MEET THE PRESS
October 19, 2008
Host: Tom Brokaw
Guest: Colin Powell
Brokaw: America and the whole world are facing a nightmare of crises like we have never had before
Powell: yes it's almost as bad as disco
Powell: we've got that crazy economy, wars all over the place, and we got to reach out to our friends like Pakistan and our enemies like Spain
Brokaw: daunting challenges!
Powell: we need an articulate guy
Brokaw: a novel idea
Powell: there's going to be a crisis on January 21st 2009
Brokaw: what is it!?
Powell: i can't tell you
Powell: we need a president that calms people down and that people like and trust
Brokaw: i smell an endorsement coming!!!
Powell: we need leadership with greening, energy, poverty, for needy people
Brokaw: you hate America, don't you?
Powell: I will endorse someone smart, ready, well-informed, patriotic, with good ideas-
Brokaw: spill the beans handsome
Powell: Ok - i know and like John McCain and I've met Barack Obama and I admire John McCain although the GOP is increasingly evil...
Brokaw: out with it buddy
Powell: okay i've given a test to them both and McCain has been ranting like a crazy person - he's an erratic possibly insane loony and frankly a jerk
Brokaw: but but but.....
Powell: Sarah Palin - i wouldn't hire to walk my dog without fucking it up
Brokaw: none of us would General - hell she shoots wolves
Powell: turns out Obama on the other hand is smart, inclusive, hopeful, reaching out, not dividing America
Brokaw: well there is that
Powell: then you have McCain, running a hateful, racist, evil, divisive, mean, nasty, dishonest, pathetic, shitty campaign
Brokaw: hey whatever works smoothie
Powell: Let's face it I didn't leave the GOP - the GOP left Planet Earth
Brokaw: but Obama might be a muslim
Powell: So what? So what if he were? How come no one ever says it's fucking racist and wrong to say a President can't be a Muslim???
Brokaw: they’re swarthy?
Powell: a 14 year old kid joined the army and died a hero under the Crescent and Star
Brokaw: maybe we can harness their fanaticism for our own ends
Powell: Obama is who we need NOW
Brokaw: but he has no experience!
Powell: he is a brilliant man, a snappy dresser, and a transformational figure, and a campaign genius
Brokaw: well you would say that - you are black
Powell: his race might help with the rest of the world
Brokaw: the world! Pheh!
Brokaw: will you beg Obama to please stay in Iraq?
Powell: hey if they Iraqis want us to leave we should leave
Brokaw: but it's been such a fun war to cover
Powell: Get over it Tom
Brokaw: Let's talk about William Ayers
Powell: [ smacks Brokaw ]
Powell: [ rolls eyes ]
Brokaw: Ayers is worst person in human history
Powell: i don't truck with no motherfuckin’ Weathermen and neither does Mister Obama
Brokaw: Lessons from Iraq?
Powell: Look I tried diplomacy but Bush was stupid and he was the President - in my defense the CIA lied to me
Brokaw: uh huh
Powell: Let's not argue about who lied about what - the real mistake was not killing more
Powell: we goofed - it's happens
Brokaw: Who care what you think then
Powell: Do you how many white people consider me their Black Friend?
Brokaw: You said Bush would be moderate and optimistic
Powell: Yes look at Liberia
Brokaw: [ head explodes ]
Powell: Tom your brains are all over my suit
Brokaw: sorry about that general
Powell: The Bush administration had a decent 5 minutes from 12:06 to 12:11 pm on Jan. 21 2001
Brokaw: Good times
Brokaw: Apologize to McCain!
Powell: We need a man younger than 100 years, a smart man, and reasonable man, a clever man, a sane man, a non-psycho-
Brokaw: okay you've made your point
Brokaw: you're black - do you think americans are racist?
Brokaw: you're black - would you be Ambassador to Africa?
Powell: that's a continent Tom
[ break ]
Brokaw: C-Todd gimme the polls
Todd: Ohio is an unmoved tie - but Obama has Wisconsin
Brokaw: hoh mai
Todd: Obama getting close in West Virginia
Brokaw: oh my gowd why
Todd: The economy - otherwise it's baffling
Todd: Obama's winning in Charlotte cause of banking and in Montana and the United States of Brokejaw
Brokaw: can McCain win?
Todd: yes - if he can wheel people age 75 to 100 to the polls
Brokaw: can terry schiavo vote?
Todd: yes but she has endorsed Obama
Brokaw: Colin Powell - wow!
Scar: Obama is cheating by being right about everything
Scar: Powell will help - he's a respected military dude
Brook: the Republican party left me and went into Ga Ga Land
Mitchell: I'm very worried about this - the GOP has become a hate filled looney party - a problem with centrist Republicans
Brokaw: both of them!?
Parson Meachem: this is like a Seal of Approval from Morgan Freeman playing God
Brokaw: how so?
Meachem: he's a stand alone brand he stands for 'Military Uprightness'
Brokaw: is that it?
Meachem: Understand that Powell has been America's Magic Negro for over a decade and a half
Scar: I want to warn the Obama campaign to focus on the states you must win - McCain closes strongly - forget N. Carolina and just take Florida and win this thing
Brokaw: what the fuck is wrong with John McCain Brooksie - what's his raisin detter?
Brooks: They made a decision not to run a likeable moderate maverick candidate and decided to run a hate-filled divisive mean campaign
Scar: now wait just a second - we all laugh at Sarah Palin now - but McCain will lose by less than he was in July
McCain: i hate President Bush!!!!
Crowd: Booooo Buuuuuuushhh!!!!
Mitchell: the fact is Obama is running a very sad nasty ad campign - on national television
Brokaw: what sleazy thing are they doing?
Mitchell: running a video of McCain talking in his own words
Brokaw: that's below the belt
Brokaw: this is not fair
Mitchell: indeed Obama is cheating by being popular
Tom: John Lewis said a mean thing
Parson Meachem: John Lewis is literally a Saint - They call him Bleeding Gums John
Brokaw: he gave his life for the cause of gingivitis
Meachem: McCain was likeable this week because he has conceded the election in his mind
Brokaw: Obama is going to win big with a Democratic Congress
Scar: this is a Republican country
Brokaw: it's bad news for liberals
Brooks: why have the liberals given us a huge debt and big spending!!!???
Brokaw: indeed those fucking liberals I already hate the failed Obama administration