring back Matlock!!
Audience: star trek! firefly!
Question: i hate both you fuckers
Obama: gee nice to talk to you too lady
Question: i don't trust politicians
Obama: and you know why - because the conservative movement wants you to hate government and mistrust politicians so they can destroy it
Audience: it's working
McCain: sure you're cynical - but you have never been exposed to my high bipartisan glow
Audience: ooh
McCain: he's never taken on his own party on anything!!
Obama: why the fuck should I??
McCain: he's a big spending liberal not endorsed by the national taxpayers union or the white people's party
Obama: asshole
McCain: this little shit voted for a billion dollars in earmarks - god it makes me sick
Brokaw: which Republican policy would support the most, entitlement reform or medicare reform or putting Reagan on Mount Rushmore?
Obama: do i get to talk?
Brokaw: fuck off darkie
McCain: my friends some of the $700 billion will end up in the hands of terrorists like al qaeda or PBS
Obama: Russian and Venezuala and Iran win everytime you take a joyride down the highway
Audience: but the wind goes through my hair when the top is down!
Ahmedinejad: my plan it is working
Obama: yeah I'm against waste - big fucking deal
Question: How about sacrifice? What would you cut like a good republican?
McCain: Everything -- all of it - freeze spending on every single thing
Brokaw: that's ridiculous
McCain: look we're not rifle shots here we're Americans
Obama: sacrifice isn't just about Republican policies - although they do seem to go hand in hand - Bush told us to go out and shop after 9/11 but i will challenge all Americans to inflate their tires and install low flush toilets
Audience: oh no!!
Brokaw: George Bush is drunk but I say the American people got drunk on emergency health care and homes for black people!
Obama: thanks again for the Republican talking points Tom
Tom: I'm not even aware I'm doing it
Obama: earmarks terrific - dammit Tom you're berating poor people while rich people have gold plated shower cutains and schoolteachers live on mac and cheese
McCain: Barack Obama is just like Herbert Hoover - why if we elect Obama we could enter a recession
Obama: oh really??
McCain: poor widdle small businesses will die because of the black man
McCain: we are in very tough economic times so I will shower the American people with money - money for children money for health care
[ throws money in the air dances around giddily ]
Brokaw: speaking of the Republican agenda - everyone agrees that we have to reform entitlements and social security
Obama: if Rush Limbaugh speaking directly into your earpiece?
Brokaw: [whispers]
no rush I don't have any oxy or tickets to borneo
Obama: John McCain is big liar
McCain: [ demented cackle ]
my friends the answer is simple our wonderful ronald Reagan… obama have never taken on… i'm not popular… my friends… medicare… we need a base closing commission and rhetoric and …records and 94 times to increase taxes or not to cut taxes look at our records.. my friends
Obama: what the fuck did that old dude just say
Question: environmental issues?!?
McCain: as you know i'm a hero and i bucked my party supporting the environment - did Obama oppose his party by voting to despoil the environment? Noooo
Obama: what the fuck
McCain: hybirds and hydrogen and battery powered flying cars and we can have SUV's running on nuclear fuel my friends
Obama: or we could act like non-crazy people and invest like when the Pentagon invented the computer
McCain: damm keyboards!
Brokaw: gentlemen obey my rules!
McCain: i'm going to bring up the 2005 energy bill and you know how voted for it - that ONE
[ points demonically ]
my friends i oppose all spending and waste and we have to drill now and look at the record Obama has approved storing nuclear fuel
Question: Senator would you like a nap?
Question: health care?!
Obama: ok you can keep you're health care and we will lower costs and then we will let anyone buy into the Congressional plan -- what McCain is not about to tell you is that he won't exclude preexisting conditions or that he will destroy employer based health care
McCain: yurp
Brokaw: your answer?
McCain: we need to do things like put health care records on eBay and have walk in clinics - what a big government bastard Obama is
McCain: why can't you go across state lines to buy health inusurance - look if we tax it 95% will have no choice but to shop around for cool cheap hyundai health care plans and that will prove us right
Obama: that's so fucking punitive
McCain: no no no no one will go without health care because parents will always give health care to their children even if they have to marry a beer heiress to do it
Brokaw: what are you promising?
McCain: look obviously employers will give their employees health care duh
Obama: my mother died fighting insurers you dick - look sure parents should get insurance but now i think we all he Gramps the marketplace will take care of everything well we all will have to get Arizona health care and before you know we will all be suffering under Joe Biden's home state's rules
McCain: i was watching ‘Wheel of Fortune’ what did he say?
Question: world peace?
McCain: I am so sick of Obama bashing america tonight when we have shed so much blood - look sure america sucks but we are still a good nation but we know Obama was wrong to oppose invading Iraq
Brokaw Sen-
McCain: my friends-
Obama: yeah I don't understand. I don't understand why the fuck we let Osama bin Laden go while we invaded the wrong country why the maniacal cheerleader over there said we'd be greeted as liberators
McCain: yaaaaaaaaay
Obama: a trillion dollars we spent while Iraq has a surplus - people we are a laughing stock and a declining empire
Brokaw: will you promise not to help poor brown people
Obama: no i will not - of course we should act if we can - if we could have stopped the Holocaust who among us would not?
McCain: my friends he's a surrender monkey
McCain: there we no weapons of mass desturction and saddam was defeated and Obama would have brought us home in defeat
Brokaw: oh noe
McCain: i told ronald reagan 300 dead marines is unacceptable but i told Bush 4,000 soldiers dead is just dandy
Brokaw: u r confusing me
McCain: Death with Honor!!!!!!!!!
Question: would you respect Pakistani borders or would you be Nixon in Cambodia?
Obama: Bush coddled and appeased the dictators in Pakistan like the big white flag waving surrender Grampy is
McCain: i was talking to Teddy Roosevelt and Obama actually said he would attack Pakistan - I can't believe he would be honest - look i'm all about diplomacy which means i would also attack them of course but i won't say so
Audience: but you just said you would attack now
McCain: Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!
McCain: Talk softly!!
Obama: they will either be unable to get Osama in which case they will welcome our involvement or they won't do - in which case fuck 'em
Audience: yay
Obama: he says I'm green behind the ears
McCain: yeah!
Obama: he's the idiot who sang bomb bomb bomb Iran and wants to invade North Korea!
McCain: oh i was just joking look of course - i will attack Pakistan i just won't say it out loud!!
Obama: dude you just did
Brokaw: Afghanistan?
Obama: we should do what i said for the last 5 years
McCain: of course Obama is right but he won't admit that Gen Petraeus is a hero
Brokaw: another Cold War?
McCain: Russia is outside the norms of a rich nation and he is another K and a G and B
[ Todd Palin, at home ] dood what the fuck does that spell?
McCain: hopefully with our allies we will face down Russian
Obama: hey what about estonia which needs to rebuild it's economy
Audience: what about flint Michigan??
Obama: my kung fu is so mighty i will keep you safe by seeing problems 5 years ahead of time
Audience: were you bitten by a radioactive charismatic spider
Obama: yes
Brokaw: Let me quote from Regan one more time
Obama: he was possesed by the devil
Brokaw: no regan was the girl in the Exorcist
Obama: in know who you meant
Question: what if Iran attacks Israel???
McCain: Russian and China will attack us too
American People: OMG!!!!!!
McCain: Bush has allowed the middle east to got to war and Obama is an appeaser whereas i can get the Iranians to give up a nuclear program in exchange for the privilege of meeting with me
Obama: hoo boy you want THIS lunatic to have access to the button???
Obama: did you know Iran importants oil??
Question: i know a good song about iran based on a beach boys song
Obama: ah the sophisticated American mind at work
McCain: elitist
Obama: goddam right I am
Brokaw: what don't you know and how will you learn it?
Obama: ask my wife
McCain: ha ha ha
Obama: I'm not kidding
McCain: i ask my wife for money
Obama: my mom was on food stamps but i was able to succeed and why - because America is the greatest country in the world - but we need to keep that promise for the next generation and that dream is in danger and i hope all of you have the courage to pursue the dream called America
America: [ swoons ]
McCain: my friends what I don't know is where the danger lies but there is danger is everywhere - i will bring you dark times, dreary times, tough times, sad times, difficult times, times where you will die - and that is what America is all about -- and I am asking people to reward me for a being a POW and understand in these risky times we cannot afford a skinny black muslim with a funny name thank you
Brokaw: my sentiments exactly good night
Presidential Debate
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Belmont University
Nashville, Tennessee
Candidates:
Senator Barack Obama
Senator John McCain
Host: Tom Brokaw
**********************************************
Brokaw: welcome the Black Guy and the Old Guy
Audience: clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap
Brokaw: I understand McCain is still napping so Obama will go first
Audience Question: when do i get my damm bailout???
Obama: thanks to George Bush we are in teh worst financial crisis since the Great Depression
Audience: Yaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!
Obama: John McCain and George Bush thought deregulation would rain prosperity on all us - well it's raining on our haids but it's not water
Audience: oooooooh
McCain: Senator Obama thanks for finally showing up to one of my town hall debates - you little snot
Obama: uh huh
McCain: my answer to the question is energy independence, peace in the world, cutting taxes, and raising home values
Question: how do w do that?
McCain: the federal government is too big -- so the federal government should buy every American a free house
Audience: yaaaay
McCain: that little snot didn't think of this -- i thought of it all by myself
Brokaw: who would you hire as Sec. of the Treasury?
McCain: not you Tom - you fuckin’ bastard
Brokaw: testy fucker aren't you?
McCain: i would hire Obama's buddy Warren Buffet or Meg Whitman - maybe we can all get jobs on eBay - only by raising the vaues of benie babies will the US economy get back on track
Brokaw: oh ok
McCain: this whole housing crisis is the fault of Obama and his cronies in Washington DC -- ooh it makes me so mad when I think of those politicians in Washington DC
Obama: Uh in March John McCain bragged that he was big deregulator and 2 years ago I was warning that this was a problem while he was begging money from Fannie Mae
Brokaw: are we fucked??
Obama: no - but we must get people in their homes and have energy and change Washington
McCain: the economy will only get better if you elect an outsider to Washington like me - why Obama doesn't even sign my letters to NBC demanding they bring back Matlock!!
Audience: star trek! firefly!
Question: i hate both you fuckers
Obama: gee nice to talk to you too lady
Question: i don't trust politicians
Obama: and you know why - because the conservative movement wants you to hate government and mistrust politicians so they can destroy it
Audience: it's working
McCain: sure you're cynical - but you have never been exposed to my high bipartisan glow
Audience: ooh
McCain: he's never taken on his own party on anything!!
Obama: why the fuck should I??
McCain: he's a big spending liberal not endorsed by the national taxpayers union or the white people's party
Obama: asshole
McCain: this little shit voted for a billion dollars in earmarks - god it makes me sick
Brokaw: which Republican policy would support the most, entitlement reform or medicare reform or putting Reagan on Mount Rushmore?
Obama: do i get to talk?
Brokaw: fuck off darkie
McCain: my friends some of the $700 billion will end up in the hands of terrorists like al qaeda or PBS
Obama: Russian and Venezuala and Iran win everytime you take a joyride down the highway
Audience: but the wind goes through my hair when the top is down!
Ahmedinejad: my plan it is working
Obama: yeah I'm against waste - big fucking deal
Question: How about sacrifice? What would you cut like a good republican?
McCain: Everything -- all of it - freeze spending on every single thing
Brokaw: that's ridiculous
McCain: look we're not rifle shots here we're Americans
Obama: sacrifice isn't just about Republican policies - although they do seem to go hand in hand - Bush told us to go out and shop after 9/11 but i will challenge all Americans to inflate their tires and install low flush toilets
Audience: oh no!!
Brokaw: George Bush is drunk but I say the American people got drunk on emergency health care and homes for black people!
Obama: thanks again for the Republican talking points Tom
Tom: I'm not even aware I'm doing it
Obama: earmarks terrific - dammit Tom you're berating poor people while rich people have gold plated shower cutains and schoolteachers live on mac and cheese
McCain: Barack Obama is just like Herbert Hoover - why if we elect Obama we could enter a recession
Obama: oh really??
McCain: poor widdle small businesses will die because of the black man
McCain: we are in very tough economic times so I will shower the American people with money - money for children money for health care
[ throws money in the air dances around giddily ]
Brokaw: speaking of the Republican agenda - everyone agrees that we have to reform entitlements and social security
Obama: if Rush Limbaugh speaking directly into your earpiece?
Brokaw: [whispers]
no rush I don't have any oxy or tickets to borneo
Obama: John McCain is big liar
McCain: [ demented cackle ]
my friends the answer is simple our wonderful ronald Reagan… obama have never taken on… i'm not popular… my friends… medicare… we need a base closing commission and rhetoric and …records and 94 times to increase taxes or not to cut taxes look at our records.. my friends
Obama: what the fuck did that old dude just say
Question: environmental issues?!?
McCain: as you know i'm a hero and i bucked my party supporting the environment - did Obama oppose his party by voting to despoil the environment? Noooo
Obama: what the fuck
McCain: hybirds and hydrogen and battery powered flying cars and we can have SUV's running on nuclear fuel my friends
Obama: or we could act like non-crazy people and invest like when the Pentagon invented the computer
McCain: damm keyboards!
Brokaw: gentlemen obey my rules!
McCain: i'm going to bring up the 2005 energy bill and you know how voted for it - that ONE
[ points demonically ]
my friends i oppose all spending and waste and we have to drill now and look at the record Obama has approved storing nuclear fuel
Question: Senator would you like a nap?
Question: health care?!
Obama: ok you can keep you're health care and we will lower costs and then we will let anyone buy into the Congressional plan -- what McCain is not about to tell you is that he won't exclude preexisting conditions or that he will destroy employer based health care
McCain: yurp
Brokaw: your answer?
McCain: we need to do things like put health care records on eBay and have walk in clinics - what a big government bastard Obama is
McCain: why can't you go across state lines to buy health inusurance - look if we tax it 95% will have no choice but to shop around for cool cheap hyundai health care plans and that will prove us right
Obama: that's so fucking punitive
McCain: no no no no one will go without health care because parents will always give health care to their children even if they have to marry a beer heiress to do it
Brokaw: what are you promising?
McCain: look obviously employers will give their employees health care duh
Obama: my mother died fighting insurers you dick - look sure parents should get insurance but now i think we all he Gramps the marketplace will take care of everything well we all will have to get Arizona health care and before you know we will all be suffering under Joe Biden's home state's rules
McCain: i was watching ‘Wheel of Fortune’ what did he say?
Question: world peace?
McCain: I am so sick of Obama bashing america tonight when we have shed so much blood - look sure america sucks but we are still a good nation but we know Obama was wrong to oppose invading Iraq
Brokaw Sen-
McCain: my friends-
Obama: yeah I don't understand. I don't understand why the fuck we let Osama bin Laden go while we invaded the wrong country why the maniacal cheerleader over there said we'd be greeted as liberators
McCain: yaaaaaaaaay
Obama: a trillion dollars we spent while Iraq has a surplus - people we are a laughing stock and a declining empire
Brokaw: will you promise not to help poor brown people
Obama: no i will not - of course we should act if we can - if we could have stopped the Holocaust who among us would not?
McCain: my friends he's a surrender monkey
McCain: there we no weapons of mass desturction and saddam was defeated and Obama would have brought us home in defeat
Brokaw: oh noe
McCain: i told ronald reagan 300 dead marines is unacceptable but i told Bush 4,000 soldiers dead is just dandy
Brokaw: u r confusing me
McCain: Death with Honor!!!!!!!!!
Question: would you respect Pakistani borders or would you be Nixon in Cambodia?
Obama: Bush coddled and appeased the dictators in Pakistan like the big white flag waving surrender Grampy is
McCain: i was talking to Teddy Roosevelt and Obama actually said he would attack Pakistan - I can't believe he would be honest - look i'm all about diplomacy which means i would also attack them of course but i won't say so
Audience: but you just said you would attack now
McCain: Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!
McCain: Talk softly!!
Obama: they will either be unable to get Osama in which case they will welcome our involvement or they won't do - in which case fuck 'em
Audience: yay
Obama: he says I'm green behind the ears
McCain: yeah!
Obama: he's the idiot who sang bomb bomb bomb Iran and wants to invade North Korea!
McCain: oh i was just joking look of course - i will attack Pakistan i just won't say it out loud!!
Obama: dude you just did
Brokaw: Afghanistan?
Obama: we should do what i said for the last 5 years
McCain: of course Obama is right but he won't admit that Gen Petraeus is a hero
Brokaw: another Cold War?
McCain: Russia is outside the norms of a rich nation and he is another K and a G and B
[ Todd Palin, at home ] dood what the fuck does that spell?
McCain: hopefully with our allies we will face down Russian
Obama: hey what about estonia which needs to rebuild it's economy
Audience: what about flint Michigan??
Obama: my kung fu is so mighty i will keep you safe by seeing problems 5 years ahead of time
Audience: were you bitten by a radioactive charismatic spider
Obama: yes
Brokaw: Let me quote from Regan one more time
Obama: he was possesed by the devil
Brokaw: no regan was the girl in the Exorcist
Obama: in know who you meant
Question: what if Iran attacks Israel???
McCain: Russian and China will attack us too
American People: OMG!!!!!!
McCain: Bush has allowed the middle east to got to war and Obama is an appeaser whereas i can get the Iranians to give up a nuclear program in exchange for the privilege of meeting with me
Obama: hoo boy you want THIS lunatic to have access to the button???
Obama: did you know Iran importants oil??
Question: i know a good song about iran based on a beach boys song
Obama: ah the sophisticated American mind at work
McCain: elitist
Obama: goddam right I am
Brokaw: what don't you know and how will you learn it?
Obama: ask my wife
McCain: ha ha ha
Obama: I'm not kidding
McCain: i ask my wife for money
Obama: my mom was on food stamps but i was able to succeed and why - because America is the greatest country in the world - but we need to keep that promise for the next generation and that dream is in danger and i hope all of you have the courage to pursue the dream called America
America: [ swoons ]
McCain: my friends what I don't know is where the danger lies but there is danger is everywhere - i will bring you dark times, dreary times, tough times, sad times, difficult times, times where you will die - and that is what America is all about -- and I am asking people to reward me for a being a POW and understand in these risky times we cannot afford a skinny black muslim with a funny name thank you
Brokaw: my sentiments exactly good night
Meet The Press - October 5, 2008
***************************************
Meet The Press
October 5, 2008
Host: Tom Brokaw
Chuck Todd
Paul Begala
Mike Murphy
Peggy Noonan
***************************************
Brokaw: wow we're actually going to have an election in a few weeks!
Todd: Obama is totally kicking ass
Brokaw: so who wins
Todd: McCain can still win but he has to run the table and he's barely winning in places like Florida
Brokaw: warble
Todd: Florida - it's all about the economy - there’s a big real estate bust and the Castro brothers can't sell their convertible sofas
Brokaw: how in the hell is the black man winning in Virginia?
Todd: Obama has registered millions of new voters so you ain't seen nothin yet
Brokaw: can McCain please win NH or Iowa??
Todd: no they are moving to Obama
Brokaw: oh noes!!
Todd: PA is a big state and Kerry won it so Obama has to win it an he's not won yet
Brokaw: yay!!
Todd: but he's got at NM and FL and Iowa so i'm afraid your buddy is trouble
Brokaw: Chuck go away you make me warble more than usual
[ break ]
Brokaw: Mike what's going on with our buddy?
Murphy: they are in big big trouble
Brokaw: Begala - the hard core messiah types think Obama is going to win
Paul: don't underestimate them they are flooding the zone with young kool aid drinkers and fanboys
Brokaw: let's hope they attack Obama's lack of character and lack of leadership and his association with Willard Scott
Paul: who?
Brokaw: the Weatherman
Brokaw: let's play a 10 minute tape accusing Obama of being a terrorist
Paul: thank you for playing that tape and repeating that accusation
Brokaw: he's an uppity kid who needs to be taken down a peg
Begala: John McCain might be an anti-semite - did you know that?
Murphy: i'm very concered that Williams Ayres shouldn't be elected President and Obama participated in bombings when he was 8 years old
Brokaw: will Obama condemn Lew Ayres and Wings?
Murphy: McCain has no shot unless he runs as the dood to prevent a runaway liberal Congress
Brokaw: the economy?
Begala: fuck rapid response - how about rapid attack?
Brokaw: Obama has put McCain on the defensive with the economy
Begala: McCain wisely attacked Bush in 2001 and embraced him 2008
Palin: there ya go agin joe
Biden: he's not a maverick - he doesn't even have a kitchen table
Brokaw: she was so awesome
Murphy: they are Titan Class gaffe machines so it was fun to watch advisors offstage with whiskey and gunpowder
Brokaw: she's a formidable opponent
Begala: Nixon said Agnew rescued his campaign - but Biden bashed McCain while Palin merely defended herself
Murphy: he demagogued McCain's health care plan
Begla: [ mimicks violin playing ]
i'm playing the world's smallest violin for the GOP
Brokaw: you love Sarah Palin
Noonan: i speak for the american people when i say she did convince the people that she is not retarded and is good on tv
Tom: what else
Noonan: she left open the question of her sanity
Tom: what else
Noonan: she might be a fascist - all this regular-guy stuff if scary and weird
Tom: are you new to the Republican party???
Brokaw: when Ronald Reagan opened his campaign in Philadelphia, Miss that was not populism??
Noonan: oh no it has a very nice hotel and convention center
Yepsen: who gives a shit she's evidently a high functioning moron
Tom: but how can we elect McCain??
Yepsen: people now realize that the GOP is evil - McCain can still win - if he switches parties
Brokaw: um Gwen Palin ignored you wtf??
Ifill: ok ok in my defense i expected Joe Biden to ask her follow up questions my only job was to watch the train wreck unfold
Brokaw: oh ok
Ifill: the american people wanted me to follow up on her so i decided to let her fly
Gregory: she appealed to women with her dazzling folksiness and Biden smiled too much
Tom: who won?
Gregory: she did - she's charming
Brokaw: who is winning the lunch bucket racists?
Todd: Palin had them but the thrill has worn off and people are back to being winked at while being unemployed
Brokaw: but the gays are getting married!
Todd: no one gives a shit Tom
Brokaw: the Weekly Standard says Obama has no character or courage and consorts with dubious black people
Todd: uh huh
Brokaw: let's talk about Obama's running mate for a change William Ayres
Noonan: it's troubling how mean the Left is - it's so sad and mean
Yepsen: who gives a shit
Noonan: not just that it's demoralizing
Yepsen: Opening in Philadelphia, Miss was uplifting right
Noonan: oh yes
Brokaw: Speaking of the Weather Underground
Gregory: Obama has no character
Ifill: both sides are guilty - but even i was smeared this week
Tom: well you are black Gwen you probably are suspect - after all you're writing a Black Book
Ifill: hey right wingers lied and smeared me
Noonan: why is left so mean?
Ifill: both sides are guilty of smearing me
Todd: this is dumbest move ever
Todd: Tom they are manipulating you are you don't even know it
Yepsen: maybe we'll hear about Charles Keating
Noonan: oh no!!
Brokaw: now hold on - McCain apologized for that!!
Ifill: i loved it when Palin pushed back on that
Noonan: so so so so sad that we live in an age of photo-ops and straegists -- it ain't right
Brokaw: oh my god you're a bigger phony and hypocrite than I am
Noonan: yeah i win!
Tom: part of his charm is that McCain is an asshole
Noonan: god bless him
Tom: he’s loveable dick
Noonan: he's containing his anger
Ifill: not very well
Todd: the american people are tired of pundits with maps of red and blue on tv and so am I
Brokaw: Will you allow me to read from your book Peggers
Noonan: people are too preoccupied over who killed who let's forget about all that and reelect Republicans
Brokjaw: ah ha
Noonan: we live in a age of Crazy People who can Destroy America
Brokaw: but you voted for Bush
Noonan: we don't need patriotism to use a weapon in a campaign and be adults and show maturity
Ifill: there you have it - Peggy has condemned the Republican party
Brokaw: i agree with Peggy - the American people are to blame and we have to cut Medicare
**********************************************
Meet The Press
October 5, 2008
Host: Tom Brokaw
Chuck Todd
Paul Begala
Mike Murphy
Peggy Noonan
***************************************
Brokaw: wow we're actually going to have an election in a few weeks!
Todd: Obama is totally kicking ass
Brokaw: so who wins
Todd: McCain can still win but he has to run the table and he's barely winning in places like Florida
Brokaw: warble
Todd: Florida - it's all about the economy - there’s a big real estate bust and the Castro brothers can't sell their convertible sofas
Brokaw: how in the hell is the black man winning in Virginia?
Todd: Obama has registered millions of new voters so you ain't seen nothin yet
Brokaw: can McCain please win NH or Iowa??
Todd: no they are moving to Obama
Brokaw: oh noes!!
Todd: PA is a big state and Kerry won it so Obama has to win it an he's not won yet
Brokaw: yay!!
Todd: but he's got at NM and FL and Iowa so i'm afraid your buddy is trouble
Brokaw: Chuck go away you make me warble more than usual
[ break ]
Brokaw: Mike what's going on with our buddy?
Murphy: they are in big big trouble
Brokaw: Begala - the hard core messiah types think Obama is going to win
Paul: don't underestimate them they are flooding the zone with young kool aid drinkers and fanboys
Brokaw: let's hope they attack Obama's lack of character and lack of leadership and his association with Willard Scott
Paul: who?
Brokaw: the Weatherman
Brokaw: let's play a 10 minute tape accusing Obama of being a terrorist
Paul: thank you for playing that tape and repeating that accusation
Brokaw: he's an uppity kid who needs to be taken down a peg
Begala: John McCain might be an anti-semite - did you know that?
Murphy: i'm very concered that Williams Ayres shouldn't be elected President and Obama participated in bombings when he was 8 years old
Brokaw: will Obama condemn Lew Ayres and Wings?
Murphy: McCain has no shot unless he runs as the dood to prevent a runaway liberal Congress
Brokaw: the economy?
Begala: fuck rapid response - how about rapid attack?
Brokaw: Obama has put McCain on the defensive with the economy
Begala: McCain wisely attacked Bush in 2001 and embraced him 2008
Palin: there ya go agin joe
Biden: he's not a maverick - he doesn't even have a kitchen table
Brokaw: she was so awesome
Murphy: they are Titan Class gaffe machines so it was fun to watch advisors offstage with whiskey and gunpowder
Brokaw: she's a formidable opponent
Begala: Nixon said Agnew rescued his campaign - but Biden bashed McCain while Palin merely defended herself
Murphy: he demagogued McCain's health care plan
Begla: [ mimicks violin playing ]
i'm playing the world's smallest violin for the GOP
Brokaw: you love Sarah Palin
Noonan: i speak for the american people when i say she did convince the people that she is not retarded and is good on tv
Tom: what else
Noonan: she left open the question of her sanity
Tom: what else
Noonan: she might be a fascist - all this regular-guy stuff if scary and weird
Tom: are you new to the Republican party???
Brokaw: when Ronald Reagan opened his campaign in Philadelphia, Miss that was not populism??
Noonan: oh no it has a very nice hotel and convention center
Yepsen: who gives a shit she's evidently a high functioning moron
Tom: but how can we elect McCain??
Yepsen: people now realize that the GOP is evil - McCain can still win - if he switches parties
Brokaw: um Gwen Palin ignored you wtf??
Ifill: ok ok in my defense i expected Joe Biden to ask her follow up questions my only job was to watch the train wreck unfold
Brokaw: oh ok
Ifill: the american people wanted me to follow up on her so i decided to let her fly
Gregory: she appealed to women with her dazzling folksiness and Biden smiled too much
Tom: who won?
Gregory: she did - she's charming
Brokaw: who is winning the lunch bucket racists?
Todd: Palin had them but the thrill has worn off and people are back to being winked at while being unemployed
Brokaw: but the gays are getting married!
Todd: no one gives a shit Tom
Brokaw: the Weekly Standard says Obama has no character or courage and consorts with dubious black people
Todd: uh huh
Brokaw: let's talk about Obama's running mate for a change William Ayres
Noonan: it's troubling how mean the Left is - it's so sad and mean
Yepsen: who gives a shit
Noonan: not just that it's demoralizing
Yepsen: Opening in Philadelphia, Miss was uplifting right
Noonan: oh yes
Brokaw: Speaking of the Weather Underground
Gregory: Obama has no character
Ifill: both sides are guilty - but even i was smeared this week
Tom: well you are black Gwen you probably are suspect - after all you're writing a Black Book
Ifill: hey right wingers lied and smeared me
Noonan: why is left so mean?
Ifill: both sides are guilty of smearing me
Todd: this is dumbest move ever
Todd: Tom they are manipulating you are you don't even know it
Yepsen: maybe we'll hear about Charles Keating
Noonan: oh no!!
Brokaw: now hold on - McCain apologized for that!!
Ifill: i loved it when Palin pushed back on that
Noonan: so so so so sad that we live in an age of photo-ops and straegists -- it ain't right
Brokaw: oh my god you're a bigger phony and hypocrite than I am
Noonan: yeah i win!
Tom: part of his charm is that McCain is an asshole
Noonan: god bless him
Tom: he’s loveable dick
Noonan: he's containing his anger
Ifill: not very well
Todd: the american people are tired of pundits with maps of red and blue on tv and so am I
Brokaw: Will you allow me to read from your book Peggers
Noonan: people are too preoccupied over who killed who let's forget about all that and reelect Republicans
Brokjaw: ah ha
Noonan: we live in a age of Crazy People who can Destroy America
Brokaw: but you voted for Bush
Noonan: we don't need patriotism to use a weapon in a campaign and be adults and show maturity
Ifill: there you have it - Peggy has condemned the Republican party
Brokaw: i agree with Peggy - the American people are to blame and we have to cut Medicare
**********************************************
The Chris Matthews Show - October 5, 2008
**********************************
The Chris Matthews Show
Sunday, October 5, 2008
**********************************
Matthews: OMG the black guy might win because the economy sucks!!! But Palin is folksy and the GOP hates business!
Stengel: yeah the black guy has a very big pole
Norris: white blue-collar guys are trying to decide whether they like their jobs more than they hate black people
Parker: republican columnists realize that sarah palin is an idiot and john mccain is a mean hypocrite
Scar: McCain had a Dukakis moment when he said something really stupid about the economy
Tweety: so sad
Scar: he became a GOP-George Bush-depression candidate
Parker: she learned how to talk gibberish well
Stengel: Palin stopped the bleeding
Norris: At the Vice Presidential debate we saw a man who would give sage advice and a woman who would bring a simplistic giddy perkiness to the white house
Tweety: she’s guilty - of being adorable!
Scar: I saw a person who did it exactly right - she began Smear 2008™
Stengel: Bob Dole dropped out of Michigan in 1996 so it's not good for McCain but it's bad news for Obama since he has to win MI
Scar: McCain's strategy is trying desperately to avoid humiliation
Tweety: who is the winner of the week?
Panel: unanimous: Obama
Scar: as soon as the economy bounces back McCain will be fine
McCain: oh shit
Tweety: ever since Al Gore and Bill had an affair in the white house we've had very powerful and influential vice presidents
Scar: ixnay on then ternsinay
Tweety: wow a crazy a town halll debate -- it’s gonna be totally crazy!!!
Joe Scar: McCain refuses to look at anyone at anytime - even conservatives now think he's insane
Tweety: is Obama able to show human warmth
Norris: there are 2 Obamas Debate Prof. Obama and Athlete Regular Guy Obama who takes off his jacket and throws three pointers
Tweety: but he was a POW!
Parker: sure but it's old people who are worried that he's you know, too old
Stengel: John McCain has wisely told everyone he is very good at hand picked town hall debates and will wipe the floor with the man he refuses to look at
Tweety: so
Stengel: so if Obama can connect with the average person Tuesday night this election is-
Parker: Over?
Norris: Done?
Scar: Finito?
Tweety: In the bag?
Stengel: Stick a fork in McCainTweety: tell me something I don’t know!!
Parker: Palin is returning to her undisclosed location
Stengel: in turns out American voters are not too bright
Norris: McCain is in trouble in Florida
Scar: Sarah Palin is going to the Crazy Base in Florida
Tweety: that's a good matchup
Scar: Florida is Alaska with palm trees
Tweety: it's not the Veep it's the Stupidity
Scar: Al Qaeada and the GOP are like a fish and a shark they are both having recruiting problems and they need each
Tweety: ha!
****************************************************
The Chris Matthews Show
Sunday, October 5, 2008
**********************************
Matthews: OMG the black guy might win because the economy sucks!!! But Palin is folksy and the GOP hates business!
Stengel: yeah the black guy has a very big pole
Norris: white blue-collar guys are trying to decide whether they like their jobs more than they hate black people
Parker: republican columnists realize that sarah palin is an idiot and john mccain is a mean hypocrite
Scar: McCain had a Dukakis moment when he said something really stupid about the economy
Tweety: so sad
Scar: he became a GOP-George Bush-depression candidate
Parker: she learned how to talk gibberish well
Stengel: Palin stopped the bleeding
Norris: At the Vice Presidential debate we saw a man who would give sage advice and a woman who would bring a simplistic giddy perkiness to the white house
Tweety: she’s guilty - of being adorable!
Scar: I saw a person who did it exactly right - she began Smear 2008™
Stengel: Bob Dole dropped out of Michigan in 1996 so it's not good for McCain but it's bad news for Obama since he has to win MI
Scar: McCain's strategy is trying desperately to avoid humiliation
Tweety: who is the winner of the week?
Panel: unanimous: Obama
Scar: as soon as the economy bounces back McCain will be fine
McCain: oh shit
Tweety: ever since Al Gore and Bill had an affair in the white house we've had very powerful and influential vice presidents
Scar: ixnay on then ternsinay
Tweety: wow a crazy a town halll debate -- it’s gonna be totally crazy!!!
Joe Scar: McCain refuses to look at anyone at anytime - even conservatives now think he's insane
Tweety: is Obama able to show human warmth
Norris: there are 2 Obamas Debate Prof. Obama and Athlete Regular Guy Obama who takes off his jacket and throws three pointers
Tweety: but he was a POW!
Parker: sure but it's old people who are worried that he's you know, too old
Stengel: John McCain has wisely told everyone he is very good at hand picked town hall debates and will wipe the floor with the man he refuses to look at
Tweety: so
Stengel: so if Obama can connect with the average person Tuesday night this election is-
Parker: Over?
Norris: Done?
Scar: Finito?
Tweety: In the bag?
Stengel: Stick a fork in McCainTweety: tell me something I don’t know!!
Parker: Palin is returning to her undisclosed location
Stengel: in turns out American voters are not too bright
Norris: McCain is in trouble in Florida
Scar: Sarah Palin is going to the Crazy Base in Florida
Tweety: that's a good matchup
Scar: Florida is Alaska with palm trees
Tweety: it's not the Veep it's the Stupidity
Scar: Al Qaeada and the GOP are like a fish and a shark they are both having recruiting problems and they need each
Tweety: ha!
****************************************************
Sunday, October 05, 2008
Vice President Candidate Debate October 2, 2008
Debate - Candidates for Vice President
Guests:
Sen. Joe Biden
Gov. Sarah Palin
Gwen Ifill
October 2, 2008
**********************************
Gwen Ifill: welcome to Kabuki 2008!!
Audience: Yaaaayyy!!!!
Ifill: Baldy - Bailout - yes no?
Joe Biden: Nice to meet you for the first time Sarah
Sarah Palin: you to Jim
Biden: Obama had a four point plan and a plan to help the middle class and that's why he chose for me - for my incredible exitement
Palin: to learn about economics go to a kid's soccer game and you will hear about the need for regulation which of course the Republican party stands for
Biden: fuck wha?
Palin: hey he suspended his campaign to fail at getting something done
Biden: oh c'mon at 9:00 am he told soccer moms everything was fine and at 9:15 he said it sucked
Palin: no he meant the American worker was fine -- how dare you put the worker down - but with all due respect Jack we don't need another long time Senator in the White House we need John McCain!
Ifill: you're slippery sarah
Palin: we the pro-regulation pro-government joe sixpacks and hockey moms need to get together and work with republicans to say never again will let liberals like George Bush take advantage of us!!
Biden: hey did you know john McCain who is a very good man is in fact a Republican
Ifill: no!
Palin: darn right we need tax relief - but Barack voted to increase taxes 940 times - that's one time for every muslim in Kenya
Biden: but-
Palin: and Obama wants to confiscate all income from people making $40,000
Biden: ok she just lied and i can prove it - McCain cast the same fucking vote
Ifill: Governor Liar?
Palin: i may not answer the questions but that only proves I'm a wacky maverick from a Disney movie!
Ifill: do you want to wage class warfare
Biden: sure we're going to raise taxes on the rich while Big Rich John voted to raise taxes 340 times - this is only fairness for the suffering the middle class
Palin: you're forgetting the millions of tiny little business - Real patriotism is looking at the American flag and saying - that's the problem!
Ifill: what is McCain's health plan?
Palin: a $5,000 tax credit which doesn't cost the government anything
Ifill: math not your strong suit, huh?
Biden: redistribute my ass
Palin: no thanks you betcha
Biden: fuck this - McCain is going to tax your health care benefits from your employer plan - taking $12,000 from you and giving it to insurers
Ifill: what promises will your promise to break
Biden: the promise to break one of my promises - i will break that one
Ifill: huh?
Biden: Cayman islands taxes and aid to brown countries
Palin: i want to go back to the energy plan
Ifill: we weren't talking about that
Palin: i took on Exxon and said they are bad
Ifill: you're joking
Palin: also i stuck it to hockey moms and took on Women Who Look Like Tina Fey
Ifill: how about answering just one of my questions
Palin: I support Massive Oversight
Biden: where do i start? Where??
Ifill: i have no idea
Biden: she has a windfall profits tax but Crazy won't support it
Ifill: the economy?
Palin: recall that John McCain was calling for Big Reform and wow we just learned the Republican party is incredibly corrupt oh boy we better elect liberals like me and John McCain
Biden: yeah well i voted for the Bankruptcy bill because I'm from Delaware but John McCain has no idea what the fuck is going on
Ifill: your answer sarah?
Palin: that you for asking me about energy
Ifill: i didn't
Palin: Also Obama voted for the energy bill in 2005 and MCain called for regulating fannie mae
Ifill: are you a robot?
Palin: those east coast elitists don't want oil which flows red white and blue - they hate America
Ifill: you don't believe in climate change
Palin: it's real but i don't want to argue about the cause - the point is we have to reject liberals like George Bush and Barack Obama and environmentalists like John McCain
Ifill: of course
Palin: also we like conservation and why let other countries pollute?
Biden: global warming is man made - but the point is John McCain hates wind
Ifill: are you two really the best your parties could do??
Biden: yes
Palin: no
Biden: they only want to drill
Palin: the chant is 'drill baby drill' and I hear it everywhere i go!
Ifill: no bedroom talk please
Palin: he opposed clean coal in a rope line once
Biden: oh please
Palin: what about good clean patriotic god-given natural gas
Ifill: gays?
Biden: i love gays - i love those fuckin gays!
Palin: i am for people choosing what they want as long as it isn't being gay
Ifill: um what
Palin: well it's ok for a sodomizer to sign a contract i guess
Ifill: hair plugs address gay marriage
Biden: no that's a faith question
Ifill: well that and the state
Palin: no gay marriage
Ifill: wonderful you agree that gays are second-class citizens!!
Ifill: Iraq!
Palin: Obama hate the troops and voted to starve them and take away their bullets - but if we lose there we will lose in Afghanistan and we must never leave except for honor and glory
Biden: oh horseshit John McCain also voted against funding the troops and will all due respect to Palin i didn't hear a plan from Governor six pack
Ifill: what's your plan?
Palin: we so very very very close to victory and here you want to wave to white the flag of surrender - we're getting’ closer and closer to winnin’
Palin: I can't see how you can defend someone who would cut off funding for the troops
Biden: you hate John McCain
Palin: but he's an old white man
Biden: hey bin laden may be in Alaska and we may have to bomb it
Palin: hey don't believe me - listen to al qaeda they say the Iraq is the front line in the war on terror
Ifill: which the most dangerous country
Palin: more dangerous even than Achmedinejad and Kim Ill John and the Jonas Brothers is Obama - he would meet with Henry Kissinger without the precious 'pre conditions'
Biden: oh for god's sake it's true the Jonas Brothers are pretty apalling but McCain won't even meet the King of Spain
Ifilll: Israel?
Palin: we will never allow a 2nd Holocaust by building a new embassy
Ifill: there you go
Biden: no one is a better friend to Israel than this guy i know named Joe Biden
Ifill: who?
Biden: Joe Biden says Iran is on the march and Joe Biden will change the policy toward Hamas
Ifill: gwen ifill asks you about hamas
Palin: i don't know what that is - but sure Bush is all about Huge Blunders like all administrations but if you keep bashing Bush it proves you don't want to change from President Bush
Ifill: who would you nuke?
Palin: well you know a good way to use nukes is hang laundry from 'em or to oppose too many people in the world
Ifill: um
Palin: speaking of Afghanistan why did Obama say all we are doing is killing people so sad and a lie
Biden: but the commanding General there said a surge wouldn't work just more troops and by the way nukes are bad and let me put it this way Obama put forward a bill well let me change my answer
Palin: oh noe did ya know Afghanistan has a geography
Ifill: who would you nuke?
Palin: well you know a good way to use nukes is hang laundry from 'em or to oppose too many people in the world
Ifill: um
Palin: speaking of Afghanistan why did Obama say all we are doing is killing people so sad and a lie
Biden: but the commanding General there said a surge wouldn't work just more troops and by the way nukes are bad and let me put it this way Obama put forward a bill well let me change my answer
Palin: oh noe did ya know Afghanistan has a geography
Ifill: does american have the stomach for more boots on the ground in africa
Biden: hey look at bosnia or kosovo or iraq or iran
Ifill: okay
Biden: hey i voted for a war that would take 10 years and result in millions dead
Ifill: foreign policy
Palin: these people hate america and our women's right that's why pre conditions are so very very very important
Palin: wow ya know i'm not an insider cause i doan know where darfur is or what they did to this guy Chad
Biden: we have to draw a lot of lines and speak discursively on the hearings on i opposed the McCain strategy
Palin: well sure there have been blunders by people like John McCain but he John McCain knows evil after all he is a Republican
Ifill: how would a Biden presidency differ from Obama after he is killed
Biden: i would use my time to attack Bush-McCain and carry the work of our slain hero
Palin: ha i'm a maverick!
Ifill: same question for when McCain dies
Palin: i would put a hockey rink in the rose garden and have unwed teen kids in the White House
Ifill: you are mavericky
Palin: there ya go again trying to call McCain a republican hee hee
Ifill: well he is
Palin: Joe my condolences on your wife! we gotta ramp up all school learnin!
Ifill: what the fuck would you do in DC dimwit
Palin: i would drill drill and also carry around my baby around the Capital
Biden: let me speak discursively on this subject
Ifill: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Ifill: Do you agree with Cheney that the VP is not in the Executive branch
Palin: we will administer plans appropriate to the nation also i was in the PTA
Biden: read Article One Dick is the most dangerous VP in American history
Ifill: aaron burr tried to a revolution
Biden: i know but he never shot anyone
Ifill: actually he shot Hamilton
Ifill: now is moment in the debate when we Babble incoherently!!
Palin: baby children middle america world view jesus city on a hill hockey mom unapolgetic tolderance freedom equal rice
Ifill: wow just wow
Biden: crime bill 100,000 cops violence against women Bosnia single parent kitchen table Wilmington beautiful house better off single father
[chokes up]
Ifill: wow
Palin: Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaveriiick!!!
Ifill: do you want to expand on that
Palin: maaaaaaaaveriiiiiiiiiiiiiiick!!!
Ifill: do you have another word?
Palin: look McCain’s bipartisan he's supported by Giuliani and Mitt Romney
Biden: he's not a maverick - he's goddam asshole
Ifill: flip flop?
Biden: as a pointy headed illecktual i said no to Bork who we know now is one evil motherfucker
Palin: hey we'd all love to cut taxes to zero but i have never compromised - i just run a bipartisan operation
Ifill: you keep talking about bipartisanship what's all that about?
Biden: jesse helms and i had a baby with braces
Ifill: i appointed democrats who both speak in tounges and handle snakes - so there's real diversity there ya know
Ifill: closing statement
Palin: the media are liberal and evil and i want to assure you people that even though we are Republicans in name we will fight for the little people and i can prove it by threatening to kill all the brown people and there is only one man who have fought for you and you owe it to him to vote for the POW!!!!!!!
Biden: While exxon make billions i have a son in Iraq and so does John I might add and i grew up in an honest neighborhood and my dad had an expression he said baldy shut the fuck once in your life in the name of the father son and holy spirit
Ifill: amen and good night
*************************************
Guests:
Sen. Joe Biden
Gov. Sarah Palin
Gwen Ifill
October 2, 2008
**********************************
Gwen Ifill: welcome to Kabuki 2008!!
Audience: Yaaaayyy!!!!
Ifill: Baldy - Bailout - yes no?
Joe Biden: Nice to meet you for the first time Sarah
Sarah Palin: you to Jim
Biden: Obama had a four point plan and a plan to help the middle class and that's why he chose for me - for my incredible exitement
Palin: to learn about economics go to a kid's soccer game and you will hear about the need for regulation which of course the Republican party stands for
Biden: fuck wha?
Palin: hey he suspended his campaign to fail at getting something done
Biden: oh c'mon at 9:00 am he told soccer moms everything was fine and at 9:15 he said it sucked
Palin: no he meant the American worker was fine -- how dare you put the worker down - but with all due respect Jack we don't need another long time Senator in the White House we need John McCain!
Ifill: you're slippery sarah
Palin: we the pro-regulation pro-government joe sixpacks and hockey moms need to get together and work with republicans to say never again will let liberals like George Bush take advantage of us!!
Biden: hey did you know john McCain who is a very good man is in fact a Republican
Ifill: no!
Palin: darn right we need tax relief - but Barack voted to increase taxes 940 times - that's one time for every muslim in Kenya
Biden: but-
Palin: and Obama wants to confiscate all income from people making $40,000
Biden: ok she just lied and i can prove it - McCain cast the same fucking vote
Ifill: Governor Liar?
Palin: i may not answer the questions but that only proves I'm a wacky maverick from a Disney movie!
Ifill: do you want to wage class warfare
Biden: sure we're going to raise taxes on the rich while Big Rich John voted to raise taxes 340 times - this is only fairness for the suffering the middle class
Palin: you're forgetting the millions of tiny little business - Real patriotism is looking at the American flag and saying - that's the problem!
Ifill: what is McCain's health plan?
Palin: a $5,000 tax credit which doesn't cost the government anything
Ifill: math not your strong suit, huh?
Biden: redistribute my ass
Palin: no thanks you betcha
Biden: fuck this - McCain is going to tax your health care benefits from your employer plan - taking $12,000 from you and giving it to insurers
Ifill: what promises will your promise to break
Biden: the promise to break one of my promises - i will break that one
Ifill: huh?
Biden: Cayman islands taxes and aid to brown countries
Palin: i want to go back to the energy plan
Ifill: we weren't talking about that
Palin: i took on Exxon and said they are bad
Ifill: you're joking
Palin: also i stuck it to hockey moms and took on Women Who Look Like Tina Fey
Ifill: how about answering just one of my questions
Palin: I support Massive Oversight
Biden: where do i start? Where??
Ifill: i have no idea
Biden: she has a windfall profits tax but Crazy won't support it
Ifill: the economy?
Palin: recall that John McCain was calling for Big Reform and wow we just learned the Republican party is incredibly corrupt oh boy we better elect liberals like me and John McCain
Biden: yeah well i voted for the Bankruptcy bill because I'm from Delaware but John McCain has no idea what the fuck is going on
Ifill: your answer sarah?
Palin: that you for asking me about energy
Ifill: i didn't
Palin: Also Obama voted for the energy bill in 2005 and MCain called for regulating fannie mae
Ifill: are you a robot?
Palin: those east coast elitists don't want oil which flows red white and blue - they hate America
Ifill: you don't believe in climate change
Palin: it's real but i don't want to argue about the cause - the point is we have to reject liberals like George Bush and Barack Obama and environmentalists like John McCain
Ifill: of course
Palin: also we like conservation and why let other countries pollute?
Biden: global warming is man made - but the point is John McCain hates wind
Ifill: are you two really the best your parties could do??
Biden: yes
Palin: no
Biden: they only want to drill
Palin: the chant is 'drill baby drill' and I hear it everywhere i go!
Ifill: no bedroom talk please
Palin: he opposed clean coal in a rope line once
Biden: oh please
Palin: what about good clean patriotic god-given natural gas
Ifill: gays?
Biden: i love gays - i love those fuckin gays!
Palin: i am for people choosing what they want as long as it isn't being gay
Ifill: um what
Palin: well it's ok for a sodomizer to sign a contract i guess
Ifill: hair plugs address gay marriage
Biden: no that's a faith question
Ifill: well that and the state
Palin: no gay marriage
Ifill: wonderful you agree that gays are second-class citizens!!
Ifill: Iraq!
Palin: Obama hate the troops and voted to starve them and take away their bullets - but if we lose there we will lose in Afghanistan and we must never leave except for honor and glory
Biden: oh horseshit John McCain also voted against funding the troops and will all due respect to Palin i didn't hear a plan from Governor six pack
Ifill: what's your plan?
Palin: we so very very very close to victory and here you want to wave to white the flag of surrender - we're getting’ closer and closer to winnin’
Palin: I can't see how you can defend someone who would cut off funding for the troops
Biden: you hate John McCain
Palin: but he's an old white man
Biden: hey bin laden may be in Alaska and we may have to bomb it
Palin: hey don't believe me - listen to al qaeda they say the Iraq is the front line in the war on terror
Ifill: which the most dangerous country
Palin: more dangerous even than Achmedinejad and Kim Ill John and the Jonas Brothers is Obama - he would meet with Henry Kissinger without the precious 'pre conditions'
Biden: oh for god's sake it's true the Jonas Brothers are pretty apalling but McCain won't even meet the King of Spain
Ifilll: Israel?
Palin: we will never allow a 2nd Holocaust by building a new embassy
Ifill: there you go
Biden: no one is a better friend to Israel than this guy i know named Joe Biden
Ifill: who?
Biden: Joe Biden says Iran is on the march and Joe Biden will change the policy toward Hamas
Ifill: gwen ifill asks you about hamas
Palin: i don't know what that is - but sure Bush is all about Huge Blunders like all administrations but if you keep bashing Bush it proves you don't want to change from President Bush
Ifill: who would you nuke?
Palin: well you know a good way to use nukes is hang laundry from 'em or to oppose too many people in the world
Ifill: um
Palin: speaking of Afghanistan why did Obama say all we are doing is killing people so sad and a lie
Biden: but the commanding General there said a surge wouldn't work just more troops and by the way nukes are bad and let me put it this way Obama put forward a bill well let me change my answer
Palin: oh noe did ya know Afghanistan has a geography
Ifill: who would you nuke?
Palin: well you know a good way to use nukes is hang laundry from 'em or to oppose too many people in the world
Ifill: um
Palin: speaking of Afghanistan why did Obama say all we are doing is killing people so sad and a lie
Biden: but the commanding General there said a surge wouldn't work just more troops and by the way nukes are bad and let me put it this way Obama put forward a bill well let me change my answer
Palin: oh noe did ya know Afghanistan has a geography
Ifill: does american have the stomach for more boots on the ground in africa
Biden: hey look at bosnia or kosovo or iraq or iran
Ifill: okay
Biden: hey i voted for a war that would take 10 years and result in millions dead
Ifill: foreign policy
Palin: these people hate america and our women's right that's why pre conditions are so very very very important
Palin: wow ya know i'm not an insider cause i doan know where darfur is or what they did to this guy Chad
Biden: we have to draw a lot of lines and speak discursively on the hearings on i opposed the McCain strategy
Palin: well sure there have been blunders by people like John McCain but he John McCain knows evil after all he is a Republican
Ifill: how would a Biden presidency differ from Obama after he is killed
Biden: i would use my time to attack Bush-McCain and carry the work of our slain hero
Palin: ha i'm a maverick!
Ifill: same question for when McCain dies
Palin: i would put a hockey rink in the rose garden and have unwed teen kids in the White House
Ifill: you are mavericky
Palin: there ya go again trying to call McCain a republican hee hee
Ifill: well he is
Palin: Joe my condolences on your wife! we gotta ramp up all school learnin!
Ifill: what the fuck would you do in DC dimwit
Palin: i would drill drill and also carry around my baby around the Capital
Biden: let me speak discursively on this subject
Ifill: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Ifill: Do you agree with Cheney that the VP is not in the Executive branch
Palin: we will administer plans appropriate to the nation also i was in the PTA
Biden: read Article One Dick is the most dangerous VP in American history
Ifill: aaron burr tried to a revolution
Biden: i know but he never shot anyone
Ifill: actually he shot Hamilton
Ifill: now is moment in the debate when we Babble incoherently!!
Palin: baby children middle america world view jesus city on a hill hockey mom unapolgetic tolderance freedom equal rice
Ifill: wow just wow
Biden: crime bill 100,000 cops violence against women Bosnia single parent kitchen table Wilmington beautiful house better off single father
[chokes up]
Ifill: wow
Palin: Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaveriiick!!!
Ifill: do you want to expand on that
Palin: maaaaaaaaveriiiiiiiiiiiiiiick!!!
Ifill: do you have another word?
Palin: look McCain’s bipartisan he's supported by Giuliani and Mitt Romney
Biden: he's not a maverick - he's goddam asshole
Ifill: flip flop?
Biden: as a pointy headed illecktual i said no to Bork who we know now is one evil motherfucker
Palin: hey we'd all love to cut taxes to zero but i have never compromised - i just run a bipartisan operation
Ifill: you keep talking about bipartisanship what's all that about?
Biden: jesse helms and i had a baby with braces
Ifill: i appointed democrats who both speak in tounges and handle snakes - so there's real diversity there ya know
Ifill: closing statement
Palin: the media are liberal and evil and i want to assure you people that even though we are Republicans in name we will fight for the little people and i can prove it by threatening to kill all the brown people and there is only one man who have fought for you and you owe it to him to vote for the POW!!!!!!!
Biden: While exxon make billions i have a son in Iraq and so does John I might add and i grew up in an honest neighborhood and my dad had an expression he said baldy shut the fuck once in your life in the name of the father son and holy spirit
Ifill: amen and good night
*************************************
Sunday, September 28, 2008
MEET THE PRESS - September 28, 2008
****************************************
September 28, 2008
Meet The Press
Guests:
Steve Schmidt - McCain campaign
David axelrod - Obama campaign
Bob Schaffer
Mark Udall
Former President Bill Clinton
******************************************
Brokaw: ohl miss won teh debate
Schmidt: i'm glad we bothered to show up
Brokaw: Bailout plan?
Schmidt: we are facing an economic catastrophe and McCain alone brought the people who hate Bush to the table
Brokaw: who?
Schmidt: Republicans
Schmidt: John McCain came back to washington to grandstand say the word "table" a lot
Brokaw: Obama didn't even go back to DC!
Axelrod: come on - Obama has been trying to help the middle class while McCain had brilliant strategy of flip flopping and blowing off dave letterman
Brokaw: omg the WSJ editorial page doesn't like you!
Axelrod: i would invite them to blow me on inauguration day
Axelrod: Obama is trying to help people and John McCain spent the whole debate waving a rake around
Schmidt: John McCain wants to give american teenagers $7,000 for having a baby
Axelrod: i don't think that will solve our problems
Schmidt: he's flip flopper
Axelrod: that's like you calling crystal gale bald
Axelrod: that makes me very sad - all McCain proposes is tax cuts
Brokaw: some dude somewhere cares about the debt - what would you cut?
Axelrod: Obama will cut the medicare advantage and spending in Iraq
Brokaw: but that doesn't count - the war is paid for Ceiling Cat
Schmidt: heil ceiling cat!
Schmidt: McCain parachuted into DC like a hero who puts his country first
Axelrod: john McCain has sadly sold his soul to the devil
Brokaw: i did see him with Karl Rove
Schmidt: we're winning in Iraq
Brokaw: that's not what Gen. Petraeus says
Schmidt: victory is a country that is not rent apart daily by civil war
Tom: awesome
Brokaw: they say McCain is a big liar
Schmidt: they lie about saying we are liars
Axelrod: liar
Schmidt: taxer
Axelrod: shut up
Schmidt: Obama hates america and love terrorists
Axelrod: McCain is a senile bastard
Axelrod: Iraq has a surplus of $70 billion
Schmidt: wow do you think they need a bailout?
Brokaw: as we go i feel compelled to cite the one poll McCain is leading in - he will make a great commander in chief
Schmidt: [ slips brokaw 500 bucks ]
[ break ]
Brokaw: Bailout plan?
Bob Schaffer: well that is a lot of money i don't know if we have enough trees to print all that cash
Brokaw: but you support it
Schaffer: what can you do
Brokaw: cox says the one-eyed snake of government is to blame
Schaffer: it's possible to blame Reagan or deregulation but I blame Democrats for not regulating Fannie Mae more
Brokaw: why should taxpayers bailout housing speculators
Mark Udall: they shouldn't
Brokaw: oh
Udall: not welfare for Wall Street but for Main Street
Brokaw: uh huh
Udall: the taxpayer should be at the head of the line
Brokaw: well then we could just not do the bailout
Udall: except for that
[ break ]
Brokaw: you predicted McCain would be the nominee
Clinton: i admire him but Obama has shown an ability to learn
Brokaw: high praise
Clinton: no i mean it -- he outfoxed me and hillary with the whole ‘change’ thing
Brokaw: do you think he is a great man like McCain?
Clinton: hell i don't even know him!!
Brokaw: you never spoke in 2004 or later??
Clinton: hey McCain is a great man -- he keeps running for president even though he keeps failing - it sweet watching him brave though his loserness
Brokaw: so Obama is only potentially great
Clinton: right
Brokaw: what more should he do
Clinton: be the President and then serve the whole world
Brokaw: try to restrain yourself
Brokaw: you met Obama at Sylvia's at harlem where i hear they use silverware
Clinton: it's awesome
Brokaw: will you campaign for Obama
Clinton: look hillary said he would always support the winner and she has
Brokaw: but?
Clinton: but nothing
Brokaw: will women vote for Palin
Clinton: some will - like all those blacks who voted for Obama even though Hillary was better
Brokaw: advice for Biden?
Clinton: go after the undecided voters - they must like McCain and Palin so be very specific about what they are going to do
Brokaw: makes sense
Clinton: he should play the white catholic blue-collar card
Brokaw: that will win over MSNBC
Brokaw: Great issues?
Clinton: one economic strength and two international strength - look at the Pew Poll where the USA is popular where Bush has fought AIDS
Brokaw: the American people need to hear about some economic success stories in Africa
Audience: maybe we could hear some from America
Clinton: hey tom Africa is a continent -- discuss it with your news people
Brokaw: my what?
September 28, 2008
Meet The Press
Guests:
Steve Schmidt - McCain campaign
David axelrod - Obama campaign
Bob Schaffer
Mark Udall
Former President Bill Clinton
******************************************
Brokaw: ohl miss won teh debate
Schmidt: i'm glad we bothered to show up
Brokaw: Bailout plan?
Schmidt: we are facing an economic catastrophe and McCain alone brought the people who hate Bush to the table
Brokaw: who?
Schmidt: Republicans
Schmidt: John McCain came back to washington to grandstand say the word "table" a lot
Brokaw: Obama didn't even go back to DC!
Axelrod: come on - Obama has been trying to help the middle class while McCain had brilliant strategy of flip flopping and blowing off dave letterman
Brokaw: omg the WSJ editorial page doesn't like you!
Axelrod: i would invite them to blow me on inauguration day
Axelrod: Obama is trying to help people and John McCain spent the whole debate waving a rake around
Schmidt: John McCain wants to give american teenagers $7,000 for having a baby
Axelrod: i don't think that will solve our problems
Schmidt: he's flip flopper
Axelrod: that's like you calling crystal gale bald
Axelrod: that makes me very sad - all McCain proposes is tax cuts
Brokaw: some dude somewhere cares about the debt - what would you cut?
Axelrod: Obama will cut the medicare advantage and spending in Iraq
Brokaw: but that doesn't count - the war is paid for Ceiling Cat
Schmidt: heil ceiling cat!
Schmidt: McCain parachuted into DC like a hero who puts his country first
Axelrod: john McCain has sadly sold his soul to the devil
Brokaw: i did see him with Karl Rove
Schmidt: we're winning in Iraq
Brokaw: that's not what Gen. Petraeus says
Schmidt: victory is a country that is not rent apart daily by civil war
Tom: awesome
Brokaw: they say McCain is a big liar
Schmidt: they lie about saying we are liars
Axelrod: liar
Schmidt: taxer
Axelrod: shut up
Schmidt: Obama hates america and love terrorists
Axelrod: McCain is a senile bastard
Axelrod: Iraq has a surplus of $70 billion
Schmidt: wow do you think they need a bailout?
Brokaw: as we go i feel compelled to cite the one poll McCain is leading in - he will make a great commander in chief
Schmidt: [ slips brokaw 500 bucks ]
[ break ]
Brokaw: Bailout plan?
Bob Schaffer: well that is a lot of money i don't know if we have enough trees to print all that cash
Brokaw: but you support it
Schaffer: what can you do
Brokaw: cox says the one-eyed snake of government is to blame
Schaffer: it's possible to blame Reagan or deregulation but I blame Democrats for not regulating Fannie Mae more
Brokaw: why should taxpayers bailout housing speculators
Mark Udall: they shouldn't
Brokaw: oh
Udall: not welfare for Wall Street but for Main Street
Brokaw: uh huh
Udall: the taxpayer should be at the head of the line
Brokaw: well then we could just not do the bailout
Udall: except for that
[ break ]
Brokaw: you predicted McCain would be the nominee
Clinton: i admire him but Obama has shown an ability to learn
Brokaw: high praise
Clinton: no i mean it -- he outfoxed me and hillary with the whole ‘change’ thing
Brokaw: do you think he is a great man like McCain?
Clinton: hell i don't even know him!!
Brokaw: you never spoke in 2004 or later??
Clinton: hey McCain is a great man -- he keeps running for president even though he keeps failing - it sweet watching him brave though his loserness
Brokaw: so Obama is only potentially great
Clinton: right
Brokaw: what more should he do
Clinton: be the President and then serve the whole world
Brokaw: try to restrain yourself
Brokaw: you met Obama at Sylvia's at harlem where i hear they use silverware
Clinton: it's awesome
Brokaw: will you campaign for Obama
Clinton: look hillary said he would always support the winner and she has
Brokaw: but?
Clinton: but nothing
Brokaw: will women vote for Palin
Clinton: some will - like all those blacks who voted for Obama even though Hillary was better
Brokaw: advice for Biden?
Clinton: go after the undecided voters - they must like McCain and Palin so be very specific about what they are going to do
Brokaw: makes sense
Clinton: he should play the white catholic blue-collar card
Brokaw: that will win over MSNBC
Brokaw: Great issues?
Clinton: one economic strength and two international strength - look at the Pew Poll where the USA is popular where Bush has fought AIDS
Brokaw: the American people need to hear about some economic success stories in Africa
Audience: maybe we could hear some from America
Clinton: hey tom Africa is a continent -- discuss it with your news people
Brokaw: my what?
The Chris Matthews Show - September 28, 2008
******************************
The Chris Matthews Show
September 28, 2008
******************************
Matthews: wow they held a debate and Obama didn't use the word motherfucker once!!
Mitchell: Obama failed - he's no ronald reagan
Brooks: i miss reagan
Chris: me too
Brooks: it was too wonky what's up with all the showing-off about all their knowledge at a presidential debate???
Robinson: McCain's problem is that he is an incredible asshole
Kay: he refused to look at the black guy
Matthews: maybe he's like Colbert and can't see color
Brooks: this was the best I've ever seen John McCain
Matthews: that's not good
Mitchell: it's true that McCain had a terrible week but we can cross our fingers that he can turn it around!!
Robinson: they're both going to vote for the bailout!
Brooks: i've been hanging with the common people at applebee's and they tell me that they don't like this
Kay: obama is a stone cold fish who has to pretend he cares about the middle class - John McCain has to pretend he's human
Matthews: who won the week?
Panel: Obama!
Matthews: that's good news for John McCain!
Kay: but it's not the debate that’s the problem - it's that McCain is a doddering fool and that's not going to change
Tweety: i disagree the important thing is Obama won the debate
Brooks: no fair that debate was held at night!
Mitchell: don't count out John McCain yet!
Brooks: McCain really won the debate!
Robinson: that's right
Mitchell: hey John McCain only had two hours to prepare and he was better than Obama
Brooks: oh yeah!
Matthews: OMG it turns out that Sarah Palin is a moron!!
Palin: russian fish invade my space!
Brooks: i admire sarah palin for facing down Putin's reared head
Chris: you like her
Brooks: Sarah the Unready
Kay: the neocons love her she believes in freeance and peeance
Matthews: Kathy Parker doesn't like her and Robert Parker gave 10 points
Mitchell: Juneau, We Have a Problem
Robinson: Biden will respectfully answer the questions and Palin will talk nonsense and the rest of us will squirm uncomfortably
Kay: GOP loves her
Matthews: Palin isn't stupid
Brooks: she will rise to level of mediocrity
Kay: even Petraeus thinks McCain is living in a fantasy world
Robinson: there will be big liberal turnout on election
Mitchell: Sarah Silverman is telling people to schlep to the votes
Brooks: Adam Putnam is leading a pack of angry young white republicans
Tweety: he's adorable - he's the clay aiken of American Conservatism
Mattthews: Paul Newman was a liberal, rich, generous, talented, good-looking, charitable, respected, and told the truth
Kay: wow it's like you and he were matter and anti-matter
Tweety: ha!!
The Chris Matthews Show
September 28, 2008
******************************
Matthews: wow they held a debate and Obama didn't use the word motherfucker once!!
Mitchell: Obama failed - he's no ronald reagan
Brooks: i miss reagan
Chris: me too
Brooks: it was too wonky what's up with all the showing-off about all their knowledge at a presidential debate???
Robinson: McCain's problem is that he is an incredible asshole
Kay: he refused to look at the black guy
Matthews: maybe he's like Colbert and can't see color
Brooks: this was the best I've ever seen John McCain
Matthews: that's not good
Mitchell: it's true that McCain had a terrible week but we can cross our fingers that he can turn it around!!
Robinson: they're both going to vote for the bailout!
Brooks: i've been hanging with the common people at applebee's and they tell me that they don't like this
Kay: obama is a stone cold fish who has to pretend he cares about the middle class - John McCain has to pretend he's human
Matthews: who won the week?
Panel: Obama!
Matthews: that's good news for John McCain!
Kay: but it's not the debate that’s the problem - it's that McCain is a doddering fool and that's not going to change
Tweety: i disagree the important thing is Obama won the debate
Brooks: no fair that debate was held at night!
Mitchell: don't count out John McCain yet!
Brooks: McCain really won the debate!
Robinson: that's right
Mitchell: hey John McCain only had two hours to prepare and he was better than Obama
Brooks: oh yeah!
Matthews: OMG it turns out that Sarah Palin is a moron!!
Palin: russian fish invade my space!
Brooks: i admire sarah palin for facing down Putin's reared head
Chris: you like her
Brooks: Sarah the Unready
Kay: the neocons love her she believes in freeance and peeance
Matthews: Kathy Parker doesn't like her and Robert Parker gave 10 points
Mitchell: Juneau, We Have a Problem
Robinson: Biden will respectfully answer the questions and Palin will talk nonsense and the rest of us will squirm uncomfortably
Kay: GOP loves her
Matthews: Palin isn't stupid
Brooks: she will rise to level of mediocrity
Kay: even Petraeus thinks McCain is living in a fantasy world
Robinson: there will be big liberal turnout on election
Mitchell: Sarah Silverman is telling people to schlep to the votes
Brooks: Adam Putnam is leading a pack of angry young white republicans
Tweety: he's adorable - he's the clay aiken of American Conservatism
Mattthews: Paul Newman was a liberal, rich, generous, talented, good-looking, charitable, respected, and told the truth
Kay: wow it's like you and he were matter and anti-matter
Tweety: ha!!
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Presidential Debate - Ole Miss - September 26, 2008
************************************
Presidential Debate
Candidates:
Senator Barack Obama
Senator John McCain
Host: Jim Lehrer
University of Mississippi
September 26, 2008
*************************************
Lehrer: first question is an easy one - at this moment where are you standing?
Obama: i'm standing at Ole Miss dude
Lehrer: right
Obama: I know all of you are thinking how does this bailout plan affect Barack Obama's ability to send his kid to college
Audience: oh yeah
Obama: we have to do it but no golden parachutes - only platinum
Audience: yay
Obama: but let's remember this bailout is a verdict of ‘Guilty’ on conservatism - let's face it - it sucks
McCain: thank you to the University I almost blew off and also my dear friend Ted Kennedy
Audience: didn't he endorse Obama?
McCain: i like it when people get together and Main street failed and will lose their credits and i remember the depression - oh i forgot i like it when people get together also the house republicans were or rather now are part of teh solution - foreign oil [ cough ]
Lehrer: what the hell was that
Obama: let's remember we handed the keys of this county to Phil Gramm and Tom Delay - are you happy now America?
Lehrer: Bailout plan - yes or no
McCain: i hope to vote for it
Lehrer: yes or no?
McCain: yeah why not
McCain: speaking of Eisenhower the answer to our financial problems is to write crazy-ass letters and old timey stories
Obama: oh for god's sake old man you know as well as I do the Republican party tried to repeal the fucking law of gravity
Lehrer: face him and say it
Obama: he scares the shit out of me
McCain: the Wall Street and the Google and the regulators are to blame but goddam the underpaid uninsured american worker will pick up the burden and pay off goldman sach's debt
Lehrer: i can't believe one of you will actually be President
McCain: spending! Eisenhower! Saving Private Ryan! Gateway drugs!
Obama: jesus Christ
McCain: him to
Lehrer: how will you fix America?
McCain: i will veto every spending bill that crosses my desk
Audience: except for the trillion dollar bailout
McCain: right
McCain: we spent a million dollars to find out which children the Chicago Bears fathered
Obama: hey that was an important bill
Obama: there you go again - whine about earmarks while the GOP hands billions to the rich - not this time rictus
McCain: i am outraged that the Republican party is corrupt
Obama: he got that right
McCain: he is a big spending liberal-
Obama: all right i've heard enough from you gramps - you bet i'm spending money health care but basically he's a liar
McCain: the fuckin drunken irish are beating us but the real point is you will be appalled at all the corruption at the longtime Republican party -- which is why you must reject the young Democrat and elect the elderly Republican
Audience: makes sense to me
Obama: John John John
McCain: who? what?
Obama: he wants to keep the loopholes and intends to tax health benefits
McCain: damm i thought he didn't know about that one
Lehrer: John do you want to tax health care?
McCain: energy bill!
Obama: i swear i will cut you open like a motherfuckin fish old man
McCain: he’s a big spender
Obama: fucking liar
McCain: heh heh heh you support big oil
Obama: why don't you go drill offshore you senile fuck
Lehrer: where the hell are we going to come up with 1.2 trillion dollars??
Obama: we are going to have inflate A LOT of tires
Audience: okey dokey
Obama: also more americans will have to die and then we can collect estate taxes
Audience: oh no
Obama: fortunately we have the worst health care system in the world
Audience: oh good
McCain: where was i?
Leher: what?
McCain: Cost plus contracts!
Lehrer: huh?
McCain: ethanol
Obama: [ drinks ethanol ]
Lehrer: that's poisonous
Obama: i've spent the last 5 years building up an immunity to ethanol
Audience: wow
McCain: he's the most liberal senator ever
Obama: yes if by that you mean I oppose George W Bush at evey turn
McCain: can i talk
Lehrer: no
McCain: [ waves rake ]
spending freeze!
Obama: oh for god's sake why would hire a rake wielding grampy when you can hire Tiger Woods with an IQ of 210
Leher: will you be president?
McCain: you can't get there from here
Lehrer: all right you two will you please admit you can't keep your promises when the money is all gone
Obama: dood since you seem to be obsessed with this sure whatever
McCain: [ yells at cloud ]
Lehrer: Obama just take Matlock’s time
Obama: look we're going to have to make some tough choices
McCain: probably enacting a right wing agenda is the way to go so just cut taxes cut regulations and cut waste
Lehrer: yeah nobody ever promises to cut waste
Obama: um hey Abe you voted for Bush's budgets or maybe your forgot
McCain: i was not voted Miss Congeniality i voted Most Likely to Die During a Presidential Campaign
Lehrer: what is the lesson of Iraq
McCain: you cannot have a fight without a plan and with strategy
Audience: huh
McCain: we will come home with victory and with honor and we have created our own little colony
Audience: bullshit
McCain: Petraeus! Troops! I have five fingers!
Obama: motherfucker i opposed this disaster when it was risky to do - we took our eye off the ball and spent a trillion dollars and Osama is still free to hit America the lesson is -- Elect Me
McCain: it doesn't matter why we got in it matters that hasn't met with the leaders of the senate subcommitte on Natos
Obama: i am now going filet this old man like a chicken on mardi gras
Obama: you were wrong about sunni and shia and you were wrong about the war and you were wrong about weapons of mass destruction
McCain: but but but
Obama: [ waves finger ] shut the fuck up crazy
McCain: [ whining ] senator obama cut off funds for our little troops
Obama: I'm trying, grampy, I'm trying real hard to be the shepherd
Obama: look Osama bin Laden and Petraeus agree
Lehrer: let's talk Afghanistan
Obama: jesus christ we're being attacked in Afghanitan and the taliban and we're losing and there was no al qaeda and nothing to do with 9/11 and that my friend john is a fucking failure of strategy
McCain: but-
Obama: and we have to deal with Poppy and Barbara and jenna and the other one
McCain: let me talk about something that happened 25 years ago
Audience: booooooring
McCain: look we all know Obama is right that we have do certain things in Pakistan if you know what i mean but you don't say it out loud you whisper it
Obama: what do you know?
McCain: i was married to Alexander the Great's niece and the jihadist elements are sending me secret messages by bombing marriot courtyards around world
Obama: he's sundowning
Obama: goddamit I'm motherfucking TNT and I'm gonna take Osama bin Laden out even if he is in fuckin Pakistan
McCain: look i was afraid in 1983 and I would like to talk about Lebanon and Bosnia and Iraq
Obama: [ yawn ]
McCain: and Kosovo and Somalia and
Lehrer: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
McCain: a woman told me to wear a bracelet and i said ok
Audience: ok
McCain: and that means thousands more Americans have to die and spend a trillion dollars
Audience: not following
McCain: we must stay because I still am dealing with issues from a war from 40 years ago
Obama: holy fuck this is just sad
[ shoots three pointer ]
Obama: this old guy said we could muddle through Afghanistan what a loser
McCain: look the point is he hates America
Lehrer: anything else
McCain: he doesn't care about my psychological problems
Lehrer: Iran?
McCain: if Iran gets nukes it will threaten Israel and also the other little countries will want their own bomb and then Alabama will want one
Obama: oh no
McCain: together with the French we can form a super League of Democracies and threaten to take away Iran's wine and cheese and all the gays there will overthrow the lousy government
Obama: what's ironic here is that Matlock doesn't get the big picture he just lurches from issue to issue to like a doddering villain from a grade b movie
Audience: oooh
Obama: hey shithead Russia isn't just going to help you out since you practically declared war on them last month
McCain: see if Obama meets with him it will legitimize Ahmedinejad's illegal behavior and I know for a fact that he jaywalks in New York all the time
Obama: i'm not inviting them to Sylvia's for no motherfuckin iced tea!!
McCain: heh heh
Obama: criminy Kissinger wants to meet with Iran and then we cut off ties to North Korea even though they joined the Axis of Evil and paid their dues and everything
McCain: heh heh
Obama: fer god's sake he wants to make war on Spain. Spain!!
Audience: game. set. match.
McCain: [ sarcastic voice ] Kissinger will vouch for me!!
Obama: oh fuck off ya senile loon
McCain: Obama’s favorite dear leader met with Madeline Albright and by the war the South Korean beach volleyball team is a real threat
Obama: didn't i see you in the texas chainsaw massacre?
Lehrer: Russia!
Obama: i'v lead on this issue in a reasonable manner like in loose nuke but frankly i'd like to hear Crazy's answer cause I guar-damm-tee this will be fun
McCain: he's naive holy shit Russia invaded another country in Georgia i stared into Putin's eyes and i saw a K and a G and a B
Lehrer: what medications were you on
McCain: it was all about the pipeline
Obama: which proves my point
McCain: hey i was married to a lovely Tiblisi woman for 30 years in the 19th Century
McCain: i was in Georgia and some of the Ossetians want to be Russian
Obama: proving my point
McCain: watch Ukraine you can't win Risk without it
Obama: criminy ya loon the reason there was a poster of Putin there is that there is a breakaway province there
McCain: petrodollars!
Obama: is that the new currency?
Obama: winter is coming
McCain: nuke processing and storing
Audience: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Obama: no no no
McCain: nunn lugar!
Audience: Zzzzzzzz
Obama: i love nuclear waste
McCain: i bathe in that shit
Lehrer: 9/11 safe or no
McCain: we are safer than we were on Sept. 12
Obama: well duh they were all dead
McCain: joe lieberman. bipartisan. reaching across the aisle. all that shit.
Obama: he's a fountain of cliches
McCain: we had the best reorganization of government ever
Lehrer: god you're dull
Obama: the biggest threat we face is not a nuclear bomb it's Joe Lieberman and we are spending billions on missile defense and yet this man still roams free
[ Hillary at home, swilling scotch:
fuck this shit bill i would clean both their clocks
bill: i know hill i know
Hill: oh fuck you too
[ drinks ]
McCain: Obama doesn't get it it it's all very psychological see al qeada has seen all the vietnam movies and the Red Dawn and they are just waiting to invade America but it's all psychological and the central issue of our time is trying to finally drive out the demons of Nam and getting over the post traumatic stress from my imprisonment there
Obama: why don't you join me in the 21st century you myopic head case
[Hillary: refill my glass bubba
bill: yes dear
Hill: now goddammit ]
McCain: look i've been involved in every war since 1812 and Obama is just like George Bush
Obama: [ laughs ]
McCain: i love our little soliders and i will take care of them especially at night when the darkness comes
Obama: I am Kenyan and from the 21st century and i will improve relations with the world
McCain: it is vital that you elect me so we can finally deal with my psychological issues from Vietnam
Obama: dood. just... dood.
Lehrer: good night
Presidential Debate
Candidates:
Senator Barack Obama
Senator John McCain
Host: Jim Lehrer
University of Mississippi
September 26, 2008
*************************************
Lehrer: first question is an easy one - at this moment where are you standing?
Obama: i'm standing at Ole Miss dude
Lehrer: right
Obama: I know all of you are thinking how does this bailout plan affect Barack Obama's ability to send his kid to college
Audience: oh yeah
Obama: we have to do it but no golden parachutes - only platinum
Audience: yay
Obama: but let's remember this bailout is a verdict of ‘Guilty’ on conservatism - let's face it - it sucks
McCain: thank you to the University I almost blew off and also my dear friend Ted Kennedy
Audience: didn't he endorse Obama?
McCain: i like it when people get together and Main street failed and will lose their credits and i remember the depression - oh i forgot i like it when people get together also the house republicans were or rather now are part of teh solution - foreign oil [ cough ]
Lehrer: what the hell was that
Obama: let's remember we handed the keys of this county to Phil Gramm and Tom Delay - are you happy now America?
Lehrer: Bailout plan - yes or no
McCain: i hope to vote for it
Lehrer: yes or no?
McCain: yeah why not
McCain: speaking of Eisenhower the answer to our financial problems is to write crazy-ass letters and old timey stories
Obama: oh for god's sake old man you know as well as I do the Republican party tried to repeal the fucking law of gravity
Lehrer: face him and say it
Obama: he scares the shit out of me
McCain: the Wall Street and the Google and the regulators are to blame but goddam the underpaid uninsured american worker will pick up the burden and pay off goldman sach's debt
Lehrer: i can't believe one of you will actually be President
McCain: spending! Eisenhower! Saving Private Ryan! Gateway drugs!
Obama: jesus Christ
McCain: him to
Lehrer: how will you fix America?
McCain: i will veto every spending bill that crosses my desk
Audience: except for the trillion dollar bailout
McCain: right
McCain: we spent a million dollars to find out which children the Chicago Bears fathered
Obama: hey that was an important bill
Obama: there you go again - whine about earmarks while the GOP hands billions to the rich - not this time rictus
McCain: i am outraged that the Republican party is corrupt
Obama: he got that right
McCain: he is a big spending liberal-
Obama: all right i've heard enough from you gramps - you bet i'm spending money health care but basically he's a liar
McCain: the fuckin drunken irish are beating us but the real point is you will be appalled at all the corruption at the longtime Republican party -- which is why you must reject the young Democrat and elect the elderly Republican
Audience: makes sense to me
Obama: John John John
McCain: who? what?
Obama: he wants to keep the loopholes and intends to tax health benefits
McCain: damm i thought he didn't know about that one
Lehrer: John do you want to tax health care?
McCain: energy bill!
Obama: i swear i will cut you open like a motherfuckin fish old man
McCain: he’s a big spender
Obama: fucking liar
McCain: heh heh heh you support big oil
Obama: why don't you go drill offshore you senile fuck
Lehrer: where the hell are we going to come up with 1.2 trillion dollars??
Obama: we are going to have inflate A LOT of tires
Audience: okey dokey
Obama: also more americans will have to die and then we can collect estate taxes
Audience: oh no
Obama: fortunately we have the worst health care system in the world
Audience: oh good
McCain: where was i?
Leher: what?
McCain: Cost plus contracts!
Lehrer: huh?
McCain: ethanol
Obama: [ drinks ethanol ]
Lehrer: that's poisonous
Obama: i've spent the last 5 years building up an immunity to ethanol
Audience: wow
McCain: he's the most liberal senator ever
Obama: yes if by that you mean I oppose George W Bush at evey turn
McCain: can i talk
Lehrer: no
McCain: [ waves rake ]
spending freeze!
Obama: oh for god's sake why would hire a rake wielding grampy when you can hire Tiger Woods with an IQ of 210
Leher: will you be president?
McCain: you can't get there from here
Lehrer: all right you two will you please admit you can't keep your promises when the money is all gone
Obama: dood since you seem to be obsessed with this sure whatever
McCain: [ yells at cloud ]
Lehrer: Obama just take Matlock’s time
Obama: look we're going to have to make some tough choices
McCain: probably enacting a right wing agenda is the way to go so just cut taxes cut regulations and cut waste
Lehrer: yeah nobody ever promises to cut waste
Obama: um hey Abe you voted for Bush's budgets or maybe your forgot
McCain: i was not voted Miss Congeniality i voted Most Likely to Die During a Presidential Campaign
Lehrer: what is the lesson of Iraq
McCain: you cannot have a fight without a plan and with strategy
Audience: huh
McCain: we will come home with victory and with honor and we have created our own little colony
Audience: bullshit
McCain: Petraeus! Troops! I have five fingers!
Obama: motherfucker i opposed this disaster when it was risky to do - we took our eye off the ball and spent a trillion dollars and Osama is still free to hit America the lesson is -- Elect Me
McCain: it doesn't matter why we got in it matters that hasn't met with the leaders of the senate subcommitte on Natos
Obama: i am now going filet this old man like a chicken on mardi gras
Obama: you were wrong about sunni and shia and you were wrong about the war and you were wrong about weapons of mass destruction
McCain: but but but
Obama: [ waves finger ] shut the fuck up crazy
McCain: [ whining ] senator obama cut off funds for our little troops
Obama: I'm trying, grampy, I'm trying real hard to be the shepherd
Obama: look Osama bin Laden and Petraeus agree
Lehrer: let's talk Afghanistan
Obama: jesus christ we're being attacked in Afghanitan and the taliban and we're losing and there was no al qaeda and nothing to do with 9/11 and that my friend john is a fucking failure of strategy
McCain: but-
Obama: and we have to deal with Poppy and Barbara and jenna and the other one
McCain: let me talk about something that happened 25 years ago
Audience: booooooring
McCain: look we all know Obama is right that we have do certain things in Pakistan if you know what i mean but you don't say it out loud you whisper it
Obama: what do you know?
McCain: i was married to Alexander the Great's niece and the jihadist elements are sending me secret messages by bombing marriot courtyards around world
Obama: he's sundowning
Obama: goddamit I'm motherfucking TNT and I'm gonna take Osama bin Laden out even if he is in fuckin Pakistan
McCain: look i was afraid in 1983 and I would like to talk about Lebanon and Bosnia and Iraq
Obama: [ yawn ]
McCain: and Kosovo and Somalia and
Lehrer: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
McCain: a woman told me to wear a bracelet and i said ok
Audience: ok
McCain: and that means thousands more Americans have to die and spend a trillion dollars
Audience: not following
McCain: we must stay because I still am dealing with issues from a war from 40 years ago
Obama: holy fuck this is just sad
[ shoots three pointer ]
Obama: this old guy said we could muddle through Afghanistan what a loser
McCain: look the point is he hates America
Lehrer: anything else
McCain: he doesn't care about my psychological problems
Lehrer: Iran?
McCain: if Iran gets nukes it will threaten Israel and also the other little countries will want their own bomb and then Alabama will want one
Obama: oh no
McCain: together with the French we can form a super League of Democracies and threaten to take away Iran's wine and cheese and all the gays there will overthrow the lousy government
Obama: what's ironic here is that Matlock doesn't get the big picture he just lurches from issue to issue to like a doddering villain from a grade b movie
Audience: oooh
Obama: hey shithead Russia isn't just going to help you out since you practically declared war on them last month
McCain: see if Obama meets with him it will legitimize Ahmedinejad's illegal behavior and I know for a fact that he jaywalks in New York all the time
Obama: i'm not inviting them to Sylvia's for no motherfuckin iced tea!!
McCain: heh heh
Obama: criminy Kissinger wants to meet with Iran and then we cut off ties to North Korea even though they joined the Axis of Evil and paid their dues and everything
McCain: heh heh
Obama: fer god's sake he wants to make war on Spain. Spain!!
Audience: game. set. match.
McCain: [ sarcastic voice ] Kissinger will vouch for me!!
Obama: oh fuck off ya senile loon
McCain: Obama’s favorite dear leader met with Madeline Albright and by the war the South Korean beach volleyball team is a real threat
Obama: didn't i see you in the texas chainsaw massacre?
Lehrer: Russia!
Obama: i'v lead on this issue in a reasonable manner like in loose nuke but frankly i'd like to hear Crazy's answer cause I guar-damm-tee this will be fun
McCain: he's naive holy shit Russia invaded another country in Georgia i stared into Putin's eyes and i saw a K and a G and a B
Lehrer: what medications were you on
McCain: it was all about the pipeline
Obama: which proves my point
McCain: hey i was married to a lovely Tiblisi woman for 30 years in the 19th Century
McCain: i was in Georgia and some of the Ossetians want to be Russian
Obama: proving my point
McCain: watch Ukraine you can't win Risk without it
Obama: criminy ya loon the reason there was a poster of Putin there is that there is a breakaway province there
McCain: petrodollars!
Obama: is that the new currency?
Obama: winter is coming
McCain: nuke processing and storing
Audience: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Obama: no no no
McCain: nunn lugar!
Audience: Zzzzzzzz
Obama: i love nuclear waste
McCain: i bathe in that shit
Lehrer: 9/11 safe or no
McCain: we are safer than we were on Sept. 12
Obama: well duh they were all dead
McCain: joe lieberman. bipartisan. reaching across the aisle. all that shit.
Obama: he's a fountain of cliches
McCain: we had the best reorganization of government ever
Lehrer: god you're dull
Obama: the biggest threat we face is not a nuclear bomb it's Joe Lieberman and we are spending billions on missile defense and yet this man still roams free
[ Hillary at home, swilling scotch:
fuck this shit bill i would clean both their clocks
bill: i know hill i know
Hill: oh fuck you too
[ drinks ]
McCain: Obama doesn't get it it it's all very psychological see al qeada has seen all the vietnam movies and the Red Dawn and they are just waiting to invade America but it's all psychological and the central issue of our time is trying to finally drive out the demons of Nam and getting over the post traumatic stress from my imprisonment there
Obama: why don't you join me in the 21st century you myopic head case
[Hillary: refill my glass bubba
bill: yes dear
Hill: now goddammit ]
McCain: look i've been involved in every war since 1812 and Obama is just like George Bush
Obama: [ laughs ]
McCain: i love our little soliders and i will take care of them especially at night when the darkness comes
Obama: I am Kenyan and from the 21st century and i will improve relations with the world
McCain: it is vital that you elect me so we can finally deal with my psychological issues from Vietnam
Obama: dood. just... dood.
Lehrer: good night
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