Sunday, October 19, 2008

Meet The Press with Colin Powell - October 19 2008

October 19, 2008
Host: Tom Brokaw
Guest: Colin Powell

Brokaw: America and the whole world are facing a nightmare of crises like we have never had before

Powell: yes it's almost as bad as disco

Brokaw: indeed

Powell: we've got that crazy economy, wars all over the place, and we got to reach out to our friends like Pakistan and our enemies like Spain

Brokaw: daunting challenges!

Powell: we need an articulate guy

Brokaw: a novel idea

Powell: there's going to be a crisis on January 21st 2009

Brokaw: what is it!?

Powell: i can't tell you

Brokaw: wow!

Powell: we need a president that calms people down and that people like and trust

Brokaw: i smell an endorsement coming!!!

Powell: we need leadership with greening, energy, poverty, for needy people

Brokaw: you hate America, don't you?

Powell: I will endorse someone smart, ready, well-informed, patriotic, with good ideas-

Brokaw: spill the beans handsome

Powell: Ok - i know and like John McCain and I've met Barack Obama and I admire John McCain although the GOP is increasingly evil...

Brokaw: out with it buddy

Powell: okay i've given a test to them both and McCain has been ranting like a crazy person - he's an erratic possibly insane loony and frankly a jerk

Brokaw: but but but.....

Powell: Sarah Palin - i wouldn't hire to walk my dog without fucking it up

Brokaw: none of us would General - hell she shoots wolves

Powell: turns out Obama on the other hand is smart, inclusive, hopeful, reaching out, not dividing America

Brokaw: well there is that

Powell: then you have McCain, running a hateful, racist, evil, divisive, mean, nasty, dishonest, pathetic, shitty campaign

Brokaw: hey whatever works smoothie

Powell: Let's face it I didn't leave the GOP - the GOP left Planet Earth

Brokaw: but Obama might be a muslim

Powell: So what? So what if he were? How come no one ever says it's fucking racist and wrong to say a President can't be a Muslim???

Brokaw: they’re swarthy?

Powell: a 14 year old kid joined the army and died a hero under the Crescent and Star

Brokaw: maybe we can harness their fanaticism for our own ends

Powell: Obama is who we need NOW

Brokaw: but he has no experience!

Powell: he is a brilliant man, a snappy dresser, and a transformational figure, and a campaign genius

Brokaw: well you would say that - you are black

Powell: his race might help with the rest of the world

Brokaw: the world! Pheh!

Brokaw: will you beg Obama to please stay in Iraq?

Powell: hey if they Iraqis want us to leave we should leave

Brokaw: but it's been such a fun war to cover

Powell: Get over it Tom

Brokaw: Let's talk about William Ayers

Powell: [ smacks Brokaw ]

Brokaw: ow!

Powell: [ rolls eyes ]

Brokaw: Ayers is worst person in human history

Powell: i don't truck with no motherfuckin’ Weathermen and neither does Mister Obama

Brokaw: Lessons from Iraq?

Powell: Look I tried diplomacy but Bush was stupid and he was the President - in my defense the CIA lied to me

Brokaw: uh huh

Powell: Let's not argue about who lied about what - the real mistake was not killing more

Brokaw: true

Powell: we goofed - it's happens

Brokaw: Who care what you think then

Powell: Do you how many white people consider me their Black Friend?

Brokaw: no

Powell: Millions

Brokaw: You said Bush would be moderate and optimistic

Powell: Yes look at Liberia

Brokaw: [ head explodes ]

Powell: Tom your brains are all over my suit

Brokaw: sorry about that general

Powell: The Bush administration had a decent 5 minutes from 12:06 to 12:11 pm on Jan. 21 2001

Brokaw: Good times

Brokaw: Apologize to McCain!

Powell: We need a man younger than 100 years, a smart man, and reasonable man, a clever man, a sane man, a non-psycho-

Brokaw: okay you've made your point

Brokaw: you're black - do you think americans are racist?

Powell: yes

Brokaw: you're black - would you be Ambassador to Africa?

Powell: that's a continent Tom

Brokaw: Whatever

[ break ]

Brokaw: C-Todd gimme the polls

Todd: Ohio is an unmoved tie - but Obama has Wisconsin

Brokaw: hoh mai

Todd: Obama getting close in West Virginia

Brokaw: oh my gowd why

Todd: The economy - otherwise it's baffling

Brokaw: indeed

Todd: Obama's winning in Charlotte cause of banking and in Montana and the United States of Brokejaw

Tom: warble

Brokaw: can McCain win?

Todd: yes - if he can wheel people age 75 to 100 to the polls

Brokaw: can terry schiavo vote?

Todd: yes but she has endorsed Obama

Brokaw: Colin Powell - wow!

Scar: Obama is cheating by being right about everything

Tom: Florida?

Scar: Powell will help - he's a respected military dude

Brook: the Republican party left me and went into Ga Ga Land

Mitchell: I'm very worried about this - the GOP has become a hate filled looney party - a problem with centrist Republicans

Brokaw: both of them!?

Parson Meachem: this is like a Seal of Approval from Morgan Freeman playing God

Brokaw: how so?

Meachem: he's a stand alone brand he stands for 'Military Uprightness'

Brokaw: is that it?

Meachem: Understand that Powell has been America's Magic Negro for over a decade and a half

Scar: I want to warn the Obama campaign to focus on the states you must win - McCain closes strongly - forget N. Carolina and just take Florida and win this thing

Brokaw: what the fuck is wrong with John McCain Brooksie - what's his raisin detter?

Brooks: They made a decision not to run a likeable moderate maverick candidate and decided to run a hate-filled divisive mean campaign

Scar: now wait just a second - we all laugh at Sarah Palin now - but McCain will lose by less than he was in July

McCain: i hate President Bush!!!!

Crowd: Booooo Buuuuuuushhh!!!!

Obama: Buuuuuuuullshiiiit!!!

Mitchell: the fact is Obama is running a very sad nasty ad campign - on national television

Brokaw: what sleazy thing are they doing?

Mitchell: running a video of McCain talking in his own words

Brokaw: that's below the belt

Brokaw: this is not fair

Mitchell: indeed Obama is cheating by being popular

Tom: John Lewis said a mean thing

Parson Meachem: John Lewis is literally a Saint - They call him Bleeding Gums John

Brokaw: he gave his life for the cause of gingivitis

Meachem: McCain was likeable this week because he has conceded the election in his mind

Brokaw: Obama is going to win big with a Democratic Congress

Scar: this is a Republican country

Brokaw: it's bad news for liberals

Brooks: why have the liberals given us a huge debt and big spending!!!???

Brokaw: indeed those fucking liberals I already hate the failed Obama administration


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Brokaw: what sleazy thing are they doing?

Mitchell: running a video of McCain talking in his own words

Brokaw: that's below the belt

Love it.