Presidential Debate - October 15, 2008

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Presidential Debate
Hofstra University
Sen. Barack Obama
Sen. John McCain
Host: Robert Schieffer
October 16, 2008
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Schieffer: please applaud for the final debate of this tortuous campaign!!

Audience: yaaaaaaaay!!!!

Schieffer: First question - McCain you want to cut taxes for rich white people while you Obama want to give all the money to liberals and blacks

McCain: thanks to Hofstra and hi Barack

{ refuses to look }

People are very very very angry like me I am also very very angry

Obama: [ whistles ]

McCain: the cause of this crisis was Fannie Mae and Freddie giving money to poor people - now let's go out and buy all the irresponsible people a free house

Obama: yeah thanks to Hofstra and Wayne Chrebet and nice to see you John

McCain: [ looks away ]

Obama: my plan has three prongs - one lets get lots of jobs, two let people dip into IRAs; three, stop John McCain from giving a trillion dollars to the banks

McCain: Barack Obama met Joe the Plumber the other day and he found out that he was going make $250,000 a year when Obama is President and he got very depressed doggone it and I won't stand for some darkie coming along taking money from Joe the Plumber or the Rosie the Riveter or Mack the Knife

Obama: you forgot Exxon the Bird Killer or Halliburton the Murderer or WalMart the Sweat Shopper

McCain: why do Democrats always love taxes let's not have any taxes

Obama: you have to pay for the stuff you want

McCain: [throws self on the floor, cries, pounds fists ]

no no no no no no no no no

Schieffer: what about the deficits??

Obama: i will go through the budget line by line and highlight the really racy parts

Bob: oooooh

Obama: we should cure cancer and invent cold fusion that would be really good

McCain: speaking of home ownership obviously we should artificially prop up home prices-

Bob: what would you cut?

McCain: Tide, solar, wind

Bob: are you mental?

McCain: we owe China! I will eliminate programs like the one in that movie the Dave! I know how to save billions!

Bob: name something

McCain: I would eliminate tarriffs on sugar

Schieffer: name an expense you twit

McCain: Overhead Projectors

Obama: you *are* an Overhead Projector

Schieffer: can you balance the budget

McCain: hey i'm not President Bush for one thing I'm older and even weirder

Obama: you voted for all of Bush's budgets

McCain: he voted for the energy bill! Racists for America voted for me!

Obama: hey dude you have been a supporter of President Bush and every one knows it

McCain: i fought the Republican party and have the scars to prove - heck i opposed the war in Iraq!! hell I could go on all night on bad ideas the Republicans have had!

Schieffer: McCain is senile and Obama is a terrorist - say it to his face! Go!

McCain: if Obama had agreed to my town hall meetings I would not have called him a terrorist - but clearly the worst thing was what John Lewis said - also Obama is an untrustworthy liar

Obama: John 100% of your ads have been negative - but John unemployed americans are not interested you poor widdle hurt feelings

McCain: whaaaaaaaaaaaa

Obama: John the notion that you had to smear me because I wouldn't agree to Town Hall meetings is fucking stupid

McCain: you misportray me with so so so much money so of course people in my crowds shout out "kill him" what the hell do you expect!?

Obama: people at John's rallies are shouting "Kill him"

McCain: [ laughs maniacally ]

Obama: the american people have a choice - the hateful lunatic or me

McCain: How dare you attack veterans and patriotic people and I'm not going to stand for it!

Schieffer: are you going to let him say that Barack?

Obama: oh for god's sake I don't think McCain is a bad person

McCain: we need to know the full extent of his full relationship with Bill Ayers the Famous Terrorist and ACORN which is destroying the very fabric of America

Obama: [ laughs ]

Obama: you mean Bill Ayers the friend to Ronald Reagan, or ACORN the group that registers people???

McCain: he's BLACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Obama: i have lots of white friends like Paul Volcker and Warren Buffet and Jim Jones

Schieffer: [ drinks kool aid ]

McCain: we just need to know all the facts of his terror leanings and my campaign is about jobs and economics and I won't raise taxes

Obama: [ kicks McCain under the table ]

Schieffer: Your Vice Presidents - defend them!

Obama: Biden is brilliant and he was born a poor white child

McCain: I have fought against the Old White Boy network and Palin understands that autism is on the rise

Obama: if we have an across the board spending freeze john we can't help autistic kids

McCain: Biden is not qualified - why he did want to invade Iraq or Kuwait and frankly i know this will shock you but he is a white man - why do we always have to have white men - why not a change for once???

Schieffer: energy?

McCain: i will take white oil but not the brown people's oil

Obama: uh huh

McCain: hybrid clean coal wind solar

Obama: hmmm

McCain: you don't tell a country you're going to renegotiate a treaty for god's sake they might sell oil to china!

Obama: nice to see the Republicans jump on yet another liberal bandwagon

[ Jimmy Carter, watching at home]

FUCKING RIGHT!!!!!!!!

[ throws beer can at tv ]

Obama: hell yeah I will renegotiate NAFTA

McCain: we have to drill now right now!!

Obama: idiot

McCain: he opposes free trade with Columbia - for god's sake where are you we going to get cocaine in the coming Depression???

Obama: oh i understand it very well john - unsurprisingly Bush's agreement tramples on worker's rights but the point is we need to a President who does not have his head jammed firmly up his ass

McCain: let me smear Obama one more time and Obama wants to hang out with terrorists like Hugo Chavez

Obama: yeah that's me

McCain: Obama wants to raise taxes and force people to marry gay terrorists arab muslims - just like Herbert Hoover

Schieffer: health insurance

Obama: we will lower costs across the nation and put everyone in giant pool that is cheap - and when elderly Senators start to die it will be even cheaper

McCain: oh i do feel for people who don't have insurance so so so sad -- so my solution is putting health care records online, fewer fat kids, force employers to make their employers thin

Schieffer: that's it?

McCain: we should cut capital gains taxes and offer tax credits and what will your fine for Joe the Plumber ???

Obama: Zero

McCain: [ squeaky voice ] zero??

Obama: ZERO motherfucker!

McCain: erp

Obama: hey maybe Joe doesn't have health insurance i will help you get it - now let's talk about John McCain's plan

McCain: yay!

Obama: for god's sake he's going to destroy the employer based health care system - he's going to tax your health care benefits - PLUS insurance costs $12,000

McCain: spread the wealth! Joe you're rich! Congrats! But what about your family, your children, and your employees

Obama: you forgot slaves

McCain: them too

McCain: Look the Senator Government wants to Jew the Dog

Schieffer: what?

Obama: don't worry he's rolling

Schieffer: Barry?

Obama: the motherfucking US Chamber of Commerce supports my plan fucker

Schieffer: Rove Wade

McCain: look i don't care but i had a little club of 14 and we invited Barack Obama to join and that little uppity bastard said no

Bob: who would you nominate?

McCain: a smart Frenchman

Obama: good people can disagree on this issue

McCain: that leaves you out terrorist

Obama: the Constitution has a right to privacy and you don' put those out to a popular vote

McCain: fuck the constitution who let this negro on the stage with me anyway

Obama: here's an example the court agreed that women are discriminated against and the court said sorry too late

McCain: fucking trial lawyers always talking about the law in courts and trials

McCain: he voted present and with the pro abortion movement to kill little living babies

Obama: if John McCain is beginning to sound like an erratic crazy man -- it's because he is

McCain: baby killer!!!

Obama: take your pro abortion rhetoric and stuff it

McCain: health! You prove anything with health!!

Schieffer: education?

Obama: i want American kids to learn - so I support college money in exchange for service -- also speaking of Bill Cosby we need parents to help kids

Bob: sounds good but you are black

Obama: I can't wait to hear how tax cuts for Joe the Plumber will lead to small government and little dead babies

McCain: I am pro choice when it comes to education - the answer as always is Darwinian competion and charter schools and also blame the teachers

Bob: like who

McCain: forget certification - we need to put troops who recently were shooting people into our public schools

Bob: fuck yeah!

Obama: hey i doubled the number of charter schools - but it has to be paid for

McCain: Vouchers! and Cindy and your wife got choose! That was vouchers!

[ looks at Obama ]

[ stares intently at Obama ]

McCain: throwing money at problems that aren't investment banks isn't the answer!

Obama: the DC school system is bad that's true

McCain: vouchers!!

Obama: oh did he forget to mention that his plan leaves out 49 states?

McCain: [ laughs maniacally ]

Bob: final statements!

McCain: my friends we need to oppose the white old boy network and i have an impressive boring record of grandstanding and i will continue to say stupid crazy shit when i am president --- now i ask you -- can you really trust that arab muslim negro terrorist sitting there -- now please reward me for being an POW and my grandfather serving George Washington thank you

Obama: Insanity is John McCain doing what George Bush has done and expecting a different result -- but look we are going to spend and yes tax so we can grow the middle class - it will be hard and we need to come together and sacrifice - i ask for you vote so i can work tirelessly - not like some decrepit old man - on your behalf - thank you

Schieffer: I for one welcome our new Kenyan-American Overlord

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